Author's Note: Just a silly little something I wrote while bored. Hopefully you find it as entertaining as I do! Alvon certainly implied so if you're not into that, don't bother reading. However if you choose not to heed my warning and flame me, expect nothing more than laughter in response.

I own nothing. (Sadly...)

"Alvin," Simon's voice was perturbed, "What are you doing?" The teen sat on his bed, book clutched tightly in his hands, watching as his older brother began lighting more than a dozen candles on his dresser. From the looks of it, Alvin had scrounged up every last waxy device he could find. Something told him this was not going to end well.

Alvin clapped his hands with the flourish of a Spanish matador, plunging his younger brother's room into darkness save for the candlelight. Simon wondered when the hell his brother installed a clapper in his room.

"Why Simon, I'm going to serenade you."

Simon groaned, his hand sliding down his face. Knowing from past experience that resistance was futile, he threw the book he had been reading in the air. He watched apprehensively as Alvin literally pranced to his iPod and pressed a button. He hoped to God that whatever kind of Freak Show Alvin put on would go unheard by Theodore and Dave.

It took only a moment for Simon to recognize the song being played. "Oh God."

Alvin turned abruptly from the dresser to his brother. "I love myself, I want you to love me..."

"Why?" Simon directed the question to his ceiling.

"When I feel down, I want you above me..." Alvin began advancing toward his brother's bed.

"That's just wrong..."

"I search myself, I want you to find me. I forget myself, I want you to remind me." Simon wasn't sure what was worse, the way Alvin was rubbing his hands all over himself or the fact that he was getting closer with every word. "Ooh, I don't want anybody else-"

"Here we go."

"When I think about you, I touch myself!" Alvin grabbed Simon's wrist, smashing his hand onto his chest. Simon pulled his hand away from the nonexistent boob and tried to move further away from the disturbed being in front of him. He wasn't surprised when Alvin clutched onto his leg and yanked him into a reclining position without ever missing a beat. "You're the one who makes me happy, honey!"

"Alvin." He sat up only to be forcefully shoved back down. Alvin began to climb atop the exasperated teen.

"When you're around, I'm always laughing.."

"Yeah, at me..."

Alvin grabbed his brother's shirt by the collar and began shaking him. "I want to make you mine!"

Simon began swatting at his brother. This was just getting ridiculous. "Knock it off!" Having escaped from under his deranged brother, Simon jumped off the bed. He started heading for the door only to be stopped again as Alvin clung to his leg.

"Think I would die, if you were to ignore me!" It was nice to see his older brother could still pull the dramatics.

"Alvin, let go of my leg." His brother's grip moved from his leg to elsewhere. "NOT THERE!"

Alvin began pulling himself up the length of his brother's body. "I'd do anything fooor yooou!"

"This is absurd..."

"OOOHHH I don't want, anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself!"

Simon looked down at Alvin, his expression flat. "Are you done yet?" A pair of arms around his neck and shoulders was the response.

"OOOHH I TOUCH MYSELF!"

"I'm glad. Really."

"I touch myself!"

"Got it."

A sigh escaped Simon's lips as Alvin swayed back and forth against him. "I touch myself!"

"Yep."

"I TOUCH MYSELF!"

"I just wanted to read a book..."

Alvin grabbed his brother's face and pulled it uncomfortably close to his own. His voice was only a whisper as he sang the last line, "I touch myself."

Simon didn't even try to pull free from his brother's grasp this time. His will to live had been sucked out of him, or rather, serenaded out of him. "I hate my life."

"Cheer up, Si. That was all for you!" The older boy planted an unnecessarily large kiss on Simon's cheek before bounding out of the dark room, leaving behind nothing more than a disturbing memory. Simon wondered if Theodore was regularly subjected to the same lunatic behavior. Or, if like Alvin had said, it was all for him.