Hippocampus, meaning sea horse named for its outward appearance. As I walk into your apartment memories wash over me. Memories are our evolution to survival. We pass down what we have retained to our progeny and they do to their progeny repeating the cycle of sharing what we have retained. I suddenly wonder how long I will be able to survive without, you.
The hippocampus acted as a storage unit in itself for multiple long and short term memories. During the moments in which that first memory was created our brain was processing thousands of pieces of information. Our brain had to decide which of those pieces were important enough to be worth storing for later retrieval.
One does not remember less central information. Such as, what type of slides you were looking at the first time I met you in your basement office, they may be remembered in our short term memory for a few hours or days. But only that information most central to the memory makes it into the long term memory. Where it lives for years, possibly an entire lifetime.
I stare at the fish tank from across the room and let out a shaky breath. Then, start to walk toward it as if it has a gravitational pull on me. Who is this new Agent Doggett and why exactly is he here? This wasn't supposed to happen. I was the abductee not Mulder. They were supposed to be taking abductees. The statistics were so small, the risk almost forgotten. What if we don't find him? I try to shake the thought.
Though it was here, it was happening. And I didn't know if I could do this. My strength was gone. I stand a moment and watch the smaller fish in the tank. I notice there is a black sucker fish stuck to the side of the tank. It's the only one of its kind in the tank, it swims alone. Back and forth and back and forth the small fish swam, except for the lone creature stuck to the side of the tank. I felt like that at times, life an inescapable see-saw of sorts. Darkness would plummet me to the ground then my partner would push off and I would be in the light. A see-saw was not a fun ride to ride alone; for I would just sit alone at the bottom in the darkness.
I walk into your room and find an old shirt of yours. I slowly lay down on your bed with it curled up in my hands. Tears are streaming down my face and I wipe them with your shirt that still smells very much like you.
I knew I would end up here eventually. I knew I would come here. I thought I knew how I would react, but in reality I had no idea. No idea what to expect next. At least not like this. Though, we didn't expect any of this now, did we? My other hand comes to rest on my stomach. Mulder, I'm pregnant.