AN: Just a silly little Modern AU based on posts I have seen on Tumblr. I hope you like it.
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
Sansa wearily lifted her head at the sound of her phone vibrating on the floor by her bed. Sansa rubbed her eyes and squinted at the screen. She could barely make out the name on the screen but traces of sunlight were creeping across the room. It had to be morning time. Sansa coughed and cleared her throat before answering the phone, hoping she sounded normal and not like she had become one of the Undead.
"Hello?"
"Hi Sansa, just wanted to let you know Brienne and I just landed at the airport, we'll be home in about two hours after we stop for breakfast." Jaime said in a tone too cheerful for the time of the morning.
Home? Sansa thought before her hungover brain kicked into gear and she scrambled out of bed. Home! Brienne and Jaime were coming home! "OK, so how was the flight?"
"Fine, a little delayed but these things happen." Jaime replied, smirking slightly as Brienne walked towards him. "We'll see you soon."
"Yeah, bye." Sansa said as she ended the call and opened her bedroom door. Leaning over the bannister, Sansa surveyed the damage she could see in the hall alone. Empty cans, pizza boxes and takeaway containers. Oh they were so dead. When Jaime had surprised Brienne with a week long holiday in Dorne, she had made them all promise not to throw any house parties whilst she was gone.
What had they done?
Thrown a house party.
"GUYS WAKE UP!" Sansa yelled as she started thumping on their bedroom and the bathroom doors. Thankfully Brienne and Jaime's room had been locked so it had been untouched since they had left. A few seconds later, Arya, Podrick and Jon all appeared in their doorways, bleary eyed and looking as hungover as Sansa felt.
"What's going on? It's half eight in the morning." Jon complained as they heard Bran open his bedroom door downstairs and wheel himself out.
"Jaime called. Their flight just landed! They'll be home in a few hours!" Sansa explained as everyone's expressions fell. Jon looked around and ducked back into his room. "Jon, what are you doing?"
"I wasn't here. If they ask, I was at Dany's!" Jon replied as he thundered down the stairs, keys between his teeth and his phone and trainers in hand. Daenerys followed him, still in her dress from the night before, heels in one hand and giving them an apologetic wave with the other.
"Traitors!" Arya yelled at their retreating backs as Gendry emerged from the bathroom. Out of all their friends, he had been the only one to crash at their house after the party apart from Daenerys. "How long have we got?"
"Two hours, maybe more depending on where they get food. Brienne is going to kill us. She only let us stay here by ourselves because we promised not to throw a party!" Sansa said, running her hands through her hair. This was it. Call the morgue. Dig their graves. Plan the funerals. They were dead.
"They expected to go to Dorne for a week and for their teenagers to not throw a party? Come on, that's on them." Arya said as Podrick rubbed his eyes.
"You can try that one on Brienne but I call dibs on your Xbox," Podrick offered, now that Jon had abandoned them, he was the eldest and the one in charge. "Right, Gendry, you clean the bathroom. Sansa you do the hoovering, Arya, washing, dishes and clothes. I'll sort the rubbish."
"What about me?" Bran asked and Podrick thought for a moment.
"Social media. Any photos or posts that any of us made or are tagged in; get rid of them. Especially Theon or Missandei's pages; they are the worst for it." Podrick ordered and Bran nodded and wheeled himself into his room, loading up his laptop and phone; he had a lot of work to do.
For the next hour, all of them cleared, scrubbed, hoovered, wiped, untagged and washed the house from top to bottom. Gendry had the genius idea of refilling the empty vodka bottles with water before replacing them as soon as possible. Bran had worked his magic on their Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram accounts removing any trace or mention of the fact they had all their friends around for a massive house party the night before. As soon as they finished cleaning and disposing of the evidence, Gendry began making them breakfast. The smell and taste of the greasy fried sausages, bacon and eggs was enough to make them gag but they had to sober up and sober up quickly. Brienne had been a firm but fair parent to them; adopting all of them after different circumstances tore the Stark family apart and Podrick's parents had died in a house fire; but breaking the no-party rule would be unforgivable if she found out. They had been sceptical when she had begun dating Jaime Lannister but they had formed an uneasy truce with him. At least he had unknowingly given them notice and time to clean up.
