A/ T: So here is another story. I have had this one stuck in my head since we first found out about the Afghanistan arc. My head would explode if I didn't write it down.
Special thanks to my girl Callen37 for her help. You are a sweetheart and your strength amazes me!
So, here it is. As always I can't wait to read your comments. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS LA or its characters!
Two months. It's been two months since Kensi got re-assigned and even though he has desperately tried to cover the void her absence has causes, he still feels empty and alone.
He hasn't spoken to her since that phone call on Christmas and lately luck doesn't seem to be working on their favor. During Skype calls, one of them is always missing and Kensi doesn't want to use the Satellite phone for social interactions. Even when it comes to Deeks.
By now he should have gotten used to her absence, but with each day that goes by he feels lonelier and lonelier. He finds it hard to get out of bed every morning knowing that Kensi won't be waiting for him at Ops. He hates leaving every night without saying goodnight to her. And most of all, he hates coming home to an empty house without her by his side.
Having her in his house that one night just felt right. Like that is where she truly belonged. Even though nothing happened between them and they only ended up sleeping in each other arms, he can still smell her. He knows that's impossible since he has washed the sheets on his bed, but somehow she left her mark.
Everyone has offered their support to Deeks and pretend they know what he is going through, but he seriously doubts that. Callen has always been a lone wolf. He prefers solitude and the company of his own thoughts. He's never had anyone in his life long enough to miss, so therefore he hasn't experienced longing.
Sam on the other hand, is surrounded by his family. He knows that every night he is going to be welcomed with a kiss by his wife, and a huge hug from his kids.
Eric and Nell…well they have each other. Working in the same line of duty and being equally "weird" has created a special bond between them.
A special bond! That's the term Nate had used several months ago to Deeks. Back then, he had tried to deny his feelings and hide behind his trauma, but soon he realized he was only lying to himself and postponing the inevitable.
Unfortunately, when he finally found the courage to verbally express his feelings for Kensi – and to his surprise she reciprocated – Hetty and Granger decided to send her on a top secret assignment across the world. Actually, he is still not sure whose idea it was. Hetty remains as mystical as ever and Granger….well he is just plain Granger.
Despite his countless efforts to grand him with any kind of information, they are still keeping him in the dark and it drives him crazy. Or better yet, it drives him mad.
He has to be patient though. He has to prove to Hetty that despite his personal feelings he remains a professional who is always prepared to do his job.
It's almost noon and the whole team is up in OSP wrapping up the last details of another solved case and just before that final goodbyes Deeks phone starts ringing. He doesn't need to take it out of his pocket because the ringtone makes it perfectly clear who is calling. It's a ringtone he hasn't heard in two months. Kensi's ringtone!
His eyed widen and he quickly answers it with a trembling voice. "Ken….Kensi?"
"Hey!" a fade voice is heard from the other side of the line.
"What? Why? Why are you using your phone? Does this mean the mission is over?" he asks excited.
"It will be….soon."
"So you are coming home?"
"Yeah…." She pauses for a moment before responding. "I guess, I am coming home finally."
The lack of excitement in her voice set sets off alarming bells and Deeks immediately understands that something is off. Suddenly, when gunshots are heard and she gasps in terror, his fears are soon confirmed.
"Kensi was that gunshots? What's going on? I know there something wrong. I know that tone in your voice."
Hearing the fear in Deeks voice Eric quickly works his magic and within seconds Kensi is on the speaker and everyone is able to listen to the conversation.
"kensi please, talk to me. What's wrong?" he begs again.
"They are here!" she whispers.
"Who's…who's there?"
"We were ambushed. Granger and I came back to the base from a mission a few minutes ago and…..everyone is dead. Everyone is dead Deeks!"
It kills him hearing the frightened tone of her voice. It so unlike Kensi.
"Where are you now?"
"I am in the trailer. Granger is still out there. I...I don't even know if he is still alive."
"Kensi listen to me. You have to stay hidden. If you want to make it out of there alive, please stay hidden."
He desperately tries to convince her but deep down inside he knows she would never do that.
"You know I can't do that Deeks. I'd rather die fighting than live in shame. I am sorry."
He closes his eyes and tries to hold back his tears. Hetty is already on the phone with Vance, Eric and Nell listen to the conversation in fear and Callen and Sam look prepared for the worst!
"Kensi please, I beg you." Deeks pleads once more as he buries his face in his hand.
Suddenly Kensi gasps in fear. "They are in here," she whispers.
"Kensi you listen to me ok? Stay hidden."
She lets out a sad smile that even he can hear. "I love you."
"Kensi no! Don't you dare say that. You are going to say it once you are back to me safe. Please don't say it now!" he shouts. But it is too late. She has already put down the phone and suddenly several gunshots are heard dancing through the air.
"Kensi!" he shouts so loud that it feels all the air from his lungs has run out.
Everyone listens in utter shock to the whole gun fight, trying to understand what is happening.
Which side is winning?
Is Kensi still alive?
They all look terrified at each other. Then, dead silence fills the air and only the discreet sound of footsteps approaching the phone are heard.
"Kensi?" Deeks whispers praying with all his strength that he will hear her voice.
