Bed of Nails
Author: nightshade
Disclaimer: Thank goodness they don't belong to me, I'd really screw up the whole thing with my limited knowledge of science and the sort.
Note: C/G - you would never catch me writing for S/G (yuck), besides opposites attract, whereas S/G are so similar it's strange and they would never make it, and you know it!
***** This is set years and years way into the future where things have fallen apart. *****
~
I know you'll come back someday
On a bed of nails, I'll wait....
- Our Lady Peace -
"Somewhere Out There"
~
It was like finding a package at the front door. One waits and hopes for it to come every minute, and for what seems like an eternity, but when it has arrived, one is still filled with a surprise that is sometimes blended with a dash of anxiety.
That was precisely how she felt when she saw him standing at the stone steps leading up her porch after shift had ended that rainy morning. It was rare that he would show up so unexpectedly. Not that it had never happened before, but it was rare, and for a moment she was shocked beyond words. It appeared he was just as stunned at being discovered.
"Hey." He greeted her laconically.
"Hey." She said back. "Do you always stand at the door of your own house and wait for someone to let you in?"
"I - uh, yeah - I forgot my key."
"Liar." She was still able to see through the facade he wore.
"Right." He answered softly as she brushed past him, entering the house. "So, can I come in?"
"This is your house."
He nodded and stepped in. Everything we still the same way he remembered it since the last time he had been home. Home; that word, he still used to associate to this place, a place he hadn't lived in for the past two years. He only stopped by once every few months or so to surprise her this way, and even then, it was still infrequent and unmethodical.
"So, what brings you here?" She asked
He took off his jacket and helped her out of hers even though she doesn't need the assistance. "I thought I'd stop by and talk."
"There's something called a telephone." She informed him. "You didn't have to drive six hours."
"I wanted to see you."
"Why?" She demanded.
"You're my wife."
She laughed bitterly under her breath, shaking her head. Her dripping, blond tendrils dangled in her eyes. "I'm glad YOU know that." He didn't know how to answer her, so she continued, "What'd you want to see me so suddenly for? Twice in two months - that must be a record for you."
"Catherine...."
"What do you want?"
"Nothing, Cath. I just - I miss you."
Again, she shook her head. "Don't say things you don't mean."
"But I do."
"Forget it." She walked to the kitchen, and he tailed her.
"I still love you, you know."
"Don't tell me that." She turned away from him and stared out the window, watching the rain splash against the glass and into her heart like the tears she refused to cry. She didn't want him to see how those words still affected her. She wouldn't allow herself to fall apart like that.
"Tell you what?"
"Those meaningless words. You never used to say them when you were - " she choked on the sobs she was holding back. She started over, "You never used to say them when you were still here, why say them now when they especially don't mean anything?"
His voice was gone from him. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came. He had no voice, no words, no defense. He wanted to change the subject so desperately, "How's Lindsey?"
"She's fine."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. She's seventeen, going on thirty-six."
"Where is she? I'd like to see her."
"She's not here. She goes early to school every morning to read in the library."
"It's only seven thirty."
"I told you. She goes early."
"Oh." He looked away. "Right."
The previous times he came, he always had a reason, Lindsey's birthday, picking up something he had left, that sort of thing. Those other times were always less tense, less strained. He even remembered one time how they ended up making love on the kitchen floor; the same kitchen floor he was standing on now. That, however, did not reconcile their broken relationship. They now called it "having sex" though they both knew it had been more than just a physical thing. Even then, both weren't sure whether the other just want their body or them. It still remained an unanswered question.
This time, he just got in the car and drove, not sure where he was going until he got there. Now, he stood there, not knowing what to say or why he was actually there.
"I'm sorry." He said finally. "I never meant to hurt you."
She turned and slapped him across the face, not hard, but hard enough.
"I'm sorry." He said again.
"Don't ever say those words to me. I hate those words."
