"Bri'dny. I'm sick. We ca't go oud doday" Santana sniffed into the phone loudly and Brittany grimaced
"Brittany, I'm sick. We can't go out today?"
"Yuh" the brunette pouted at the other end of the phone. She had spent the night tossing and turning, flinging the covers off and groaning before snuggling back under the covers and coughing loudly. Her mother had been up all night attempting to calm the girl, eventually resorting to placing a cold, damp cloth on her forehead and sitting by her side all night, and had left for work, exhausted and grumpy.
"Oh, honey. Well we can go to park next week, don't worry. How bad are you?" she raised an eyebrow at the groan she received in reply, "I see. Oh, baby." Santana groaned again,
"So I gue' I'll dee you domorro', if I'b bedde'. I don' wand you geddin sick too" Santana objected. She sat up in bed before groaning and laying back down, her head spinning
"You'll see me tomorrow if you're better? You don't want me getting sick too?" Santana grunted and Brittany pulled a sympathetic face "Well, okay. If you're sure. Actually, no. I'll see you in like five minutes" Brittany scowled and crossed over to the window, pulling up the blind. It was a hot, sunny day, and she could see her dad mowing the lawn below her, and a few kids playing out on the next street along.
"Do! You'll ged sick too!"
"Well I don't care. I miss you so I'm coming over to take care of you. Plus it's an excuse to lay in bed all day" Brittany smirked down the phone and hung up before the other girl could retort.
Santana was laid in bed feeling sorry for herself. Both of her parents had gone out early to work, and although they had only been gone a maximum of four hours, it felts like four days. She was still wearing the pyjamas she had been wearing all night and all of the day before, and her hair was greasy. She kicked all of her limbs out in frustration before sitting out and turning to place her feet on the soft carpet. She groaned as she stood up, pausing to wait for the feeling in her head to subside. It was as if someone had come and stuffed papier mache up her nose. Now it had solidified, and she was pretty confident that if you cracked her head open, there'd be an exact mould of it underneath. But that may be the medication talking, as she was practically drugged up to the eyeballs. She padded down the stairs to the kitchen, made herself a lemsip and two slices of toast, before padding back up to her room to sulk the day away.
-ooOoo-
"Hey, I'm going out for a while okay?" Brittany called through to her mother in the kitchen
"Sure honey, be safe!"
"I will!" She shouted back as she closed the front door, grabbing her bright blue bike from under the window and skipping down the steps. As she cycled the familiar streets to Santana's house she thought of the only other time they had had to cancel plans because Santana was sick. The brunette never got sick, hung-over, but never sick. The girl just wasn't susceptible to germs, and simply battled on if ever they attempted to disease her. As she cycled and reminisced, Brittany couldn't help but hope that this visit wouldn't end like her last one.
-ooOoo-
It was the summer after 9th grade, and the summer after Puck's first party. They hadn't spoken about what Santana had said on the walk home since, and although it made Brittany uneasy to think of how they acted behind closed doors compared to how Santana acted at school, she didn't mind too much. She knew Santana loved her, and Santana knew how she felt, and she liked that they were in love.
Santana had caught flu, and Brittany had cycled round to surprise the girl and take care of her. She had arrived at Santana's on a fairly grim day; cloudy but dry, and she propped up her bike next to the garage before sliding the spare key out from under the plant pot, where it had lived for the entirety of their friendship. She opened the door as quietly as possible and started to sneak up the stairs.
Santana was leaning her body over the side of the bed, her body wracked by a particularly violent coughing fit. Every time she coughed she felt the pressure in her head increase by at least 70% and she groaned before another coughing fit took over
"Sexy" Santana's usually high-pitched scream was replaced by a strangled cry as she stared wide-eyed at the blonde leaning against the door frame, arms folded, "Oh by God, Britts you terrified be. Whad are you doin' here?"
"I'm sorry" Brittany laughed "I wanted to surprise you. And I'm here to take care of you. And don't try to send me away because, no offence, but it smells like ill in here and you clearly need taking care of. So no complaints" Brittany crossed to the bed as Santana sat up pouting, leaning against the many pillows propped up behind her
"I'b fine! Don' worry about be" Brittany raised an eyebrow
"Yeah, sure. Shut up. Okay, firstly, how long have you been wearing those pyjamas?" Santana blushed as Brittany grimaced, and looked down at her hands sheepishly "I thought so. Okay, I will go run you a bath and you take off those skanky shorts. While you bath I'll get you some clean ones and make you some breakfast, as I assume you're not eating properly" Santana nodded "I thought so. Then how about a film?"
