Heartbreak, over and over
By; Twilight Always
C.D.J.B
_______________
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
Blaise Zambini. He was my closest friend in the world, right now. He was dependable. We stood by the lake, and I was ready to tell him a story, a story I had never told anyone, and a story I knew had never left her lips, I knew, that this was an untold story, but pained my heart and soul. . .
"I remember things, late at night, during quiet times. I remember the smell of her hair, the texture of it. I remembered how she smelt fresh…like the nice smell after a rain fall… I remember her thirst for knowledge, no matter how much it drove me crazy, I loved it anyway. I loved her anyway. This is the story…now listen closely. This, my friend, is the story of how I fell in love, with Hermione Granger. "
And, I continued telling him my story…he didn't say a word, he just listened, this is my story.
When I stand here taking every breath with you, oooh
you're the only one who really knew me at all
It started sixth year…she had changed. I had noticed. This was a hard year for me, and I had so much on my mind, but when I saw that girl sitting out by the lake, crying because of weasel and that Lavender Brown girl, I went over to her. I wanted to tease her. I wanted to make her feel like dirt, like nothing, I wanted to make it worse. I walked over there; I remember it like it was yesterday. . .
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the little mud-"my voice hitched, when she locked her eyes on mine, not bothering to hide her tears. Her eyes, her big, warm, smart brown eyes, they were dull from so much tears, tired from crying. Her makeup staining her cheeks from tears. And I remember thinking…she looks beautiful. Even with a tear streaked face, her hair a mess, she looked beautiful.
That was the moment we became…not friends. But not enemies. That was the night I really heard Hermione Granger. The first time I actually listened to what she was saying. The first time, in a long time, that I cared about anything. We weren't friends, no, not yet. But we weren't enemies.
How can you just walk away from me
when all I can do is watch you leave?
This was our spot, the lake was. We had sat there, many times late at night, bending the curfews rules, talking; laughing…she wasn't afraid to cry in front of me. I loved that fact. But still, she didn't trust me. And I, in turn, didn't trust her. Would we ever really, fully trust each other? I mean, I knew I wouldn't, I didn't think I had the capability to trust. But her, she did, she trusted the other members of the golden trio. She trusted Gryffindor, but she wouldn't trust me. And I didn't blame her, not one bit.
She was so fragile, I knew this. She was fragile on a count of Ron. He had really hurt her. She was fragile on a count of Harry, and how he had split his time in half. Half for Hermione, half with Ron. She was just…fragile. And I, I was just there. I was someone to talk to, someone to listen. Someone she didn't really care what they thought of her.
Weeks went on, and every night we'd meet, and we became friends. She was so innocent and sweet, to me none the less. A slytherin. Someone who had been downright horrible to her. And guess what? She started to trust me…
Cause we share the laughter and the pain, we even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
I told her about my family, but I didn't elaborate too much. There was such a limit on how much I could open up to the girl. I wanted to tell her everything, but I couldn't. I wish I could.
I had done something, something I had never, never, ever thought I would do. I fell in love, with Hermione Granger. And it crushed my soul, because I could never be with her.
So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space
and there's nothing left here to remind me
She was dirt beneath my feet. She was repulsing, with her dirty blood and such, and it made me sick. That was how I used to treat her…like she was nothing. How strange that something that used to mean absolutely nothing to you, something that you hated and wanted gone, would one day be everything you had left.
My mission came, sooner than expected. I was to kill, kill the greatest wizard, other then the dark lord himself, Dumbledore. You see though, Dumbledore knew things, and I had a feeling that he had a hunch about my mission, and he would always look me in the eye, making me narrow my eyes unconsciously in a glare.
Had I really turned into my father that much?
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now, there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face
Yes, I had. I had turned into my father. I was still crude and harsh to everyone. Blood traitors, mud bloods. Well, except for her. I couldn't be harsh and crude to her…so was everything and anything I had left right now. And it was sad knowing that at some point, I'd have to follow and fulfill the destiny laid before me since I was born, to become a death eater. And when that happened…I would lose her as well.
It happened one night, I don't even know how. She came to our spot, where I was already sitting, waiting, for her to get of Slug horns party…she was going with that guy, who's name isn't even worth the mention. He was a slim, almost as slimy as I was at one point. She got there, smiling slightly, but had a majorly annoyed look in her eyes. I could tell. "Something wrong?" I had said, looking slightly amused, I knew. "Ugh," she huffed annoyed, plumping down beside me, "my date was a dud, total self absorbed git, I spent the whole night basically hiding from the slim ball" she said, flatting her pretty dress under her. She shivered from the cold, and I put my jacket around her, receiving a thanks. It was too cold out there, and sometimes I wished we could find a new, warmer spot to talk, but she liked it out here, and you know what, so did I.
