Ninja Tales From Another Dimension

by Toa Naruto

Insipired by the works of The Lord of the Land of Fire, here are a couple of side stories featuring our favorite ninja. These omakes were originally meant to be in my other stories, but they just don't seem to fit. I own absoultely nothing!

1. Tale 1

Ninja Tales from Another Dimension!

Hey guys!!! Here are just some side stories that I just thought up for Naruto. I've tried working them in with my current stories, but they just don't seem to fit. So, without further ado, here's the first one. I own nothing.

Story 1: Why Sasuke Hates Energy Drinks

It was another glorious day in Konohagakure. Well, it was for most of the village's population. No, for one certain person, this was probably one of the worst days of his natural life.

"This sucks!" muttered one Naruto Uzumaki, as he carried the last box of frozen ground beef patties into the freezer. "I mean, walking people's dogs was a better mission than this." Not a second later, Naruto felt a sharp pain from the back of his head.

"Shut up, you idiot!" said none other than Sakura Haruno. "You don't see Sasuke-kun complaining about this mission. Why can't you be more like him?" screamed the pink banshee, who had failed to notice that Sasuke had already finished his job and was waiting in a booth located near the restaurant's exit instead of helping his teammates.

"But this mission is just so frustrating!" said Naruto defensively, as he exited the freezer while shutting the door tightly, and then made his way to the booth where his other teammate was. "I mean, the client never specifically stated what he needed help with from the very beginning. And when we finally got to this place, he basically had us work like stock boys! Where's the experience that will help us in future missions? How will completing this mission improve our skills? Hell, Kakashi Sensei isn't even here! He's probably waiting in line at the bookstore to get his new trashy book right now!"

"Stop your whining, dobe." said an irritated Sasuke.

"What was that, teme!?" shouted Naruto.

"I said stop complaining, and act your own age. We ninja don't get to choose which missions we get to do. Even though some of these 'missions' are nothing more but chores that the civilians don't want to do, we are still required to do them." was the Uchiha's reply.

"Yeah, Naruto, stop acting like a big baby for once in your life." Sakura piped in, wanting to agree with Sasuke in hopes of getting the village's heart-throb to notice her. So far, this would be the fiftieth attempt this month.

"This coming from the teammate that hardly does anything at all during these missions." Naruto muttered under his breath.

"What did you say!?" shouted Sakura in a menacingly way. Her eyes had flashed their trademark "furious" white, and she was shaking her fist at him.

"N-n-nothing, nothing at all." replied Naruto, trying to placate Sakura's unstable temper. 'Nothing that I'm willing to say to your face.' he added mentally.

Just then, the manager of the new restaurant stepped in. "Thank you all for helping me around the store." he said. "I know this isn't exactly the type of work you were expecting in a mission, but it was the only safe choice available for me since I haven't had the time to hire more employees."

"Oh, that's alright Mr. Kuzo, it was nothing that we shinobi can't handle." said Sakura sweetly.

'Yeah, that's because you didn't have to move the majority of the supplies.' grumbled Naruto mentally. He had used his shadow clones in order to get the job done faster.

'She is so annoying. What were the instructors thinking when they let her graduate from the academy? Well, at least she's good at communicating with our clients, saves me the trouble.' thought the would be avenger.

Kuzo just gave a hearty laugh. "Nice to know that there still ninja around here that are willing to take on small jobs around the village. You three have worked so hard, I think that it's only fair that I provide you all a free lunch."

"Really!?" asked Naruto, excitedly. He had never had anyone aside from the owners of Ichiraku's offer him free food before.

"That's very kind of you, sir," said Sakura hastily, "but it wouldn't be right just to accept…"

"Nonsense!" said Kuzo jovially. "It's the least I can do after all of your hard work! Besides, I need to get any idea on how my products would fair in Konoha. You three just grab a seat, I'll be right back." And with that, Mr. Kuzo walked off to prepare the food.

"Just great, now we're stuck here even longer. Nice going, dobe." grunted Sasuke.

"Yeah, way to mess things up for all of us, you baka!" added Sakura, who then bopped Naruto hard on the head before taking a seat next to Sasuke.

"What the hell? How is this my fault!?" asked a very disgruntled Naruto who sat across the two most unbearable teammates that anyone could be forced to work with (AN: at least, in my opinion).

"You just had to accept Kuzo's offer, and now we're expected to eat Kami knows what he lays out for us!" said Sakura, who was hoping that her scolding of Naruto would get Sasuke to notice her more.

"Oh come on, this guy owns a chain of restaurants all over the Elemental Countries, I think that whatever he has to offer will be fine. Besides, it would've been rude to refuse his offer just because you want to try asking Sasuke out again, even though you already know that he's going to say no." That proved to be the wrong thing to say, as Sakura whacked Naruto on the head again, producing a large purplish whelp to appear.

A moment later, Mr. Kuzo returned with a tray filled with three weird sandwiches; three holders that had small, long, strange-looking golden rectangles sticking out of them; and three medium sized cups with plastic coverings and straws sticking out of them.

"Well then, here you go!" said Kuzo as he placed the tray on the table where Team 7 was sitting at. "Three Double Cheeseburgers, with three medium French fries, and three medium Bizz energy drinks on the house. If you need refills on your drinks, the drink fountain is to your left." he said as he pointed to a large box-like structure that had multiple nozzles and triggers for various soft drinks. "Now if you excuse me, I've got some paper work to take care of. Enjoy yourselves." He said, as he walked back to his office.

The three junior ninjas just stared at the food that was in front of them, not sure what to do. It was Naruto who decided to be the brave one. Mentally preparing himself for the worst, Naruto took the smallest bite possible from his cheeseburger. His dread instantly changed into delight, as he took a second bigger bite out of the sandwich.

