I look around my house. It already feels so big and empty. Doesn't this sound ridiculous – she's not yet gone and I've already started missing her? Everything around me makes me think of her; she's somehow surrounding me. That painting over the chimney, for example. She felt that the colors would look good with the rest of the decoration and suggested changing the one I had. And she was right – it gives the room such a lively touch! She has brought liveliness to this house.
Sigh. As I walk around the room, images come to my troubled mind. How can I have so many memories of one single week? Let's face it – I do know the answer. These last few days have been the happiest I've had in quite a while…
The sound of her key in the front door startled me slightly. After such a long time living on my own, it was weird to have someone else come home to me. She had only been there for two days, so I still wasn't used to her presence.
"Hey!" I smiled as I turned around "How was the interview?"
"Not sure" she shrugged, her bright grin on her face, as always "Let's just keep fingers crossed"
"I'm sure it was fine. By the way, you're just in time for dinner; I was just going to start preparing something"
"Oh, can I help you?" she asked enthusiastically.
"You don't have to…"
"But I want to" she insisted "I'd like to thank you for letting me stay here somehow. Besides, it's high time I learnt to cook something decent"
"Alright" I chuckled "In that case, you can make the sauce"
"Sounds good!"
I was surprised to see what a quick learner she was. Moreover, after such a long time without cooking together with someone, I had forgotten how much more fun and faster it was.
"Ten minutes" I announced, checking my watch.
She looked up from the frying pan in which she was making the sauce, flashing her teeth to me. The little perfectionist in me, however, couldn't help noticing that she wasn't doing it properly.
"Uh-oh" I moved closer to her, grabbing her wrist from behind "There. You have to hold it tighter and stir a bit stronger"
My hand moved slowly to hers, forcing her to tighten her grip on the wooden spoon. With that simple, subtle contact, I felt electricity jolting my body. And the fact that she suddenly got goose bumps made me think that I wasn't the only one. Swallowing hard, I removed my arm from hers.
"Yeah, exactly like that" I said "Now you're doing it right"
"Thanks" she beamed.
I moved aside and watched her. She seemed very concentrated on the sauce. Keeping an eye on time, some minutes later I switched off the stove.
"It's done. You can help me set the table if you like"
"Sure"
While she took the plates and cutlery to the table, my gaze wandered from the food to her. The miniskirt and the high-heeled shoes she had on made her legs look fantastic. As my eyes travelled further up, they rested on her curves, emphasized by her tight shirt. A part of me felt jealous of her perfect body; another one, though, simply couldn't stop staring. I shook my head, snapping back to reality. What were those thoughts supposed to mean? And even more – why were they in my head? I just decided to forget about it and focus on the food.
"It's delicious!" she moaned as she had the first bite.
"Well, part of the credit is yours" I smiled.
"But I wouldn't have made it on my own. You're a great teacher – and a great cook!"
Color took over my cheeks. It had been a long time since I last had heard a compliment.
"Why, thank you"
"If you always cook like this, I'm sure your catering business will be very successful" she toyed a little with her fork.
"You're too optimistic" I laughed softly "I don't even think I'll start it"
"Why not?"
"This is a small city and there are already too many companies. Besides, it's too much work for just one person…"
"My grandmother used to say if you have a gift, you should share it with the rest of the world. And cooking is certainly your thing"
"Thanks a lot, Robin, but I'm not sure it's a good idea…"
"Well, you'll never know if you don't try" she said in a singing tone, taking one more bite "Sometimes it's really worth taking the risk…"
As she spoke, I couldn't help but look at her lips and remember that they had been pressing against mine the evening before. A shiver travelled down my spine, giving me a tingling sensation… the very same feeling I had had when she had kissed me.
Don't think about it, Katherine. It's all in your head. You're not a lesbian. You can't be this needy to fall for the first person who shows the slightest interest… Besides, she was probably just joking…
Well, no, she wasn't just joking. She's just told me that she does have feelings for me. Have you seen her face? She was about to cry. Well done again, Katherine. You've hurt her. What the hell are you doing here right now? You can't let her go like this. Not without at least apologizing.
I start heading upstairs, my heart pounding. What I'm going to tell her, I really don't know. All I know is that I don't want her to go and I regret everything I've said. She's in her room. A lump forms in my throat when I see that she's already started packing.
Hurry up, girl! You can't let this happen.
Walking into the room, fighting the tears, I try to think of what to say. Instead, I just close the door behind me. She looks up and sees me. The most sincere smile I've seen in a very long time spreads across her face. Suddenly, I realize that there's no need for words. I stride to her and sit on her bed. She stops what she's doing. For a moment, silence invades the room, but only on the outside. Our gazes are screaming out loud, and just the two of us can hear them.
