Quinn was never good with words. For over 400 years he had repressed his humanity so ruthlessly and any relative thought to his other life was drowned into the abyss of his newly based mind. It was appropriate to say that any human-like stability he possessed was oppressed deeply inside of him, where he kept it hidden for a very long time. He had forfeit it; refusing to acknowledge it because he had simply not wanted to. It wasn't just his memories. The very way he thought as a human was exhausted because he was no longer human. He was a vampire. He wanted a vampire way of thinking.
But then a saviour came into his life – an angel. A not so holy angel but nonetheless an angel-like someone that took the faint drop of light within him, the mere bit of light that he hadn't even known existed and sparked it alive. And oh, how it grew.
His soulmate had revived the humanity in him. Rashel. Rashel Jordan. She was the reason he felt again. The way he was, the way he saw things and the way he lived now was because of her. He still had his imperfections but he wasn't an apathetic soulless monster anymore.
He was starting the new chapter of his life and the past was the previous pages of his very long story.
But there was one thing he possessed that had never changed. As a human in the 1600's, as a malicious made vampire for centuries, and now, as a redeemed soulmate.
His inability to put his feelings into words.
These were the things that Quinn was thinking about as he walked out of the mansion, down its cemented steps and into the night. His destination was to the mansion's grounds, back into the garden of where his Rashel was waiting for him, where he told her to wait as he needed to fetch something in their room. The walk was calm though what he was feeling inside was anything but. He gritted his teeth in frustration.
Idiot. You need to concentrate if you're going to do this right, he thought to himself, attempting to calm himself down. He wasn't used to this. His emotions were riled up and he didn't quite know if they would settle down anytime soon. Nonetheless, he wasn't equipped for this type of reaction. He knew he would be nervous, but this immense? He only hoped it didn't show and that he was opaque. Enough.
It was only a matter of moments before he reached to where she was. She was sitting casually, on a bench, looking so lovely as always. Quinn felt the barricade of his uneasiness crack slightly as his heart warmed at the sight of her. No matter the case, a simple glance of her would always coax him just a bit. Despite his solicitous mood having to do with her.
"Hey, back." He greeted her in a murmur, taking her hand in his. He pulled her up effortlessly, bringing her into his arms. She let him, hugging him back with equal force as he pulled her in tighter. She sighed.
"Hey…" She responded, placing her head on his shoulder. He rested his chin on her head, kissing her hair tenderly, once, before he spoke.
"Sorry about that…I just needed to get something." He was only gone for a couple of minutes but with the things he had been thinking about, it felt like years. Even if it had been, Quinn suspected that his emotions would have been continuous without a quit. He was happy to see her finally, after a long day's separation but he wasn't completely relaxed; this night wasn't going to be an ordinary one and all he could think of now was that it needed to be perfect. And in order to do that, it had to have a smooth beginning and a hopefully successful end.
"It's ok. What did you need, anyway?" Rashel asked curiously, lingering in his grasp for a moment more before she stepped back, taking her hair and setting it aside on one shoulder, composing herself. She smiled warmly at him, of which he returned a bit forcibly.
Well, he couldn't answer that. Quinn hesitated for a moment before he responded, deciding to ignore her question all altogether. She would find out soon enough.
"How was the mission you went on today?"
Rashel obviously noticed his sudden change in topic but she chose to go along with it, simply thinking nothing of it. She shrugged, also noticing that he seemed . . . off. Almost fidgety, as if he was distressed. It was mere – so mere, in fact, that if she didn't have that soulmate bond with him, enabling her to access his emotions more easily, she wouldn't have noticed. But she chose not to voice it just yet – he would tell her what was bothering him. Or he would get over it, if it wasn't important.
"It wasn't anything too spectacular, really. Just a werewolf rogue stirring up trouble in a small, quiet town. He figured since it was pretty remote he could get away with changing people, or killing them, "Rashel informed him, shrugging.
"Did you get hurt at all?" Quinn asked her, suddenly a bit more serious. He looked her over, assessing. He didn't see any bruises or cuts. But his worry didn't dwindle down and he still needed a confirmation. She was his soulmate, after all, and her well-being was one of his top priorities. He knew he was very overprotective of her, much to her disapproval.
Rashel shook her head, rolling her eyes at him. "I can handle a little werewolf," She told him in a tone that implied he should know better. But she was teasing and she elbowed him playfully. He smiled a small smile, caressing her face for a moment. "I know." He told her quietly, pulling her in again. He kissed her once more before he found her hand, tugging on it gently.
"Walk with me," he said casually, gesturing towards the paths of the elegant garden. She nodded, letting him guide her forward until they were walking side by side, peacefully, enjoying the comfortable silence that lay between them. She sighed, letting herself relax for the first time that day.