"Hey, this is pretty good!" said Naruto while still chewing.

Seeing that Naruto had obviously not died of food poisoning, his remaining teammates decided to try the foreign dishes as well. Since Sakura was still trying to maintain her diet, and that the cheeseburger that Naruto was eating looked like it was loaded with carbs, she decided to try the French fries first. Sasuke, on the other hand, decided to just go with the energy drink.

"Mmm…these fries aren't half bad, if not a little salty. What do you think, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke didn't answer her, as he was to busy gulping down his drink. Once he had gotten every last sip that he could from the cup, Sasuke gasped for air. Sakura and Naruto just sat there staring at their normally broody comrade act so out of character.

"So…uh… how's that energy drink, Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura.

"It's pretty good." said Sasuke briskly, before he headed to the drink fountain. Almost immediately, he placed his cup under the nozzle for Bizz. As soon as his cup was full, Sasuke immediately began to down the beverage as fast as possible. The remaining members of Team 7 were now starting to get a bit disturbed with Sasuke's abnormal behavior; he had never ever acted this erratic before. Getting up, Naruto and Sakura walked up to where Sasuke was.

"Whoa…you thirsty or something Sasuke?" asked Naruto, as Sasuke was finishing his second helping of Bizz.

As soon as he knew that his cup was empty, Sasuke immediately placed it under the Bizz nozzle again. "Heh, yeah! Yeah! This stuff is really good!" said Sasuke before he began slurping his drink once again. Only this time, the two genin could see that their comrade's eyes were now wide and that he was visibly shaking. Sasuke continued to refill his cup, even when it started to overflow. And just like before, Sasuke gulped it down within seconds. But as he was drinking, Sasuke grabbed another cup from the dispenser that was near by and began to fill it with the energy drink that he was addicted to.

Soon, a continuous chain began to form: Sasuke would refill his cup, drink, and then refill, all at an alarming pace. Also, Sasuke's behavior began to become more and more spastic. As he continued drinking, the Uchiha's head began to shake from left to right at a speed that wasn't normal, all the while making loud gargling noises and speaking in some fast gibberish dialect that neither Sakura nor Naruto could understand. Unfortunately, these mannerisms would soon be the least of their problems.

Thanks to the Uchiha's constant consumption of the energy drink, the nozzle ran out in a matter of seconds. Still in his crazed state, Sasuke tried to drink straight from the several other nozzles that were on the dispenser. Sasuke went from nozzle to nozzle trying to get as much caffeinated soda as he could, all the while speaking in rushed gibberish. But since the restaurant wasn't ready for customers yet, the nozzles soon ran dry until there was nothing left but carbonated air. Noticing that there was no soda left, Sasuke's head once again started its spasms, his gibberish becoming even louder.

As all of this was happening, Sakura just stood there, completely slack-jawed at what she was witnessing her crush doing. She had always expected this type of behavior from her annoying teammate, not from her dreamy, mature, mysterious hunk-of-man. Seeing all this with her own eyes was destroying everything that she once believed about Sasuke.

Naruto, on the other hand, thought that all of this was extremely funny. "Oh man, I wish that I had a video camera right now." he said, chuckling lightly. This statement brought Sakura out of her shocked state, and reawakened her anger that she then directed towards Naruto.

"You think this is funny, you baka?! Sasuke-kun is having a mental breakdown, and all you can think about is video taping his suffering!? Naruto, you bastard!!!" shrieked Sakura as she reared her fist back to pound poor Naruto again.

"I AM CORNHOLIO!!!!" shouted a voice that sounded very familiar, yet very foreign. The new voice, however, did manage to stop Sakura's intended pummeling. Both Naruto and Sakura focused on where the source of the voice originated. The sight that was waiting for them wasn't what they expected.

Standing there was none other than Sasuke, but not the Sasuke that his teammates were used to seeing. This Sasuke was wide eyed, had his forearms at a 90 degree angle next to his chest, twitching violently, and had slipped his shirt over his head to form a makeshift hood.

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!!! Heh heh, I need TP for my bunghole!!!" shouted Sasuke, in a quasi-Spanish accent. Sakura and Naruto just stared at Sasuke as if he had grown a second head. But they didn't get to stare for long, as Sasuke began to make his way towards the restaurant's grill, all the while making incoherent noises and shaking his head at an alarming speeds. Once he made to the grilling area and saw the box of frozen burger patties, Sasuke sprung into action.

"MY BUNGHOLE WILL EAT NOW!!!!" shouted Sasuke as he ripped open the box and withdrew several burger patties. "You must prepare a feast for the Almighty Bunghole!!" he said to no one in particular, before he started to throw the patties haphazardly all over the grill. He then reached down into the utensil bar as if he was looking for something.

"Would you like… a spatula?" asked Sasuke as he pulled out the utensil. "Heh heh, for your bunghole?" And then with that, Sasuke began to cook the patties. But second later, he stopped and began to pace back and forth in the grill area, his gibberish still continuing. Naruto and Sakura carefully crept to where Sasuke was in order to observe him, and possibly find out what was wrong with him.

"You must feed the Almighty Bunghole!!" shouted Sasuke, has he paced back and forth. Sasuke's teammates were so focused on his behavior, that they failed to notice the figure that was approaching them from behind.

"Hey, what's going on here!?" said Mr. Kuzo, effectively making the two teenage ninja jump.

"Mmmr. Kuzo, wwwhen did you…" began Sakura, still recovering from the her surprise.

"I thought I heard something similar to a crack addict in a dryer in the lobby, so I went to investigate. But, didn't expect to see this!!!" he said as he gestured towards Sasuke.

"THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLIIOOHHHOO!!!!! BUNGHOOLLIIOOHHOO !!! THE ALMIIGGHHTTYY BUNGHOOOLLLIIIHHHOOO !!!" sang Sasuke on a very off-key tone.

