Broken Rose
By Spunky0ne
(This one's a short fic I thought up while listening to "Broken" by Lifehouse. Byakuya comforts a broken Renji after the trauma of the quincy war. Bringing this one back for Sesh! I will have an update coming soon. Love, Spunky)
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Byakuya moved slowly through the sea of injured soldiers and noble civilians who lined the expanse of the nearly destroyed Kuchiki Manor gardens, his grey eyes calm, but unbearably sad as he witnessed the result of the war being called the Soul King Protection War. The untruth sat like a stone in his belly, but he knew well that the ones occupying his home had enough to worry about without adding the fact that the king their families served was now the dead body of the one who had done this wickedness to them. While certainly there might be some redeeming irony in Ywach both succeeding and failing in his mission to become king, there was no amusement as he passed the clumps of people gathered around the dead and dying, and the hurried efforts of the sea of healers, trying to save any they could. He heard a familiar voice loose a soft, muffled sob nearby and turned to find his half-noble cousin kneeling at the side of a little girl he had been trying to heal. The girl's noble father knelt on the other side of the girl, holding the girl's mother against him as the women cried silently into his shoulder.
"I know you did the best you could, Tetsuya Kuchiki," the man assured Byakuya's cousin, "Thank you for trying so hard to save her."
Tetsuya's lips moved, but he couldn't seem to speak. Byakuya laid a calm hand on his cousin's shoulder and Tetsuya let out a whisper of breath, calming slightly.
"How are her brother and younger sister?" Byakuya asked the man.
The other noble took a steadying breath.
"Kimiko is in recovery and is expected to live. Akira never returned from the battlefield."
Byakuya nodded in understanding.
"I am glad for Kimiko and you have my deepest sympathies for Rika and Akira," he said sincerely.
He turned his attention to his exhausted cousin.
"Tetsuya, will you come with me?" he inquired.
His cousin gave him a distressed look, but followed him a short distance away from the grieving parents.
"There are still so many injured," he said in a strangely disbelieving tone.
"Yes," Byakuya agreed sadly, "Not everyone took the precautions that we did before the fighting began. But, there are more healers here now, and your reiatsu is weakened from overuse. You need to rest if you wish to continue assisting the healers."
Tetsuya looked back at him wordlessly, his blue eyes still conflicted.
"Tetsuya?" said a male voice from behind Byakuya, "Tetsuya, is that you?"
Tetsuya's sapphire eyes widened and seemed to fill instantly with new strength.
"Ichigo!" he exclaimed, "You're back!"
He surged to his feet and the two young men crashed into each other's arms. Ichigo grabbed Tetsuya's weary face in his hands and kissed him hungrily.
"You okay?" he asked between kisses, "I heard there was an attack on the encampment before you guys moved everyone here. I was worried, cause I knew you'd be out there, leading the fighters."
"I'm fine," Tetsuya assured him, "We only stayed until the rest of the family escaped, then we took an evacuation route to get here. I've been assisting the healers with the refugees from the other noble families and the injured soldiers who keep arriving here."
"Tetsuya must rest now," Byakuya said, meeting Ichigo's eyes meaningfully, "He will need to return in the morning, but if Kukaku Shiba has room in her home for him to stay…"
"I've got him," Ichigo answered, giving Byakuya a little nod and lifting Tetsuya into his arms, "I'll take care of him."
"Thank you, Ichigo," Byakuya said quietly.
He watched as the shinigami substitute carried his cousin off, then headed to where a small group of officers knelt together beneath a small canopy. At his approach, Rukia broke from the group and met him a few steps away.
"Brother," she greeted him, "I heard you were making rounds."
Byakuya nodded.
"Have you eaten and rested?" he asked, studying her carefully for a moment.
"Yes, Brother," she assured him, "Orihime healed my wounds, then we both ate and rested. I was about to wake her up so we could relieve some of the other healers."
"Very well. Just see that the two of you continue to care for your needs and do not overtire yourselves. The injured will continue to arrive intermittently. We need as many healers as possible at full strength to heal them."