"You're bossy. Bud okay." Brittany kissed her clammy forehead and Santana smiled weakly, before she went to the bathroom to run a bath, filling it up with bubbles. Once the bath was full, and Santana lay relaxing, Brittany went back to the bedroom, taking Santana's dirty pyjamas with her. She stripped the bed and emptied the girl's laundry basket, taking it all to the washing machine downstairs, before putting new sheets on the bed. She collected up the balls of dirty tissues, taking the now empty box, and filled a bag of rubbish to take out to the bin. It was as she was bringing up a plate of sandwiches and getting clean pyjamas from the drawer that she heard Santana's phone vibrating on the bedside table. She went over to check it in case it was an important text from her parents, but instead saw Puck's name on the screen
Hey, u still comin over tonight? X
No, I'm sick
Brittany sent the text on Santana's behalf, and frowned. Puck never gave kisses, and why hadn't Santana told her she was going over? With a sick feeling settling in the pit of her stomach, she turned to sit on the bed. So, Santana was going to go over to Puck's? That was perfectly normal. Maybe they were just going to play video games or something. Maybe it was a mass text to all the guys and Santana kind of thing? Yeah, with a kiss. As far as Brittany was concerned, Santana not telling her, and Puck sending Santana kisses meant one thing.
Truth be told, Brittany had been wondering what their situation was for a while now. They acted like a couple, and saw each other all the time and Santana made her so happy. And she knew she had the same effect on Santana. They were a two-shot, they always had been. Except things had changed, not necessarily for the worse, but their relationship had changed, and Brittany had been wondering what impact it would have in the long run. But this changed everything. The straightened the bed covers and picked up the clean pyjamas, then crossed the hall to the bathroom. She entered without knocking, and placed the pyjamas on the counter next to the sink.
"Santana I need to ask you something"
"Sure, sweetie. What's up?" The brunette smiled, but her face fell when she noticed Brittany's expression
"Well, it's just like, what are we doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"This, us. The hand-holding, the snuggling, the kissing? The secrets." Brittany looked pointedly at the brunette and sat down on the toilet seat
"What do you mean? We've always done this, Britt. I don't get it, what's wrong?" she frowned, confused. Brittany had never had any issue with their relationship, what had changed?
"Yeah, we have. And it's always been great. It still is. But, I don't get why we hold hands at home, but link pinkies at school. We kiss at home, but at school I barely get to hug you unless we're in the choir room. I just don't get why we have to be so secretive"
"Well, that's always how it's been, why are you so upset about it now?" Santana pulled her knees up to her chest searching the blonde's face for answers
"Because we're different now. But we still go to parties and pretend to like guys, and then on the way home you tell me that you don't want to be with a guy because you'd rather be with me. But you won't be with me. Instead you go to Puck's house and don't tell me. And you still haven't told me what we're doing? Why you tell me one thing and then tell everyone else something different? Why you won't be with me, if you want to so badly?"
"Wait how do you know I was going to Puck's? Did you read my phone? And I don't know, Britt. It's complicated you know it is" she shook her head and frowned, breaking eye contact and staring down at her knees
"Yeah I did. So what am I, Santana? Do you even mean half of the things you tell me?" Brittany stood up as she raised her voice, then swallowed hard, looking down at her fidgeting hands "Who am I to you?" she mumbled, fear making tears prick behind her eyes
"You're my best friend, Brittany, like you've always been."
"And that's it? I'm your best friend. Just your best friend? Who you cuddle, and see almost every day for twelve years, and tell you love, and kiss and stuff. Best friends don't do that, Santana, and you know they don't. We've been best friends with Quinn for most of that time and neither of us has ever kissed Quinn. We're not best friends. And I wouldn't even care if I didn't know that when we go to parties you kiss other guys, and then all the way home you tell me you love me, and then kiss me. And like, do I mean as little as you claim those guys do? Or do I mean less? Are you using them, or me? Because I don't know anymore and I love you and, and it sucks. If I'm just your best friend then fine, but best friends don't act like we do, and talk like we do, and, and best friends also don't risk getting sick to come over to take care of their best friends. I'm going home."