"Robin, I… I'm so sorry" I finally begin "I didn't mean to… say those things to you. That wasn't me talking…"
"No, don't apologize" she stops me, putting her hand on top of mine "I understand. You've been through a lot and are still recovering. I don't want to be an obstacle"
The reddish tone of her face says it all – she's been crying. I have to swallow once more, trying to make the lump go away to prevent me from breaking down.
"Robin, please, don't say that! You're not an obstacle…"
"Then why do you want me to leave?" she asks.
Her voice is cracking, I can hear it. I don't know where to look anymore or where to hide from her piercing blue eyes, questioning me. I take a deep breath again, my throat aching harder and harder each time.
"I… I don't. You're not an obstacle, no matter what my therapist says. Since you've come here, you've done nothing but help me. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough. You're the only one who has treated me like a human being since I got out of that hole"
Fail. My cheeks are already wet, and I can't hold the tears back anymore.
"He says I need to be alone to clear my mind… but he's wrong. I've been alone for months, for God's sake. What I really need at the moment is a friend; I need to be taken care of. I need to feel that I have a reason to… exist"
She presses her beautiful lips tight together. Then she slides a little on the bed, closer to me, and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I feel so broken. I can't run away anymore. Therefore I do the only thing that's left for me to do – I rest my head on her shoulder and continue crying. Her hand rubs my back tenderly.
"Sssh, sweetie" she whispers into my ears.
"I'm sorry" I hiccup "I… just… I… No-one has cared about me in a long time. I don't want to drive away the only person I've got left"
She rocks me gently, holding me tighter.
"I'm sure there are still many people who care about you"
I shake my head, my face still buried in her neck. I can sense her shoulder getting wet.
"No. They all leave. They always do"
Silence again. Her hands go up and down my back. I haven't felt so much tenderness in a long time…
"I'm not going anywhere" she finally says.
Have I heard that last thing right? Does she mean it? Hope makes me raise my head, trying to read on her face. Even with that serious, concerned expression, she looks as breathtakingly beautiful as she always does.
"You're going to stay with me?"
She nods as she brushes some hair away from my face. Her touch is delicate, as though she was afraid of breaking me. Yet I don't think I can be more broken than I already am.
"Thank you!" I say weakly.
"There's nothing to thank me for" she whispers.
"I owe you more than you can imagine. Without you, I don't think I'll ever make it"
A sigh escapes her sweet mouth. Shyly, her hands travel to mine and she gives them a gentle squeeze.
"Katherine, I know what you've been through more than you think. I've also been lonely for a very long time – in every sense of the word. And I, too, wished there was someone there to take my hand and help me out of the darkness. I'd love to be that someone for you. Well, can I?"
My eyes start watering again. But this time it's different. I pull her hand to me and kiss it tenderly.
"Of course you can"
Her lips curl up slightly. Why can't I stop staring at them? They look so perfect, so soft… I want to feel them on mine again. Instead, I reach out and touch them with my fingertips. She closes her eyes. She doesn't move. That encourages me to go on. I sense her kissing my fingers lightly. The temptation to replace them with my own mouth is growing far too big to resist.
Suddenly she puts her hand on top of mine and moves it to her cheek. It says to me "Don't be shy; feel me". Can she read my mind? With trembling hands and my heart hammering in my chest, I slide a little closer to her. She lets her eyes flutter open and flashes me one of her adorable smiles.
"You're so sweet" her voice is barely a whisper, but it sends a pleasant shiver through all my body "But… would it make everything harder on you if I… kissed you right now?"
Only now I notice how close we are. Even from that near, she's absolutely flawless. Without removing my hand from her cheek, I bite my lip and answer:
"Actually, that's what I've been wanting to do for a while now…"
We both lean in slowly until our lips touch. Yes, I'm scared that after that, I won't be able to separate from them again. Already the first contact makes me tingle. As we get closer and closer, the tingling sensation turns into ache… and ache I'm feeling in a place I never expected. Desire. I never thought I'd feel it that strongly again.
Her tongue begs for access timidly. I trap it between my lips and then part them, letting her in. My hand, which is still on her cheek, moves softly, touching her perfect skin. Before I notice, I'm sitting on her lap and our mouths have become fiercer, more passionate. My head starts spinning. I feel dizzy, but in a strangely pleasant way. How did I get there? Now she's got her arms wrapped around my waist. She pulls away slowly and gazes into my eyes.
"How does it feel?" she asks me.