It was nice, she thought to herself, after a long day of being alone. Of course, missions always lightened her mood – it was the one thing she was adept at. Fighting. But it was boring and too easy and she was relieved when she finished. Coming back to her soulmate was what made her eager today, considering they haven't been able to spend too much time recently. They weren't having a peppy conversation at the moment but they didn't need to – the words spoke for themselves and they both found themselves enjoying the quietness and the simple presences of each other.
However, tonight felt a bit odd. He seemed deeply in thought – and whatever it was, was the cause for his weird behaviour. She was about to ask him what was wrong, the curiosity and slight worry getting to her but surprisingly he spoke first, ending the absence of sound.
"I need to ask you something." He finally murmured, looking into her eyes. He smiled softly, but through his normally cool composure, shone the anxiousness that she had seen in him all night, but more pronounced. Rashel nodded, beckoning for him to continue, curiously. His voice was ever so loving, but it was tinged with a seriousness and nervousness that she couldn't quite understand.
They stopped walking and Quinn glanced around, taking in their surroundings. The sky was blackened, only leaving pallid lights above as the stars boldly shone. The moon lay ahead as well, full, its white light a great ray that lit up the magnificent garden that Thierry kept. There was a breeze present that was neither chilly nor antagonizing that was the only source of a serene noise.
It was perfect.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm his unsettling nerves. He took her hand, kissing it softly before he kneeled down, his eyes never breaking contact with hers. He took in her confused expression as a cue to start. He cleared his throat, and swallowed, as if it could take away his anxiousness that was practically eating him alive.
"Rashel . . . you and I both know that words never come easily to me. I've never been one to be able to express my thoughts well. But I'm going to try to explain what you mean to me to the best of my ability." He paused for a moment, never letting go of her hand. He took another deep breath, trying to visualize the speech he had practiced for hours on end in his mind.
He only hoped that it would come out right, if not perfect, and that he didn't mess anything up. It was Rashel – his soulmate. He shouldn't have to be nervous around her but for this particular moment he felt a lot of pressure. He wanted to make sure she remembered this moment with a sacred impression.
"There are so many words to describe you. So many, but nowhere near enough. I've lived long enough to experience many things. And through all those years I can honestly say that I have never encountered someone as . . . extraordinary as you. You're beautiful. And through all the ages and through all the eras I've lived through, I have never seen anyone more radiant than you. I don't know how I hold back from snapping every insolent boy's neck that looks at you." Quinn paused, seeing her wide, attentive eyes on his, holding onto every word he spoke. "Honestly, I could go on. But no words can express your beauty."
"Nonetheless, there are so many more things that supplement you. You're brave and competent. Strong and compassionate. I still remember you on that night so long ago now, that night on the island. And I still mean what I said – I've never met anyone like you. But they're only parts of the reason of why I love you so. I – I don't need to tell you what I've done in my past because you're well aware that I was once very evil," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment. "I remember that I cared for no one and that what I wanted was in cruel intentions. But then, you came into my life. The way I am now, and the way I think is because of you. The only reason I've redeemed myself is because of you. I wanted nothing else. I only wanted you. I saw you as my future. And I wanted so desperately to change who I was to be with you."
Quinn kissed her hand again. "I will never, ever, forgive myself, for what I've done and for all the people I've hurt. I never will be able to. But you forgave me. On some insane miracle, you forgave me for all of my doings. And that . . . will mean more to me than you will ever know." Quinn spoke, his emotions seeming to support his words well. His voice was soft but it held powerful meaning. He was sincere and honest, and his words cut deeply.
"I don't deserve you." He said simply, his words pained. It hurt, of course, to know that the woman he loved so deeply, and so overwhelmingly, was someone that he would never, truly deserve. "You deserve better. So much better. You're perfect and you deserve someone who is just as perfect. And sometimes, I think to myself, how the hell did you ever pick me? But I don't care. I can't imagine being anywhere else but here." Quinn stated this with absolute conviction. "I may have changed. But I'm still selfish, and I always will be. You're mine. I'd be damned if I let you go. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm not going to let anyone take you away from me. If someone ever came along . . . well, the only thing that they'd have that I wouldn't would be a clean past." Quinn paused, his features turning serious.
"But no one will ever love you more than I love you. Ever." He told her softly, his eyes and voice serious. His features were pensive.
"I would . . . die, without you. If something ever happened to you . . . or if something ever separated us, I wouldn't be able to cope. I need you, in my life. You keep me balanced, and simply alive. As long as you're here with me, I know I'll be ok."
"You know what they say about love? That it's forever. But Rashel, it's your forever that I need. I can't promise that things won't be broken – we argue and fight and sometimes we practically want to kill each other. But I swear that I will never leave. No matter what happens." Quinn promised fiercely, holding her hand tighter. His eyes blazed a burning black as he gazed into her now teary, distinct green eyes. This was it. The big moment that would conclude his happiness.
Quinn slowly reached down to the pocket of his jacket, his eyes never leaving hers. He felt the velvety material of the cube shaped box and retrieved it, opening it easily. He presented the treasure inside of it before her.
