Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter. If we did, the current seventh book would be nonexistent. Our seventh book would probably be called "Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Severus Snape, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, the Return of Sirius Black, the Truth Behind Bellatrix Lestrange, the Real Good Lord Voldemort, the Warped Ways of Albus Percival Wulfric Brain Dumbledore, the Timeturners, Peter Pettigrew's Little Secret, the Death of Ronald Weasley, That One Time Draco Malfoy Shit his Pants, Viktor's True Ways, the something something, the cuddling Alastor Moody, and the Mystery Behind the Veil - 'Gnomes Really do Exist' included!"
Yes, we know it's catchy.
And yes, we also know how jealous you really are.
We're brilliant... like a bunny at easter time setting all the little eggs around in the backyard for all the little kids to find and feast and then later have indigestion and go cry to their mommys while throwing up all over themselves and begging for more candy from Walmart which has berry low prices where kid labor is number one and they steal the kids when they go get candy only to get their low prices even lower and then your kids come back as house elves and you wonder why they look so wrinkly but then you blame it on the easter bunny who reports to Santa who reports to the tooth fairy and who makes all your teeth fall out.
Yes, it's brilliant. And quite a cycle too.
Oh yes, the story..
Well, I once met this deer.
It was a lovely day.
Quiet and sunny.. and pretty.
Flowers were everywhere...
And then, I saw a deer.
And then all I remember is black...
The end!
A Few Minutes Make All the Difference
Tuesday morning, the second of June was quickly marked off Hermione's calendar. Quickly shoving new socks on her rather smelly feet, Hermione began her day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Stretching into a new day, Ron welcomed this particular Tuesday in his own way by promptly landing face first onto the floor. Feeling slightly sore, Ron managed to stumble into a laughing Harry Potter while on his loud march to the bathroom. Grumbling and muttering, he quickly got ready for another stupid day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
After finishing counting her brushstrokes, Hermione made her way into the Gryffindor Common Room to wait for her two best friends.
Ten minutes later, Ron anxiously ran down the stairs to be greeted by an angry Hermione Granger.
"RONALD WEASLEY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" screeched Hermione while crossing her arms over her chest.
"What do you mean? I just got down here!" protested a rather red Ron Weasley.
"Today's the day of the Graduation Feast! You were supposed to be here three minutes ago so we could go down there fifteen minutes early! NOW we'll only be eight minutes early!!!" Hermione continued shouting.
"What difference does THAT make?" Ron screamed in return.
"A few minutes makes all the difference!" was Hermione's reply.
"Okay then, Hermione. Would you be my girlfriend?"
Harry made his way down the stairs in a rush thinking, "Hermione's gonna kill me for being late."
Harry was shocked to see the one know-it-all-Granger at a loss for words.
After finally thinking of something to say, other than stuttering, Hermione yelled with all her might, " WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING I SAID?!"
Exasperated, Ron retorted, "I was gonna ask you out at the feast. But you said, a few minutes could make all the difference, so instead of asking you then, I'll ask you now."
Hermione shrieked, " YES, RONALD WEASLEY, I WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!"
Harry promptly fainted.
And the two lived happily ever after…
until Ron cheated on Hermione with Lavender Brown…
multiple times.
So...
This is why we don't like Ron and Hermione pairings.
It's sooooooo easy!
Eventually, we might actually write a more in-depth story.. but until then,
'laugh at the audacity of a disappointed Harry Potter devotee!'
That's a catch phrase in the making, people!
Sincerely,
Awry&Zoe