Before you read, I have an announcement. Please go to my forums and see HPS Award (Harry Potter Slash Award). An award for slash fiction. Please check it out if you would like to be a part of it and also tell your friends.

Thanks

"Raito-kun, are you serious with Amane…?" L.Lawliet (Episode 17)

--------------

I saw dreams that no one could have seen –

And threw away anything that was not of use to me

Unyielding thoughts reside within my heart – …

We're still in the gorge of reality and idealism

Even if my feet get caught in the shackles of sacrifice.

My overflowing urges cannot be suppressed.

My heart's yearning is too strong.

'Lies' 'Fear' 'Ostentation' 'grief' all kinds of negativity

I'm not too weak enough to be captured by them

A TRICKSTER that knows no solitude

--------------

A few days had passed since the spindly detective had passed the decision to chain the suspected murderer to him. L's thin; lanky body was rocking on his heels with a slightly hunched back, caused by his bony arms hugging his equally angular knees to his wiry chest. His thumb was predictably resting neatly below his lower lip, which was lacking normal moisture perhaps understandably as the teenaged prodigy was famous for his abnormal diet entirely made up of food that had a component of at least thirty-nine percent sugar.

"Ryuuzaki…Have you ever thought of…Kira, not a person but actually the result of the deathnote-induced dark nature of themselves eventually possessing the individual to an unmanageable state?" Raito had been busily engrossed in a document with miniscule typing but had for the last minute observed the other boy with great interest. Ryuuzaki never slept, he thought incredulously. He was an insufferable insomniac…and that was a fact.

During the first nights, Raito had found it hard to ignore Ryuuzaki's monotonous typing as it penetrated his sensitive sleep and when he had finally convinced him to stop being obsessively plugged into his computer and actually attempt to lie down on the bed, Ryuuzaki had stared intently up to the ceiling, looking bored, pensive and accusing all at the same time.

Seeing Ryuuzaki that vacant while examining the ceiling did stir up an emotion similar to guilt within Raito but it was soon chilled as he tried to get some well-deserved sleep, only to be broken by the other's constant shuffling.

He purposely disturbed it of course - the fact that Ryuuzaki was rocking gently on his feet whilst his eyes were actually closed, aroused something within him that wanted to shatter it. His breathing was coming out in regular puffs, and his dark eyelashes were swept downwards to actually hide the bags under his eyes which looked like someone had used a black eyeliner and coloured it in repeatedly.

At this sudden question, Ryuuzaki's eyelids flickered up at once, whatever little peace of mind he had, wrecked. He blinked owlishly for a few seconds before he puffed, "What made you say that, Raito-kun?" very slowly.

"With Misa," Raito put carefully, "Through video evidence, she was suspected as the second Kira. However, from a critical point, there was great integrity in her claim for innocence that had not existed before. Even in the car, the test you set up, if she had been second Kira, she would have killed my father."

"This is something I had covered before," L replied in a bored tone, "and besides, there is also the possibility that you would have known about the test beforehand," he added off-handishly.

"She could have been acting of course, however I believe, all her behavioural patterns are normal and so far, there has been no variation from her part." Raito continued as if no interruption had occurred, "When," Raito cleared his throat, "I was imprisoned at the same time she was. I think you observed similar occurrence happening then with me."

L nodded slowly, "Although there was a time period in between, it is true that there were stages reached by you and Misa, when even I admit, had a hard time being suspicious of your claims."

Raito gazed at L thinking, "Integrity…huh?"

L hesitated as if he didn't want to share so much with the suspected murderer but reluctantly opened his mouth, "As if…your personality had completely changed…"

Raito looked taken aback, how had L been able to conclude that? He racked his memory to see if there had been anything he remembered doing, being slightly off from what he would do today. There was none, Raito sighed slowly in frustration.

"I did consider that the Deathnote's powers could be transferred and with it came memory-loss. Kira could have controlled you...but with the high possibility that both you and Amane-san were Kira and the second Kira…if you, Kira had planned this from the beginning why would you purposely inflict it upon yourselves? For convenience?…then how is the power planned to be obtained again and Kira's purpose, still able to be carried out afterwards…?"

Raito shifted the document he was holding to his other hand, causing the hand attached to Raito's to shift from its comfortable position around L's knees. The young detective was, however quick to adjust it.

