A/N: Hi everyone! I know I said I wouldn't upload anything for a while, but I had this floating around in my files and so I've finally done something with it . Ummm... as always, thanks for the reviews! I was so happy when I came backl and found that I had 5 new ones for Another Golden Year . Soon I'll be rid of that (YAY!!!!) and then I can continue the Forest of Dreams, for which I have good plans for a sequel! I hope you enjoy! And as always, review!
Darkness is all that surrounds me . Slowly I sink into the murky depths of the black water, never to rise again to the surface . No matter how hard I struggle, the water encircles me, and pulls me farther down .
My lungs feel as if they are about to burst, and fire clogs my throat . I will never breathe again, I will die, slowly of loss of air, as I sink deeper into the land of no return .
This is the sorrow, the hate that plagues me .
My own thoughts, transform themselves into hideous beasts, and whirlpools of despair, ever pulling me down... down... down.... deeper into the lands of doom, deeper into sorrow, into regret . Deeper into the place I do not know, and I fear that place, though I fear neither man, nor woman, nor child, of all things I fear that place .
How long can one live in fear, fear of one's own memories, fear of their own thoughts and emotions? Yet for me, all emotions are hate, sadness and regret . No joyful thought shall ever cross my mind again .
And as I sink, farther, deeper down, until there is no hope, and I can see no light, my mind is filled with thoughts of anger, fear and sorrow . Thoughts so strong that I can no longer breathe. It is a disease, it fills my airless lungs with fire, my eyes with darkness, my heart with all things evil .
Though I am blinded by the thought that this is all for the better, and perhaps it is, for who would care now, now that I am put to justice? The evil that once ruled the world is now vanquished, gone .
Or is it?
Evil still lurks in my heart, in the hearts of all things, human, or other . There is always that tiny itch, the tiny wish in a dark place, somewhere in your heart, the wish that you could kill, could shed blood, the wish that you could reek havoc upon mankind, cheat, lie, torture and induce pain .
That is what power is.
Power is that burning, that wish, the wish that you try to resist, but in the end it pulls through . Power is what happens when you give in to the wish, power is when you let it run in you, and throughout you . Power is what courses through your veins when all blood is gone . Power overtakes you... and that is when you begin to sink .
You sink into the dark waters, into evil .
I was once young and innocent, as you are now . Once, long ago, I knew what true happiness was . But as I gave in to power, as I sank, nothing mattered to me anymore . Nothing save power . I was thirsty for it, and would do anything to get it, anything so that I could quench my thirst .
I was in over my head . I lost all my friends, and my own family became afraid of me. There was nowhere I could turn, nowhere, apart from power . Thus I continued to sink .
Still, I grew more powerful, gained supporters. Truthfully, they would never be the same as friends, but I could command them, and they would do my bidding .
Only lately had I realized what had been done to me, what I had done to myself . I could now feel no happiness within my being . I had no joy . And terror of terrors, I found I could no longer laugh .
I tried desperately, but found my throat clogged with fire . It was only then that I truly discovered what had happened. .
My breath is now fire, the burning in my throat is rising, and my lungs, they collapse . I have no air, I have been striped of my need for it, now there is only fire .
That is what happens when you sink . First, you put it aside, and take no heed of it, and when you discover you are sinking, it is too late .
You sink deeper and deeper, not able to save yourself from the evil which is darkness, the black waters of guilt and regret . No matter what you do to correct your evil ways, your powerful instincts prevail . You have a thirst for power, a need now, instead of a wish, and if you do not quench your thirst, you will die .
It is, though, a double edged knife . Save yourself from the thirst, and the dark waters will surround you even more fully, save yourself from the darkness, and the thirst will prevail, torturing every bone in your body .
Power is a mighty drug, it eats your from the inside out, first destroying your morals, then your being . After power has consumed you, you will be reduced to nothing .
I am now almost weakened to the point of that . I am still here, but what little soul still lives inside this empty being is a regretful and guilty one .
And guilt will be what finally devours me in the end .
Guilt and regret . I hate those words, I hate the sound they make when they fall upon my ears .
"You are doomed," they say, " doomed by power, cursed by your own instincts, destroyed by the guilt which you created. And it will murder you in the end. Because you gave in to power, surrendered to the burning wish, because you chose wrong . You took the easy way out .
"And all those people you have ever called coward or faint hearted, they never gave in, they never bowed before power, before that burning wish, they never abandoned faith . You are the coward, not they, and you will drown."
Yes, I have learned that what is right is not necessarily what is easiest for you . It would have been so much harder to refuse my power hungry urges, yet instead I surrendered to them, and you may now see how I have become .
The fire which I breathe now demolishes me, slowly . And I can say only one thing before I am poisoned by the black waters:
Never give in . Never fall to your knees before the flame in your heart, and let it become the master . Never surrender to power, to evil .
That is all that I can think as I am plunged one last time into the waters of despair . I know it is to late for me, but perhaps you can restrain it, you can keep it from reaching your innocent soul .