This is a Jason POV fic. It runs through his thoughts on Emily's cancer and it starts in the park when she tells him. This fic kind of took over so its his feeling (yes he has them) and what I would have liked to see happed. I own nothing and I hope you like it. PLEASE review.

Just a phone call away

And then I blinked, like blinking would help me process what I'd been told. In a strange way it did and then the whole of what I had just processed hit me like a ton of bricks. No matter which way it was put or how nicely it was said the bottom line was and would always be that she might die. I gulped down tears that threatened to spill because I had to be strong for her, allowing her to be scared if she wanted. That's what I did. I vaguely heard any of what she said after that but I knew she was talking.

"…And I really believe I can beat this thing, Jas." That when I fell back into the conversation and the smile on her face pulled one onto mine; I would smile for her.

"I'll do anything I can, we'll beat this." Or something like that is what I reassured her with; along with my confident, I'm about to kill you so listen up, tone. Her eyes lit up and she hugged me; she believed that I was strong. She told me that she had to go fix things, and in the back of my mind I told myself that I had to go save my best friend but I didn't want to go, the pure fear that she could die made me what to stay with her till everything was over, but for her I stood to go. She was always my light, my right choice, my conscience and when I looked at her as we parted all I would see way the fiery angel she'd always been. People always said that I was uncaring, cold blooded but right then, as the cool July air whipped through my hair as I rode my motorcycle over the speed limit home, I felt dead. I knew that if she died so would I; I'd be a shell of who I was before her. I had a blinking problem when I finally, somehow, manage to get myself to Sonny and I heard nothing of what he was saying that I didn't know that I had interrupted him.

"My sister has cancer." He fell silent and moved closer, almost unsure of what I had said so I went on.

"Her birthmother died from breast cancer." He suddenly lost his air of boss and became my friend again because this went beyond everything and he knew.

"You stay here, I'll go." He was trying to keep me as close to my baby sister as he could because he knew that if she died and I wasn't with her I'd never forgive him or myself.

"I'm sorry man," and I knew he was because Sonny rarely says sorry, it not an overused word in his vocabulary, so when he did say it he meant it. I babbled on about the fact that there was nothing I could do, no one I could kill, or bribe, or take off the streets to fix this, and I couldn't save her from this and the powerless feeling was threatening to push me over. I needed to throw myself back into work, or anything, to take my mind off of Emily for a little while. The fact that Carly was still missing took over whatever part of me wasn't scared for my sister and I left Sonny, telling him that I was going to look for Carly again. I didn't know how long I'd been in that damn van, listening to that damn tape but I was happy to have at least made a small discovery as I rode the elevator back up to my floor. The first thing to hit my ears when the doors of the elevator slid open was my cell phone ringing. I knew it was mine because of the stupid ring Courtney had decided to put on for me as a surprise and if I had known how to remove it I would have. I reached into my jacked pocket, since that's where it always was, but it wasn't there and I turned my ear back to the direction of the ring; it was coming for Sonny's apartment. This sudden feeling of complete importance swept over me and I needed to get the cell, this call was disgustingly important. For a man who was wanted by good and bad people a like, Sonny had an awful habit of leaving his door unlock. My phone lay on the desk and I couldn't remember having left it there but that didn't stop me from quickly picking it up and flipping it open without reading the name.

"Yeah?" I managed to keep my cool collected voice as I waited for a replay.

"Are you okay, Jason?" Her voice was soft and worried. "Because I got this feeling and I had to call you." She continued and she made me smile.

"No, I'm not, okay." I surprised myself with that confession but she was different.

"What happened?" the worried in her voice rose a few steps, while the softness disappeared all together.

"It's Emily, she had breast cancer." I gulped down that tears again because letting them free somehow made it all that much more real.

"Oh my God Jason," I knew she was ringing her hands together as she sucked in a deep breath.

"I'm scared," I must have sounded like a five-year-old boy but I didn't care. I knew that this was totally out of character for me but like I said she was different, she was my only confidant.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked because she truthfully cared and I wanted nothing more then to be selfish and ask her to come home. I didn't answer because I was afraid that I'd ask just that if I opened my mouth.

"Should I came home… I mean back?" I might have been dying on the inside but I heard her refer to Port Charles as home. There was a huge silence and I didn't know if she had hung up or not until I heard her trying to hold back tears.

