{I don't own any of the characters within, only the story idea}
This is a CRACKFIC so if you are offended easily, or think those are weird, DON'T READ…that's kind of the point….
ALL OTHERS… ENJOY!
Teddie was a bear, or at least he used to be, until he grew himself a spiffy new body. Before when he was just an empty mascot suit, he never had hormonal urges. Becoming a real boy and throwing away wooden puppets, allowed him to experience teen living at its finest. Now he could enjoy getting boners at the worst possible moments and finding a way to do something about it. Since he was a twisted bastard (not his fault, he was just born that way) his methods were different than everyone else's. Staring at the nurses in Yosuke's books didn't do it for him, they only made his hard drive change into a floppy disk.
Since he was curious, he tried all sorts of ways to curb his desires and get rid of his morning wood. I mean it's not like he could send it home with a kiss on the cheek and burn it in the fireplace like normal people would. Although he did try looking for hot women in there, and it wasn't as cool as it sounded. Though to be fair, the cool chicks were probably chillin' in the freezer with a beaver, or something. One time, he even wrapped it up in the apron Yosuke normally wears to work at Junes, and tried to sell it to people as a bear in a blanket. For some strange reason, some other guy was selling an actual bear in a blanket and it sold better than his Funky Monkey.
After that incident, Yosuke swore to never use that apron ever again and threw it into the TV world. So, if you ever see a slightly used apron being sold on the shopping channel, don't ever purchase it. On some other day in the present, the whole Investigation Team was invited to meet with Teddie in an abandoned classroom after school, for a "beary special surprise". Teddie was the weirdest of the weird, so Yosuke warned everyone ahead of time that if it turned out to be something like his Dad's toothbrush with pubic hairs on it (personal hygiene was important after all) or (a picture of Yosuke's butt in the shower, he was a little TOO curious) not to be surprised. Teddie was waiting when they walked in, grinning so wide his face could just about split open.
"So glad you could join me, dear friends!" He greeted, ignoring the bewildered looks on their faces. Yosuke tapped his foot impatiently.
"Come on, Ted! Can you make this fast? I have to get to work soon." He whined.
"Of course!" Teddie responded. In the blink of an eye, his suit was gone and he stood bear naked in front of them all.
"What the?" Yosuke spoke up, rubbing his eyes, as everyone else looked on, speechless.
"How'd you do that so fast? And why are you in the…you know, buff?" Kanji wondered, scratching his head. Teddie smirked, giving him a knowing look.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kanji looked anywhere, but at Teddie's junk. "I…I was just asking, uh… because someone had to, and…" He glanced briefly at the girls, "The girls are too traumatized to ask." He stammered. Teddie scoffed.
"They are obviously just mesmerized by my Little Buddy!" He sang, so beautifully that anyone in the near vicinity instantly ascended to Heaven or possibly space, except for those present in the room. Yosuke wasn't having this.
"Come on, 'Little Buddy'? Couldn't you have named it something more original? Take mine, for example, I named it 'Yos`que'! It even has a sombrero and mustache to match mine!" Teddie looked away for a second and looked back to see that Yosuke now had a sombrero and mustache.
"Huh?!" He squeaked, in confusion and disbelief. "Yosuke! Were you always a Mexican?"
"Si, Senor." Yosuke confirmed, and then jumped out a nearby window, landing on a donkey that rode into the distance, while he screamed. "Papi, my cover has been blown, hide all the burritos, the Border Police are onto me!" Teddie shrugged,
"Huh. Who knew?"
"What's the surprise?" Chie asked, finally recovering.
"Shh! You have to wind it up, first." Teddie whispered, pointing to his Johnson, which was shaped like a bear for some reason, just like his costume. A handle was to the side, and Chie curiously started cranking it around and around like a jack-in-the-box. It suddenly popped out and smacked her in the face, causing a weenie to grow out of her cheek, fully erect. Teddie leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "It grows if you lie!" Chie didn't know what to do with her weird face-boner, so she tested it out.
"I hate meat!" It grew a whole inch, slapping Yukiko in the face and she grew one as well. Chie grinned, "Hey, Yukiko! Help me out, would you?" Both girls helped jerk off each other, happily. Rise got excited,
"Ooh! Me next! I want one on my tongue, so I can eat food and jerk myself off at the same time!" Teddie grinned,
"Can do!" His wiener struck her tongue, making the magic she so desired, happen. Yu Narukami was next.
"I want one on both wrists, so I can be like that super hero I read about in a comic book one time!"
"You got it, Sensei!" Teddie slapped both wrists. Yu found a way to make both of them ejaculate on command.
"Check this out! I'm Spider-Man!" He yelled, squirting his juicy juice onto the ceiling and swinging away into the neighborhood. Teddie watched the chaos all around, and grinned.
"This went even better than I planned! The real surprise was Yosuke's Dad's toothbrush and this picture of Yosuke's butt in the shower! I didn't even know I could do this other stuff!"
"Teddie! What did I tell you about eating those mushrooms you found outside?" Yosuke came into the room to find Teddie passed out on his bed, foaming at the mouth, and saying things in his sleep.
"No, Yosuke! Don't go back to Mexico!" He mumbled. Yosuke gasped,
"What the hell? How did he?" He slid a sombrero under his bed with one foot, out of sight. "What am I going to do with you, you silly bear." He said, laughing, as he left the room.
"Topsicles…yum…" Teddie said, just as Yosuke got out of hearing range, continuing to sleep off those funky fungi.
The End…or is it?