But instead, a man with deep voice answers. "Kensi? Was that her name? So, where do you want me to send Kensi's head?"
The line is soon dead and everyone in the room is too shocked to utter a single word.
They all look at each other unable to speak or move. It is like suddenly they have all gone numb and they are waiting for their senses to fully return. They find it impossible to process what they have just witnessed.
Deeks steps away from the console but his legs can no longer handle his weight. He falls hard on his knees gasping for breath.
This isn't happening he keeps telling to himself. It's just a dream. A nightmare to be exact. He closes his eyes and tries to wake himself up, but the scary truth creeps onto him when he opens them once again.
This is reality!
His hands are trembling, his heart beat accelerates and he fights for a breath that doesn't seem to come.
This isn't happening. This can't be it. She can't be gone just like that. She doesn't deserve to die like that. No! scratch that. She doesn't deserve to die at all. They were supposed to have their whole lives ahead of them. They were supposed to make it work and get the happily ever after to their love story.
Callen and Sam make a step forward in an attempt to comfort him but he raises his hand in defense to keep them in distance. He doesn't want anyone around him right now and he certainly doesn't want to be touched.
Depression, denial...now it's time for anger.
The urge to hit something, or someone is consuming him rapidly so he decides to channel his wrath towards Hetty!
He picks his gaze from the floor and glares at her. If his eyes could spit fire Hetty would be burning up right now. He slowly gets up and starts walking towards her. Eric pulls Nell behind clearly scared of Deeks reaction right now. His breathing is stabilized but his hands are clenched tight into fists and the deep blue color of his eyes has now turned into black.
He stops just a few inches away clenches his jaw and looks down on her.
"This is all your fault," he accuses her bitterly.
Hetty swallows hard and for the first time ever, she seems speechless. Her eyes are watery and deep down inside she knows there is a dose of truth in those words.
"Mr Deeks I am really sorry," she manages to say.
"Just because you are sorry you think everything is fine now? You think your sorry is going to bring her back? You think I don't know you sent her on a God damn suicide mission?" he yells.
Hetty and the whole team look at him surprised.
Callen and Sam because they were unaware of the little detail, and Eric and Nell because even though they were informed, they had never shared that information with Deeks. Kensi had specifically asked them not to tell him anything. She didn't want him to worry about her.
"What? You thought I wouldn't do some research? You and Granger don't speak as silently as you think Hetty. Yes! I looked into this whole White Ghost thing and yes I found out what happened to the last guy that went after him. You guys want to know?" he turns his attention to Callen and Sam.
"He got decapitated!"
Their eyes widen in complete shock and they both stare at Hetty.
"Is that true?" Callen manages to ask even though he is sure he already knows the answer.
"I am afraid so Mr. Callen."
"And you still authorized her re-assignment?"
"I believed in her. She had intelligence and skill. I was absolutely positive that she was capable of killing him and I trusted her to smoke the potential mole out."
Deeks shakes his head in anger. "This isn't a one man job. You should had included all of us. You had no right to send her away like that. You kept secret vital information. She would never have agreed to go had she known the dangers."
"I am sorry to disappoint you Mr. Deeks but despite you personal relationship with Miss Blye, she still remained a highly trained agent was obliged to do her job."
"Don't talk about her in past tense," Deeks snaps. "Her job is here in LA, with me. But you took her away from me. You snuck her out in the middle of the night and you didn't even have the courtesy to let her say goodbye. You are supposed to care about us, but you sent her there to die alone. How could you?" Deeks tries to control his emotions but it is vain.
Hetty swallows hard. "I never considered a negative outcome. I always believed she would come back and the two of you would value the time spent together. I wanted to make sure you could work apart as efficiently as when you work together."
Deeks can't believe what he is hearing.
"What are you saying? That you did it for us? That you wanted to help us? No offence Hetty, but we were going to work it out by ourselves. We didn't need a coach. We are not your puppets. You can't keep playing with ours lives like that. And since when did we give you any reason to doubt us?"
"All I ever wanted was the best for you," Hetty silently says.
"Well Hetty, you failed to deliver that." Deeks bluntly responds.
"I am going to Afghanistan."
"Mr. Deeks you are not trained..."
"That was not a question Hetty," he cut her off. "This is the least you can do. You want to help? Then help me find her. But if she is..." his voice cracks "...if she is gone, then don't expect me to come back to NCIS. And certainly don't expect me to forgive you."
"Understood," Hetty sadly nods. "But you are not going alone. I am sure Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are more than willing to accompany you."
Callen steps forward and places a hand on Deeks shoulder. "There was no chance we were going to let you go alone."
Deeks smiles in appreciation. Just the fact that they remained silent during the confrontation with Hetty is all the proof he needs that they support him.
Within minutes the three of them are packed and ready to leave. A private jet is already waiting for them at the airport.
Before leaving Deeks takes one last glimpse at the box. The box Kensi gave him for his birthday a year ago but refused to open. No! This isn't the time to do it. He closes his eyes and lets out a breath to calm himself down.
"You are not dead! I know it! Just please, wait for me. I am coming!" he whispers before heading to the exit.