"I believe, it is not the person, "Kira" as you call it, that controls these happenings." Raito mused quietly, "A possibility that perhaps the Deathnote is more complex than a killing machine. Perhaps, there are qualities about it that are quite supernatural, not just in killing methods but also in ways of being in an ownership. Have other abilities…"

L cocked his head to one side, "Please elaborate,"

"To control the evil, irrational part of human nature and cause destruction…I believe that is the Deathnote's other ability. To be able to alter the person over time and distort their principles for the purpose the Deathnote had been made for, which is undoubtedly bleak death…and that is why only shinigamis' are able to control it."

L's eyes were very deep, inky and staring unblinking at Raito, "so, humans can not control the Deathnote?" he breathed softly, "The Deathnote unconsciously controlling the individual that owns it?…how are you relating this to the time in the cells when you and Misa suddenly…" he paused, "changed?" he added delicately.

"Perhaps…that is why if the Deathnote maybe removed from the owners, then, that much influence is withdrawn and the users are left with unharmed memories, except for the existence of the Deathnote?"

The corner of L's mouth was twitching up into a curve, "To use the Deathnote effectively, it would have been removed from their grasp continuously before - "

He was cut off however as Raito nodded impatiently, "I meant, being removed from their owners as a more sinister event. Almost a ritual… or the theft of a Deathnote than just mere physical contact."

L's eyes widened considerably, "…I did resort to releasing you from your cell, as well as Misa-san because I could not lay further claims…but a convenient memory-blank of the Deathnote's existence and all events related to it…that is…perfect…Kira would have a perfect disguise…"

There was silence, except for the nearby clock ticking mutedly before L gave Raito a suspicious glance, "How did you come up with this theory, Raito-kun?"

Raito was ready for that one, however. "Although I am certain that I am not Kira, there had been evidence in the past Ryuuzaki that makes me a suspect. I am no fool enough to deny that. So I had taken the time to consider the possibility that I was Kira, then to contemplate what would have caused me to forget all events relating to the Deathnote as I can remember everything in the past few months perfectly, even past years perfectly, just without any hint of the Deathnote…and yet I am a suspect." Raito gave an inaudible sigh,

"Then I saw the tapes of me in the cell…I seemed to be saying something important to you…but also to someone else near the end. I have no idea what that could have been but listening to the tone of my voice, it was obvious to me that I would have said it as a double meaning perhaps? I know myself the best, to me, I knew that there was someone else the message was for but I could not recollect. And that was when it struck me as odd…I always did, everything with a purpose. I have no memories of myself doing something without also recalling its purpose…yet here was one."

L looked too amused for it to be a good thing, "Do you realise Raito-kun, by making your theory work, you are convincing me that you are indeed Kira? Or perhaps, this elaboration and extra effort in contemplating Kira is just a ruse to make me less suspicious…"

"There is a possibility that I am Kira," Raito's voice was flat, "However, I believe if I was ever involved with this, I may have been aiding Kira but I would not have been Kira myself."

L peered at him predatorily, "Which can be interpreted as you manipulating Kira, therefore making yourself Kira and the other, the second Kira. Or, yourself being Kira and aiding the second Kira but not entirely for their own welfare I am sure…" L paused, "Then you could have been controlled by Kira, which you would still have to partially share the blame…or as you say, the Deathnote could have influenced you more than you wished, which would be troublesome because we would have to prove the Deathnote's influence to make the consequences appear a little less harsher…still, the fact that you are guilty would not change."

Raito grew silent as he turned back to the document he was reading, "Kira's beliefs of justice are similar to mine, I admit." He murmured, "But I would never, mutilate them to suit my own needs."

"Raito-kun," L's voice had strangely swung from intrusive to amiable, "To change your beliefs unconsciously is not as hard as you may think. As a person changes, as they are put in different situations and experience, they grow. And so does their principles, for the better or for the worse, we shall never know. We also know that the Deathnote feeds on such principles and beliefs and holds quite a sway over thoughts…you being Kira is still…very possible."

Raito tried to block out Ryuuzaki's perfect logic and convince himself that he was NOT Kira. He was certain he was not…he could not be Kira without being conscious about it! He would never go about his beliefs about justice that way. What did Ryuuzaki take him for!

"Although, your contribution is interesting," L continued after some pause, "either way. My suspicion of you being Kira increased by 10."

"My theory may be completely wrong," Raito defended himself quickly, "What I do most of the time is gamble,"

"You could be lying now, if your intention was for me to not believe in your theory in the first place, or if you knew that I would consider it, you may have been trying to put me on the wrong track. Though you are mistaken if you think that I would change my investigation tactics while considering this one theory… but you may had known this already and had just feigned all this in the beginning…" L broke off into his discontented mumblings as he unperched himself from the sofa and stood up gingerly.

