Strange
A/N Kind of a song-fic I guess. The song is Strange by Tokio Hotel and Kerli. Mentions of self harm. There's your warning. Hope you like it!
A/N (edit) So this was originally on my old account "thegleekystarkid", but I deleted it so I'm posting it here. Enjoy! Oh, and I don't own Glee.
This was it. The final goodbye. As of Monday he would be boarding at Dalton Academy, never to see Westerville High again. Blaine had gathered his things from his locker and turned in all his textbooks. His files had been sent to Dalton, his transfer papers had been filed, and he was all set to leave. Physically that is. Emotionally, he couldn't seem to move.
It seemed that Blaine's feet had been glued to where he stood in front of the auditorium door. His dad stood waiting at the end of the hall, wondering why Blaine was just standing there.
"Are you going to be ready to go soon Blaine? If you have all your stuff we should just go." Mr. Anderson called out to his son who stood at the other end of the hallway. He didn't understand Blaine really, he just knew his son wasn't safe at this school. He thought it was stupid that Blaine chose to be gay if he knew everyone would hate him, but he figured that if Blaine was happy then he could make that choice. Of course, he wished Blaine was straight, it would make everything so much easier. There wouldn't be all this stress on the family, they wouldn't have to pay an expensive tuition to a fancy boarding school, and he wouldn't have to deal with the oppressing strafed at work that practically scream 'you have a gay son'.
Blaine knew how his dad felt about his sexuality. He knew that his whole family thought it was a choice. As if he would choose this. The stares, the shoves, homophobic slurs. It made him feel disgusting, even though he knew he wasn't. Blaine's family wasn't exactly supportive, but they weren't hateful like the bullies at his school. Correction, old school. If only he could move his feet.
For some reason, Blaine felt the need to say goodbye the auditorium. While he was still in glee club he had so many performances in there, and even after he quit to see if the bullying would let up just a little he still came in after school and sang into the empty seats. The auditorium was filled with emotions and memories, good and bad. Now, as he's about to leave for the last time, Blaine can't help but feel that he should say a final goodbye to that auditorium.
"Uh, yeah dad. Can I do something really quick? I'll be out to the car soon, I promise." Blaine replied as he shoved the door to the auditorium open without actually hearing his father's response.
The auditorium was empty and dark, as the only lights that were on were the ones in the last row of lights on the stage. Blaine knew that the center stage microphone was left on all the time so he strode over to the stairs and climbed up to stand in the edge of the stage. Looking out into the empty seats Blaine imagined they were filled with people. His tormentors. His classmates who were too cowardly to stand up. His teachers who claimed to not be able to do anything about it. His family. All these people didn't understand. They thought he chose this. Chose to constantly live in fear, to know that a food percentage of the world hates him, just because he likes guys, and not girls. None of them understood how hard it is to live like that.
Blaine imagined them all there so he could explain. He could tell them all why he was leaving, explain what they didn't seem to get. He can't be changed.
Even though there was no music, Blaine closed his eyes and began to sing.
A freak of nature
Stuck in reality
It was true, Blaine lived in the real world. The world where gays existed. It's a fact that can't be ignored but yet people seem to create this fantasy world where they don't exist, and they hate Blaine for ruining that.
I don't fit the picture
I'm not who you want me to be
I'm sorry
And he really shouldn't have to apologize, but yet Blaine feels like he is the one who should be sorry every time he gets called that one three letter word that starts with an f. He can take homo and queer and lady or fairy, but fag is just so poisonous, so degrading. Hearing it is like having acid poured on his skin. It burns.
Under the radar
Out of the system
Caught in the spotlight
That's my existence
He tries. He tries so hard to stay out of sight, out of the way. The last thing Blaine ever wanted was to give us tormentors another reason to attack. Try he might, but somehow he still stands out. He will always be a walking target for some form of abuse. That's just how it works.
You want me to change
But all I feel is strange
Strange
In your perfect world
So-oh Strange
Strange
I feel so absurd in this life
Because that's how it is. Everyone wants him to try to be someone different, someone who fits in the world they want to be so perfect, but it doesn't work that way. Blaine already tired, and it just wasn't him. He is the way he is and nothing can change that, not even the homophobic slurs that make his feel worthless.
