It's been a while. A long while, in case you didn't know. Maybe it doesn't seem like it's been that protracted to you, and perhaps in the sense of actual time it hasn't been, but damn. And it's all the same. Nothing ever changes -- not for me, and especially not for you.
Maybe that's why everyone likes me. Hey, you can depend on that Ryoko -- she's always the same. What if I wasn't always the same? What if there was a side to you that you didn't see? Of course, you can hardly see anything through those Princess tinted glasses that you don so willingly.
Do I sound bitter, my dear Tenchi? Surprise, surprise. I'm sure you've seen my bouts of doubt, my anger, my frustration. But I suspect that you've never known how deep it goes. Every single time you've asked for my patience, I've smiled and said okay. I was cheerful about it and I tried to send you off with a kiss. You never let me, of course. At least, you haven't for a while. Or should I say that your protests are strong enough now to keep me from touching my lips to your cheek? I'm not sure.
I suppose I understand. She's so, so beautiful. She has poise and wisdom that I have yet to attain, and to top it off, she even has a tragic love story. Poor little princess, her love ran off to chase an evil demon. The evil demon that just happened to be me, of course. But I'm not talking about me; I'm talking about her. She's everything I'm not. She even seems to be closer to your age, even though we all just know that's another illusion. Damn Jurians and their damn trees. Her hair is smooth and flowing. She wears demure clothing suitable for what she is -- a princess. She's every bit the woman who you would be attracted to, huh Tenchi?
Then there's me. I suppose that at first glance, I'm also beautiful. At first glance. Then you see how my nose is just a bit too long, too pointed. My teeth aren't normal Earthling teeth; they bear a striking resemblance to a cat's. I even have a tail. I'm not some dainty little princess; I'm a woman. I have curves that she'll only dream of having. My eyes are not some mellow ruby color. They are the color of gold but a hell of a lot harder. I suppose they have to be to hide the thoughts that I think. And my hair, oh goodness. Where do I start? Untamed might be the term to use.
I'm sure I have good qualities, though. I know that I do! I'd love you with all my heart, if only you'd give me the chance. But you won't, will you? I can see it in your eyes when you look at me; or rather, when you look through me. Your eyes are solely for Ayeka, as is your heart. Was it always like that? I thought at one point that it was different. I could almost see it, or even hear it in your voice. Maybe it was just gratitude for my help in all the incidents that our little family seems to get involved in. Or maybe you pitied me for all that I've been through.
The princess has her shares of troubles. Overbearing father, being less of an accomplishment in the kitchen than even I am, and skipping out on her royal duties to search first for Yosho, and then to stay with you. She was forsaken and her heart was broken. She has openly grieved… but I have not. I have not cried on your shoulder for the lives that were lost because of my action. I have not told you how Kagato managed to remain free for so long, that certain higher-ups in power were visited by an intoxicating feline-like female and lured into illicit relations… and then blackmailed. Do you care to guess who that female was, my dear Tenchi? So maybe the princess is right when she calls me a whore and a slutty demon woman. She has not the deaths and downfalls of thousands, maybe millions of innocents tearing apart her soul at night. I, however, have to deal with the inner demons, not only the one that I see when I look into the mirror.
So, yeah, I can see why you don't want me. I know why it is that when you look at me you don't see me. I would've given anything for you to hold me in your arms just once, and not when I'm dying. I wish that you would take me into your warm embrace and look at me with that tender look… the one that I used to see. But it's all for her now, isn't it? Why don't you go ahead and end this charade? Why do you pretend to care? Don't you know that every false word from your lips hurts me even more? I hate words, Tenchi. I hate them so much. You really have no idea the kind of effort that I'm exerting right now, do you? Words lie. People use words to deceive and bend things to their own whims. Actions speak so much louder -- like when you tell me that you haven't made a choice and then you rush to help Ayeka, even though she was perfectly capable of doing her own chores. I was left choking on the dust of your wake, and the words that I had tried to say, the true ones, were left on my lips, lost forever. I tried so hard to make my way back to you…
It was all lost. And so I live with this, knowing that even while you lie to me I lie to you. I smile, I flirt, and I play, but I ache so badly inside that I can hardly breathe. I'll be happy and then I'll turn my back and shed tears. By the time you see my face again all traces will be gone. The tears will have dried and once again I smile for you. I play the game that you have set; I play by your rules. Even now, though, I will never forgive you. Not until you tell me the truth; and especially not until you tell yourself the truth.
It never changes, though… I think of you, you think of her. And no matter what, I still love you.