"Yes, Brother," Rukia said, bowing respectfully, "We will see that we take care of ourselves."
"Have you seen Renji?" Byakuya asked, looking around, "I sent him to assess the condition of the sixth division some time ago. Has he returned or contacted you?"
"No," Rukia answered, following his gaze around the teeming gardens, "I hope he didn't run into trouble. Should I go and look for him?"
"No," Byakuya said, giving a quick shake of his head, "your healing skills are needed here. Please continue to care for the injured. I will find Renji."
"Yes, Brother," Rukia replied, turning back toward the group of officers.
Finding the area too crowded for flash stepping, Byakuya wound his way among the rows of injured, then past the burned wreckage of the main house and into the debris strewn courtyard. He passed through the collapsed gates and flash stepped out onto the road, pausing to meet the leader of another group of injured about to enter the manor grounds.
"Lieutenant Hisagi," he greeted the tattooed vice of the ninth division, "where was this group found?"
"They are all from your headquarters, Captain Kuchiki," Hisagi said in a low, rough voice, "We found a large number of deceased there, and these were trapped when the barracks collapsed. We've dug out most of the living. Lieutenant Abarai stayed behind to catalogue the identities of the dead."
Shuuhei paused, measuring his words.
"Sir, he…seemed pretty upset."
"As one would imagine, after seeing such senseless loss of life," Byakuya mused, "There is room in the east gardens for these incoming. Just let the interior guards know you have arrived."
Byakuya stood quietly for a moment as the group filed past, their faces reflecting mingled devastation and weariness. Several quaking hands reached out in his direction, the pained eyes still reflecting pride as they sought his. He touched which hands he could reach, his solemn gaze meeting theirs, and his lips speaking the name of each of his injured subordinates as they passed. He waited until the last had gone before resuming his journey to the remains of his division headquarters.
He was still several streets away when he began to feel Renji Abarai's reiatsu. It began as a burn on his skin, radiating along his arms and flaring on his cheeks, making the pale skin flush with the heat. An undercurrent of intense pain, bordering on madness seeped into his insides and he felt a throb of worry for the usually brash, but sometimes emotionally feral redhead as he closed in on Renji's position.
I have felt Renji's burning rage before, and I have felt his sadness and pain when he lost comrades in battle. He always burns with passion, whether that is expressed as love, hatred, fear, sadness or righteous indignation. What I feel in his energy now is far more primal. Something has shocked him to the point of near insanity.
He has always been disturbed by the thought of Renji being in pain, even at times when he, himself had caused that pain.
During Rukia's incarceration and near execution, I was angry with him for letting his emotions make him so reckless as to challenge me when his body had only recently been healed from his violent clash with Ichigo. But even as I added physical pain to the pain that was flooding his heart, my own heart ached.
And Byakuya's heart pounded and ached in his chest as he reached front entrance of their headquarters and found only smoldering, hulking ruins.
"Renji!" he called out, sensing the redhead somewhere ahead of him, amidst the smoking wreckage.
Hearing no answer, he forged ahead, throwing charred hunks of wood and shattered bricks aside as he sought to reach his distressed vice captain.
"Renji!" he called out again.
This time he heard Renji's voice. Not an answer, but a deep, guttural sound of agony and accompanying reiatsu pulsation that radiated powerfully all around the surprised noble. Byakuya's heart pounded fitfully as he closed in on Renji, his dark grey eyes locating his lieutenant kneeling in front of a collapsed section of the building, what clothing he wore rent from the punishing work of extracting injured and dead bodies, and haphazard, seeping cuts, marring the mix of golden tanned flesh and bold black tattoos. He was bared to the waist and covered in dirt and blood, bowed forward and clawing at the ground in front of the trapped bodies of several very young soldiers that a group of nearby officers had been protecting from the invading quincy soldats.
"Renji," the noble breathed more softly.
Byakuya's insides clenched as he saw the quiver that went through the anguished redhead's body at just the sound of his voice.
"Sorry, Captain," Renji managed in a raw, ragged hiss.
He tried to say more but couldn't seem to speak as pain tightened his throat and stung his reddened eyes.
