This plot danced around my head over the holidays and wanted to be told. So here it is. It's a one-shot for now, but there's definitely more to the story that the characters could share :)
Bella Swan looked out her third-story office window and briefly allowed herself to dream.
Another house.
Another city.
Another hand to hold at the end of the day.
Another life.
She was on a tight schedule with back to back meetings with her Digital Marketing team the majority of her days, so she had a standing five-minute dream-time appointment on her calendar. Enough time to give her a quick boost between her meetings, but not so much that she lived for the dream instead of her reality.
Five minutes to escape into a lifetime that could've been, but wasn't.
She had more to think about today than her typical dream-cess would hold. She was taking the next day off – her first in recent memory – to attend Alice's baby shower that weekend. It had been five years since she'd been around her old friends, and her heart simultaneously yearned and ached for the reunion. Even though Alice likely wasn't the one to send her the invitation (her money was on Esme), her heart didn't care who had been the one to reach out. Someone had reached out.
So when her Outlook reminder dinged to let her know that her meeting with Mr. Crowley was in five minutes, she turned back to her computer, squared her shoulders, and snapped back to Business-Mode Bella.
- | SBY&M | -
Her feet ached and the seams in her pantyhose irritated her toes as she climbed up the four flights of stairs to her condo. It was in the same building as her favorite Italian takeout restaurant and it had a nice view of her Capitol Hill neighborhood. She opened the door, locked up and tossed the mail on the coffee table before stripping down to her underwear and sinking into the couch underneath her favorite yellow chenille throw.
She'd hired an interior decorator to homey the place up, but as she looked around she realized it fell flat and didn't feel like her genuine self. She didn't really know what was genuine anymore. While the subway tile and white accents looked nice, she felt more like she was in a really nice AirBNB rental than her home.
Which was a bit disconcerting as she'd lived there for four and a half years.
She looked at the huge gift wrapped and waiting in the corner. It was a huge sleigh-style Pottery Barn Kids crib in cherry wood, as requested on Alice's registry. She'd wondered if it was maybe a bit ostentatious to buy such an expensive gift after so many years apart, but Bella didn't care about the money. She worked hard and happened to make a good bit, but most of it was sitting in savings. She felt like she was waiting on something to happen, but what she wasn't sure. When it came, she wanted to be ready. In the meanwhile, she'd wanted something nice for Alice and Jasper. So sleigh crib it was.
She mentally readied herself to be back in the fold with Esme, Rose and Alice. She'd already planned to extract herself from the party before Jasper showed up to pack the presents, as the daddy-to-be usually did at baby showers.
Or as she assumed they did. She didn't have many friends in Seattle and had never been to a baby shower before, so her experience was really limited to what she had seen on TV… Which was the doting dad showing up and packing he car as stragglers wished them well and cleaned up the mess.
She didn't know who Jasper might bring with him, so to be safe she was running away well before he'd arrive… Likely with the one person who'd kept her away in tow.
Her lazy cat Morrison hopped up on the couch and sprawled out beside her. "We're going to be fine," she reassured him as she scratched his scruff. "It's just two days. You've got plenty of kitty food and water, and Mrs. Nottingham promised to check in on you."
He was just a cat, but even he could probably see through her act. Bella was clearly terrified.
Sleep didn't come easy that night, nor did her mind rest easy as she made the long journey to Forks the next morning. She cruised along to Spotify's "Mellow Dinner" playlist as she tried to mentally map out the different paths the conversation could take when she showed up on Esme and Carlisle's doorstep. It turns out they didn't have a "Hopeless Coward" playlist – she'd checked.
She mentally flipped through the weekend's itinerary in her head and wondered why she'd agreed to come for the spa day that preceded the shower. In her heart, though, she knew she missed Alice and the family more than she could ever express. She had a lot of making up to do, and while the baby shower wasn't the appropriate time to do it, she hoped the weekend would help mend the bridge between them.
