E! Presents!
Nintendo's True Hollywood Story
The Pikachu Story
HOW IT ALL STARTED
'Hi, I'm Pikachu, welcome to the first episode of the Nintendo story, this is my true Hollywood story, so listen y'all or I'll bust a bolt up in yo' ass!
I first started working with Nintendo in the 90's, They offered me a role in a game called Pokemon, I took the role because I needed the money because my Pokeblock Dealer was threatening to metronome my ass all the way back to the NES days If I didn't pay her back, What can I say? A pissed off Clefairy isn't a pretty sight to behold. At first I thought it was a one game deal but suddenly it became popular, people actually knew who I was! Who'd have thunk it? Some punk from the Ghettos of Kanto making it to the big time!
After the Success of Red/Blue I got offered a TV Show, I'm not really into my acting but as soon as Misty walked onto the scene I was like 'Woooo! I'd give her a jolt or two if you know what I mean!' So we started the series which was a run away success, I was famous all around the world, I was hanging out with 50 Cent and P Diddy and had relationships with a few ladies (I tell you Britney had it going OOON! Back then!)
Life couldn't be better; I was rich, famous and had a selection of the finest asses in Hollywood! I just couldn't see anything going wrong…'
PROBLEMS ARISING
'After the success of Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow and the TV Series, It was certain that we would be getting a sequel but problems began arising when Nintendo created new Pokemon and a new country. Kanto Pokemon were being left out and misrepresented. Only a handful of us were ACTUALLY in the game and I was no longer the main star! I was pissed off, I went off the rails for a few months and hit rock bottom when I was caught in a Jynx Brothel. What can I say? A brother needs some T&A!
Even though my game Career was heading down the crap pan, My TV career was going from strength to strength and I even starred in the Pokemon films, all three films were huge successes but after that they started to go straight to DVD! After the films the Pokemon craze started to die down, the TV show became less popular and was taken of terrestrial TV, We got relegated to Cartoon Network. Me and my brother from another mother Ash lost the spirit after that and Misty left the show a disgrace after she crashed her car in L.A and was arrested for DUI and substance abuse, what can I say? If you gonna work as hard as she did you're gonna wig out and pull a Lindsay Lohan someday or another.
While the TV series died down, the games were popular then ever, we were on the third generation of games and my role was made smaller once again, I was relegated to the freakin' Safari Zone! You might as well send me to an Old folk's home and pull the life support!
Life was grim, I lost the will to live for a while and I hit the headlines when I tried to O.D on Pokeblocks. A Jigglypuff found me and nursed me back to health and gave me the will to live again, we started dating and I became a huge star again. We got loads of magazine deals and Photoshoots, We were known as Jigglychu and we became richer then anything. Life was great, not even my reduced roles in the games could bring me down…'
WHERE IT ALL WENT TO HELL
People started to become sick of us after a while and Nintendo started to doubt my sanity after making a frenzied appearance on Oprah and Converting to a religion called Scythertology. My credibility was compromised and I could tell that Nintendo wanted to get rid of me but I was still a fan favourite.
When the fourth generation game (Diamond/Pearl) was released the came up with a plan to make people forget about me by creating a Pokemon , His name was Lucario. People fell in love with him instantly and Nintendo gave him his own film!
With a new mascot Nintendo fired me, I was angry but the news that Jigglypuff was pregnant made me happy….untill the birth. Jigglypuff gave birth to a Riolu, she was sleeping with Lucario! Jigglychu was no more, but Lucapuff began.
Without Jigglypuff my life was ruined I slipped back into my old addiction of Pokeblocks and began getting into gangs. I joined a gang of Pokemon Gangsters called 'The Masta Ballerz' who was lead by a ruthless Persian.
Life with the gang was good; I was flying high from Pokeblocks and getting my selection from the finest Pokeho's in the land! One night when I was stumbling back to my penthouse in Celadon City, I saw that punk ass bitch Lucario getting out of a limo with Jigglypuff, I was suffering from Pokerage from the Pokeblocks at the time and before I knew what was happening I stabbed and killed Lucario, I know what you are thinking…Not cool!
Everything became a nightmare and I ended up being caught on tape running from a squad of Officer Jennies. I was arrested for Pokemurder and my future was looking Grim until I miraculously got off on a technicality called the 'PO.J Defense'.
A SECOND CHANCE
The media spotlight on the trial gave me a lot of press and everyone wanted to know my story, I released a Biography which was listed on the Viridian City times' Best Seller list. I was getting offers from a lot of places as well, mainly Dancing with the stars, I'm a celebrity Get me out of here, Strictly Come Dancing and Celebrity Big Brother. But hey, it's a start!
NEXT TIME
On the next instalment prepare to be amazed by the True Hollywood story of Link and Zelda! Find out about Link's and Zelda's relationship and discover the truth about 'That' Tape 'A knight in Zelda'!