It had been raining quite hard recently, Natsu mused.
It was the type of rain that would leave you soaked to the bone the moment you touched it. And yet oddly enough, Natsu longed to be out in it. For a brief moment his fingers clasped the door handle, heisting. He sighed and shook his head, there was no way he could go outside and not catch a cold, even with his powers. Though lately they had been on the fritz…it was to be expect after all, his magic being tied to his emotions. Still…he wondered if he was doing the right thing. They would understand wouldn't they? It just hurt too much. Giving a wistful look outside, Natsu turned his head. No, he thought, nothing good could come from going out today.
Shutting the door tightly, Natsu was left in the empty house.
Alone.
It was fitting, for him at least, that the sky shared his temperament. And a small part of him was glad it did. She got everything he wanted, everything he needed and just for a moment…he hoped she knew how miserable it made him.
Natsu shook his head. That sort of thinking was unfair. It wasn't her fault alone, nor was it actually anyone's fault but his own. He had wanted what he couldn't have and hurt himself in the process. But dear lord did it hurt.
Natsu had prepared himself for the heartbreak a long time ago. He knew reasonably that it was unlikely he would return his feelings. But in the heat of that battle…just for a moment it had seemed…plausible. And palpable.
Erza was right though…he was an idiot. He had read too much into the gentle smiles, the casual touches. If Natsu hadn't been so blinded by his smile, he would have seen that they weren't for him. And when he realised, they hadn't been too subtle about it mind you, he had held on till he couldn't any longer.
They didn't know.
And they never would. He would play the role of the fool if that was what was they needed. And so when his heart broke he put on a smile. He laughed. He joked. In their eyes nothing had changed. But to Natsu, everything had. It was irreversible and inevitable. He always ended up alone. Even Happy had left, off to celebrate, he supposed. Wasn't everyone excited for the happy couple?
Natsu wanted to throw up.
He glanced at the cracked clock. 11:30…they would be starting soon. They would be shocked by his absence but he couldn't lie to their faces. Acting fine was one thing, but a downright lie…they'd see right through him. And a part of him wanted them to. If they were to ask, if for a second they realised how much pain he was in, and they asked him…he didn't think he had the resolve to stay quiet. But he couldn't be that selfish, not on their happy day. So he sat through rehearsal dinners, celebrated and helped decorate for their sake. But to attend…to ask such a thing of him, it was too cruel, not that they would understand why.
He hoped for their sake his absence wasn't too noteworthy. Sighing, Natsu knew Erza was going to chew him out for not going, but he couldn't imagine putting on that tux knowing it wasn't going to be him walking down that isle. Natsu glared at said tux which was strewn on the ground as if it was the cause of all his problems. The offending garment made no move, its charred limb spread over the back of his sofa. Natsu snorted, of course it was silent, suits were so up themselves.
On the subject of the rather burnt suit, Natsu had the decency to be a little ashamed of his actions, but in his defence, it was his suit. He could do what it wanted to it. Besides it served as a good excuse to not go. Showing up to the wedding hungover and in a burn tux would have been worse than not going.
…eleven-forty…he had attended enough rehearsals to know that everyone would be taking their seats. If it was his wedding, would he have been nervous? He could imagine Happy straightening his bow tie, a smirk fixed on his face as he teased Natsu.
"You loooove him, don't you?" Happy would say.
And Natsu would nod, he was marrying him, wasn't he?
But he wasn't.
Eleven-fifty-five.
Erza would have the whole ceremony running on time, Natsu knew it. At this point the groom, the groom's men and the bridesmaids would have taken their place at the wings of the stage. Natsu wondered if he was nervous, he doubted it, Natsu had never seen him so certain of anything in his life. It was part of the reason he stayed silent. Natsu never stood a chance. He could see that now.
Twelve o'clock.
She would start walking down the aisle now. God, Natsu could hear the music and he hated every note. His house, filled with empty bottles and treasured memories blurred. He was the one standing at the end of the aisle, Gray waited on the podium ahead. The scene felt so real, Natsu found himself playing along. If only for a moment, it was real.
The music swelled and he was stepping in time, along that narrow path, surrounded by his friends, smiles and tears alike on their faces.
Was he crying too?
His face was wet, so he must be, right?
He reached a shaky hand to his face and it was all gone.
There was no wedding around him, no friends, no lover to greet him at the alter for the was none. Natsu stood outside alone in the rain.
He was right about one thing, he was absolutely soaked.
If you asked how long he stood in that rain, he couldn't answer, all he knew is that at one point the sky darkened beyond what he had believed possible. He could tell that it was done.
How he hated himself for hating them. It wasn't fair. Any of it. But today, just for today, Natsu let it all out. He couldn't tell where the rain ended and his tears began. He could be selfish for today, just today. Tomorrow, he'd go straight up to Gray and Juvia and congratulate them. It wouldn't be hard to fake a sickness after this. He'd throw himself into his work and learn to live with this pain.
It would fade, he knew it would.
But for today, he was allowed to be selfish.
The sky seemed to agree, because to Natsu, it started to rain just a little bit harder.