With a worried heart and even more anxious mind than usual, she pulled in Esme and Carisle's driveway. She allowed herself one minute of silent freak-out time before she stepped out of her car and exhaled a deep breath she hadn't realized she was holding. It was time to stop being a wuss.
Esme barreled out the front door before Bella's feet even touched the sidewalk, immediately wrapping Bella up in her arms.
Bella didn't even realize she was crying until Esme cooed for her to let it out. There on the sidewalk for all of Forks to see, Bella Swan let out all the hurt and sorrow that had built up within her over the past five years.
"Welcome home, baby," Esme said.
Inside the house with a cup of Esme's favorite tea – the scent of which immediately pulled Bella back to childhood – Bella fidgeted.
"I asked you to come a few hours early, I hope you don't mind," Esme said as she laid a throw over Bella's shoulders.
"No," Bella croaked, "It's good to catch up." She silently catalogued the subtle differences she could pick up from the last time she saw Esme. A few more lines, maybe. Slightly different hair. But the most noticeable change was the sadness lurking deep in her eyes. "Especially before the others get here."
"Esme, does Alice know I'm going to be here? I'm glad you sent me an invitation, but how did you find my address?"
"No, not yet," Esme admitted. Bella liked that she always gave it to her straight. "I, uh… I may have bribed Charlie with my boysenberry pie. And I promised him my intentions were good."
"What would Sue think?" Bella asked with a smile. Charlie had sold her childhood home and moved in with Sue Clearwater a few years back.
"Bella, I miss my daughter."
"Have you not been speaking to Alice? Is everything –"
"I meant you," Esme cupped Bella's free hand between hers. Both women felt how bad it was shaking, betraying any kind of cool demeanor Bella may have thought she could project. She should know better than to put on a front with Esme.
"It just hurt too much, Esme. I…" a jagged sigh rattled through her chest. "I know how bad I screwed up. I don't know how it even happened. It felt like it was over. And I couldn't put you in a weird situation where you had to choose."
"A mother doesn't choose between her children, Bella."
Bella gave her a kind, sad smile. "You know I love you with all my heart, Esme, but that wouldn't have been fair to anyone."
Esme wiped a tear from her eye and clasped her hands in her lap. "None the matter, you're here now."
"I want… No, I need to see Alice, but do you really think this is the right time, Esme?"
"Probably not," Esme admitted with a sigh. "But sometimes you have to force fate's hand. It'll just be us today, us and Alice."
"If it's bad, I'll leave," she promised.
"We've gotta start somewhere. So, tell me about your job and your life now," Esme asked as she hugged Bella's shoulders.
- | SBY&M | -
A few hours later, Bella was parked at the kitchen island helping Esme assemble the teacup goody bags for the shower. Each teacup held lip balm, a bath bomb, confetti, and a few treats. Esme wrapped the completed favors in cellophane and attached a dainty tag with an elephant and the letter "E."
"What are they naming her?" Bella asked as she fussed with the teacup in front of her.
"Ella, Ella Carlie."
"Ella Carlie Whitlock," Bella repeated with a smile. "Beautiful. She'll have no shortage of love in her life, that's for sure."
"Jasper and Alice have been trying for years. They found out pretty early that she would have difficulties conceiving. It's been a long road, but she's finally almost here."
"I can't imagine having a baby," Bella admitted.
"There's nothing like it in the world, that's for sure."
"I'm nervous to see her, Esme. I'm so scared. But it's like... It's like I cut out half my heart and I'm not really living without it. I feel like I've been treading water."
"But you're back now," Esme responded with a nod. "Your heart is where it belongs."
"Is… He going to be here? I'm sorry for asking, but I just need to – "
"He's coming tomorrow evening," she confirmed.
"I'm not ready."
"Oh, honey, he doesn't know you're going to be here. I haven't told him."
"I really screwed up," Bella sighed. "I know that now."
"'With every broken heart we should become more adventurous,' my darling."
"Did you just quote a song to me, Esme?"
"It's applicable here! My assistant picks out the music for the shop and that one's on about every playlist she makes."