"Why are you apologizing?" Byakuya chided him quietly, "Barely more than a week ago, I sat, welcoming these advanced students from the academy, into our ranks. And now, they lie, as broken as the future we promised them. You may not realize, Renji, but this pains me as much as it does you."
"Yeah, I know," Renji managed in a tortured whisper, "I just wonder how you do it sometimes. How you stand there and look so calm, like nothing gets to you. I know it does. I guess I'm just not strong like that. I see this and my guts feel like they're being ripped out. I feel like I can't breathe. My eyes sting so bad I can barely see. How do you fuckin' ignore all of that and…?"
Byakuya wasn't sure exactly when he had decided to move, but he found himself kneeling in front of the devastated redhead and looking into Renji's strangely fierce, but crying eyes.
"You don't want to be like me," the noble said, escaping Renji's almost violent gaze to remove a bottle of water from his pack.
He dampened a washcloth from within the pack and reached for the redhead's teary, sweating face. Renji objected instantly, reaching out to push the noble's hand away.
"What're you doing? You don't have to…"
His eyes flitted to the ones that still laid, entangled in the ruins of the building.
"We shouldn't be wasting time!" he exclaimed anxiously, "We've gotta get them out!"
Byakuya followed his gaze, his hands paused in their task as he absorbed the words. He discovered a few moments later that he had stopped breathing at his subordinate's exclamation, and he took a dragging breath and put the cloth down.
"I know they said it was too late. It's getting dark," Renji reasoned, "But, I don't wanna leave them in here. Wh-when I got here, there were already vermin that w-were."
Renji's voice choked and his chest heaved for a moment. Byakuya frowned and handed him the wet washcloth.
"Clean your face, Renji," he scolded the younger man.
Before Renji could answer, Byakuya turned and laid his hands on the mangled debris around the soldiers' bodies. His reiatsu swelled around him and he looked back at Renji warningly.
"Move back."
Renji crawled backwards quickly as Byakuya hissed a sharp command and a sea of pink petal blades erupted around him, surrounding the trapped bodies and holding still for one breathless moment before crashing down together. A moment later, the bodies laid on the ground in front of them, coated in splinters and ash. Byakuya gazed down at the young men for a moment, then he used a kido spell to clear the bits of debris and moved forward. He laid the men side-by-side, then set a kido barrier around them. He looked back at Renji, who sat with the washcloth still unused, his mind spinning at what his superior had just done. Byakuya ignored his confounded look and returned to the redhead, kneeling in front of him and stealing the washcloth from his hands.
"You don't have to do that," Renji complained, blushing as Byakuya's slender hand rubbed the cooling cloth over his face and throat, "I was gonna…"
"You are obviously exhausted," Byakuya scolded him gently, "and you have been injured."
"It's just cuts and scratches," Renji sighed, "Nothing like what they…"
"Stop," Byakuya said firmly, "They have been freed and are protected. We have cared for them, and now we must take care of ourselves."
"Yeah," Renji huffed, giving him a skeptical look, "When did you last eat or rest?"
Byakuya's eyes narrowed.
"Mind your tongue, Lieutenant," the noble said sharply, his hands remaining gentle, even as his voice hardened, "Sit still."
Renji went silent, watching as pale green light flared around Byakuya's slender, graceful fingers and pale palms. The redhead flinched as the power touched his face and very slowly, a long, jagged cut along his jaw faded. Renji's burning eyes closed, but he could feel the careful movement of those soft, determined hands as they passed over the cuts on his muscular shoulders, restoring order to the bold lines on his skin, then carefully cleaning away the grime as they moved gradually downward. He was nearly asleep and his mind spinning when he felt the healing power fade and the cold of night reached him.
How long have we been here like this?
It was still daytime when he arrived.
"Come," Byakuya said, making Renji blink and squint, shaking his head to clear it, "we should find shelter for the night."
"Is there room at Kuchiki Manor, or…?"
"We are under curfew," Byakuya explained, "We will need to make ourselves as comfortable as we can here, until morning."