"Wonderful"
She rests her head on my chest, tenderly. I wonder if she can hear how fast my heart is beating. Her grip around me tightens.
"Sweetie, if I'm going too fast… just tell me" she whispers, her blue eyes searching mine.
"No, not at all. It's just fine" I assure her, holding her chin "In fact… I've been thinking about what you said to me the evening we… you know, kissed"
"What do you mean?" she frowns softly.
I can't keep looking at her. It's already hard enough for me to say what I'm about to…
"The… other option. I think it might be time for me to explore something new"
Her beautiful mouth opens a little. I swallow hard, still unable to lock eyes with her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
Trying to overcome my fears, I lean in to kiss her lips once more. Before we do, she stops me and pulls away.
"Katherine, before you do this, think about it. Is this really what you want?"
"Why are you telling me this now?"
She reaches out and touches the side of my face. I can see the fear in her gaze, the vulnerability. Once more, she lowers her voice, as though she was afraid of my response.
"Because I don't want you to do anything you'll regret tomorrow morning"
Hearing that breaks my heart. How can I tell her that I do want her? And yes, that frightens me. I don't understand it. Nevertheless, I've come to think that it doesn't matter. Maybe there are some things that are far beyond our understanding. I just want to give her some reassurance, to let her know that I'm serious, but I can't find the right words… That's why I choose to let my body do all the talking.
Pulling her closer to me, I cup her face and plant a sweet, hungry kiss on her mouth. I hear her moaning inside of mine. Again, no words needed. While our lips are still close together, she slides me softly away from her lap.
Breaking the kiss, her hands move carefully to my cardigan. I notice her breathing faster as her slim, beautiful fingers start unbuttoning it. I reach for the ribbon of her robe, just wishing I could stop shaking like a leaf. Once untied, she lets it slide over her shoulders, revealing her tantalizing skin. The pressure in my chest grows stronger. She's so beautiful!
As she removes my top, leaving me only wearing my bra, I suddenly feel paralyzed. My arms are crossed in front of me, covering my chest and stomach. Robin stops moving. The tension in her lips shows intense worry.
"Is everything alright, honey? Are you having second thoughts?"
I look up at her face and shake my head.
"No, it's just… I'm overwhelmed. You're so perfect… I don't know whether you should… see me"
"Don't say that" she cups my face, forcing me to look her in the eyes "Katherine, you're beautiful. There's nothing you should be ashamed of"
"I'm just nothing compared to you…"
"That's not true" she moves closer to me, holding my wrists and removing my arms "You have an amazing body"
Saying that, she places her lips on mine once more, her hands caressing every inch of naked skin. I close my eyes and let her touch me, still too shy to mirror her move, only my mouth melting with hers. She takes my hands and puts them on her waistline, as though she had a sixth sense and could see inside my head.
Time seems to stop. I don't know how many seconds, minutes or even hours go by until we are naked next to each other. She's lying on her side and traces an imaginary line from my chest to my navel with her finger, smiling to me. I open my mouth, but words refuse to come clearly.
"I… don't know… what to do, Robin"
"Ssssh" she pecks my lips, not trying to shut me up, but more giving me some reassurance "You don't have to do anything. Just let yourself go"
Her kiss becomes deeper, yet as delicate as before. She straddles me, but it's not in a dominant way. Somehow I feel protected as I look at her on top of me. As her hands roam my chest, her fingertips stroking my nipples, I feel that burning sensation between my legs again, intensifying with every touch of hers. I let my eyes flutter closed, getting lost in her caress. Her mouth slowly leaves mine to continue its journey down my body.
She kisses a few spots in my neck softly, almost tickling me. It's incredible how such a shallow, small contact can make my whole self shudder. Instinctively, my hands hold on to the small of her back. Now her lips are running all over my chest, recognizing it, becoming familiar with the new, unexplored territory. More shivers. She slides down a little, kissing my breasts and my stomach.
Before reaching my bellybutton, she stops for a moment to look at me, her hands feeling me. We lock eyes one more moment. She smiles a little, telling me that the time has come. Our bodies speak the same language, and I respond pulling her closer, taking her lips back to mine again.
After the kiss, she moves back down carefully. I can see the desire in her face, but also the uncertainty, the excitement. Parting my legs gently, I feel her warm breath against the center of my pleasure. The whole of me is anticipating, aching for it all to begin.
With her elbow resting on the bed and her hand holding my knee, she runs her tongue over my clitoris. It's a very soft stroke, but it already jolts me. She repeats it, keeping my private lips open with her other hand. Sweetly, she increases the speed gradually. The ache I've been feeling is substituted by intense pleasure – the most intense one I've felt in months, maybe years. It's not the first time someone has ever done this to me, but it had certainly never been so delicate and powerful at the same time… different from anything I've experienced before.