Her eyes, they were so bright, brown, and large, so wondering, so questioning. You could get lost in those eyes. I smiled a sneaky smile, this was my last chance. My smile suddenly faded at the thought. This was my last chance. I had to do it, she needed to know. I knew she wouldn't want to be with me, but if I was going to lose her anyway, I might as well go for it…
I kissed her. Soft, sweet, and gentle. She was surprised I could tell, she didn't move, she was in shock I guessed. After a moment, she kissed back, relaxing.
It didn't go farther than that, I had kissed many girls, but none of them, and none of them meant anything, not until I kissed Hermione Granger…
I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry
there's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why
you're the only one who really knew me at all
Me and Granger had to keep it a secret…of course, we did. But my mission approached more and more, and my feelings for her only grew along with it. The end of the year kept going and going, and then it happened.
"Draco? Draco, what's wrong?!" she asked, frantically, as I pushed her into a classroom. "Herm-Granger" I said, my voice slightly frosty. I saw the confusion flash on her face. "Granger?" she said, crossing her arms, stubbornly, "I thought we were past the last name basis" she said dully. I had to do it, it was now, or never, it was the only way to protect her! I loved her; I loved her more than anything. Therefore, I would do this. "I don't want you anymore" I said, emotionless, and it killed me. Her mouth flapped open slightly, open, and close again. "What? Draco, what are you talking about?" she asked, I could sense the worry in her voice, and I wanted to hold her, tell her I was so sorry.
"Did I stutter?" I asked, bluntly rude, "I don't want you anymore. You were nothing but a conquest, just proof that I can reallyget any girl in this school, even a little mudblood like yourself" I sneered. I couldn't look her directly in the eye. This was killing me! But it would kill me more to see something bad happen to her, like something would if the death eaters found out I loved her…I knew she was crying. And I wanted nothing more than to die.
I turned, walking out of the class room, "Draco! Please, wait! What are you talking about, I see the way you look at me, you love me and we both know it! Because, I love you too!" she said…my heart was breaking. She loved me. I turned to face her, looking her directly in the eye. I wasn't going to do anything that could ever get that girl killed. "I don't love you" I said coldly. She strided to me, grabbing my arm, hitting me. I didn't want her following me as I went to fulfill my main mission, I didn't want her to be any part of it, I didn't want her to see that I was someone she convinced herself I wasn't, someone she learned to trust. I didn't want her to see what I was going to do, so I stupefied her. And I walked out of the class room, whispering one thing, I'm not even sure if she heard, "remember me, remember me as who you knew, because you're the only one who ever bothered to…" then I walked out of the classroom…leaving her and my life, behind me.
So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
just a memory of your face
Blaise stared at me…how he could not, I guess. He wasn't looking at me; he was looking down wards, his eyes slightly narrowed and his eyebrows knitted together. And I waited patiently as he processed the story, let it sink in and then look at me. "Granger?" he asked, his voice sounded dry, "you, and Hermione Granger, part of the amazing golden trio, Potters best friend, muggleborn, object of your torture, was in love with you? And you were in love with her?" he asked, his voice a bit confused. I nodded, sadly. "I've never told the story. It's been years, and years, and here I am, back at Hogwarts, with Scorpius, and it's all coming back to me…and it hurts Blaise" I said, picking up a rock and skipping it on the lake. "Draco…why are you telling me this?" he asked, I expected him to judge, to discriminate, but he didn't…and I knew I choose the right person to tell my story too. "You're my closest friend…and I wanted someone to know. Because, if someone knew, I'm not the only one who knows, I'm not the only one who knows about what I and Hermione had. I'm not the only one to know that the cold hearted Malfoy's heart, melted for the muggleborn Gryffindor" I said, my voice was so full of pain, and I didn't bother to try and hide it…not in front of Blaise.
Take a look at me now, there's just an empty space
well to wait for you well that's all I can do
and that's what I got to face
"What do you mean? Of course you're not the only one who'd know, she knows. I'm sure she remembers everyday…after the way that ended" he said, slowly, cautiously, he didn't know what to say, I knew, so he was being careful and watchful. "but that's just the thing Blaise…I did something, something else. I had to do it though, I was scared for her…if I had to lose her as a lover, so be it, but I couldn't ever deal with the fact of her dying…I loved her so much Blaise, so please…don't judge. Just listen…"
FLASHBACK.