They laughed hard, to the point that they both had tears in their eyes. The laughter covered the sound of the front door opening.
"Mom, whose car is in the driveway?" Alice called from the foyer.
The blood drained from Bella's face as Esme ushered past her, running to intercept Alice. Like the mature adult she was, Bella slipped into the mud room located off the kitchen. She couldn't hear their conversation, but she wanted to give them privacy nonetheless.
A few minutes later – or hours, neither of them had a firm grasp on time at that point – Alice entered the room. Her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks made Bella's stomach flip. They always were a matching pair.
"So it's true," she said loudly as she looked Bella up and down.
"Allie, I…" The look on Alice's face shut her down.
They stood in silence a few more minutes. Alice's long hair – which surprised Bella as it had always been short when they were kids – brushed her shoulders. Her belly was high and shaped just like a beach ball. Pregnancy suited her well.
"I wouldn't have cared what happened with you and my brother. You were MY Bella. My best friend. My sister, in my heart. Nothing ever would've changed that. But you changed your phone number, you moved, you deleted your Facebook account…"
"I know," Bella said softly, head turned to the floor. "You're right, Alice. I ruined everything. I know this now, and I've known it for years. But once you break everything, how do you put it back together? I have no clue. I'm broken. I don't know how to put myself back together."
The tears escalated as she spoke, and she finished in outright sobs. The anger Alice had held in her heart the last five years evaporated as Bella broke down in front of her. She scooped her up in her arms and rubbed circles on her back as she cried.
"This seems like a pretty good place to start," Alice whispered to her.
- | SBY&M | -
Later that afternoon, Esme, Alice and Bella happily sipped champagne – apple juice for Alice – as they enjoyed the pedicure chairs and bubbles at the spa.
"Jasper didn't want me to drive all this way alone, so he took the day off work. They're currently occupying Emmet's couch," Alice said as she flipped through Vanity Fair.
"Where are you living these days, Allie?" Last Bella had known, they were living between Forks and Port Angeles as Jasper studied for the Bar exam.
"Madison Park," she said as she snapped a picture of something in the magazine.
"We live pretty close," Bella admitted. "I'm in Capitol Hill."
"That's where –" Alice began before suddenly stopping herself. After a pregnant pause, she continued. "We've been helping a friend look for an apartment in your neighborhood."
"I've lived there about four and a half years. It's nice. Lots of shops, but my street isn't too loud."
Alice closed the magazine and locked eyes with Bella.
"I'm glad you're so close, because I'm not letting you go again."
Bella gave her a sad smile and patted her hand.
"Hear, hear!" Esme cheered as she raised her glass. "To making the puzzle whole once again." Bella rolled her eyes, but joined the ladies in making a toast.
The attendants came back in the room and passed out snacks to accompany their topped-off glasses. Bella still had some residual nerves dancing around her tummy, but it was going so much better than she expected.
"So, Bella, do you still work at the insurance company?"
"Whoa, it's been quite a while since I've thought of them," Bella grimaced and shook her head. "No, I'm actually working in Digital Marketing for a department store."
"And how… How's that going?"
Bella knew what she was dancing around.
"I, uh… I had a really, really rough time at the insurance company. After everything went to hell, I quickly figured out I wasn't meant for that kind of work environment. I saw a doctor, then a therapist for a bit, moved in with a friend for a few months, saved some money and found my current job. Well, it was an entry level version of my current job, but luckily they seem to like me… I've been on the same team ever since."
Bella didn't like thinking of the beginning of the end, but she knew she had to discuss it with Alice and Esme at some point. They might as well get it out of the way and make a fresh start.
"I didn't need meds or anything, but… I did need to learn how to cope. Which I did, thankfully. But the key was really getting out of what was an unhealthy environment for me. Thinking about not being able to keep it together there used to kill me, but after a while I realized there were – ah, well, are – much more important things in my life to give all my energy to besides work."
Alice leaned forward (which looked like a herculean task given the space Ella was occupying) and squeezed Bella's thigh.
