5/23/16
Chapter 1: A Day for Change
Armin took a sip out of his Pina colada and smacked his lips. "Ah, another great day for Titan killing." He shoved the lever forward and his Hot Wheels™ monster truck began its slow forward motion. Titans were laying out in the crop field in front of his monster truck, tied like 1920s maidens with bandanas on their mouths about to get run over by a train. They squirmed in protest. Armin put his sunglasses on, his feet up on the dashboard, held his Pina colada, and turned on the mini TV on the dashboard. "Welcome back everyone, now, today, we have a special guest on our show." "Aww yea, It's Dr. Phil!" Armin leaned forward, causing the tractor lever to move farther up. "Now, everyone, ladies especially, this is someone you've all heard stories about, and here he is, the legend in the flesh. It's Captain Levi Ackerman everybody!" Everyone cheered and applauded as Levi begrudgingly sat in a chair next to Dr. Phil. Armin excitedly screamed like a schoolgirl, "Oh wow, Captain Levi's the special guest?! He told us he was out on a special mission! I'm so jealous!" The monster truck started mowing down Titans and spewing blood all over the windshield. "So, Captain Levi, how are you doing today?" Dr. Phil asked. Levi said nothing with his default rat face and stared at "Dr. Phil" who was actually a colossal titan in a suit with the mustache and everything. "Now, Levi, we heard from an anonymous guest, that you've been acting a little...racist against titans." Dr. Phil crossed his legs. Levi said nothing and maintained his rat face. "This anonymous guest has chosen to appear on the show." Dr. Phil motioned for Eren to walk on the stage. "We ask that you act like a mature adul-" "YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Levi immediately emotioned out his wazoo and took out his Titan Slashers™. The TV static and died. "Aww man, come on! We were just at the best part!" Armin pounded on the mini TV. He was interrupted by a voice. "Armin you chicken shit, you can't plow a field with a monster truck." Annie patronized next to the monster truck. Armin looked at the carnage and laughed. "Haha, guess I misheard plow for monster truck!" Annie angrily crossed her arms and angsted with her horse face. Armin jumped down from his bloody monster truck and stopped next to Annie. "Hey, my chores are done for the day!" He beamed. "Woohoo, nobody cares." Annie rolled her eyes. "Say, the Captain isn't here right now...and he never lets us have any fun...it's time to change it up a bit...Let's get trashed!" Armin wheedled. "Ugh, you just want me to buy you beer you underaged vermin." Annie bashed in Armin's face with her leg. He dropped to the ground, spilling his Pina Colada. Annie noted the bubbles spilling out and her half baked eyes widened. "ARMIN! Were you drinking a Pina colada...WITH ALCOHOL?!" Annie raged in her titan voice. "C'mon Annie, it's not like that!" Armin pleaded like scum, picking himself up from the ground. "Hmph. I should report CAPTAIN LEVI to child services!" Annie horse cocked, taking out her smartphone about to take a photo for evidence. "Aw come on Annie, don't be like this! I just want to have a good time...maybe at a club?!" Armin begged on his knees. "Hmm...I do like it when people beg for mercy...but It's like 2pm. What the hell kind of club is open at 2pm?" Annie annoyedly asked. "Oh, you'd be surprised! Come with me!" Armin grabbed her arm before she could Titan it up and dragged her across Wall Rose.