"I can't believe you let Grey talk you into downing that shit mix!" Sansa said to Podrick whose face screwed up at the memory. He had lost Ring of Fire and had had to drink a concoction of beer, wine, vodka and coke. He had almost puked but managed to keep it down. Barely.
"I'm surprised you let Bran drink anything." Arya retorted as Bran shrugged his shoulders.
"I was fine, I only had two drinks." Bran replied as he thought for a moment. "Although I think one of them was tequila."
"Tequila? Bran you're fifteen!" Gendry said and Podrick rolled his eyes.
"Come on Gendry, you were worse. Remember the night we stole your dad's whisky and mixed it with your step mum's wine." Podrick said and Gendry physically gagged at the memory. That had been just before his sixteenth birthday and he was lucky his dad saw the funny side for once, laughing as Gendry spent most of the next morning vomiting into the toilet. It had been Cersei who had gone mad; more for Gendry having stolen her wine as opposed to him getting almost blackout drunk at fifteen years old.
"Yeah, well, wait… Cella was snapchatting most of the night. She's got Jaime on her snapchat!" Gendry realised as he rushed to grab his phone. If his step-sister had done what he thought she'd done, it wouldn't just be Cersei who would kill him for taking her to the party.
"Myrcella wouldn't have done that, she barely touched her phone, she was too busy flirting with Trystane all night." Bran said as Sansa froze.
"But Tommen wasn't!" Sansa realised in horror as Gendry tapped at the screen of his phone and called his younger stepbrother.
"Tom, Tom! It's an emergency! Did you send any snapchats or messages to Jaime last night? … Was anything put on your story? … Are you sure? OK, thanks bro." Gendry said and hung up. "He says he didn't put anything on his story, he just sent it to a few friends but Jaime wasn't one of them.
"Thank the seven." Arya said as she checked the time. "We've not got long until they get back."
"I'll head home and check Cella and Tom's phones." Gendry said as he kissed Arya's forehead, bid his goodbyes and left the house. Sansa rushed off to jump in the shower first while Arya and Podrick washed up the breakfast dishes. Bran pushed himself into the living room and looked around. He had the feeling that he had forgotten something.
Almost an hour later, Jaime and Brienne pulled up outside the house. Brienne smiled at the house as she got out of the car. Jaime's surprise of a week away in Dorne had been amazing but she had missed her children and she missed the feeling of being home. As she and Jaime pulled their cases out of the car, Jaime smiled at her and kissed her gently. Jaime had noticed the suspiciously immaculate front garden and smiled at the clean and fresh smell that greeted them as they opened the door.
"Anyone home?" Brienne called as she walked into the living room to find four of them sitting or lying on the couches watching a movie. All of them scrambled up to hug Brienne and only Sansa noticed how Jaime cast an experienced eye around the room and wandered into the kitchen.
"I'm surprised you kept the place tidy." Jaime called from the kitchen and Sansa shrugged.
"We wanted you to come back to a tidy house." Sansa said casually as the other's nodded.
"Thank you, but where's Jon?" Brienne asked, looking around. Although she hadn't been able to adopt Jon, as he had been 18 at the time, she did view him as one of her own and he in turn saw her as a mother figure.
"Oh, he had an early shift but he promised he'd bring home dinner. His treat." Arya said with a smile. Of course Jon hadn't but he had made the decision to skip out on the clean up. It wasn't just Lannister's who paid their debts.
"That's kind of him." Brienne said as she went to take her suitcase upstairs. Jaime waited outside the living room for a moment; listening to their conversation.
"That was close," Bran whispered as Sansa shushed him.
"Yeah, this time. We probably won't be as lucky next time." Sansa whispered as Podrick grinned.
"Worth it." Podrick hissed as Jaime grinned to himself and stood in the doorway.
"Or maybe next time, listen to your mother when she tells you no parties. She doesn't know about this one." Jaime said with a smirk as Podrick, Arya, Sansa and Bran stared at him in horror. "Alternatively, make sure that everyone sleeps at the house, instead of arriving home drunk at 4am. Especially if those people are the niece and nephew of your mother's boyfriend."
Busted.