"I'm sorry, guys," Bella added quietly. "I… I spiraled a bit and lost the bigger picture. I hurt everyone."
"But you're in a good place now, right?" Esme asked.
"I have amends to make," Bella said solemnly. "I need… I need to talk to Edward."
It was the first time she'd let herself say his name since the split, and her heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest. All at once, she felt so much. Edward was "Steve" when discussed with her therapist. Edwards at work became "Ed," because she never knew her Edward as Ed and it made it easier to separate her business brain from her heart.
"He's at Emmet's," Alice told her.
"Do you think – do you think he would see me?" Bella asked. She promptly bit her lip to keep it from quivering. "Just so I can apologize, that's it."
Though they had just been reunited after years apart, Alice and Esme both saw Bella's heart.
They'd seen the hurt reflected in Edward's eyes the past five years, and they recognized the same emotion in Bella's at that very moment. They also suspected that the love between them hadn't been extinguished. True love – soul-consuming love like Bella and Edward had – never truly goes away.
"What's meant to be will always find a way," said Esme.
- | SBY&M | -
"Did you have a good day, baby?" Jasper asked as he helped Alice out of Esme's car, which she'd borrowed.
"Oh, Jasper. If only you knew," she said with an expectant look.
"Bella is back."
"Whoa." Jasper's eyebrows raised and his mouth went slack. To most, he probably looked stoic as ever. But his expression spoke volumes to Alice.
"I know," she continued.
"Mom didn't tell me that she had invited her because she wasn't sure if she would come. But she came, Jazz, she came. And I know it's been five years, but my heart felt like no time had passed."
She took a deep breath and exhaled. "I have to tell Edward."
"Does Bella want you to tell Edward?" Jasper asked.
"She wants to reach out to him," Alice said, rubbing her belly, playfully tapping Ella's hands that were pushing against her with all their baby-might. Pregnancy had been no walk in the park for her; she had severe morning sickness, high blood pressure and was considered high risk, but you'd never know it. She and Jasper had dreamed for a child for so long. Their miracle had finally arrived.
"How do you think he's going to take it?" He asked as he helped Alice up Emmet and Rosalie's front steps. He was always protective of Alice, but it was kicked into overdrive when they'd learned she was pregnant.
"He never got over Bella. She hurt him, but she also hurt herself, too. The hurt just radiates from her, Jazz. I don't know what will happen, but I do know that neither of them has been whole since. I want them to heal, I want them to be whole."
"You know it might not play out that way you've always wanted it to in your head, sweetie."
Alice smiled.
"Honey, I've grown. I know that life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. We've seen enough heartache the last five years to rid me of my young-girl-naiveté," she said as she patted her stomach. "I'm not marrying them off to each other in my mind, trust me. I just think it's time we all put this sad chapter behind us. And for some of us to truly start living the lives we're meant to live. Whatever that looks like."
Jasper leaned against the porch rail and let out a slow exhale. The Cullen family bloodline may have dictated that Emmet and Edward were full-blood brothers, but Jasper was also their brother in every way that was real. He'd been there for ten years, enough to see the Cullen highs and lows. Alice was right – no question about it – Edward gave up when Bella left. He didn't talk about it, save for a few drunken nights in which he spoke of her to Emmet and Jasper, but never her name. It was like it hurt him too much, and the sear would burn deeper if he uttered those five letters.
Jasper recognized how exceedingly lucky he was to have Alice. Their fairy tale had a few bumps along the way, but they were where they were meant to be. He thought about Edward, blissfully unaware 30 feet away, on Emmet's couch. He'd told the guys that afternoon that he saw a coworker a few times over the last few months, but he had broken it off. He clearly wasn't into it. Jasper had to give him credit – he was a lot better than he had been, for sure. He was even laughing again. The laughter almost even reached his eyes. He was no longer a shell, but he wasn't the same vivacious Edward Jasper knew before.