"Brittany wait!"
"No. I'm sorry but I'm tired of waiting, Santana. Waiting for you to tell me how you feel, to tell me what we're doing. I love you but right now, I can't just be...this. Whatever this is. I'll see you later" With that Brittany turned and left, leaving Santana sat in the lukewarm water.
-ooOoo-
"Quinn. You hab to ged here dow."
"What? Santana?" Quinn frowned as Santana repeated herself
"You. Have to get. Here. Now." Santana sniffed down the phone
"Are you sick? Eew. Why, what's wrong?" she raised an eyebrow
"It's Britt. She hates me. Just get here. Soon. Please"
"Wow. Please. You must be desperate." She lauhed and was greeted with stony silence "Okay fine, I'll drive over in five minutes, I'm at Mercedes'"
"Thank you." Santana hung up and buried her head back into the pillow. She was stupid. Stupid to think that Brittany would be willing continue like they had since their first kiss last year. Truthfully, she had only been going to Puck's to play on his new Harry Potter game, but Brittany was still right about the rest. They weren't just friends, and it was unfair to take advantage of that. She didn't mean to, and if it were up to her they would act at school like they did at home, but it wasn't that simple. Quinn arrived precisely five minutes later, letting herself in through the door Brittany had forgotten to lock on her way out.
"Santana?" She heard a grown come from the girl's bedroom and headed up the stairs "Wow, Lopez. You look like shit. What's happened, honey?"
"Brittany came over" Quinn placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder and prised her face off the pillow, seeing the tear tracks down the girl's face and pulling a sympathetic face, "And she saw a stupid text from Puck, and got upset, and she stormed out" the girl dissolved into tears again, and the blonde's eyes searched the room for a tissue box before going and grabbing a toilet roll from the bathroom
"Okay I'm listening. What text? Why did she get upset?"
"Because we're just friends but we're not friends and we know we're not but I can't tell everyone we're not, you know what happened to Kurt and I know she understands but it's still upset her and I can understand that but I'm 'thelpiiiittttt" Santana wittered between sniffs and sobs, finally breaking down into tears again and collapsing into Quinn's arms
"Okay, honey. Just calm down, it'll be okay. Calm down" they sat for a few minutes, the blonde rubbing circles on Santana's back and making shushing noises "Okay. So first of all, update me. I know you kissed last year, I know you love each other and have kind of had a thing ever since, but you don't talk about it"
"Yeah. And like, we're perfect. She's perfect and she makes me a little bit perfect, too. She's my best friend, but she's so much more than that. She always was. But I don't know, I can't be her girlfriend and wear matching plaid t-shirts and cut all my hair off. I have really nice hair. And I'm not gay. I don't like girls, I just like her."
"So, you still like guys-"
"Eew no"
"...Right. So you don't like guys. But you don't like girls." Santana nodded, looking bashful "Just Brittany. But you don't want to be her girlfriend because of what happened to Kurt and everything. Okay, I kinda get that. Except here's your problem, San; you can't just expect Brittany to be your secret non-girlfriend."
"I know, and I don't. I understand why she's so upset. If I were her, I would be. I just don't know what to do about it."
"Sing to her? Always seems to work in Glee club?" Santana stared at her with wide, panicked eyes " Oh my God, I'm totally kidding! Can you imagine how awkward that would be? Like, it's summer, you couldn't even do it in Glee club. And it's awkward enough there, people singing to the group when it's a song clearly aimed at one person. And like, it'd just be you two. No buffers. Where would you look? You'd just have to like, stare into her eyes." Santana giggled as Quinn tilted her head and gazed at her with wide eyes and clutched her chest, breaking into a slow rendition "Baby, baby, baby, ohhhhhh," She acted out an exaggerated air grab "I thought you'd always be mine...mine."
"Oh my God stop. This is painful. So we've ruled out singing to her, no matter how...moving that was. You're a real help, Q."
"At least you're not bursting into tears every five seconds." Quinn sighed "Well, honestly, I don't know what you should do, Santana. You don't even know what you're doing yourself, never mind trying to explain and make it right with Brittany. Maybe leave it a couple of days; you know she can't stay away from you? If she hasn't spoken to you by the week-end, maybe go round and apologize and try to explain?"
