A/N: I know I should be working on the next part of "The Broken Promise," but this idea would not leave me alone. I hope you all enjoy this. Please let me know what you think. As always: Thank you for reading!

P.S. Thank you to the-lady-of-mishaven for looking this over. You are the best!

Disclaimer: I don not own OUAT or its characters.

Day two

The icy wind bit into Killian's cheek making his tears dry before they escaped his red rimmed eyes. His fingers gripped the wood of the Jolly until his knuckles went white. He stared out into the bay hoping it would solve all if his problems. It didn't. She was gone - just gone. Vanished is a whirl of smoke and lightning.

I have to do this Killian. I have to save our happy endings.

Happy endings. Bloody hell, didn't she understand that their happy ending included her? That he could never be happy without her in his life. He took a swig from his flask, as he continued to stare out into the bay.

He had lost everything in his long life - his mother, his father, Liam, Milah - and now Emma. He wouldn't survive losing her. He had barely made it through losing the others. Turning away from the bay, he stumbled down the ladder into his cabin. Maps covered his large desk.

I love you, Killian.

No. He shook his head, clenching his teeth. He would not lose her. He needed to find her. Even if it were the last thing he ever did. He would find her and return her home.

Day six

He was being kicked. Which did not make sense seeing as he was in his quarters with Emma. Why would she be kicking him?

Killian wake up. You need to get up.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He realized he was not in his quarters, he was in the library. Belle stood over him with her hands on her hips.

"You stayed all night again didn't you?"

Her words brought everything back. Emma was gone. Even though he vowed to find her, he had no bloody clue where to look. He spent every waking moment in the library looking for clues.

"Aye, lass. Must have fallen asleep. Apologies." He lifted his head and tried to meet her eyes.

"This isn't healthy Killian. I want to find her as much as you, but staying up all day and night until you crash is not the way to do it." Belle's smile was sad, almost pitiful.

Getting up from the table, he began to clean up the stacks of books. He would need them later, but there was no need to have Belle clean the mess.

"Not to be ungrateful, love, but how about I worry about meself." he snapped, his hand clenching at his side.

"Killian…" She placed her hand on his arm in what he assumed was meant to be a comforting gesture. It wasn't.

Stepping at of her grasp, he yanked his arm away and avoided her gaze. Tears began to form in his eyes. Quickly, before Belle would notice, he wiped his eyes.

"I'm fine, lass. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be cleaning up here." His voice cracked as he returned his attention to the books.

Belle backed away with her hands up and shaking her head sadly, but she said nothing in return.

She didn't understand? Her happy ending was sitting in his pawn shop down the street and who did she have to thank for it? Emma. He had lost his happy ending so she could have hers. He wasn't angry - he just… he just had to find her.

I love you, Killian.

She was out there somewhere and he would find her. He made sure to tell Belle he would be back after lunch. She just nodded her head.

She might not approve of what he was doing, but he knew that he would stop at nothing to get Emma back - and wasn't that the whole point?

Day 20

I love you, Killian.

I love you, Killian.

I love you, Killian.

I love you, -

He awoke with a start and looked around his cabin. She wasn't there. Every night he actually went to bed (which was rare these days) he dreamt of her. Of their last moments together. Of her declaration. Of the life they should've had.

Then, he awoke to a harsh reality without her. His cabin was littered with papers and empty rum bottles. It had become his routine. Spend the day researching, then drink until he passed out. It was the only way he could sleep. He repeated the process again, every day.

He dressed in the same clothes as the night - days- before. His shirt was wrinkled. His vest unbuttoned. He didn't even bother with the jacket anymore. Nothing mattered without her.

Looking into the mirror, Kilian barely recognized his reflection. His normally bright blue eyes were a dull grey. He didn't even bother with the kohl anymore. His eyes were always red rimmed anyway. His cheeks were sunken in. His hair had grown longer, parts of it covering the tips of his ears. It hadn't been washed in days causing it to appear greasy and unkept. Bloody Hell.

Killian sighed, his hand running through his hair in frustration. He was expected at the loft in mere minutes, better get a move on. It wouldn't do to keep Henry waiting. After all, Henry missed his mum as much as he did.

Day 36

The punch hit him square in the jaw, but he didn't feel it. All he felt was anger. Anger at her for leaving. Anger at himself for not stopping her. Anger at David and Snow for causing her to have this impossible duty. Anger at the crocodile for taking another from him.

He was able to stop the second punch with his hook, while his hand came up and slammed into the bartender's chin. He was at The Rabbit Hole, trying to enjoy his rum when the bloody bartender refused to serve him. When he told him to "bugger off" and reached behind the bar to get the bottle of rum, the bartender pushed Killian back.

He saw red. Wasting no time, he got up and threw the first punch. It was all downhill from there.

"Killian! Killian stop."

Fuck. Of course they called him. He was the acting sheriff since she was gone. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but it didn't stop him.

Shrugging the hand off, Killian cocked his hand back to deliver another blow to the bartender's stomach. Tears clouded his vision. He couldn't stop.

Arms wrapped around him from behind, stopping his fist from moving forward.

"LET ME GO!" He screamed, kicked, and tried to roll out of the hold. Nothing worked.

"Mate, it is ok. I've got you."

Robin. The sound of Robin's voice seemed to knock him back to reality. His body slumped forward as the fight left him. His body racked with sobs. His fist knocked on the floor in small punches.

David appeared at one side, Robin on the other.

"It's okay Killian. It will be okay." The prince's voice was soothing as if he was speaking to a wounded animal.

It wasn't okay. He wasn't okay. Without her, he was nothing.