A/N (edit) So this was originally on my old account "thegleekystarkid", but I deleted it so I'm posting it here. Enjoy! Oh, and I don't own Glee.
Santana was nervous, actually nervous. While in New York she realized something. She realized she was tired of hiding who she is if it meant she couldn't be with Brittany.
The second song they sang at Nationals was theirs. Santana wrote most of it, but the rest of the group had no idea it was about her and Brittany. They just thought it was a good song with fun lyrics and a catchy beat. Wrong. It had so much more emotion than any of the members of New Directions realized. Almost every line of that song related to her feelings about Brittany, and what she intended to do about them today.
Every year on the last day of school her and Brittany have a celebratory sleepover with mani-pedis and shopping and movies with popcorn and lots of cuddling. It was okay to be like that with Brittany. Santana could cuddle with her all she wanted because they were just that comfortable with each other to be able to sit and cuddle and nothing else, which was why Santana was beginning to wonder why they couldn't date if she had already made it clear to Brittany that she was in love with her. And when she thought about it she realized it was because of her own insecurities. She thought about what Brittany had told her the week of their Born This Way number when she gave her the 'lebanese' shirt and what Brittany told her when Dave had won Prom King but she hadn't won Prom Queen. She realized that if Brittany believed in her and loved her then that was all she needed, she could do this. She would tell Brittany that she loved her, loved her enough to come out to the entire school next year. She just had to find the right moment to say it tonight.
Their trip to the mall had gone perfectly, they left with a ton of new summer clothes and super hot bathing suits and several new pairs of sunglasses and flip-flops. They stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a bag of lightly salted popcorn for Santana and a jar of pickles for Brittany, and swung by Family Video to grab several movies. When they got back to Brittany's they set all their bags on the counter to be taken care of later and ran up to Brittany's room to break out the nail polish. Even though their trip to the mall was perfect, Santana had the thought of what she was going to say to Brittany lurking at the edge of her mind, and with shopping out of the way the concern had been brought to the front.
They sat in comfortable silent stroking nail polish across their fingers while Santana tapped her foot unconsciously to the beat of Brittany's iPod while Brittany idly hummed an entirely different rhythm. The nice thing about them was that they could sit in silence and still talk to each other, in a way. Brittany can read Santana like a book, and Santana hopes that today she isn't paying too much attention. If she was then she would surely ask Santana about it and then whatever she was planing to say would fall away from her mind as she panicked to answer Brittany's question in the best way possible. Brittany deserved the best explanation Santana could give her. After all the shit they went through during the year when Santana wouldn't come out or when Brittany chose Artie over her their relationship was damaged, but they got over it because that's what they do, they fix their problems because having the other makes it worth it.
If Santana really thought about it she felt that she couldn't possibly deserve to be with Brittany. She was a judgmental bitch who spoke her mind, she ruined way too many relationships this year, she dated David Karofsky and that was a low blow. Brittany on the other hand was a beautiful person with the greatest intentions and the most innocent mind. She was perfect, and there was no reason she should love Santana. She knew she was over analyzing things, so she pushed her doubts to the back of her mind and thought more about what she was going to say.
"San? You're worried about something." Brittany looked up from where she was painting her ring finger a deep red. Shit. Santana opened her mouth to speak and found her throat was dry. Words should be easy. Conversation was always easy with Brittany so why wasn't it now? Might as well just go with what comes to mind and hope I don't stutter too much, she thought as she cleared her throat and tried to speak again.
"Not worried Britt, thinking. About... Us."
"What about us? Is it a good thing about us? Like how awesome we were at Nationals? I loved the song you wrote San." Brittany smiled at Santana and applied another coat of nail polish to her pinkie finger.
"You liked the song?" Santana asked, "Do you know... What it was about?" Would Brittany see what she was getting at?
"Lighting up the world silly. You wrote the song, you should know what it was about." Brittany replied with a 'ha, I'm smarter than you' look and a joking tone in her voice. Santana smiled, she couldn't help it. Brittany always made her smile when she didn't quite understand what something
meant.
"I think the song was about us you know. The first lines. The lyrics. All of it. Brittany, what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of not knowing what we are. Are we friends... Or more than that? I know that we've had our ups and downs this year, and I was afraid. I don't know what I was afraid of Brittany. I thought maybe if we got together what happened to Kurt would happen to us, and I would hate to see you harassed because you're too beautiful. I'm telling you this now Britt because I'm taking my own advice. The song said to lay it all down, so I'm doing just that. I'm telling you how I really feel. I'm tired of hiding. I just want to be with you, and when we get together it will be so amazing that no one could take us down. I'm done hiding who I am because it means hiding you and you are nothing to be ashamed of. I love you Brittany, and I'm asking for a second chance 'cause I messed up way too many times this year. I want to make it right." Santana hadn't realized she was crying until she heard the little thud of a tear hitting Brittany's comforter. Brittany reached out her arms and motioned for Santana to come closer. Santana collapsed in Brittany's arms and held onto her as tight as she could. Brittany curled her arms around Santana's shoulders and leaned her head against hers. Santana could feel that Brittany was thinking of something to say. They were always able to hear each other's thought processes.
"I-I love you too San... But I still love Artie. I can't love you both, it's not fair. Loving you both would be like... Like chewing gum and walking. If I focused too much on chewing my gum I'd trip and fall, but if i focused on walking I'd choke on my gum. I can't be with you because it would ruin my relationship with Artie, but i can't be with Artie either because it will ruin my relationship with you." Brittany paused for a moment before continuing. "It's not fair! How can I love two people?" They lay there tangled together sobbing on each other's shoulders and smearing their nail polish on their clothes. Santana cried in the pain of rejection, she cried because Brittany was confused, she cried because she couldn't help her. She cried because Brittany was so smart and beautiful and she doesn't deserve all these problems. Brittany cried because she didn't want to choose, she cried because she didn't understand why she couldn't love more than one person, she cried because she knew that if she tried to love Santana and Artie it would never work, but most of all she knew that no matter who she chose two people's hearts would be hurt. The one in rejection and her own in the loss of a loved one.
A/N I know it was really short but it was so hard to write! I had the idea when I told my friend that you can't listen to music and read at the same time, it'd be like chewing gum and walking and I realized that sounds like something Brittany would say. The idea formed in my head but I wasn't sure if I could write their characters. And I can't write Brittana because I love Bartie but I can't write Bartie because I love Brittana. Ugh! Dilemmas! I hope it turned out okay, this is first Brittana fic I've written.