"But explain what? I don't know what I'm supposed to explain. I can't exactly go and say 'I'm sorry and I love you but I'm not going to be your girlfriend and skip down the halls at school singing I Am What I Am'? She'd punch me in the face" Quinn snorted at the idea of Brittany being violent
"Well then, find a better way to explain. It's Brittany, as long as you're as honest with yourself and her as you can be, and explain as much as you can, she'll understand. Anyway, you no longer look like Morticia Addams, so my job is done. I'm going back to Mercedes' house. Love you, Lopez."
"See you Q. Thank you." Santana slumped back onto the bed as Quinn left the room, deciding she was right. She couldn't answer all of Brittany's questions, but maybe if she left the girl to calm down and then tried to explain as much as possible, it might be enough. She loved Brittany so much, and would love to be able to act normally around her all the time, but they would both face so much criticism and abuse. She couldn't take that, and she certainly couldn't stand to see Brittany face it, too. She rolled over and switched on the television, playing whatever film was in the DVD drawer. Five minutes later she let out a howl and gave in to tears again, wiping her nose on the bedcover as she realised it was Lady and the Tramp, Brittany's favourite.
-ooOoo-
It was almost 28 hours since Brittany had left, and Santana had spent every minute of it missing her. Her parents had been gone most of the day, and had left for work early again this morning. She had checked her phone every few minutes to see if the blonde had been in contact since she left, and spent the day before wallowing in her bed, feeling guilty and pathetic. She hadn't slept well that night, and was surprised that she felt so awake considering. Just as she was considering actually getting dressed and possibly even leaving her bedroom, there was a knock at the front door. She quickly darted around finding sweatpants to pull on over her pyjamas shorts, and pulled her hair up into a scruffy bun, hoping she looked mildly acceptable as she hurried down the stairs and to the door. She was greeted by a familiar face as she pulled it open.
"Oh my God. Hi. I'm so sorry I ca-" she was cut off by Brittany stepping forward and pushing her against the wall, kissing her hard. The blonde kicked the door closed behind her and Santana pulled away momentarily
"No, I'm still sick"
"I don't care. I missed you. And I'm still so mad at you. But I missed you" Santana stared into the blonde's sad eyes for a moment
"I missed you too. I'm so sorry you were ri-" Brittany cut her off again with a swift kiss, curving her arms around the shorter girl's waist. Santana brought her arms up around the blonde's neck, and Brittan immediately placed her hand under the brunette's thighs to lift her up, using her body to press her against the wall. When they finally pulled away, Santana found her feet and started to speak again "Brittany, you're right. You shouldn't have to hide away like some secret and I'm sorry but, I just can't explain it. It's not that simple."
Brittany pulled her into a tight hug, before taking her hand and leading her up to her bedroom, "I know, San. I know it's hard, and I don't mind. But I'm not asking you tell the world, I don't expect you to run down the street waving a gay pride flag"
"I'm not gay." Santana rolled her eyes and Brittany smiled
"I know. I know you're not. I just, I think this is stupid, that we pretend we're just friends." She shrugged and bit her lip as she made eye contact with the brunette. Santana frowned and opened her mouth to speak. She closed it again and swallowed before actually speaking
"But I'm not ready to tell everyone that we're not"
"Just, just let me finish. I'm not asking you to tell everyone. You don't have to tell the world that I'm your girlfriend and that I'm the only one. Just tell me." Brittany shrugged sadly
"What do you mean?" Santana frowned and shook her head "Wasn't that kind of the point?"
"No. It wasn't. I understand that you don't want to tell everyone about us, because you're scared of what people will think and of what will happen to you-"
"To you" Santana interjected
"-so, you don't have to tell anyone. We've never needed anyone but each other, and I don't need everyone to know about us. For the time being, it can be a secret from everyone else. And we can pretend to just be friends in front of everyone else. Just as long as it's not a secret between us. As long as we stop pretending that we're just friends, I'll be happy." Brittany shrugged with a small smile
"So, you don't mind being a secret, as long as we know we're together?"
