PROLOGUE

PLACE: WHO THE HELL KNOWS?! I SURE DON'T.
TIME: MUST BE MORNING, hangovers are worst in the morning, DEFINETLY MORNING.

My mind once again comes into contact with my physical body and I can fully appreciate feeling of the worst hangover in the history of the universe, or something that feels remarkably close to it.

"My head!" I cry out mentally. I have a feeling as if someone crashed into me with entire warp-dammed-battleship. After a second or two of introspection I come to a startling realisation. It is not only my head that makes me crave tearing it off but the rest of my body too. That triggers a red-flag somewhere inside my still rebooting brain.

"Ugh, did I get into fight last night?" I think and then immediately answer myself, "No, I am fairly certain that I didn't." Details of last night are a bit murky but I am 99% certain that I did not get into a fight, or get run over by a freight train, because that is the only think that could explain this kind of utter wastedness, right? Well there is possibility of having spent last night with my beloved wife, which would explain the tired feeling my muscles are claiming and the headache, but lately (as if the last fifty years is "lately") neither of us were in any mood whatsoever for that.

"Think you fool! Think." I berate myself. Events of the last night come crawling back to me one little titbit at the time, and little that helps me. If those memories are correct, which they usually are, since I can't forget a damn thing anymore, I haven't come within a lightyear of the nearest bar. Alright, maybe not literally a lightyear but the notion still stands.

"Warp this, time for some answers." I finally give up coaxing my memory into helping me uncover this latest mystery. My ears are ringing, I smell piss, excrement, wet fur and milk?!, my whole body is covered with pricing sensation, as if a thousand pins were stuck into my skin, to top it off, my limbs are numb and barely respond to my wishes with such sluggishness that I fail to find the proper term.

With herculean effort, "Herculean, heh, good thing that I have this memory of mine, otherwise I would have forgotten teachings from my original home millennia ago." I force eyes, to my belief the last fully functioning sense, open and I quickly evaluate my last assumption and close them again. "NOPE, my senses are not working. Or I am insane."

Because what I have seen can't be truly real, can't it? Well, time to try again. Once more I attempt to open my eyes and I see it yet again. Did some dumb maiden world colonist on the fringes of The Federation screw a fish and had a child with it? And then someone hit it with some kind of enlarging beam or whatnot? Because that is what I am currently looking at. Some weird gigantic humanoid creature resembling human with overall anatomy and structure yet with strikingly large amount of, well, fishy addons and overhauls. But still retained something that looked on the outline remarkably like human boobs.

Then my brain, which is now trying to come online as fast as is possible, starts taking in my surroundings. I have to be lying on my back, on the ground, as far as the inputs of my other treacherous senses tell me. I am currently located in an enormous cavern with surprisingly large amount of sunlight. Class G star from the looks of it. Really brain? You can't figure out what happened to the body attached to you, but you can easily identify the big ball of gasses you are slinging around by its rays? Back to the cavern at hand. It looks less like a cavern and more like really big room with somewhat pleasing aesthetics, a lot of curves, matte gray-ish colour on every surface. Here and there golden trim, or really sparkly deep yellow.

One overwhelming effort and slight turn of my neck to the left leaves me with a view from particularly handily placed large window, large as in whole-wall-large. Behind said window I can see city with somewhat tall skyscrapers. They look nice, but not really breath-taking, mind you, I have seen my home while it stood as a hearth of galaxy-spanning civilization with slight need to compensate with big weapons and even bigger structures and vessels. Okay, it may not have been slight need, more like unrelenting urge.

My ears spoke to me of some kind of sound vaguely evocative of "Whoosh!". I cease my city-seeing and with considerably less effort than the last time turn my head around to see what could have made that noise. In takes me only a fraction of a second to deduce, to my everlasting pride at that moment, that said noise has been caused by opening and subsequent closing of sliding doors located in the wall furthest from me. Another millisecond and I find the cause of this perplexing phenomenon, two beings have entered my little kingdom of What-In-The-Name-Of-Sanity-Is-Going-On.

