The Baby-Sitters Club belongs to Ann M. Martin.

I was doing homework trying to think about some things. When Kayla Willis first got ill, I got jealous because her twin, Kaylee and, gets stronger than me. Everything worked out fine until now. I wanted to talk to Dawn, but I didn't know how. She wasn't home anyway. She was baby-sitting the Newtons.

Kayla was one of my best friends. She died nearly a year ago after suffering from cancer. When I found out she had died one evening, I cried my eyes out. My best friend, Kaylee and I had just saw her earlier that day. I became depressed for almost a month. We were very close. I just say that I'm not really jealous, I just want to recover, but secretly, I am getting jealous again.

The one thing about me is that I'm too shy to speak up. I told my other friends one time and they didn't blame me not wanting to destroy my friendship with Kaylee if I kept my feelings aside. When Kayla was alive, one day, Kaylee didn't speak to me for a couple of days and I didn't knew why at first until I learned Cokie eavesdropped. I got so mad at Cokie. When I told Kayla about what happen, she knew it wasn't my fault and Cokie should've minded her business. Luckily, Kaylee understood why I didn't want to tell her that I was jealous. She told me it would have been okay for me to tell her about it. I didn't realized she cared about me if I tell her that.

I'm sure she would understand, but I'm not ready to tell her right now.

I'm Mary Anne Spier, by the way, I'm 15 and a tenth grader at Stoneybrook High School. Although I'm getting better and have other friends, I still miss Kayla a lot and it's not the same without her. I still help Kaylee watching her six siblings- especially when D.J. and Mario fight for nothing. I know how to stop them and make them listen to me. I'm firm when it comes to that. I'm patient, but not when siblings of the clients fight. I had experience about stopping fights all the time. The Pikes are like that often, but they're easier to handle than any other clients. Kaylee and I thought D.J. & Mario would be closer since Kayla's death, but it's getting worse than ever. They tired me out. When we get a break from them, we are glad.

Two hours later, Dad came home early because I had a doctor's appointment. I'm diabetic. Everything was perfect. Then, I remembered to tell my doctor the insulin is almost empty, so he prescribed a new one. That's what he tells me to do if it's getting ready to expire or getting empty a few days ahead of time. That way I'd be prepared to use the new one. He also told me how to dispose the old one properly when I first became a diabetic. That's easy to do so. In fact, like Stacey, I'm brittle diabetic, which means the blood sugar goes out of control often. With support, I manage it just fine.

After we left, we picked up the new insulin.

"Glad I remembered to tell him before we left there," I said.

"I know," agreed Dad.

At home, it was almost dinner time. I'm careful on what I eat. Not hard to do. I skip what I can't have. After dinner, I was in my room at my mirror.

"Kaylee, I would like to talk you about something. I hate to admit, but I'm getting a little jealous again. You're lucky that you got strong on Kayla's death. I'm still having a hard time. I hope you would understand. I didn't want to tell you because you and I are close and I was afraid it would destroy our friendship like Cokie nearly did last time," I said at the mirror.

I'm not sure if that would work. I'll think about that part. Dawn probably heard me and came in.

"Is everything okay?" asked Dawn.

"Not really," I said. "I'm getting jealous of Kaylee again."

"You are?" asked Dawn.

"Yes, she was okay last time after Cokie almost destroyed that friendship. I'm scared to let it happen again," I said.

"I remember when Cokie did that," said Dawn.

"She's the one who can be snoopy, I do know I'll never mention it on my feelings before telling Kaylee in case Cokie's around, especially in school," I said.

"Exactly," said Dawn.

"I'll tell Kaylee when I'm alone with her," I said.

"Good idea," said my sister.

"But I'm not sure how to mention it," I said.

"I did hear what you say at the mirror. If you want to say that, go for it. If not, use something else," said Dawn.

"Maybe. I might ask Dad for advice," I said.

"He'll probably agree with me," said Dawn. "If Kaylee can't understand, she's not a true friend."

"She did understood when I talked to her about it last time that happened. She did say she would have been glad if I mentioned it," I said.

"That's a good thing," said Dawn.

"I'm not good at speaking up," I said. "It's hard for me."

"I bet," said Dawn.

I went downstairs to talk to Dad about it and said I can tell Kaylee when I'm ready.

"I just didn't want to lose her like it Cokie almost made that happen," I said. "Cokie is snoopy."

"I agree with you," said Dad. "It's okay to be worried."

"I'm trying to think on what to say," I said.

"Take your time, honey," said Dad.

"Although Kaylee understood why during that time after I had a talk with Kayla, I wasn't going to take that risk again," I said.

"I don't blame you," said Dad.