He started to help Renji to his feet, but the redhead lurched away, teetering as he rose, but managing to get onto his feet.
"I'm okay," he said stiffly.
He could feel his legs shaking under him and he had to clench his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering, but he said nothing, only following as Byakuya led him back to his mostly destroyed quarters. They found that the bed was damaged, half collapsed, but still usable. Renji fell onto the bed with a resigned sigh and he pulled the tattered covers over himself, curling into a ball to ward off the rising chill in the room. Byakuya searched for several minutes, but failed to locate any other salvageable bedding. He returned to the dozing redhead and paused, then he slipped his haori off and laid it gently over Renji.
"What're you doing?" Renji snapped, sitting up suddenly, "It's cold, Captain! You need that."
Byakuya gave him an offended look.
"Go to sleep."
He turned and exited the room, leaving Renji staring at the place he had been. For a moment, Renji considered following, but as soon as he moved, his abused body stiffened and throbbed, and he dropped back onto the bed, groaning.
"Fuck!"
He panted heavily, trying again to get out of the bed, then his eye caught a little flicker of repressive kido that Byakuya had set around him to keep him in bed.
Damn it! He knows how much I suck at breaking seals like that. And why fucking bother? Where the hell am I gonna go? My apartment collapsed and we're under curfew anyway. The guys out there are taken care of…
He drifted off, his tattered mind still achingly full of the memories of the young recruits' faces and voices. He remembered too, how he and Byakuya had gone through the academy recommendations together, selecting each with a purpose in mind.
I didn't know we were just setting them up to die! They just needed a few weeks…that's all. A few weeks and they would've had a chance at least of escaping. They were taken down all at once, without even being able to put up a fight. And the ones who were protecting them died too.
Renji sat up suddenly, his heart pounding and his body shaking all over as the image of one squad member invaded his thoughts. He heard his own sarcastic voice scolding the younger man about his footwork, about his budding shikai and especially about his incompetence handling hell butterflies.
"Rikichi!" he gasped, staring blindly into the air in front of him.
He sat for a moment, his chest heaving and his senses extended, trying to find some hint of the presence of the younger rank and file soldier that had idolized him so much that the sixth division placement was all he would consider.
The kid stood up for me when I fell to Captain Kuchiki's sword. I started giving some attention to his training after that, but I still treated him like shit. The last time I saw him, he was retreating from where Captain and I were getting set to fight As Nodt. I haven't heard a thing since then.
Where is he?
Renji swallowed hard, glaring at the kido barrier Byakuya had placed. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to his feet. He staggered across the room, stumbling on the broken furniture and shattered glass. He reached the doorway and threw his reiatsu against Byakuya's barrier, snarling determinedly.
"Break, you son of a bitch!" he screamed, throwing his body against the restrictive barrier, "Damn you, BREAK!"
He heard the sudden sound like glass cracking, and the seal broke, sending him crashing down onto his knees in what was left of the hallway. He started to climb to his feet, only to feel Byakuya's icy hands wrap around his wrists and dark, furious grey eyes fix him in place.
"Stop, Renji."
The words still sounded calm, but there was an unfamiliar desperation beneath them. That was all that stopped him as he froze, glaring into Byakuya's powerful, stern gaze.
"I gotta find…!" Renji sobbed, "He's out there, god knows where. I can't just sit here and wait until morning. He…they may not have til morning!"
"We are under curfew. For everyone's safety, we must not leave until morning," Byakuya said firmly, "And if you are…"
"FUCK THAT!" Renji roared, shoving the noble away with his hands and an eruption of feral reiatsu.
Time seemed to freeze for a moment as Byakuya's face was lit with the red shine of Renji's power and his normally calm features reflected a moment of surprise, before he tumbled away and crashed down onto the broken floor, breaking even more of the damaged wood as he landed. He was on his feet again in a heartbeat, flash stepping wildly as Renji fled and catching him around the waist as he reached the bare bones of what had been the front door of the Squad Six Headquarters. The redhead fought him, but the weight of the hours of searching and excavation of broken bodies, the strain of all of the fighting and the devastation of losing the soul king and being sworn never to speak the truth to anyone all slammed down on him, leaving him in a heap, lying limply in his captain's cold arms, crying uncontrollably, his reiatsu burning at their already damaged clothing and seething against their skin.