"You okay?" my voice sounded as if I hadn't used it in a while when it had only been a moment or two.

"Don't worry about me." I knew that if the situation hadn't been what it was, she would have added 'I'll live' but she wasn't tacky.

"I took vows to worry about you, Barrett." I needed to fight with her so I baited her. I knew it was wrong but, like Emily, Brenda had this unlikely ability to make me feel alive.

"And then you singed them away." She laughed bitterly and I could hear the tears streak down her flawless face.

"Hey, you didn't jump in there to stop me." My tone was becoming hard again; I was pulling away to prepare myself for a fight and not just any fight a fight with Brenda Barrett.

"You didn't look like you wanted to be stopped, Jason." Like that softness, the worry began to disappear from her voice, she was taking my bait.

"People can hide how the really feel, they can hide the truth, they can hide the pain, you should have looked deeper." I yelled at her and I knew that I wasn't talking about her and me and the stupid devoice papers; she knew too.

"God, Jas, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?" I hated that sentence because I knew that I'd be hearing it a lot soon, and I knew that no one would really mean it but mostly I hated that sentence because I knew that, no matter who asked it, no one could really do what I needed, no one could stop this and save her. Unfortunately, at that moment I wasn't thinking clearly.

"Can you save her, Brenda, can you guarantee she'll live, can you stop the cancer?" I yelled at her, yelled everything that I prayed for, everything that I wished for and all that I needed. Then there was silence again and I waited because if she didn't just hang up on me it would be a miracle.

"I wish I could, I wish I could stop it all Jason. I wish I could save her and I wish I could guarantee that she'll live but mostly I wish I could make your pain stop because you don't deserve any of this." She didn't hang up on me and it lifted some of the hate that had just recently nestled itself in my heart, replaying it with hope and a little faith. The hate was replaced with hope and faith because she hadn't hung up what, like I had said, was a miracle and if I could have one maybe I could get another one or Emily could.

"I miss your cookies," I told her after a time, making her laugh out loud and I found myself missing that laugh so much.

"Are you better?" she didn't mean totally and completely and I knew that.

"A bit." I told her.

"You should talk more Jason, about what you're feeling, it helps," But she didn't push it just suggested it.

"I think we're doing really well with this divorce." She joked and I chuckled.

"Well at least we got something right." I never joked but she was different.

"Maybe if you hadn't been with another woman when we were together it could have worked," her voice was now full with fake tears and she broke off laughing at the end.

"I guess we'll never know, now will we." I played along because it was taking my mind off my sister.

"Never say never, Morgan." She told me seriously now and I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"How'd you know? About me?" it was then that it struck me that what she had first said had been 'are you okay?' as if she'd known. I could hear the phone, that I knew was resting in between her ear and shoulder move up and down indicating that she had just shrugged her shoulders.

"I just did. Maybe because it's you." She told me and I was shocked to hear the love in her voice and to know that I returned that love. How had we ended up here from where we had started? Then I concluded that we had crossed that thin line between love and hate. I did love her, in my own special way, in a way that I'd never love someone else ever and I was happy to know that she loved me in her own way too. I knew that I had to let her go, I had my sister to take care of and be strong for and I had my best friend to find and I baby to help but I didn't want to stop taking to her. I didn't want to not hear her voice, it helped me think which was funny since it always seemed to annoy me when we were married. Somewhere along the way Brenda had become my rock and I had become hers and in that moment it finally hit me why; she was different.

"I should go," I told her finally with a sign.

"You probably should," I knew that she knew about Carly, Brenda always knew what was going on in Port Charles, even if it wasn't me telling her.

"Bye then," I said, whipping the stray tear off my face, and I was shocked to notice that I'd been crying.

"Never bye, Jason, just I'll see you later," again she was serious and I knew that she wouldn't ever abandon me.

"Later then." I corrected myself.

"Yeah, later," and she caught me before I hung up. "And, Jason, if you ever need anything, to talk, or yell, I'm just a phone call away," and for the only time in her life she hung up on me first. I placed the phone in my jacked pocket, feeling better, feeling as if the world wasn't falling out from under me and all because of her, because she was different.

End

-Girlygirl