The first, clearly a female or a particularly well-endowed male, tall with regal standing, somewhat pointier ears than normal and fully covered in fur with yellow/green cat retinas. "FELINID" my brain helpfully tells me. Only there is a slight catch, said felinid is as gigantic as the fish-thing already present in the room, as well as dozen or so other minor differences.

It is the second being that sends my brain into screeching halt, perilously close to something that could be called the infamous Blue Screen Of Death. Lets make a check-list to be sure.
Small, squatish? Check, relatively.
Green? Check.
Last strands of long gray hair? Check.
Long pointy ears? Check.
Wooden walking stick? Check.
Slower than a crippled snail? Check.
Beige cloak? Check.

With that in mind I took a second look at the room, now fairly certain it was one, the two other beings in said room and a quick peek from the window. One submitted and empirically, as was in my powers, proven hypothesis later and I was more and more certain that I have succeeded in escaping the last dimension I have found myself in and landed in an unspeakably better one. Sure, it wasn't my original home, the backwater M.3 Terra with no aliens and absolutely no Warp, thank the heavens. But it sure as hell was better than the realm of crippling insanity and flying bodily fluids I have spent the last five millennia in. Granted that I had the immense luck to find myself in the Golden Age of Humanity but I was cutting it awfully close to the whole Long Night and Iron War business lately, hence my efforts of the last millennium of recreating the first interdimensional travel and escaping before ending up as a Perpetual in a galaxy of madness, sorry Big E, you have to find someone else for the spectral shitstains to murder. As it seemed I have succeeded in my effort, as unbelievable as it may have been.

"Warhammer 40k, kiss my ass. Star Wars, here I come!" I cried out mentally.

With this great turn of events I started something that I would call maniacal laughter and also involuntarily series of movements that could be with great deal of guesswork called a "Victory dance"

That is until I was hit by several startling realisations.
First, they are not giant, they are of normal size, which let to number two.
Second, I am laughably small. Fact confirmed by a bit of squirming, turning and getting my hand in front of my face.
Third, I am a freaking, BABY!
Fourth, that humming/ringing in my ears, is in fact not in my ears but rather in my mind.
Fifth, judging from the presence of Yoda and the other two that I can now state with certainty are Jedi, I am in the Jedi Temple Creche.
Sixth, according to the facts of points Four and Five, we can fairly say that I am force sensitive. Damn, another supernatural power. At least this one will not bite my in the arse like Warp can, speaking of which…
Seven, YEP!, I can still touch the warp. DAMN IT!, at least from that point of view it looks like I am the only soul-bearing being in the galaxy, yay! No deamons. Nifty!
Eight, while I am a baby,I still am reasonably certain that my bioimplants are still there, all of them, including my trusty AI. Wha…, How, ROB! Must have been.
And finally nine, I will have to endure another twenty or so years of growing up and being all around treated as an incompetent fool.

And with that I definitely did not release my anguish in an incomprehensible cry of, "Noooooo…"

Grandmaster Yoda looked upon the screaming youngling lying in a crib in front of him. He gently placed his hands on his trusty walking stick, leaned and studied said youngling.

He was human, mostly. Healers and their genetic tests were not sure how much. He looked human, but there were said to be some differences, as his body develops the differences will come into full force. Healers claim that he will be stronger, faster, more agile and more resilient than suspected. Smarter too. The Temple healers are still not sure whether it is an act of nature or rather very skilful genetic manipulation. But Yoda did not care about it at that moment, he went to creche to ease his spirit not trouble it.

"Hmpft." He grunted. No matter where he came from, his future will be certainly interesting to watch. Of that Yoda held little doubt.
"Yes, interesting your future will be, little one." He whispered to the youngling that did not pay him any attention at all and smiled.
Interesting indeed.

AN: Greetins reader, here is little something that I just had to get out of my head or I swear I would go insane. Writing it down helps a little. As it is I haven't forgotten my other stories so do not despair if you find yourself here because you watch me for them. They are not dead yet. I just didnt have the proper time or energy to continue the stylistical translations and editing needed. But I will get to it, I promise. For now you can enjoy the sneak peak to this new work of mine. Have fun! And stay safe in that world out there.