"Just what the hell is he doing!?" asked Kuzo.

"We don't know." said Naruto. "He was fine just moments ago. He only started acting weird when he drank that Bizz energy drink. I mean, what do they put in that stuff, anyways?"

"I AM CORNHOLIO!!!" said the hyped-up Sasuke in between several absurd noises, "I MUST SEE YOUR BUTT-HOLE!!! HA-HARRR!!!!"

"How should I know, I just sell the stuff. From where I come from, just about everyone drinks Bizz, they're all just fine. Hold on, let me get the storage container from the back. It should list the ingredients in that drink." said Kuzo before he walked back to the storage room, where he kept all of the supplies. At that moment, Sasuke stopped at the grill area's opening, and looked directly at his teammates.

"Bunghole. Heh heh. Bungholio. WHOOHAARRR!" said Sasuke before he continued to pace around aimlessly all the while gibber-jabbing. Just then, the hourly shift manager arrived, and was immediately driven to the commotion that Sasuke was causing.

"Hey, is he a new employee or something? What kind of language is he speaking?" she asked. "Hey kid, habla espanol?"

"Espanol? Heh heh. Es Bunghole!!! Habla ba-habla!!!" responded Sasuke, before he exited out the restaurant through the employee exit, with his arms still at a 90 degree angle, his forearms parallel to his sides.

"Sasuke-kun, where are you going? Wait, come back here!!!" shouted Sakura, as she chased after him.

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Naruto as he tried to follow Sakura, but was held back by some unseen force. Turning behind him, he saw that it was the female shift manager that was holding onto the collar of his jacket, looking very annoyed.

"And just where do you think you're going? Who's going to clean up your buddy's mess?" she said, all the while her gaze was directly focused on the blonde.

"…Aw man." said Naruto despondently.

1

With Sakura

'This is just crazy' thought Sakura as she ran down the street, looking for Sasuke. He had somehow disappeared when he left the restaurant. "What's causing Sasuke-kun to act like this!? He's never been like this before. I mean, he's acting more immature than that baka Naruto, and he's annoying 24/7! Gah! Where are you Sasuke-kun?' she thought while looking for any trace of the crazed avenger. Suddenly, she came across an elderly woman that was picking up what appeared to be her groceries from the ground. Sakura was about to just ignore her until she heard the old lady mutter "damn twitching bastard".

"Excuse me, ma'am," she called out, gaining the woman's attention, "have you seen a boy with dark black hair, black eyes, and wearing his shirt on his head?"

"You bet you pink haired, over-sized head I did!" shouted the old lady angrily. "I was walking home from the grocery store, minding my own business, when this fast-talking boy came waltzing up to me with his hands in the air, demanding that I give him TP for his bunk hole, or whatever he called it. When I told him to get lost, he just pushed me down, ripped through my groceries and drank all of the iced coffee that I bought. It practically cost an arm and leg to get that coffee!"

"I am so sorry, ma'am. He doesn't usually act like that." said Sakura, beginning to feel more and more like the mother of a troublemaking kid. "Sasuke-kun is normally a very respectable and dignified shinobi, there's just something wrong with him today."

"Tch, I'll say." retorted the old lady.

"Ma'am, do you know where Sasuke-kun went?" asked Sakura in hopes that she could somehow stop Sasuke before anything else went wrong.

"Yeah, he went that way" she replied while pointing towards the street behind her, " two blocks down, and then took a left. And I'll tell ya, if I ever see that no good, spastic sonovabitch again, I'm gonna shove my walker up his goddamned ass!!!"

Sakura wasted no time following the directions the old lady gave her. After hearing what Sasuke did, her determination to find him was dramatically increased. If she didn't stop him soon, who knows what he could next.

1

Back with Naruto

"Come on, come on! How much longer are they going to keep me on hold!?" said a clearly aggravated Naruto while waiting on the phone. After Sakura had left to pursue Sasuke, Naruto was left to clean up his teammate's mess. Thankfully, with the help of his shadow clones and the shift manager, the whole place was cleaned up like nothing had ever happened. As they were putting up the cleaning supplies, Mr. Kuzo returned with the Bizz container. It listed a whole bunch of ingredients that Naruto hadn't a clue as to what they were. Coincidentally, he did find a very small warning label at the very bottom saying that over consumption of this drink could cause consumers to experience extended periods of hyperactivity and psychosis.

'Some warning label that was. They had it printed on the bottom of the box in the smallest print possible!!! At least they provided a phone number for customer service. Now if only they would actually answer!!!!' thought Naruto angrily. Seeing that this could take a while, Naruto had created a few disguised shadow clones, and sent them to the library to search for ways to end extended periods of hyperactivity as quickly as possible. The librarian often kicked him out, seeing him as nothing but an abomination, so a simple transformation was the only way that Naruto could even hope to enter the library undetected.

"I wonder how's Sakura-chan doing with the teme?" asked Naruto to no one in particular. Suddenly, he heard a voice from the phone's receiver.

"Hello, Bizz Inc. Customer Service Hotline, how can I help you?" said a woman's voice.

"Hi, I'm calling in response to the warning label on box of Bizz that was purchased for Kuzo's Burgers. You see, my friend drank a bit too much of your product, and he is experiencing the same symptoms that was listed on the warning. I was wondering if you had a way to bring him back to normal." said Naruto.

"Well, sir, I believe that I can help you. Now first of all, you must make sure that your friend does NOT drink anymore caffeinated beverages. If he so much as drinks another sip of soda or anything that has caffeine, his condition will only worsen." said the receptionist.

Naruto immediately felt his hopes for an easy solution begin to crumble. "…Rrriiiggghhhtttt. Say, hypothetically, my friend drank a bit more than a sip of soda, what would happen then?" asked Naruto carefully.