Jasper had a lot of reservations. He didn't know how Edward would take the news. Who knows if he'd flee to their house in Madison Park or if he'd be ready to face it head on. It was a lot to spring on a person.
Alice shivered, reminding him that she shouldn't be outside in the freezing cold in her condition. "In you go," he said as he guided her with his hand on the small of her back. "How are you going to tell him?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," she said over her shoulder as she made her way through the front door.
- | SBY&M | -
"I don't practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball," Emmet crooned into the plastic mic.
"Nor can you carry a tune," Rosalie quipped to herself as she poured a glass of sauvignon blanc in the kitchen. Rock Band always required massive amounts of wine, so she'd broken out her Scandal glasses from Crate & Barrel. She wasn't Olivia Pope, but she did consider herself a 'fixer' – just in a different way.
She was the head publicist for a growing fashion brand in Seattle. They sourced a lot of their designs from freelance artists and vendors, and over the past year there had been quite a few snafus with the Buyers selecting merch that was offensive to consumers. While Rosalie wondered who raised them and why they were clearly such ignorant human beings, the bonus she'd received for turning the Buyers' latest mistake into a blip on the radar versus a national scandal had allowed her to put a decent-sized down-payment on a brand new Audi. Keep making mistakes, she thought as she swirled the wine around in the glass. I'd love to make a few extra mortgage payments this year.
"Momma is HUNGRY!" Alice yelled as she made her entrance. To be fair, Rock Band was hooked to Emmet's Bose receiver, which was approaching max volume. But, also, making a loud entrance was just Alice's way.
"Didn't Esme feed you?" Rose asked as she took a liberal gulp.
"It's time for second dinner," Alice said before sticking her tongue out at Rose.
"Fair enough. The chicken is underway, and – "
"We've got PIE-CAKE-N!" Emmet roared, taking a break from the verse of the song, before jumping right back in.
"Talk to me about that," Alice said as she sidled up to the island.
"Cherry pie, chocolate cake, vanilla icing," Emmet called in enthusiastically from the front room.
Rose rolled her eyes and cut Alice a slice. They might be loons, but she loved her family.
"Did you have fun getting poked, prodded, buffed and shined up?" She asked as Alice took a gigantic bite of the dessert and hummed her approval. Rose wasn't much for spa days and was happy that she wasn't dragged along to this one. Strangers touching her wasn't high on her list of fun ways to spend her time.
"Oh, it was something else," Alice said, eyes locked on the dessert, which was rapidly disappearing from her plate.
"But at least Aunt Cecilia won't talk about how crappy my nail beds are to Aunt Margaret like she did at my bridal shower. Those old coots need a new hobby!"
Edward made his way into the kitchen, empty beer bottle in hand. His eyes were relaxed and sleepy looking as he kissed Alice on the head.
"You'll be an old coot one day," he told her as he grabbed a new beer out of the fridge.
"You're halfway there already," Rosalie chimed in.
"Ella isn't going to like any of you," Alice promised as she wiped her mouth and patted her stomach. She was satisfied. For the time being, anyway.
"Uncle Edward will be her favorite," he said with a smile.
"Speaking of that, can I – um, can you come here for a sec?" She asked, motioning to the pointless "bonus" room off of Rose and Emmet's kitchen.
He followed her, a quizzical look on his face.
The expression grew to concern when Alice took his hand.
"I'm not sure how to tell you this, so I'm just going to come out with it. There's been so much time wasted already that…" She sighed. "Bella is back. At mom's house. Mom surprised me with her today."
Edward Cullen looked like he'd seen a ghost.
A million thoughts flew through his mind, all of them crashing against each other at once. Fear, concern, anger, hope – you name it, he was feeling it.
"Mom invited her to the baby shower and thought it'd be less weird if she saw me ahead of time."
Edward cleared his throat and dropped his hand. He was silent a good two minutes before he could speak.
"Wow. How… um, what was she like?"
"Contrite."
Alice gave him a minute to process through the emotions he had to be swimming in.
