Saturday Night
Saturday
Night - A Neon Genesis Evangelion Humor Fic By Perfect
Productions (Formerly Not Illegal In The Least Productions)
Da_Jesus
**
"Hey
Shinji, where are you going?" Asked Misato, seeing Shinji
departing the apartment.
"Err...I-I'm
going out with Touji and Kensuke." He replied nervously.
"Oh okay
then. Be back by monday."
"I'll try.
Bye!"
With a wave,
Shinji left the apartment.
**
"Hey Touji.
You got the beer?" Demanded Shinji.
"Ooooooh
yeah. 3 cases of it."
"What
brand?" Asked Kensuke.
"Yebisu
light. That means only _slightly_ more than 50% alcohol."
Shinji glared at Touji angrily.
"Ahh jeez.
You ALWAYS have to get the 'light' kind, don't you!!"
"Allright,
allright, allright!" Shouted Kensuke.
"Break it
up! Shinji, you got Misato's car keys?"
"Ooooooh
yeah. Even got her ID."
"Allright,
lets burn some rubber!"
"Yeah, lets
get drunk and drive Misato's car!"
**
"Hey, does
anyone here have a drivers' license?" Asked Shinji as they
climbed into Misato's car.
"Yeah!"
Replied Touji.
"Nope."
Said Kensuke.
"All right
then, Kensuke, you're driving."
**
"YEEEEEE-HAAAAHHHH!!!!
TAKE _THAT_,80 MILES PER HOUR SPEED LIMIT SIGN!" Screamed
Kensuke.
"Hey,
Kensuke, you're only going 40 miles over the speed limit. What's
wrong?"
"WE'RE
HEADING FOR THE SCHOOL, BOYS! BREAK OUT THE CROWBARS!"
Suddenly, two
red and blue flashing lights appear behind them.
"Awww crap!
Da pigs are on to us!"
"Relax. I
got an ID, remember."
"Oooooh
yeah."
The policeman
exits his vehicle and walked over to them. Shinji holds up the ID.
"Allright,
Miss Misato Katsuragi. I...hey...did you get a haircut, cause ya
look different in the picture. Hey, waitaminute, your just a
bunch of punkass kids! I'm taking you IN!!"
"Would you
like five pounds of frozen shrimp...to forget about this?"
"That
shrimp isn't frozen. And it smells funny. And I'm an honest
policeman."
"Okay, ten
pounds."
"WAAAAHOOOOO!
I SCORE TODAY, NO MORE CAT LITTER FOR ME TONIGHT!"
**
(IN THE SCHOOL)
"All right!
I'll show those Mexican Fire Ants!"
"Your
ass'll hurt."
"Oooooh
yeah."
"I told you
not to stick your butt in the cage."
"HEY! I SAY
WE BURN DOWN THE ART ROOM!!"
"I'm
waaaaaaaay ahead of ya', Shinji."
**
"All right...I
think thats enough. Lets get outta here and start stealing!"
**
After a few more
beers, they all blacked out, except for Touji.
"Orright! I
Scored a VCR! Heeey, that car loks pretty easy to drive. I wonder
what would happen if I just...borrowed it."
"Hey, kid!
WHat the hell are you doing!" Screamed a policeman.
"I-I didn't
do nuthin, man! I'm innocent! This is bullshit! This VCR was a
present! He gave it to me!"
"Sorry son,
but you're not gettin' outta this one. You're going IN!"
**
Somehow, in the
duration of the night, Kensuke found himself in a whorehouse/nightclub
dancing naked with bull tied to his penis, as he wowed the crowd
on the bar.
Shinji, however,
made it home. But for some weird reason, the next morning when he
woke up, he was dressed in ladies' underwear.
As he quickly
dressed in his own clothes, and made his way to the living room,
he saw a news report on that quickly grabbed his attention.
"A group of
punkass kids trashed a city high school and much of the
surrounding area last night while the city slept. We have one of
the perpetrators here!"
"Touji, do
you have anything to say for yourself?"
"Yeah. I'd
never do something like that in my whole life. I don't rememeber
a THING about this...Those punkass kids are real rats."
"Uhhh...Touji...you
WERE on of those punkass kids."
"Ahhh shit.
I just made an ass of myself, didn't I?"
"Well,
thats weird. I'm going to work." Said Misato, turning off
the tv and walking out to the car park.
Two minutes
later, a scream could be heard all the way from the underground
car park.
"HOLY SWEET
MOTHER OF CRAP! LOOK WHAT THOSE PUNKASS KIDS DID TO MY CAR!!"
BY
DA_JESUS - Da_Jesus@start.com.au
blah
blah Gainax owns Eva etc