"Well, that depends. How much more are we talking about?"

"Oh…I'd say about…two half filled restaurant dispensers more."

1

With Sasuke/Cornholio

"I am Cornholio. Heh heh. I have no bunghole. Heh heh. Bungholio." said Sasuke, shirt still over his head, as made his way down the one of Konoha's many busy streets. Restaurants and shops were on both the left and right of the pathway. The people, however, were giving him plenty of room as he made his way down the street. As Sasuke walked past a barbeque restaurant, a certain blonde haired girl along with her teammates and sensei spotted him.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!!!" squealed Ino, as she rushed outside to glomp her crush, getting sighs from her teammates and sensei. Upon hearing the sound of someone running towards him and the caffeine still affecting his common sense, Sasuke turned around to face the attacker, placed his forearms in another ninety degree angle(with the forearms parallel to his chest) and asked in his quasi-Spanish accent "ARE YOU THREATENING ME!?"

This made Ino stop dead in her tracks, completely lost for words. This was not what she had expected from Sasuke at all. "Sasuke-kun…are you okay?" she asked carefully.

"I am not Sasgay-koon! I am Cornholio, guardian of the Almighty Bunghole!!! And I……" Sasuke's beady little eyes widened as he spotted the full body bandages that Ino was wearing under her skirt and blouse. "WHOOHOOHOOHOOAAAAHHHHH! TP! You must give me your TP!!!" he said as he pointed to Ino's stomach, then started to make his way towards the girl. Ino, not knowing what had happened to the Uchiha, tried to think of what Sasuke wanted from her. But before she could act on the request, Shikamaru and Choji appeared in front of her, both of them looking very peeved.

"Hey, Uchiha, just where do you get off?" said Choji.

"I'd never thought that you would actually stoop this low Sasuke. Go be troublesome somewhere else, and leave Ino alone." said Shikamaru, who was clearly annoyed that he had to defend his bossy teammate.

"TRICK OR TREAT, SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!" shouted a convulsing Sasuke.

Only three words came to Team Ten's genin mind after that outburst. 'What the hell!?'

"GIVE ME YOUR TP!!!!!!" shouted Sasuke, as advanced on Team Ten, all the while making incoherent noises. But his path was immediately blocked by Asuma Sarutobi, who was looking angry.

"That's enough, Uchiha. You're coming with me to see Inoichi about your current mental condition." said Asuma.

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME!!!???" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah, maybe I am. You have no right to assault my team, let alone your fellow comrades. And as your superior officer, I am commanding you to go see Inoichi Yamanaka so that he can reevaluate your mental health. I don't care how special the civilians convinced you to think you are, if you refuse to comply, I'll have you discharged from the shinobi corps for disobeying a superior's orders and attacking fellow Leaf nin!"

"No, Sensei!!! Don't do that!" shrieked Ino. But her wails were ignored.

"You can take me, but you cannot take my bunghole! Hehheh meh heh! For I have no bunghole. Hehheh meh heh! I am the Great Cornholio. Hehheh meh heh!" said Sasuke.

"All right, that's it. You're coming with me, Uchiha!" said Asuma, as he grabbed Sasuke and vanished with a shunshin. But not before Sasuke could shout "No man should be without TP!"

"NO!" screeched Ino. "Why is Sensei overreacting like this?" She then glared at Shikamaru and Choji. "And why did you two have provoke Sasuke-kun like that!? This is both of your faults!!!"

Shikamaru just sighed, and then turned to face Choji. "You see, this is why we should have left her to deal with her own problems. Coming to her rescue is such a drag" he said lazily.

"I suppose you're right." sighed Choji.

"Hey! Listen to when to me when I'm talking to you two!!!" screeched an enraged Ino. "You both have to tell my father that you two started this fight, before Sasuke-kun gets in trouble!!!"

It was at that moment that Sakura arrived, looking very frantic and out of breath. "Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, have any of you seen Sasuke-kun pass by here? It's really important that I find him." she said.

"Hmph! You're a little too late, forehead. Thanks to these jerks, Asuma Sensei is going to get my father and the Hokage to discharge Sasuke-kun!" said Ino.

"Have you forgotten that he tried to attack you, Ino? Or do you consider having your precious "Sasuke-kun" assult you in public a gift from Kami!?" said Choji irritably.

Ino just looked at Choji, shocked that he would actually say that such a thing to her. But the shock instantly turned in to rage. "What did you just say to me, fa-"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" interrupted Sakura, "Exactly what happened here?"

"Ugh, it's so troublesome to explain, but Ino tried to glomp Sasuke, but he stopped her by shouting "are you threatening me?" for everyone to hear. He then proceeded call himself Cornholio and demand Ino give her body bandages to him, calling it TP. Choji and I went to defend our troublesome teammate from "Cornholio", when he made a threatening gesture towards us. This prompted Sensei to take him to the Hokage and Ino's dad in order to reevaluate his sanity." said Shikamaru in a bored tone.

"And now he'll be discharged for sure," ranted Ino, "all thanks to…"

"WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FREAKING PIE-HOLE ALREADY!!!!!!???????" hollered Choji, gaining stunned expressions from his comrades. They had always seen the Akimichi as a kind and gentle person who would never harm a fly. Unless, of course, said fly landed on his food. So it was a major shock for Sakura, Shikamaru, and Ino to see Choji so angry.

"Right then…" started Sakura, making sure that she didn't set off Choji's anger again. "I'll…just be going then…see ya!" Sakura ran off to Hokage Tower as fast as she could, determined to save Sasuke and to get away from the awkward scene.

1

In Tsunade's Office

"Where I come from, there is no TP. Heh heh. My people, we have but one bunghole. WOOAARRR!" said Sasuke, as he paced around the Hokage's office Tsunade, Asuma, Shizune, and Inoichi watched with a mixture of fascination and disbelief.