The chain between them grew taut once more, L was still mumbling as he walked over to his laptop. He was quick to open it and have his fingers fly about the keyboard at once.

Raito mutely returned to his work. L was a strange person, one whom was difficult to understand. He thought so far ahead that he himself perhaps got mixed up with what was happening at present and was never quite there in moments. It was not that Raito did no planning himself. Quite the contrary, Raito had already thought of almost two hundred different options open to him if he was Kira and another two hundred if he wasn't.

However, the present had power to change the future and that was what he opted for. He had realised in the beginning that the young detective and himself had quite a lot in common yet were looking at everything in different perspectives. It was what made an individual, so Raito was not quite irked by that. What he needed to face now was to trust himself and be content with believing that he wasn't Kira purely based on the knowledge he knew of himself rather than facts. Raito had never much cared for feelings or instincts than pure facts and evidence and it never rested well with him or let him be at ease if there was no solid fact to support him, but for now, he had to be satisfied with that.

It had become a somewhat strained routine but one that was now considered as obvious. Raito would rise at around three as Ryuuzaki would have dragged his laptop onto the bed to start investigating the Kira case immediately and his rapid typing always succeeding in waking him up. When quite annoyed about being awoken so early, Raito had asked L as icily as possible to perhaps be more considerate of others who usually did not find it pleasurable to wake up at three in the morning. Ryuuzaki had been placid, explaining to Raito that he had been considerate enough if he had spent the last four or five hours at the least, staring at the ceiling doing nothing so that Raito could get his precious sleep.

When Raito seemed quite irate about the subject, L had finally snapped and asked what was quite important about sleep anyway. And that was when it hit him; Raito had asked disbelievingly, "You…don't sleep at all, Ryuuzaki?" To which the insomniac had replied that he wasn't an alien, thank you very much. He did sleep, the record being five minutes. To Raito, that much information convinced himself that L was nowhere near normal and that if he had to choose between human and alien, Ryuuzaki would definitely be nearer to the alien than human.

Yes, L had to contemplate the ceiling throughout the entire night so that Raito could get his sleep. The boy was so sensitive, even chewing a nail would make him sit bolt upright, if a little bleary-eyed to ask for the source of the noise. So, L had adapted the habit of willing himself to be a rock. A cold, heartless piece of stone in the middle of an undiscovered forest. It usually worked and allowed Raito to wake up in the morning, all crisp and fresh whilst L would softly moan and carefully try out each joint to make sure they were still working, although the suspected murderer never knew of such pains and never mind thanking him, L would be content if he didn't throw a jibe at the sleeping arrangements in every opportunity he got!

From three, they would take turns in taking a shower. The other, respectfully turning around as one would wash, and vice versa. It was the same ordeal when using the toilet, the process naturally being awkward and thankfully not a topic in which Raito found pleasure in throwing a barbed taunt at L and try to see him internally squirm. Raito was insistent in proving his innocence, so he did not disagree with the handcuffs but after a few days, it was obvious he was a little displeased with the arrangements.

L was glad, however, that Raito was using everything Kira had presumably put him through as motivation to capture Kira…but it also did not fail to disturb L when he would see, in a split-moment a red gleam in his eye as he vowed to catch Kira. It brought something back to L, strangely…reminiscent – as if looking back…at something. L sighed, he could not remember what exactly…which was strange.

Raito stretched his back briefly, which gave an audible crack, before he put the document down to analyse a few things. He gave one flickering glance at L before he allowed himself to stifle a yawn. They had been down in the basement of the building since four in the morning when L finally put the laptop down to proceed to a different, a little more advanced Kira-searching environment. He personally preferred their living floor, a few levels up but it seemed Ryuuzaki loved the dark as it made the computer and other screens more bright in contrast. And really, it was just pure Ryuuzaki instinct actually.

"They should be arriving soon," Raito voluntarily broke the silence; well almost, if it had not been for L's surreal typing.

After this statement, the brittle fingertips stopped lightly brushing the grooves of the keys to awkwardly produce pure stillness before the spidery detective turned to gaze up at his old rival at a strange angle.

Minutes ticked by, both unwilling to break eye contact. One was in close examination; the other was in wide-eyed, innocent expectation.

Finally, L pushed his chair away from the computer to glide away from the screen considerably. He was sitting, as hunched as ever, his knees to his chest and his toes curling and digging into the hard leather of the chair.