She sat at her library table, near the back, she wasn't studying though, but she looked concentrated. She was tapping her pen lightly on the oak wood desk, a nervous concentrated habit of hers…I knew this. Her eyes were closed, was she always this beautiful? Of course, but not being with her, it killed me, and all I wanted to do was go over there, take her in my arms, and whisper little apologies to her. But I couldn't. Dumbledores funeral was tomorrow, and it was hell getting into Hogwarts…but I had to even if it was just for this…I loved her. And it could lead to her death. That wasn't going to happen, I wouldn't let it.
"Hermione" I whispered, in the dead silence of the library. Her eyes immediately shot open, looking around frantically, until she spotted me as I stepped out of the shadows, she stood from the oak desk, her eyes wide in confusion, anger…fear. "Malfoy," she spat, looking at me with rage in her eyes "get out of here! You're not welcomed here, we know what you did, and it was your mission!" I'm sure it was meant to sound a scream, but it came out a choked whisper. "Hermione," my heart felt swollen, "I had to…I'm so sorry" I said…it was pathetic, but what more could I say? I moved forward, and she backed against the wall. "He knew what was going to happen…I didn't want to, I didn't, I couldn't…so I didn't. Someone else, as you know, did it before me, I know, that does not help my actions, I messed up, I'm sorry" I said, before grabbing her gently and pulling her against my chest, she didn't pull away…surprisingly, she grabbed hold of me, and cried into my chest. I must have held her like that, crying for about ten minutes, and it felt like heaven to have her back in my arms…"Hermione," I said, kissing her hair. "yes?" she asked, and looked up into my eyes. "I need to tell you something…" I said, "I didn't mean it when I said that I didn't love you…I just couldn't stand that their was a possibility you could get hurt… or worse, die" I said, playing with a soft curl.
"I know, I know, and I love you Draco, I love you so much" she was crying. "I love you too, Hermione Jane Granger, so much you will never understand. You are my reason for living, as long as your safe, it's all that matters" I looked into her eyes for a moment, they were watery brown, and filled with emotion. I leaned down, giving her a sweet, long, passionate kiss. The best, amazing, kiss I could ever give. I put everything into that kiss…I loved her so much, this was for her. This was all for Hermione. I would make sure she was safe, always. I let go of her, relunctucly, I turned away from her…my heart breaking into little pieces, which would never be repaired. "I love you Hermione, more than anything, and I'll do anything to keep you safe…even if it means losing you…" I said, turning fast I wiped out my wand, casting a spell, stupefying my love. Then as I felt a tear fall down my face…such an odd feeling…I cast a spell, and I took away of memory Hermione Granger had of mine and her relationship. I made her forget that we were friends, I made her forget we were in love…and then, then I ran
End of flashback.
Take a good look at me now
Cause ill just be standing here
Blaise looked, surprised, confused, irritated, and raged. "You erased her memory! Draco, she freaking loved you! You had her!" he yelled at me. "You think I never thought about that? I loved her! I still bloody love her! I wanted to be with her more then anything, but loving someone…with Hermione, I learned that when you love someone, sometimes you have to put them before yourself. And I'd rather lose her…have her forget then have her dead, how could I ever live in a world where there's no sunshine? Do you understand what I mean?" my voice had been raged and irritated at the beginning, and by the end had turned a rough whisper.
He grabbed me, pulling me into a short hug, a sign of real friendship and let me go quickly. "You really , really loved her…didn't you?" he asked, so confused, but he knew I did. He could tell. "With everything I have" I said my voice cracking.
and you coming back to me is against all odds
that's a chance I got to take
we walked and talked back to the castle, me and Blaise, and I told him stories, many stories about Hermione…
"Dad! Dad!" I heard a voice yell, I turned my son came around the corner of one of the castle hallways to meet me. "Hello there Scorpius, I'm leaving soon, so we should really say good-bye soon" I said, he rolled his eyes, "yeah, yeah, I know dad" he said laughing. "I want you two to meet someone, Dad, uncle Blaise, this is my good friend" he said motioning, there was no one there. "Oh, sorry she's a bit shy," Scorpius went around the corner, pulling someone around the corner with him. She looked…so familiar. And I knew who it was. Curly hair, beautiful, cute button nose, I knew right away and it broke my heart, "guys, this is my new, good friend, she's in Gryffindor," he said proudly, "this is Rose Weasley" she looked just like her mother.
Was it possible for a heart to break so many times?
Take a good look at me now
Authors note : Hey guys! I hope you guys liked this, I spent a good deal of time on it. So, im a huge fan of Ron and Hermione, they belong together, and I love 'em, but for some reason, im always drawn to Dramione! = ) So I know, sad ending. I love Dramione, and I love Ron/Hermione. = )
So you can expect hermione/ron stories, and Dramione stories = )
so I hope you liked it, REVIEW PLEASEEEEE= )