"How are you? Are you OK? Breathing? With me?" She prompted him.
"You know, I'm…" He exhaled. "I'm okay."
"It's been a long time," she agreed as she led him to the comfy chair in the corner and encouraged him to sit down. "It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and that you don't have a right to be angry, but… It's been longer than it feels in our hearts."
"I know she broke you, Edward. I'm so sorry to be the one to spring this on you. But she wants to see you, and I wanted you to have the full pack of information before you even entertained making a decision."
Edward had given running into Bella a lot of thought over the years. Honestly, it had given him some anxiety.
When he looked back at how they ended, he couldn't quite connect the dots. It's as if, in the blink of an eye, everything went from great to crap. Bella was going through a hard time with work back then, and the stress of moving in to their first apartment added to her uneasiness. They started arguing one day, and on each subsequent day it seemed to get worse.
Bella became withdrawn. When they weren't fighting, she was crying; If she wasn't crying, she was sleeping. Then one day, something snapped. Their sick cycle had taken a toll on both of them, and neither had the energy to fight anymore. She told him to get out, and he did.
And that was pretty much it. He boxed up and moved his stuff out one day when Bella wasn't there. He hadn't seen or even talked to her since. But she never really left his mind.
"Does she seem …" Edward didn't know how to put it. Normal? No. When it all went down, he refused to talk to his family about their breakup. At that point, they'd been dating several years and she was closer to his family than she was her own. He'd never asked if they'd heard from her at any point over the years, but he wouldn't begrudge either side if they had kept in contact. Bella was a good person. What they had gone through hadn't changed that.
"She seemed fine, but sad, sorry and nervous. Honestly, she kind of reminded me of you."
"Of me?"
"Of the hulled shell that's replaced you the past few years."
Edward took a deep breath and leaned his forehead against the wall.
"Thanks for letting me know, Alice."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know, I'm going to think about it."
"Do you think I should tell Emmet and Rosalie?" She asked, trepidation in her voice.
Thoughts raced through both their minds.
"You know Rosalie's going to be the one to worry about," Edward finally croaked. Both Alice and Edward couldn't help but giggle. Emmet may be 6'6" and 280 pounds, but Rosalie – tiny, beautiful Rosalie – was the real killer.
"I'll tell her tonight," Alice promised. "I don't want an unpleasant surprise at the shower. The last thing I need to do is go into early labor from the stress."
Edward looked concerned.
"Kidding," she clarified with wide eyes. "I've got faith that this is all going to play out as it should."
Edward hugged Alice and quickly said his goodbyes before realizing… He didn't really have anywhere to go. He was temporarily living with Alice and Jasper in Seattle, and he wasn't going to drive all the way back after having a beer. His original plan had been to stay at Rosalie and Emmet's, but his feet had moved faster than his brain when he up and left.
He picked up his phone to call the Sleepy Inn, Forks' one and only lodging option, when an idea struck him. Keeping with the "not thinking" theme, he typed out a message and hit send before he could chicken out.
Hi. Not sure if this is still your number. I heard you were also back in town and wanted to talk. Want to meet up tonight?
Smooth, he mentally chastised himself as he started the car and made his way to the highway. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he knew sitting still would do him no favors.
Several miles away, Bella Swan was also unable to keep still.
She'd gone up to the guest bedroom to change for dinner, which Esme refused to allow her to help with. Bella knew Carlisle would be home without the hour, and her palms were a little sweaty over how he would react to seeing her. One worry at a time, she reminded herself.
She heard her phone buzz, but couldn't quite find it in the anarchy that was the debris from her overturned suitcase. For the win. She decided it could wait.
Today had gone far better than she had planned or ever expected, but she knew several trials were still ahead.
Bella was a big planner, which you might not guess as she was shoulder deep in that damn suitcase, clothes strewn across the room. Meeting at work? Three pages of notes ready a day in advance for prep. Vacation for following year? Booked, paid for and confirmed multiple times. (Travel binder ready to go in international suitcase, too.) Some might consider her level of preparation to be an illness. But it was how Bella knew to get by. So not knowing how the rest of Alice's family would react to her presence was really throwing her for a loop.