Don't come closer
And no one would. Blaine didn't have friends at this school because they all were afraid of 'catching the gay'. No one would ever stand too close if they didn't have to.
In my arms, forever you'll be strange, strange
And that was it. He would always be strange to them because he can't just stop being gay. It doesn't work that way, and no one seems to understand that.
If you want to fix me, push me, into your fantasyIf you want to fix me, push me
into your fantasy,
if you try to get me, sell me
yourpersonality
You try to lift me
I don't get better
His parents are always trying to change him. it never set him up on dates with girls and are genuinely disappointed when he doesn't end up dating any of them. Blaine's dad tries to get him to fix a car with him or do some yardwork because he thinks if his son gets his hands dirty then he'll automatically become straight. Atleast they aren't physically and verbally abusive like the kids at his school. They're fine with Blaine being gay, they just wish that he wasn't.
What's makin' you happy
Is makin' me sadder
And the bullies, they get some sort of sick satisfaction from degrading him. They shove him into lockers, corner him in the parking lot after school, shout insults at him in the halls. And no one does a thing about it. They all stand by and laugh. Blaine doesn't understand how something so depressing and hurtful can be funny to a person.
In your golden cage,
All I feel is strange
It's like he's locked up in some cage. The kids at his school treat him like a gross animal. The glares would cut into his skin like knives as he walked down the hall, the insults burning into his mind. He can't feel anything because they have him trapped at this hell-hole of a school, well no more.
Strange, in your perfect world
So-oh strange
Strange
I feel so absurd in this life
Don't come closer
In my arms, forever you'll be strange
Strange, like me
Strange
When you touch me
When he gets shoved by some huge football player, or hit by one of his attackers in the parking lot on Fridays he just feels worse. He never thought his sexuality would be the one thing he was most ashamed of. Why can't people just get past the fact that he likes guys instead of girls and get to know the real Blaine? The one who is so much more than his sexuality. He's starting to feel like maybe, that's all he is anymore, and the bullying has destroyed the rest of him. He never gets to act himself anymore.
Strange
When you kill me
It's killing him inside really, that no one wants to be his friend. No one will ever want to know him. That kills him.
In my dreams together we'll be
Strange
Strange
In your perfect world
He dreams that one day someone might love him. They can be take on the rest of the world together. Stand up to the world and show them that they are nothing to be ashamed of. Of course, those are only dreams. After all the bullying the idea if that becoming reality seems absurd. He's been beaten. He has scars and bruises all over his body. His arms are destroyed from when the pain becomes too much and he just needs a release. He's worthless. Destroyed. No one will ever want him.
Strange
I am so afraid
Strange
I am so afraid
The fear eats at him. He knows that he'll be safe at Dalton, but there's still the lingering question of whether people will actually like him. What if the only thing preventing that school form becoming a Westerville High look-alike is the zero-tolerance bullying policy? He may be safe but that doesn't mean he'll have friends. And if he's left alone at a boarding school what's to stop him from falling into a relapse and trying to cut again? He's so afraid of being an outcast, because that's probably all he's destined to be.
Strange
Strange
In your perfect world
So-oh strange, strange
I feel so absurd in this life
Don't come closer
In my arms, forever you'll be strange
Strange
Like me...
He finished singing and hung his head. It was clear that Blaine didn't belong here, but he wasn't sure he could ever belong anywhere. He's afraid that the rest of the world is terrible and unaccepting. He tries so hard to get people to like him, but he's given up. It's not Blaine's sexuality that makes him an outcast, it's all the hatred coming from these ignorant people. Blaine kind of hates the world for making him different. He hates that he did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve everything he's been put through, yet it all happens to him, and all of his tormentors recieve no punishment whatsoever, and they deserve it.
The song he sang was kind of like his goodbye to the school, and all it's people. They didn't really deserve it, but it explained all his reasons for his transfer. As Blaine walked out of the school with his father he thought that if he could say a goodbye to his bullies he would say; yeah, you make me feel terrible about myself and you think it will change me but it won't, and I'll be gone to start a new life and fix what you broke and I can be happy, but you'll always be terrible can never change.
End