"I'll chop off my tongue when I get home. But I AM sorry." Suddenly, his arms encircled her waist and he drew her close to him though she fought it for a moment. "And I DO miss you. And I still love you." He whispered. Her tears finally escaped and slid down her cheeks as he kissed her. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I'm sorry I alienated you. And I'm sorry I hurt you. And I'm sorry I left when I did. And I'm sorry I - " He was crying now, his own tears falling in her hair. " - I'm sorry I lost our daughter. I'm sorry, Catherine."
She held on to him tightly, though the words she hurled at him were harsh. "God, I hate you, Gil. I hate you so much. I hate what you've done to me." She buried her face into him. "I never blamed you, Gil. I never blamed you for what happened. And I was never angry at you about that. I was angry at you because you pulled away from me. I was mad at you, but I never stopped loving you."
"Catherine, will you ever forgive me?" He choked out.
"There's nothing to forgive," she replied, "because it wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it was. I was upset. I thought - I thought you were sleeping with - I thought you were sleeping with Warrick. She was in the car. I shouldn't have been driving and I was. She was in the car and - It was my fault. I did it."
"Gil, shut up."
"I didn't mean for everything to turn out like this."
"Why did you leave me?"
"Because, Cath, she looked just like you. Even at age four, she looked exactly like you. And every time I saw you, it just reminded me of how I lost her."
"But you ran away - "
"I know."
"You ran away. We could've helped each other move through it, but you ran away."
"Catherine, I have to ask. Do you still - "
"I could never stop loving you, Gil. You know that."
They later woke up next to each other in their bed in their bedroom. He hesitantly put an arm around her, and mentally sighed in relief to find her cowering into him embrace.
"Catherine?"
"Yeah?"
He listened to the rain still pounding against the upstairs window as if waiting for an answer.
"Catherine, do you still see her?" He whispered.
"All the time."
"I close my eyes. But then my mind's eye won't let me."
"I know." She paused, then, "Gil? Are you coming back?"
"Yeah," He answered, "and I wish I never left."
~
The End
Author: nightshade
Disclaimer: Thank goodness they don't belong to me, I'd really screw up the whole thing with my limited knowledge of science and the sort.
Note: C/G - you would never catch me writing for S/G (yuck), besides opposites attract, whereas S/G are so similar it's strange and they would never make it, and you know it!
***** This is set years and years way into the future where things have fallen apart. *****
~
I know you'll come back someday
On a bed of nails, I'll wait....
- Our Lady Peace -
"Somewhere Out There"
~
It was like finding a package at the front door. One waits and hopes for it to come every minute, and for what seems like an eternity, but when it has arrived, one is still filled with a surprise that is sometimes blended with a dash of anxiety.
That was precisely how she felt when she saw him standing at the stone steps leading up her porch after shift had ended that rainy morning. It was rare that he would show up so unexpectedly. Not that it had never happened before, but it was rare, and for a moment she was shocked beyond words. It appeared he was just as stunned at being discovered.
"Hey." He greeted her laconically.
"Hey." She said back. "Do you always stand at the door of your own house and wait for someone to let you in?"
"I - uh, yeah - I forgot my key."
"Liar." She was still able to see through the facade he wore.
"Right." He answered softly as she brushed past him, entering the house. "So, can I come in?"
"This is your house."
He nodded and stepped in. Everything we still the same way he remembered it since the last time he had been home. Home; that word, he still used to associate to this place, a place he hadn't lived in for the past two years. He only stopped by once every few months or so to surprise her this way, and even then, it was still infrequent and unmethodical.
"So, what brings you here?" She asked
He took off his jacket and helped her out of hers even though she doesn't need the assistance. "I thought I'd stop by and talk."
"There's something called a telephone." She informed him. "You didn't have to drive six hours."
"I wanted to see you."
"Why?" She demanded.
"You're my wife."
She laughed bitterly under her breath, shaking her head. Her dripping, blond tendrils dangled in her eyes. "I'm glad YOU know that." He didn't know how to answer her, so she continued, "What'd you want to see me so suddenly for? Twice in two months - that must be a record for you."