"Okay, would you please explain to me exactly what the hell has happened to Sasuke?" said Tsunade who doing quite well with holding back her laughter. It wasn't everyday that you get to see the stoic Sasuke Uchiha look and act like a complete idiot.

"My team and I were having lunch at our usual barbeque restaurant, when Ino spotted him walking down the street and went to greet him. That's when things started get strange. He denied his identity, saying that his name was…Cornholio, I think it was." said Asuma.

"I have come here, to bring your people TP. I am Cornholio!" shouted Sasuke.

"Cornholio? What the hell kind of name is that?" said Inoichi, ignoring Sasuke. Is it his first name or last?"

Asuma just shrugged. "I don't know. It's the only name he gives."

"Hmmm…Judging by his current behavior and his tragic past, he could be experiencing some sort of delayed bipolar disorder, or possibly some sort of split personality created to deal with pent-up stress. What else can you tell me about this Cornholio?"

"Well, he says that he's from Lake Titicaca."

"Lake Titicaca?" asked Tsunade incredulously. Just then, Sasuke turned to face the group, his hands still in the air.

" Meh heh. Lake Titicaca! Meh heh! Titicaca!" said Sasuke, before he began his aimless pacing again.

"Shizune, will you please find out were exactly is this Lake Titicaca, or if it even exists?" said Tsunade. But it was Sasuke that answered her.

"Nnneerrrra…Nicaragua!"

"Nicaragua!?"

"Agua for my bunghole!" declared Sasuke before he went back to his pacing and gibberish once again.

"Oh yeah, and he keeps on saying that he needs TP for his bunghole, or something of that nature." added Asuma.

"What the hell is a bunghole!?" asked Tsunade, who was getting rather annoyed with this whole fiasco very quickly. "Shizune, will find out what a bunghole is?" At that moment, Sasuke decided to add his two cents again.

"You are a bunghole! And so am I. Hmeh heh. There will be more bungholes after me!"

Sensing that her mentor was about to punch the Uchiha through the office window, Shizune quickly found a dictionary on a bookshelf and began looking through its pages for the weird word.

"Hold on, Lady Tsunade, I've got a dictionary." she said as she was flipping through the pages. "Lets see…where is it…Ah, here it is. Bunghole: a hole in a barrel or keg used for pouring in or withdrawing liquids."

"LOKANAR MANADORA-DIDIDI-BUNGA HOLE! BRRRARRR!" said Sasuke.

"Okay, it's clear that this kid is messed up in the head." said Tsunade over Sasuke's rambling. She then turned her attention to Inoichi. "Inoichi, take him hospital room 313 and see if there's anything that you can do to alter his mind into a more decent state."

"Yes, Lady Hokage." said Inoichi, with a short respectful bow, before walking over to where Sasuke was pacing around, rambling incoherently and showing no signs of stopping soon. "Alright, Cornholio, it's time to go now."

"Are you threatening me!? Heh, you will give me TP! Heh, Bunghole!?" said Sasuke.

"Yeah, yeah, I know that your bunghole needs TP. We'll get you plenty of TP just as soon as we get you to the hospital, and your bunghole will be just fine." said Inoichi as he tried to lead the pacing boy towards the exit.

"I would hate for my bungholio to get polio." said Sasuke.

"Me too. Now, come on Cornholio, right this way." said the Yamanaka clan head, as he led the boy out the door, and down a hallway.

But not a second later the remaining shinobi in the office saw Sasuke walking the other way, with Inoichi chasing after him. "The Bunghole! It is nothing to be ashamed of."

As soon as Inoichi led Sasuke down the correct path to the empty room, again, Tsunade let out a deep sigh.

"Of all the times for Kakashi to be on a S-rank mission, it just had to be when one of his students loses his mind." groaned Tsunade.

"Oh, I don't know." said Shizune, giggling a little, "I thought that it was kind of funny."

"Oh, it may be funny to you, but it's just one huge headache for me, especially once the council hears about this." retorted Tsunade, as she reached for the drawer that contained her sake. She was about to slide it open, when Shizune's foot slammed across the drawer, preventing the blonde from opening it.

"Well then, I guess it would be best if you remained sober on the off chance that you get a surprise visit from them. Wouldn't you agree, Lady Tsunade?" Shizune asked innocently. Tsunade just scowled at her apprentice, before turning her gaze upon Asuma.

"I appreciate you alerting me of this situation, Asuma, but I suggest that you get back to your team." said Tsunade, still irritated with Shizune's intervention and was looking for something or someone to vent on. Unfortunately for her, the village councilors and Danzo were no where to be seen at the moment.

Realizing that his well being was at stake, Asuma quickly left with a shunshin. Just as the jonin had vanished, Sakura ran through the doorway looking very frantic and out of breath.

"Lady Tsunade, where is Asuma Sensei and Sasuke-kun!? It's an emergency!" she asked.

Tsunade just sighed; today just wasn't her day. "There's nothing to worry about, Sakura. Sasuke is already getting the necessary attention needed for his current condition. He should be…"

"But I know the real reason why Sasuke-kun is acting so strangely! I was there when it happened!" Sakura blurted out.

This gained Tsunade and Shizune's attention instantly Tsunade, however, looked a bit skeptical. "Alright then, Sakura, could you please explain why Sasuke's behavior has taken such a drastic…change?" she asked.

Sakura immediately answered, not wanting to waste any time. "Right, it started out as a normal D-rank mission where we had to help restock a new restaurant called Kuzo's Burgers. Once we were finished, Kuzo made us lunch as a way of thanking us for helping him. At that time, Sasuke-kun was fine and acting like he normally does. But when he drank that energy drink, that's when he started to behave so strangely. And his bizarre behavior only worsened when drank more of that stuff as well as the rest of the caffeinated drinks there. Before we could stop him, he ran out of the building and disappeared down a street."