She had finally found the flowy maroon silk tank top she was looking for, which she layered with a cardigan and long gold necklace.
As she folded up the remaining clothes, her phone fell to the floor. She had fully expected to see a notification about all her missed messages from her work email app. When her brain caught up with her eyes, she toppled to the floor.
Fuzzy images danced behind her eyes as she began to come to.
"Carlisle, what in the world could've caused that?"
"It happened again," Bella said slowly, opening her eyes and finding Carlisle hovering over her. "Oh!" she exclaimed and hugged him tightly.
Not that she'd ever tell anyone else, but she may have missed Carlisle most of all. While she'd always had trouble connecting to Charlie, Carlisle had won her over instantly. His humor, good-hearted nature and trustworthiness could warm anyone, but to a scared girl who had just moved several states to live with a father she didn't know, they had made an indelible impression on her. She hugged him, embarrassed to be sobbing quietly into his collar.
"I missed you too, kiddo," he whispered as he smoothed her hair. "I love you."
Esme had backed up to give them space. Carlisle and Bella always had a special relationship. They truly could not have loved Bella more if Esme had given birth to her.
"I need to pull back for a second to make sure you're OK, alright?" he asked, taking his trusty pen light and shining it in her eyes.
"There's nothing physically wrong with me," Bella admitted as she pushed off the floor to stand up. "I'm just a mess."
"I can't imagine that's true," Esme quietly reassured as she and Carlisle gave her a joint hug.
Bella reveled in the feeling of being surrounded by pure love. It had been a long while since she had felt it, and she was drinking it up.
"Edward texted me," she quietly admitted, still ensconced in their arms.
"How does he know – "Carlisle asked protectively before Esme shushed him.
"Bella wants to make amends," she explained.
Their eyes connected over the top of Bella's head, and they both broke out in wide smiles.
They were getting their family back.
- | SBY&M | -
With plans for dinner with Esme and Carlisle immediately rescheduled at their insistence, Bella quickly went through her therapist-prescribed meditations. "You are enough. You've grown. You cannot change the past, but you can choose your future," she quietly chanted to herself.
Esme had offered to do her makeup, which Bella politely declined. She didn't need Edward to think she looked nice; She needed him to know that she was sorry. As she quickly glanced in the rear-view mirror before finally giving up and going inside, she wondered if maybe she should have taken her up on it.
"I exist as I am, and that is enough," she quoted to herself as she finally climbed out. Whitman was right.
Waiting inside the large new library, Edward found himself equally as nervous. He didn't know why – it's not like this was a stranger, this was his Bella. Maybe just Bella, he mentally corrected himself. She hadn't been "his" for half a decade. He'd struggled with where they should meet. Options were obviously limited – it was Forks, after all – and he didn't want to go somewhere with personal history. The old library burnt down and had been replaced with this super-sized library and meeting center a few years back, and it seemed like a safe option.
He stood beside the coffee kiosk in the main entryway and waited with baited breath. When he saw her, every cell in his body awoke and screamed her name.
She's changed, he thought. Her hair, which she never could stand to grow longer than her shoulders, now went halfway down her back in soft waves. She looked softer than she had before – maybe the combination of growing up and gaining a few pounds. It suited her far better than skin and bones had. Her face was beautiful as ever. She smiled at him, but it did little to cover up the nerves that reflected in her eyes. He tried to infuse extra warmth into his smile to let her know they were good.
As Bella made her way to him, her heart leapt as she noticed how he had matured over the years. His face was more defined and his biceps looked bigger – his baseball tee's sleeves strained a bit at their bulk. She didn't know where to start, so she said hi and put her hand out to shake his. Edward laughed and returned the motion.
"Long time no see," he said lamely as he continued shaking her hand.
He had hoped that, after five years, his body wouldn't react to her presence.