"Catherine...."
"What do you want?"
"Nothing, Cath. I just - I miss you."
Again, she shook her head. "Don't say things you don't mean."
"But I do."
"Forget it." She walked to the kitchen, and he tailed her.
"I still love you, you know."
"Don't tell me that." She turned away from him and stared out the window, watching the rain splash against the glass and into her heart like the tears she refused to cry. She didn't want him to see how those words still affected her. She wouldn't allow herself to fall apart like that.
"Tell you what?"
"Those meaningless words. You never used to say them when you were - " she choked on the sobs she was holding back. She started over, "You never used to say them when you were still here, why say them now when they especially don't mean anything?"
His voice was gone from him. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came. He had no voice, no words, no defense. He wanted to change the subject so desperately, "How's Lindsey?"
"She's fine."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. She's seventeen, going on thirty-six."
"Where is she? I'd like to see her."
"She's not here. She goes early to school every morning to read in the library."
"It's only seven thirty."
"I told you. She goes early."
"Oh." He looked away. "Right."
The previous times he came, he always had a reason, Lindsey's birthday, picking up something he had left, that sort of thing. Those other times were always less tense, less strained. He even remembered one time how they ended up making love on the kitchen floor; the same kitchen floor he was standing on now. That, however, did not reconcile their broken relationship. They now called it "having sex" though they both knew it had been more than just a physical thing. Even then, both weren't sure whether the other just want their body or them. It still remained an unanswered question.
This time, he just got in the car and drove, not sure where he was going until he got there. Now, he stood there, not knowing what to say or why he was actually there.
"I'm sorry." He said finally. "I never meant to hurt you."
She turned and slapped him across the face, not hard, but hard enough.
"I'm sorry." He said again.
"Don't ever say those words to me. I hate those words."
"I'll chop off my tongue when I get home. But I AM sorry." Suddenly, his arms encircled her waist and he drew her close to him though she fought it for a moment. "And I DO miss you. And I still love you." He whispered. Her tears finally escaped and slid down her cheeks as he kissed her. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I'm sorry I alienated you. And I'm sorry I hurt you. And I'm sorry I left when I did. And I'm sorry I - " He was crying now, his own tears falling in her hair. " - I'm sorry I lost our daughter. I'm sorry, Catherine."
She held on to him tightly, though the words she hurled at him were harsh. "God, I hate you, Gil. I hate you so much. I hate what you've done to me." She buried her face into him. "I never blamed you, Gil. I never blamed you for what happened. And I was never angry at you about that. I was angry at you because you pulled away from me. I was mad at you, but I never stopped loving you."
"Catherine, will you ever forgive me?" He choked out.
"There's nothing to forgive," she replied, "because it wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it was. I was upset. I thought - I thought you were sleeping with - I thought you were sleeping with Warrick. She was in the car. I shouldn't have been driving and I was. She was in the car and - It was my fault. I did it."
"Gil, shut up."
"I didn't mean for everything to turn out like this."
"Why did you leave me?"
"Because, Cath, she looked just like you. Even at age four, she looked exactly like you. And every time I saw you, it just reminded me of how I lost her."
"But you ran away - "
"I know."
"You ran away. We could've helped each other move through it, but you ran away."
"Catherine, I have to ask. Do you still - "
"I could never stop loving you, Gil. You know that."
They later woke up next to each other in their bed in their bedroom. He hesitantly put an arm around her, and mentally sighed in relief to find her cowering into him embrace.
"Catherine?"
"Yeah?"
He listened to the rain still pounding against the upstairs window as if waiting for an answer.
"Catherine, do you still see her?" He whispered.
"All the time."
"I close my eyes. But then my mind's eye won't let me."
"I know." She paused, then, "Gil? Are you coming back?"
"Yeah," He answered, "and I wish I never left."
~
The End