"Wait a minute, hold on a second." said Tsunade "Are you telling me that all of this was started because Sasuke is just experiencing an overdose on caffeine!?"

"Yyeah, that sounds just about right, ma'am." said Sakura sheepishly.

"Are you absolutely sure that this what caused him to act like this?"

"Yes, Lady Tsunade, Naruto and I saw it happen ourselves."

Tsunade just sighed; this whole situation was becoming more of an annoyance than it already was.

"Then, we might have a problem on our hands." the blonde Hokage said, as she rubbed her temples. "Inoichi Yamanaka has already left for the hospital with Sasuke. We originally thought that due to the…unfortunate tragedy… that happened in his youth, Sasuke experienced a severe mental breakdown. So, I had Yamanaka-san take him to the hospital in order to perform a few memory repression and mind altercation jutsus in order to bring him back to normal. But in light of this new evidence, those jutsus will most likely cause irreversible damage to his psyche."

This tidbit of information caused Sakura to instantly forget her exhaustion. "WHAT!? We have to go and save Sasuke-kun, now!" screeched Sakura. She was just about to bolt out the door when Tsunade's next question stopped her.

"By the way, Sakura, where's Naruto?"

Sakura just looked at her leader, utterly confused. "E…Excuse me?"

"You said that your team was performing a D-rank mission when Sasuke's accident occurred. And since Naruto's not with you at this time, I'm curious as to where he is." said the voluptuous Hokage.

At this point, Sakura had the decency to look embarrassed, as she had completely forgotten about her other teammate during the whole ordeal. Thinking back to when Sasuke left the restaurant, she remembered exactly why Naruto wasn't with her trying to catch their crazed teammate.

"Uh…well…You see…Sasuke-kun sort of made a mess when his erratic behavior began…and when I left to stop Sasuke-kun before he hurt himself…I think an employee made Naruto stay to clean up the mess." replied a sheepish Sakura. She recoiled slightly when she saw her leader frown at her.

"So…you purposely abandoned one of your teammates so that you could pursue your other teammate, is that correct? said Tsunade, with a bit of disappointment in her tone.

"Yyeah," said Sakura, who was beginning to get a bit uncomfortable under the Hokage's gaze. "But you see, Sas…"

"Never mind, right now we have to stop Inoichi-san from performing those jutsus." And with that Tsunade got up from her desk and made her way towards the door, followed by her assistant and Sakura. But before she walked out of the doorway, she turned her attention back towards the pink haired kunoichi. "But make no mistake, Sakura, we will talk about this after everything has been taken care of." she said, before walking out.

Sakura was surprised by this statement. She tried to think of a reason why her leader was upset with her actions, but could not find anything that would have gotten the Hokage so irritated with her.

1

With Sasuke and Inoichi

"Heh heh, I am the Great Cornholio!!! Heh heh. I am a gringo! Heh heh. I have no bunghole, heh heh, bungholio!" Heh heh!" said the still crazed Sasuke as he paced around aimlessly in the hospital room that was reserved for patients that were in need of medical treatment for their mind.

"Yeah, whatever you say Cornholio-san." droned a member of the Yamanaka clan, who was asked by Inoichi to assist him with the procedure. He had learned long ago that it was better to just agree with whatever the Uchiha said at this point. Meanwhile, Inoichi was ignoring the idiotic ramblings in favor for searching through the Yamanaka clan's mind jutsu scroll for the most effective jutsu that would be able to fix the severe mental trauma that the boy was clearly suffering from.

'The sooner we're finished with this, the better. I don't know how much more of this brat's ranting I can take before I take a kunai to his vocal cords.' thought the Yamanaka clan head. 'What my precious daughter sees in him, I'll never know.'

"No! Wait! Stop, Cornholio!!!!"

"BUNGHOLIIOOHHHOO!!!"

CRASH!

"What the hell!?" shouted Inoichi. But as he turned his attention back to what was behind him, all he saw was a room with a broken window, which the stunned Yamanaka clan member was currently staring at. Sasuke was no where to be seen.

"Gin, where the hell is Sasuke?! What did you do!!??" shouted Inoichi.

The voice of his clan head awoke the now-named Gin from his shocked stupor. "I…I didn't do anything, Inoichi-sama. Cornho…I mean Uchiha-san was just fine until he saw something out the window. When I tried to see what he was looking at, he ran back towards the door. At first, I thought that he was going to escape through the door, and tried to stop him. But at the last moment, he turned around and ran straight for the window, crashing right through it."

"He…jumped through the window?" repeated Inoichi. "But we're on the third floor, and there aren't any trees around this room!!!"

Gin only gaped at this information. "But…but that would mean that…" said the Yamanaka. Suddenly, both men paled once they realized what was the most likely outcome of Sasuke's action. An instant later, they barreled through door and raced to the ground floor of the hospital.

1

Minutes Before Cornholio's Escape, Outside the Hospital

"I still say that was a cheap shot, bug boy!" shouted an indignant Kiba Inuzuka, as he nursed his fractured wrist. He and the rest of his team were currently making their way to the hospital.

"I do not see why you are so upset, Kiba." said the ever stoic Shino Aburame. "Being a ninja means that you must always look underneath the underneath. That way, we are never caught off guard whenever we are facing off against an enemy."

"But I'm not the enemy, I'm your teammate!" growled the Inuzuka.

"Then use this as a learning experience. Now you know that your taijutsu style has a opening in which you need to improve on. You should be grateful that you found out about it while you were in the village, instead of during a mission." retorted Shino. This only Kiba even more irritated.

"Why you…" he growled.