They say it takes the human body seven years to replace all its cells, though, and his clearly remembered every moment they had ever spent with hers.
Ending the shake, Bella motioned to the kiosk and without thought ordered the drink Edward always ordered.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said once she paid. "How rude of me to not even ask what you wanted. I think I'm just nervous. Do you still drink -?"
"I can't believe you remembered," he said with a chuckle. "Yes, thank you. It's still my drink. But please let me pay you –"
"No way. It's the least I can do," she whispered as she evaded his eyes, suddenly taking a keen interest in her nails.
"We disagree there," he responded as he gently brushed past her to grab their drinks.
Neither of them was sure where they were going – literally or figuratively. The library had come a long way from the two room shack that stood when they were kids. They made their way up the main escalator and sipped their drinks. Edward spotted a pair of comfy chairs facing each other near a secluded fireplace in the corner and pointed them toward it.
"How's life?" he asked.
It seemed like a loaded question to Bella, but maybe it was just her guilt breaking through.
"I can't really complain," she said as she smoothed her tank top's hem. "I have a job I like, I bought a condo, and I have a really old and spoiled cat named Morrison."
"It sounds like you've got it all."
"Not quite."
She finally got the courage to look into his eyes.
"Edward, I just need you to know how sorry I am," she said lowly. "I –" she cleared her throat and paused for a minute to collect herself. "I hurt you. I hurt us. I hurt your family. They're all things I can never take back, so I just wanted to let you know that I regret everything that happened. To my core."
Edward took in the strong and confident woman in front of him. He felt many competing emotions, but one rang out clearer than the others: Pride.
"I don't even know how it went so wrong," she continued, eyes still locked with his. "But I recognized then – and now – that it was my fault. I don't think my brain was wired right and the transition from college to suddenly living an adult life with a full-time job, massive student loans, new bills and an apartment was just … not an easy one, to say the least."
She took a deep, calming breath.
"But I got help. I quit my job, saw a therapist and learned how to cope with everything going on inside my head back then. I just wish I had figured it out sooner, so I didn't hurt you in the process."
"Esme invited me to the baby shower and I really wrestled over whether or not I should even come. I dropped your family cold because I didn't want to make it harder on you than it already was. But," she gulped. "I couldn't stay away any longer."
"I appreciate the consideration," Edward said quietly as he took her hand. "But they're your family, too."
The tears she'd been holding in started to seep.
"I could never have made them choose," she said as she covered her face. "You're their son."
"And to us, you're their daughter. Family is unconditional, Bella. They love you even when things go wrong," he reassured her.
Any anger he'd held on to over the years dissipated as he watched her pull herself together in front of him.
"We were kids. We knew so little, but we suddenly had this whole new world thrust upon us. Of course there would be stumbles along the way. When I look back, you know who I blame?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"I blame myself. I should have fought for you, Bella."
She was dumbfounded. She expected him to say… Well, she didn't know, but definitely not that. "But I – "
"You were going through growing pains. In retrospect, I did nothing to help you weather them. I should've been a better partner. I knew your job was taking a toll, but I don't think I pieced together how bad it was until it was too late," he finished.
"It was situational anxiety. That I reacted to… poorly."
"I recognized it in others during my residency," he said as he nodded his head. "The pieces came together, just a little too late. But how were you to know, Bella? You're just out of school, you're in several stressful new situations… it's not easy."
Bella was captivated by the man Edward had become. Smart. Strong. Compassionate. She saw Carlisle in him, and she saw the man she always knew he would be someday.
"Nevertheless, you deserved better."
Edward was stunned. "So did you."
They looked at each other with appreciation. A conversation they'd both dreaded for the past five years was over, and it was more healing than either would have ever guessed it would be.
They talked and talked for hours, time slipping by like sand through their fingers. Their hearts were content and whether they knew it or not, they were building ground for big things to come. Life-changing things to come. Just as it was always meant to be.
Because, as Alice and Esme had both known, true love – soul-consuming love like Bella and Edward had – never truly goes away.