"Ryuuzaki! Yagami-kun!" Matsuda's cheerful voice interrupted the sudden stillness and provided an explanation for Raito's statement beforehand, which would not have made sense otherwise. The policeman strolled into the Kira-catching basement obviously having undergone countless and meticulous security measures.

Raito swivelled around to place a mild, tolerant smile on his features; "You're on time today, Matsuda-san."

Matsuda raised a hand to his hair and gave an embarrassed chuckle; "Well…actually, I was meant to accompany Chief Yagami and the others in retrieving the document you asked for yesterday, Ryuuzaki" he turned to address the lead authority of the case, "…but I forgot,"

L stared unblinkingly at the man, "I predicted as much,"

Matsuda didn't seem to take the insult very personally however and he just gave a sheepish grin.

Besides the fact that Matsuda was supposed to assist the other policemen in the retrieval of the document, something else strangely seemed to annoy L with this arrangement. He pressed a little intercom and a white background with an old-fashioned 'w' appeared on the screen of a nearby open laptop.

"Watari, I have a headache," he said unexpectedly and slowly, as if testing how it felt in his mouth before saying it out loud, to the open.

Raito's attention flickered back onto the pale, spindly detective whose rings under his eyes seemed to grow darker by the day.

"Ryuuzaki," he asked.

L turned his head, "Yes Raito-kun?"

"Why don't we go somewhere?"

L blinked vacantly, "Pardon?"

"Let's just get out of the building for a small period of time," Raito pushed on, suddenly warming up to his idea.

L shook his head like a dog dowsed in water, "That is unnecessary…"

"Ryuuzaki," this time, surprisingly, it was Matsuda, "It must have been ages since you two went out of this building. Fresh air would be good for you."

L's dilated pupils flickered back and forth from Raito to Matsuda, "The Kira case…" he stated guardedly.

"We haven't found anything ground-breaking for now," Raito rebutted gently, "Only an hour Ryuuzaki. An hour isn't going to lead us a step closer to catching Kira when we have no new evidence or anything to work with but theories."

Matsuda had taken is seat next to one of the smaller computers and was taking off his blazer lazily, "I'll cover for you guys. Just get something to eat."

"I can order something to eat. As you are aware, Watari usually…" L's large eyes fixed upon Matsuda.

"Ryuuzaki, I think this is a good suggestion," Raito started in surprise as Watari's slightly distorted voice floated from the open laptop with the curious 'w'. He had forgotten that Watari had still been connected.

L snapped his head irritably to the laptop, "You had been perfectly content to deliver food before."

"Just one hour, Ryuuzaki," Raito suddenly felt that indeed they needed some fresh air. Constantly bright computer screens with pages and pages of useless data needing to be analysed wasn't particularly healthy, especially for two growing teenagers. Well, at least one growing teenager.

"Do you know how many crimes could be prevented in one hour Raito-kun? Hundreds, no thousands of innocent lives could be at stake in one hour and justice itself could be turned upside-down in one hour." The detective's voice was cold and firm with an understanding that was unknown to all in the room but the detective.

"Just consider yourself for once Ryuuzaki," Raito said patiently, still unshaken from his point of view.

"My objective is to find Kira."

The vampire-like boy could be so stubborn.

"The investigation is in good hands," Matsuda added chirpily as to help matters. Raito halted in whatever he was to say, suddenly the idea didn't appeal too much.

But the screen with the 'w' was still talking, "I have a car ready Ryuuzaki. Kira is Kira, but you do need to take care of yourself and watch your health."

L seemed to want to snap 'I'm fine' but his features were arranged in a passive way and as if something had just occurred to him oddly, L quickly glanced at Raito. When Raito met his gaze, he turned around just as sharply in a startled manner.

Raito had a sudden feeling that his likelihood of being Kira had most likely just increased because of his willingness to take a break from the Kira case and was about to make a hasty contradiction. After all, being handcuffed to Ryuuzaki wasn't exactly comfortable as was being a suspected mass murderer.

He had to step lightly and prove to Ryuuzaki that he wasn't the deluded killer. Raito opened his mouth to say his retort yet in the same instance Ryuuzaki hissed in to the white 'w' screen's direction, a pensive little 'fine'.

Raito closed his half-open mouth a little embarrassed but luckily quickly enough so that when L disconnected with Watari, his expression was of serene, gentle warmth.

As L met this expression directly, he knew in an instant that this had been planned out from the very beginning.

-------------

Haha, something I wrote ages ago but never posted up. Some LxRaito love. Please Review and read…of course. I wonder if anyone still reads Deathnote fanfiction…it is finished after all but I loved it…the rage…

Noeru K