Kurenai sensed that the situation was about to escalate and decided to intervene. "Enough, you two. Shino's right, Kiba; you need to realize that your form isn't perfect, and need to be able to accept criticism from your teammates. It's always better to discovery your flaws in a spar against a comrade, than a fight against the enemy. And Shino, while it is alright to help your comrades improve their skills, breaking their wrists would be considered going a bit too far." she said.

"Yes, sensei." monotoned Shino.

"Yes, sensei." sighed Kiba. He then turned his attention back to Shino. "But still, I would've creamed ya if you hadn't used that sneak attack. Right, Akamaru?"

The small dog that was riding atop of the young brunette's head answered with a few barks.

"Aw, come on!" whined Kiba. "Shino just got lucky, that's all."

Kurenai just sighed at the antics between the boy and his dog. They acted more like squabbling brothers than like the normal master and pet usually did. Hinata, the kunoichi genin of the team, just watched on quietly with amusement. They were about to enter the hospital, when suddenly, the team heard some commotion coming from behind them. Turning to face the source of the disturbance, the members of Team Eight were surprised to see the Fifth Hokage, her personal assistant, and Sakura running towards them. Many of the civilians were also shocked to see their leader in such a state, but gave her wide birth and respectful greetings as she stormed past them.

Both Shino and Hinata were curious as too what had happened in order for the Hokage to be rushing to the hospital in such a manner. Kiba, on the other hand, was more focused on staring at how Tsunade's chest seemed to move as she ran, until Akamaru gave a quick bite to Kiba's ear. Kurenai, being the leader, approached the Hokage as she came towards her team.

"Lady Hokage, is there an emergency at hospital?" asked Kurenai. Tsunade was about to explain the situation, when another voice beat her to it.

"You bet there is!" screeched Ino, as she stormed towards the group, with Choji and Shikamaru trudging behind her. "Thanks to these bakas, Sasuke-kun is being falsely charged for something he didn't do!"

"Actually, a couple of witnesses would beg to differ." stated Shikamaru, which earned him a death glare from the troublesome blonde. Choji said nothing, as he continued to munch on some chips that he had brought along.

"Shut up, you lazy baka!!! You're just jealous that Sasuke-kun is better than you!!!" screeched the girl. Akamaru whined as he placed his paws over his ears, trying to block out the loud girl.

"Not now, Ino-pig!" said Sakura. "We have to stop your dad before he turns Sasuke-kun into a vegetable!"

"WHAT!?"

"Okay, just what the hell is going on?!" shouted a now annoyed Kiba. But before he could get an answer, the sound of glass breaking was heard from somewhere on the hospital's third floor, as well as a cry of "BUNGHOLIIOOHHHOO!!!". Sensing something plummeting towards them, the group jumped out of the way just seconds before Sasuke landed on the ground with a loud thud, creating spider web cracks underneath him.

As Sasuke righted himself, he began to take in all of his new surroundings, as well as the people. His twitching and ramblings only increasing with each passing second, especially as his gaze fell upon Kurenai (more specifically her attire). But before he could act, yet another voice garnered his and the groups attention.

"Hey, Cornholio-teme, over here!!!" It was Naruto, holding up a roll of toilet paper. As soon as Sasuke saw the item, his trembling immediately stopped and his eyes became dilated.

"T…P…" said Sasuke, as if he were in a trance. For what seemed like hours, Sasuke just stood there, staring at the roll of TP that Naruto was holding. Tsunade, Sakura, Hinata, and everyone else just stared at the scene, unable to believe that this was actually happening. Then, without warning, Sasuke charged at Naruto with his arms stretched out forward, all the while rambling loudly. Naruto, however, just stood where was, not moving an inch.

"LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!!!!!"

'Okay, the manual said that I had to time this just right.' thought Naruto, as he watched the crazed Sasuke approach closer and closer. As Sasuke reached the closest possible position, Naruto threw the toilet paper at his crazed teammate. The reaction was the perfect one that Naruto had been hoping for, as Sasuke's attention immediately shifted from the blonde to the roll of TP that was falling towards the ground. Sasuke jumped into the air and caught the roll with ease, landing swiftly on his feet; finally, he had completed his goal of getting his precious TP. But Sasuke was so caught up in his accomplishment that he failed to Naruto already using the Uchiha's distraction to his advantage.

As soon as he determined that Sasuke's attention was completely focused on the toilet paper, Naruto dashed towards his teammate as fast as he could. Just as he was about an inch away from Sasuke, Naruto pulled back his right foot, and then launched it as hard as he could towards the one weak spot all men shared: the crotch.

THWACK!!!

The result was instantaneous as Sasuke gave a loud gargled shout of pain before collapsing into a shuddering heap on the ground.

"D-d-damn you, Naruto." groaned Sasuke in his normal voice, if only a little bit higher than usual. Sasuke then curled up in a fetal position, trying to withstand the pain. "I-I-I'm gonna kick your ass for this, d-d-d-dobe."

Everyone in the surrounding area was floored with what they had just witnessed, but for different reasons. Tsunade had look of pure disbelief, as if she had just heard that her perverted teammate Jiraiya admit that he was actually gay. Choji was slack-jawed, his bag of chips laying on the ground forgotten. Shikamaru just looked bored. Kiba started to laugh awkwardly before it transformed into flown blown laughter. Sakura and Ino, on the other hand, were horrified at what had happened to their beloved Sasuke-kun. The pained groans coming from the boy on the ground only added fuel to their growing anger.

"Naruto-baka, how dare you do that to Sasuke-kun!!!" screeched Ino.