"Yeah. Like, at Puck's party this year, you said you didn't want a boyfriend because you'd rather have me. So have me. We don't need to tell everyone, but let's just stop kissing guys and pretending to enjoy it, then going home and kissing and cuddling and pretending it's a perfectly normal thing for friends to do."
"Okay. So...will you be my secret girlfriend?" Brittany squealed and threw herself at Santana, pinning her to the bed in a tight hug
"Of course! I love you so much, and I'm sorry about yesterday, it's just that...sometimes..."
"Sometimes I just need a really forceful shove in the right direction" Santana smiled guiltily and Brittany nodded and kissed the tip of her nose, before resting her chin on the girl's chest
"Yeah. So how do you feel today? You seem better and you're talking normally again"
"Yeah I feel a little better. My head feels less stuffy. I hate getting sick." The brunette pouted and Brittany shook her head
"Whatever, you've been sick like three times in your whole life. Your immune system is made of iron." They both giggled and Santana pulled Brittany up to kiss her again
"I'm so sorry. I missed you so much"
"I'm sorry too. Now stop apologizing, it's okay. We know where we stand now. And these lips" Brittany placed a peck on Santana's lips "are mine!" she pecked the brunette again before jumping up off the bed "Ooh, I nearly forgot! I brought you something!"
"What? Oh, no you shouldn't have!" Santana called after the blonde as she ran down the stairs and out of the front door, emerging a few moments later holding one arm behind her back
"Close your eyes" the blonde grinned and Santana obliged. How could she ever resist those eyes? She'd probably try to bench press a car if Brittany pouted enough. She held out both hands, palm up, and opened her eyes when she felt something light be placed on them.
"Tissues." Santana grinned and looked up at the blonde who was grinning back at her
"Because you used them all. And by 'used' I mean abandoned in various states around your bed. Because you're a disgusting troll."
"Hey! I was sick; you're allowed to be a little disgusting when you're sick!" Santana pouted in protest and dragged the blonde back to the bed, laying next to the taller girl and burying her head in the crook of her shoulder. Brittany intertwined their fingers and legs, and leaned over to kiss the brunette's forehead.
"Don't try and bluff it off, I saw you yesterday. Birds could have built a nest in your hair it was so messy." Brittany laughed as Santana blushed and rolled her eyes
"Shut up. Just because you're my girlfriend now doesn't mean you can be mean to me." Brittany rolled her body over to lie on top of Santana, and she leaned down to kiss her gently
"Say it again" Brittany bit her lip as she grinned at the brunette
"You're my girlfriend." Santana smiled as the blonde scrunched her nose and kissed her again, longer this time, and brought one hand up to Santana's face, sliding her other arm under the girl's neck.
"I love you"
"I love you, too" Santana leaned up for another kiss, and ran her hands down the blonde's ribs before wrapping them around her back and lifting her legs to encircle the blonde's, "and you're not going anywhere now. Ever again."
Brittany thrashed gently and pulled a face of mock-terror before grinning "I think I can cope with that. Providing you never ever surround yourself with mucus-covered tissues again."
"It was not that bad!" Santana began to protest but Brittany cut her off with a kiss again, "I swear if your lips keep interrupting me, I'm breaking u-"
-ooOoo-
Although it was now a year later, still no one knew about them. Brittany didn't particularly mind. Yes, sometimes it would be nice to be able to hug and kiss Santana in the halls at school, but for now it was enough to know that Santana was hers, and she was Santana's. And when she was having a particularly bad day, Santana would always sneak her off under the bleachers for cuddles.
She leaned her bike against the garage wall and let herself in, shouting up to the brunette. A welcoming groan from Santana's bedroom caused Brittany to roll her eyes and shake her head before heading up the stairs.
"Hey gorgeous. How are you feeling?" Brittany pulled a sympathetic face from the doorway. Santana's eyes were puffy and her nose was red from rubbing it.
"Better now my lovely girlfriend is here." Santana smiled from the bed before pouting and holding her arms out to Brittany, who happily skipped over to hug the girl, kissing her on her clammy forehead.
"Okay, you know the drill. You go get in the bath, I'll make lunch and make sure you're stocked up on tissues." The brunette smiled and slumped off to the bathroom, and Brittany immediately set about cleaning Santana's room. She picked up the tissue box from the girl's bedside table and smiled as she shook her head and rolled her eyes. Yep. Empty.