Breaking Bana

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters. I also do not own Queen's Blade as that belongs to Hobby Japan.

Summary: Bana wants revenge against Shulk's group after being forced to become the new Heropon for his drug dealing ways. After he tricks Magnus' son into letting him go free, Bana gets the dream team together to start his revenge against Shulk by going after the Smashers. His end goal is to have the entire universe addicted to drugs. Shulk hates the idea of teaming up with Pit, but he will have to work with the angel captain especially since Pit seems to know who most of these recruits are.

Pairing: Implied Rob/Shulk, Pit/Melia, Reyn/Pittoo/Lucina, Rita (OC)/Viridi, Magnus/Dunban, Sheik/Rob

Rated: T (for teen) and with some M (for mature) content

Genre: Parody, Adventure, Humor, Drama and some Romance

Warning: Drugs, Xenoblade Chronicles spoilers, sexual themes, nudity, swearing, violence and unintentional OOC

This is literally my parody contest entry for MerchantAnna. I don't think it will be done in time due to the fact I got other stories to focus on and coming up with a parody beyond a few chapters is not easy for me. Enjoy!

Prologue: The Great Escape

In the world of Xenoblade, there resided a place called Bionis. After the defeat of Zanza, Shulk had rebuilt the world to his image. What exactly transpired is unknown but what we do know is that there is a bigger ocean now! But that's not important!

Up there, high in the Pollen Workshop of the Frontier Village (home of the Nopon), there lived the mysterious Nopon who ran the wheel to make pollen orbs twenty-four seven. But who is this Nopon we might ask? Well, that in itself is a spoiler, so you might want to click back on your tab if you don't want to spoil yourself. But since you already read spoilers at the beginning, it shouldn't be a problem for you.

There was once a Nopon who wanted to be the richest Nopon alive. Nopon were known for becoming merchants, but it was a dangerous job. You could die from the monsters outside of the village or you might not be able to move up the ladder. The Nopons in the village always try to help each other. This Nopon was different. This Nopon wanted to make all the money in the world without giving it back to the village. This was why he turned to Red Pollen Orbs.

By itself, you could create steroids and maybe help people with it. This particular Nopon used it as a drug though. It was very popular with the High Entia (hence their name) so this Nopon became rich from making one of his main trade areas Alcamoth. Alas, most of the High Entia became Telethia, so business dropped almost immediately. Instead of taking his business elsewhere (or he tried to. Tonight was the night he would reclaim his position) the kingpin had blamed it on the Heir to the Monado and the party. They always got in the way of his plans. He wanted to wipe them off the face of Bionis. And he would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for the stupid Heropon Riki.

And thus the kingpin was arrested after the monster that he hatched from an egg (given to him by the Heir to the Monado no less) was slain. Gadada had the perfect punishment for our Nopon. The title of Heropon that Riki currently had would be given to the kingpin for making all that money for himself. Not only was his hard earnings ripped from his little hands, but he was also forced to run on the wench wheel in the Pollen Works to pay back 100 times what he had taken from everyone. He would be forced to work for twenty-four hours, seven days a week with almost no food and water. Such was the fate of the Nopon…but it was simply a Tragic Decision on the kingpin's part. He wanted to start over after being subjected to this hell…if only he could turn back the clock.

…Nah. That's not in Bana's character. Every day he ran on the wheel and treated like a slave, only one thing ran through his mind. Revenge on the Hom-Hom group and Riki for ruining his life. If he could just escape, then he could start over. He needed to show Bionis what would happen when you messed with the drug dealer. He wanted his money back. He wanted the Red Pollen Orbs, the High Caviar and beer. He would get it all back if he could just escape…

…And this is the story of Bana's great escape out of the Frontier Village and into the universe.

Let's start with the mother fuckers who are 95% responsible for the problems the universe is currently facing: The Golden Land. Why isn't it 100%? Well, you can blame 3% on the aliens, 1.5% on the angels and the really small percent on the Gods surprisingly. Yes, the demons are free from sin by this logic, but that's beside the point! The only reason this story can even start is because the stupid creator of the universe Prism decided to listen to the Guardian of Nature Dandelion. What's that? You haven't heard of this Guardian before? Well…she hasn't been introduced yet, so better late than never.

This Guardian took the form of a little girl with medium length blue hair and brown eyes. You could call her a Rika or Bernkastel clone because of When They Cry, but she has a hoe as a weapon and she's not afraid to use it. She's probably more obsessed with nature than Viridi, which says a lot, but Dandelion was probably more subtle with her craziness. Today, she would demonstrate why Prism should have taken her more seriously.

So she waltzed her way into the Golden Garden of the Golden Land where Prism was sitting alone and having his tea. He was reading his favorite book Higanbana in the Red Moon and giggling at the tragedies. He made a mental note of which of the side stories he wanted to read afterward unaware that the events in the book have occurred in the past. He stopped when he noticed the little girl in front of him and shut his book.

"What do you want?"

"I want to play a game with you." She said with a cute smile. "I know you love playing games."

"…Not now. I'm reading."

"But I'm bored, and I know you want something interesting to happen in the Smash Brothers Realm."

Dandelion had a point. Prism loved seeing the chaos that spread in Smashopolis one way or another. He was unaware of the madness that happened in each timeline before the Great Evil came around and killed everyone.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I'm glad you asked." Dandelion hummed as her powers started to activate. Prism didn't notice because he was actually listening to what she had to say. "The universe is already messed up, but if you weren't around, everything would fall apart. I want you take a vacation from your duties and allow the chaos to spread just to see how everyone will react to your absence. Don't worry. You'll have a replacement."