"Rashel . . . please stay forever with me. I love you so much. Will you marry me?"
Rashel couldn't speak. Her mind was at a loss of words. She blinked, feeling the hot tear slide down her face but not quite comprehending it as she stood, frozen in shock as she stared down at her soulmate. She glanced to his face before she glanced numbly at the ring that he held before him.
It was beautiful.
So beautiful, in fact, that she could swear she never saw anything more brilliant. The band was a broad, shining silver, and its throne separated into two narrow paths as it came to the midpoint. The very center stone was a diamond and there was a thick outline on its edges that curved into the gem; traced with onyx. Two bold gems of amethyst littered on either side of the overall ring.
The diamond gleamed in the moonlight, shedding rainbows.
Rashel swallowed, her heart seeming to have accelerated wholly. She felt pools of water in her eyes and as much as she tried to hold it in – she never cried – a few tepid tears escaped. But she could excuse this particular situation. She breathed in deeply but silently, despite the unsteadiness of it. He was silent now, waiting patiently but anxiously. Rashel could practically feel it melt off of him.
She figured she should have answered him at that point. Her eyes stung and her throat hurt, and she knew her voice was going to be weak before she even said anything.
"Oh my God. John . . ." Rashel mumbled, her voice shaky as she trailed off, desperately searching for the right words to say. But what could she say?
"Is that what you went to go get?" Rashel finally asked, pathetically.
He chuckled softly and she could tell that it was strained. "Yes, this is what I went to go get. What answer should I take that as?" He asked her, forcing another nervous laugh.
Rashel breathed in deeply. His response seemed to have finally snapped her out of her stupid state.
"John, yes. Yes. Yes. I love you. God, I love you," she exclaimed, a few more tears coming out too quickly for her control. She cursed at it but she forgot about it instantly as he stood up, hugging her fiercely. She buried her head into his chest, hearing his own sweet words. They were a mixture of 'I love yous' and 'thank yous'.
It was only a matter of seconds before their lips met. Quinn kissed her passionately and Rashel simply deepened it, acknowledging nothing but the touch and feel of him. His hands caressed her face, hair and neck before they settled on her waist, gripping them firmly as he pulled her in more tightly. They were compressed so securely and Rashel couldn't imagine feeling anymore love for him. Her arms had wrapped themselves around his neck and she was leaning into him, their bodies pushing away any space that dared to come between them.
They both needed each other. This was a true moment for them and neither of them were in a hurry to end this night anytime soon. Rashel had stopped crying, thankfully, but she still hurt – it was a good pain however. A pain that she wanted to live with for the rest of her life. Quinn's wholehearted embrace never faltered and he simply continued to kiss her, trying to show her what she meant to him.
At some point, they both stopped. It was gradual and Rashel breathed in deeply, both from the lack of air and him. Their bodies remained enclosed, together, and he rested his forehead on hers, kissing her temple gently.
"Rashel . . . " He murmured, lovingly. He sighed, running one of his hands through her long, silky hair. His eyes burned with what seemed like intense relief and adoration.
Rashel smiled against his lips. "You have no idea how happy this makes me," She said, softly.
Quinn smiled in amusement. "And you have no idea how crazy I've been today. I really don't know how I said all of that without screwing up." He admitted quietly, pressing his lips on hers as he pressed his hand on the small of her back, his other hand playing with her hair. Rashel shivered slightly as it sent tingles down her body.
"Well . . . it was perfect. You're perfect." Rashel said, her voice still soft as she caressed his cheek. She looked into his eyes honestly.
"I'm not. But you make me want to be perfect." Quinn said; his voice just as honest, just as tender.
Rashel swallowed, wiping her face with her sleeve, distracting herself by cleaning her tear stains as she melted uncontrollably. She bit her lip, closing her eyes for a moment before she kissed him again, this one much more gentle but all the more passionate.
Quinn pulled stands of her loose hair and tucked it behind her ears nicely, hugging her once more before he stepped back. He once again took her left hand in his, kissing it before he slid the ring on her finger.
Where it would stay forever.
Rashel admired it for one moment, seeing it sit on her finger flawlessly. A perfect fit, physically and emotionally.
"It's beautiful." She whispered, holding it close to her. Quinn smiled, sliding his hand back into hers, stepping back and pulling her in close again. His eyes were bright.
"It is," he agreed softly, but he wasn't looking at the ring. Rashel looked up, her heart beating a little faster. She could only tell him one thing.
"I love you, John Quinn."
Quinn finally drew her back into his protective and possessive embrace, binding her to him. He smirked slightly before his hands came down to her thighs. He lifted her up abruptly, making her straddle him with his hands steadying her. She gasped from the sudden loss of balance, her arms automatically coming around his neck. She realized their now much more intimate embrace and flushed very faintly, but before she could say anything his lips were back on hers, claiming them. His love for her poured through the soulmate principle and in that very moment, the outside world didn't exist.
"I love you too, Rashel Quinn."