The dizziness is back. My head is spinning, faster and faster each time. A tingling feeling takes over and spreads to my whole body, from the core to the farthest areas of me. I can't breathe right anymore and I'm shivering again. I hold on to the mattress, as if I was afraid of falling.
Finally, the tickle can't get any more intense and it prompts my body up until I'm sitting up. My head is tilted back, my eyes and mouth are wide open, and a loud groan escapes my mouth. As I try to catch my breath, Robin raises her head from between my thighs, brushing her golden hair away from her beautiful, smiling face. She crawls over in bed until she's close enough to kiss me, but instead, she whispers against my mouth.
"How was it?"
Words are not enough. I could say it was strange. I could say it was amazing. I could say I enjoyed it. I could say it felt different. I could say a thousand things, but nothing will ever express the way I really feel. Taking advantage of the closeness, I let my lips and tongue tell her. And she understands it. While we kiss, her hands warm my cold skin that's still shivering.
"I'm happy you enjoyed it" she caresses my cheek.
"I want you to enjoy it as well"
"I did" she beams "Hearing you moaning and having you so close to me was the most wonderful thing that's happened to me in a long time"
I shake my head.
"That's not what I mean. I want to please you too"
She blinks, as though she didn't see that coming.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes" I nod.
Robin bites her bottom lip, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Katherine, if you're trying to thank me, you really don't have to. It's already enough that you let me do that to you"
"But I want to. Can you… teach me?"
A sweet giggle escapes her mouth.
"Katherine, honey, there's nothing to teach. Just use your intuition. But do this only if you're sure you want to do it"
"I am"
And slowly, I move us and push her until she's lying on her back. She sighs contently and lets her eyes close. I take a deep breath and swallow.
Use your intuition.
I climb on top of her and kiss her pink, delicious lips. I'd like to touch her, but I don't know where to begin. As I'm lying on top of her, I notice her body against mine. It excites me; yet it overwhelms me again. Not being good enough scares me. Distractedly, my hands roam her body.
It feels so weird to touch breasts… I linger on them for a moment, amazed at how round they are. Robin smiles and grabs my hands, putting them on her chest.
"You can touch them. They won't break" she giggles a little.
With a smile as shaky as my fingers, I give her breasts a gentle squeeze. The sensation is very unusual, but nicer than I expected. I try to read Robin's face; she seems to be enjoying it.
"Yeah, like this" she whispers.
I stay there a while, getting used to this new feeling. I want to feel her more, I want to experience her. Slowly, I move my lips to her nipple, sucking on it gently. Her moans send a thrill down my spine. She caresses my back as I continue tasting her skin. She smells like cherry. And it's so nice to kiss such perfect skin… no hair, no roughness. Everything is flawlessly smooth. I keep moving down, covering her in kisses; exploring her body feverishly with my hands.
After a while, she flashes me a seducing smile. Cupping my face, she gives me a passionate kiss as she spreads her legs. She wants me to know that she's ready. I kneel at the edge of the bed and lean forward, feeling the warmth of her core on my face. As I carefully caress it with my finger, I can feel the liquid effects I'm having on her. And it encourages me to go on.
My tongue searches her pinkish folds. Everything seems so new, yet so familiar at the same time. I lick her deepest carefully, eager to discover and make the sounds that come from her throat louder, more passionate.
To my surprise, I find that I like this new territory. It's different, yes, but it doesn't feel wrong. In fact, it feels perfectly right. So I keep on tasting her, drinking and hearing her pleasure. The sounds become more constant, more rhythmic. She grabs my hand tightly, lacing her fingers with mine. Her grip tightens as I continue licking, each time more.
I don't think even five minutes have gone by before she cries out and caresses my head. I look up and see that she's sitting up, her whole face lit up. Like me some time before, she's shivering. I move to her side and, before I can lie down, she pulls my face close to hers and kisses me deeply.
"You're amazing" she breathes into my mouth.
"Thank you"
"Are you sure you had never done this before?"
I shake my head.
"Then you have a natural talent, girl" she smirks, caressing my cheek before planting one more kiss on my lips.
She's an unbelievably great kisser, no denying. After the kiss, she pulls me near her, wrapping an arm around me. Then she pulls the covers on top of us.
"Will you stay here with me tonight?" she whispers in my ear, giving me goose bumps.
I simply move closer to her and peck her lips. That is my answer.
The end.