"Rikichi!" Renji sobbed, burying his face in Byakuya's torn clothing that somehow still smelled comfortingly of sakura.
"I was trying to tell you," Byakuya said soothingly, "I received word that he is safe, at the thirteenth division with his younger brother, Ryuunosuke. His brother and a close friend were injured, so he wanted to stay close to them. I sent my permission for him to do that. I was going to tell you when you returned to the manor."
Renji's body calmed slowly, his chest still heaving with silent sobs and his hands clenching as he worked to regain control of himself.
"Sorry," he managed roughly.
It suddenly reached the redhead that he was doing something he had never dared to do.
I've never actually dared to put my hands on him…well, except to fight him that time. I always wondered if his hair and skin were as soft as they looked. He always seemed less like a normal shinigami and more like a transcendent. When he compared himself to the moon during our battle, I thought it made sense. Cold and beautiful, that's how he seemed. But his hands weren't cold when he was healing me. And his eyes weren't so distant.
Renji felt a little jolt go through him as he registered the icy hands that still held him.
"You're cold, Captain."
Byakuya looked back at him as though measuring the words before answering.
Renji managed a teary smile.
"Your hands are cold."
Byakuya took a quick breath and released him. The noble regained his feet and smoothed his dusty, torn uniform.
"Go and rest, Abarai."
He's distancing himself, using my last name like that. He doesn't want me to see his discomfort, even though mine is spilled out all over the place. He always does that.
But not this time.
"It's freezing, Captain, and there's not a shred of bedding left not burned, except what's already in my room." he said in the calmest voice he could manage, "You're cold too."
Byakuya stood, silently looking back at him, his breath misting the air as he exhaled.
"Then, we will share our body heat to stay warm," Byakuya said in a voice that made it sound to Renji like it was just the most logical decision and not something that should squeeze the breath out of his chest and make his eyes cross, "Come, Renji."
He still felt the dregs of powerful emotion tugging at him, but he dragged himself to his feet and stumbled back to his room, his curious eyes watching as Byakuya laid down on his side and beckoned Renji closer. The redhead laid down on his side, facing away from the noble.
"Lie still," Byakuya directed him, wrapping his body around Renji's back, "I will warm you with my body."
Renji didn't dare say how many times he had dreamed about just such a thing, or how hard his heart was pounding. He knew he must be blushing and was relieved that Byakuya couldn't see his very red face.
Although, it was probably red anyway from when I was crying in front of him.
Fuck…
"Oh my god, that's so much better!" Renji groaned, barely resisting turning his head to touch more of the silken, sakura scented hair that teased the side of his face.
"I thought you said I was cold," Byakuya teased him, giving him a reproving look.
"Not when you're like this," Renji chuckled, wiping a tear away from his eye.
"Abarai…"
"Sorry, Captain. No offense, but…you are really warm right now."
"And you are exhausted, Lieutenant," Byakuya scolded him, "Go to sleep or I will change my mind, get out of this bed, and we can both freeze tonight!"
"S-sorry!" Renji laughed, biting at his lips and closing his eyes.
His heart still ached as he thought about the fallen soldiers just a few hundred yards away.
But it comes with being soldiers. I guess I should be more like Captain Kuchiki, but no matter how hard I try to bottle my feelings, I always end up losing control of my reiatsu and frying myself and everything around me, and I cry anyway. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
I'll never be like him.
He said it best. I'll always be like a stupid monkey, splashing down into the water, chasing the moon's reflection. I'll never actually touch that perfection.
The warm, close feel of Byakuya's body against his back struck him with a sudden, bracing thought.
But, the moon is touching me…
The thought brought an unbidden smile to Renji's lips and he fell asleep in Byakuya's warm, comforting grip, still smiling sadly.
(AN** This is a short fic, just a few chapters. In the next, Renji finds himself caught in a nightmare…)