Disclaimer: Own nothing, work for nothing, this is just a labor of love
Scene 1:
Foreman Living Room
December 1980
One week before Christmas; Kitty is decorating everything. Red is watching the game on TV.
Red:Kitty, I don't understand why you're going to all this trouble for just the two of us. Eric & Donna went to be with Bob in Florida, Steven is boycotting the holiday because we've elected a Republican president and who knows what or where Laurie is… it just seems like a big waste of time
Kitty: Red, if I can't have everyone home for Christmas, I'm going to pretend that they're coming home and make everything spectacular for the first Christmas of the new decade.
Red:Have you been buttering the rum early?
Kitty:Very funny. Keep it up and you won't be buttering anything ever again (goes to answer the doorbell)
Kitty opens the door to reveal Eric, Donna & Bob (wearing a Santa hat)
SURPRISE! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Red:Oh holy hell
Kitty: Yay! My baby's home (Kitty starts jumping up and down and hugging Eric)
Bob:Ho ho ho, It's not Christmas without snow.
Red:I knew you were going to say something like that.
Eric:We thought we'd surprise you and come home for Christmas. (solemnly) Dad, come on, are you surprised. (ends with a smirk, Kitty is still hanging on to him & jumping)
Red:Actually son, glad to have you back for the holidays. Makes your mother happy. (gives Eric a hug, Kitty goes to hug Donna) More people gives her a excuse to make a bigger batch of egg nog
Donna:It wouldn't be Christmas without Mrs. Foreman's egg nog. Maybe this year we can remember which came first, the egg or the nog….(cringing) Fine, I've been in a car with my Dad for 18 hours…what'd you expect.
Everyone goes to the kitchen.
Bob:Oh sweetie, you're just a chip off the old Bob.
Eric & Red:MOM! GET THE EGG NOG! MAKE MINE A DOUBLE!
OPENING CREDITS
Scene 2
Foreman kitchen
Kitty, Eric, Hyde & Red are seated around the table
Hyde:So, home for the holidays. How'd this come about? Last time we talked you guys were going to work on the Florida version of Meli Kalikimaka.
Eric:I know, Donna's been kinda moody ever since John Lennon….(his voice trails off). She was on the air at school and had to announce the shooting and his death. She tried not to sound all broken up about it while she was on the air, but after….she just came home & cried. It was like losing a member of the family.
Hyde:Tell me about it. I've had to scrape candle wax off the sidewalk outside the store as many times as ice or snow, we've had so many candlelight vigils since then. If I didn't know better, I'd swear the government took him out because of Reagan.
Red:Just because you two potheads lost your peace loving ringleader doesn't give you an excuse to ridicule the new administration. You (points at Hyde) You can't complain because you didn't vote.
Hyde:I voted
Red:You did?
Eric:You did?
Kitty:It's Christmas time Red, leave the politics out of it. Now who wants to get to work on our festive outdoor nativity scene with...
Red:In a minute Kitty, I want to hear who Steven voted for.
Eric:So would I? Please be Jimmy Carter…Please be Jimmy Carter
Hyde:Well, I'll tell you. (pause) I voted for the candidate who best fit my conspiracy minded ideals.
Red:Who'd that be then….Jack Frost?
Kelso stumbles through the back door, carrying LOTS of luggage
Kelso: Mrs. Foreman, Jack Frost is nipping at my nose & my nads. I need a place to stay for Christmas.
Hyde:(smiling) Yep, that'd be him.
Kitty:Michael, what….what are you doing here? Why aren't you in Chicago? Where is Betsy? Why…
Kelso:Mrs. Foreman, do you think I'd be here if I had another place to go?
Red, Eric & Hyde:YES!
Kelso:Shut up.
Kitty:Well, this must be serious, you just told Red to Shut up. What happened?
Kelso:I got fired from the Playboy Club because me & Miss April got tangled up in the tinsel at a party.
Eric:That doesn't seem to be very festive of them. You know Peace on Earth…
Hyde:Good Will & Playmates towards men.
Kelso:Yeah, I know. Well, the holiday spirit wasn't exactly with them at the time.
Eric:What time was it then?
Kelso:It was Brooke's holiday party at the library. I invited Miss April to entertain. How was I supposed to know it was a party for the old folks home. And then, you would have thought it would have cheered those old bastards up, but it didn't. One guy had a stroke, Two dudes had a heart attack and one old lady said she hadn't had that much fun since the war.
Eric:You mean an old man
Kelso:No, I meant an old lady. It was good times. Anyway, Miss April felt bad I guess, and quit the Playboy club right before the Toastmaster's annual Holiday shindig and I got fired because Miss April quit. Oh, and now Brooke's not speaking to me. Again.
Kitty:Well, I should say not. Michael, this is…it's just terrible.
Eric:I should say so.
Kitty:You can stay in Laurie's old room.
Red:Kitty!
Kitty:Red, it's Christmas time
Kelso:Thanks Mrs. Foreman, I'll put these things under the bed. They'll fit..'cause I used to when….
Kitty:Michael
KELSO LEAVES THE KITCHEN & HEADS UPSTAIRS
Hyde:Now we will have to recast your movie Foreman, without April Showers.
Eric:I know
Kitty:April Showers? They bring May Flowers!
THE BOYS LAUGH; RED IS NOT AMUSED.
Red:I'm leaving. Dumbasses.
Chapter 2 will reveal the pregnancy, the closeted friend, the father of the baby and maybe a surprise or two along the way. Comments are welcome