Sakura soon followed suit of her rival. "Naruto, I'll never forgive for this!!!" she said. After sharing a quick glance with Ino, the two girls charged at the boy from both sides, intending on making Naruto suffer for his heinous felony. Just as their fists were about to make contact with their target, Naruto clutched his head in a pained scream before falling into a crumbled heap on the ground. Unfortunately for the two Uchiha fan girls there was no time to stop their attacks, as their fists collided into each other's faces, much like the outcome of their preliminary match during the first chunin exams. The force from the attack was strong enough to cause the two to come crashing down to the ground hard with a huge bruise on their cheeks.

This chain of events only served to make Kiba laugh even harder. Hinata, on the other hand, was worried about the whisker-marked blonde that was cringing in some sort of fetal position.

"N-Naruto-kun!" cried Hinata, as she rushed to her crush's side, and cradled his head in her lap. But she didn't even have a chance to ask him what was wrong, as a worried Tsunade appeared beside her so that she could run a diagnostic jutsu to see what was the source of Naruto's ailment. A few seconds later, Tsunade cut off the flow of chakra from her hand once she realized that the boy's injury wasn't life-threatening.

"It's alright, Hinata, Naruto is going to be alright. He just has a severe headache for some reason." reassured the Hokage.

"Hey, forget about him! Look what that dead last did to Sasuke-kun!" screeched Ino, as she pointed towards Sasuke, who was still twitching from the recent sneak attack on his "family jewels".

"I fail to see what is the source of your anger, Ino-san." said Shino. "Despite Naruto's choice of action, he did manage to bring Sasuke-san back to his senses before he caused anymore damage to the surrounding area and citizens."

"Shut up!!! No one asked for your opinion, bug boy!!!" shouted Sakura.

"That's enough!!!" shouted Tsunade in a firm tone, instantly silencing the two Uchiha fan girls. Not a moment later, Inoichi and Gin rushed out of the hospital's front entrance. They too were surprised and confused as to what had happened.

"Lady Hokage," started Inoichi, "I…"

"There's no need to worry about Sasuke's condition, Inoichi. Naruto has already taken care of it." said the Hokage, as she hoisted Naruto up, while Shizune did the same with Sasuke.

"Naruto? What exactly…"

"I'll explain everything later. But right now, these two need be admitted for medical attention. Thank you for your assistance, you and your clansman are free to go." After giving a respectful bow, the Yamanaka men left via a shunshin. Tsunade then turned to the remaining shinobi that were around the area. "Alright, the show's over, you can all go back…except for you two." she said while shooting a hard glare towards Sakura and Ino. "I'd like to have a talk with you two once I get Naruto and Sasuke taken care of."

1

Much Later

To say that fateful day was somewhat unusual would have been the biggest understatement in Konoha history. But the overall outcome of the day's end was different for each person. After Naruto had recovered from his headache, Tsunade demanded that he tell her how he had figured out how to bring Sasuke back to normal.

Naruto then proceeded to tell her how he had ran to the library and used multiple shadow clones in order to research a treatment for Sasuke after the Bizz hotline turned out to be useless. It was in an old forgotten enclosed that he had discovered that cases of hyperactivity were once cured by a strong shock; this could have ranged from a hard strike to the body to a stab wound inflicted by a knife. Knowing that the village and the council would've given him hell if he even thought about stabbing the "precious" Uchiha, he decided that the first option was going to be his safest option. Getting the toilet paper to distract Sasuke long enough was the easy part. After he realized that the procedure worked, he had dispelled his clones that were left in the library to look for a "Plan B", just in case. But what confused the blonde was why the extremely painful headache occurred when he dispelled them. When Tsunade explained to him the basic fundamentals of the Shadow Clone Jutsu, and how the user was able to regain the knowledge that his shadow clones obtained, as well as the risks that were involved, Naruto was ecstatic. Now he had a new training technique that could help become stronger dramatically. Add in the fact that he got to kick his rival in the crotch, and that the Hokage added a bonus to his mission payment for stopping Cornholio, the day ended pretty well for the jinchuriki.

Sakura and Ino, on the other hand, weren't so happy as the day ended. Both were subjected to a stern lecture from the Hokage about how she was disappointed at how they had let their feelings for a boy make complete asses out of themselves and gave kunoichi everywhere a bad name. Luckily for Ino, it wasn't as severe for her as it was for Sakura. Since the pink haired girl had previously abandoned Naruto when the entire predicament began, she was sentenced to work as an employee at Kuzo's Burgers for a week.

As for Sasuke, well, lets just say that this was one of the worst days that an Uchiha could have ever experienced. He didn't even know what had happened. One minute he was in that new restaurant, the next he was getting kicked in the balls by the dobe. It only made things worse when he saw himself on the security tape from Kuzo's when the Hokage requested it for documentation purposes. To make matters worse, there had been several complaints against him; mainly from the old lady that Cornholio had attacked as well as the citizens that were disturbed by his behavior. The old lady had even formed a gang of elderly women and tried to beat the lone Uchiha up, though this highly ineffective on their part since Sasuke could easily outrun them. Nonetheless, Sasuke had perform two weeks of community service.

To make matters worse, the news of Sasuke's alter ego soon spread all throughout the village. Everywhere that Sasuke went, there would be people snickering at him behind his back, drinking Bizz energy drinks in front of him, as well as asking him if he needed TP. It only became worse when he encountered other ninjas, and Kakashi Sensei himself, as they thought it was hilarious how the last loyal Uchiha couldn't handle a simple energy drink. But if there was one thing that Sasuke knew, it was that he never wanted to see another can of Bizz again in his life.

END!

Thus ends Story 1 of Ninja Tales From Another Dimension!. I had originally wanted to post this up on October 10th, for Naruto's birthday, but college classes kind of take priority. So I hope that you all enjoy this special treat. Just to make sure that I've made this point across, I DO NOT own Beavis and Butthead, Cornholio, or Naruto; they belong to their respective owners/creators. Happy Halloween, everyone!!!