Prism honestly didn't do much as the creator of the universe besides finding ways to make male pregnancy possible. He let Raven and the others do his work unless it required fixing actual problems.

"I listened, but it wasn't really interesting." Prism told her simply as he prepared to open the book. "Now run along now back to Ceres. I'm sure she needs someone to fill in the role as her useless daughter of nature."

Harsh. Prism really would eat those words. If Prism said that to anyone else, they would have called his mother, and he would have been grounded. Dandelion continued to smile as the garden started to come alive behind Prism. He only realized too late when the vines of the roses grabbed at his neck. He hissed as he intended to break it with his magic, but something was wrong…very wrong…

"Tee-hee, you let your guard down. You have no power against nature!" Dandelion exclaimed as she had an evil expression that rivaled that of the characters from Higurashi. "I'm sorry creator, but you're going to prison, and I will temporarily take over as the creator of the universe."

"W-What?" Prism managed to croak out. "W-Why? I've…done…my…job…"

"No you haven't, you lazy fuck." Dandelion said as a matter of fact statement. "I'm going to spice some things up. Don't worry, my prison isn't that bad for you…well except the fact you won't have your magic or any WiFi but…"

"NO WIFI?!" Prism nearly screamed as he started to lose oxygen. "YOU'RE A MONSTER!"

"Think of it as a temporary home to rethink your deeds. Think of it as if you're being grounded. Think of it as a small box where you get to watch the madness that will happen when I'm in control." Dandelion told him. "I already have fun plans to spread my weed…err plants across the universe. I just need the chosen one and the dream team to do it, and you wouldn't let it happen anyway…so I'll see you later."

"Wait…you can't…do this to…"

Prism was cut off as the rose that ensnared him suddenly became a Venus Flytrap and swallowed him whole. Apparently, the prison was inside of a rose…or something.

"Ah ha ha ha! I am the new creator!" Dandelion exclaimed as the rose garden around her changed from gold to a blue zircon that surely wouldn't be noticed by the other Golden Land witches/sorcerers. "Now, I will start by breaking out the chosen one out of his prison! I just…need a little…push…"

Dandelion didn't really need a push. She would only need to teleport him once he was outside of Frontier Village. There was already an idiot who would free Bana from his imprisonment. While one could easily blame Riki for it (he'll take the blame as always) it would be the son of Magnus who would release him.

Rita was his name. He was a pure angel and was often described as a precious cinnabon who couldn't hurt a fly…which was a lie. He was capable of feeling negative emotions that he bottled up inside of him, but he was still very naïve of how the world worked. He believed in second chances and sappy choices that implied otherwise. The best part was that he was the nature angel. Everything comes back to nature and that's what Dandelion loved about this plan.

Rita wanted to go to Bionis and do some research on how the world of Bionis functioned after Shulk had recreated the world in his image with no Gods (except him). Riki had volunteered to show him Frontier Village because it was the place that the sea green angel wanted to see the most. Rita wanted to see how the Nopon used their resources to be a functional society. Plus, he found them adorable.

While Dunban did not trust Riki to be the only one who should be with Rita, Magnus trusted Rita in not doing something foolish. If Magnus was a better parent, he would have gone along with them because Riki sure as hell wasn't going to be watching him when the kid made a huge mistake.

When the two had reached the Frontier Villager after traveling through the blazing Makna Forest, Riki's first priority was to see Oka his little Littlepon leaving Rita to admire the area around him. The Nopon greeted him and treated him as a young High Entia. The nature angel tried to explain that he was actually a being from above, but it didn't register that he was different…besides the fact his wings were the same shade as his hair.

Rita had slowly walked up the tree taking in the scenery. It wouldn't be long until he made it to the fourth floor to see that out of all the happy Nopon, only one was miserable…and he was running on the hamster wheel as Rita thought.

"That's so cute." Rita thought as he approached.

Bana heard him and snarled. "Bana not…-huff- meant for this…-huff-"

Rita noticed that Bana was ready to faint and was intent on helping him out. "What's wrong? Can you tell me your name?"

"Ba…bana…na…"

If Bana just said it fast enough, Rita wouldn't have said this.

"Oh, Banana is your name? What can I do to help? You look like you're dying on the wheel."

"It's…Ba…na…na…" Bana nearly stopped to catch his breath but had to keep working. "Bana can't…do this…anymore…-huff- Bana's freedom…Bana needs it…"

"Why was your freedom taken away?"

"Hom-Hom gang…Heropon…they ruined…Bana's life! –huff- They are not…saviors –huff-"

Rita tilted his head in confusion. "But…all lifeforms are saved because of Shulk…"

"Lies…Bana's life…is over…because of Hom-Hom –huff- Bana need freedom…then Bana can start over…" Bana looked at Rita slightly to see if anyone would believe his lies. He was rather surprised that the nature angel believed every world seeing how exhausted he was.

"W-What do I need to do?"

"Break…wheel…then Bana flee to start life again."

It was amazing at how easily fooled Rita was. Gadada wasn't around, so it would be easy for the sea green angel to show off his magic. Rita took out his Rose staff out and started chanting a spell. The tree that was near the wheel would soon sprout roots that would shake the entire foundation while grabbing the wheel and stopping it in his tracks. Bana ran a little too fast and ended up running the full circle before falling flat on his face. The other Nopon were in a state of panic due to the sudden earthquake.

"You are free now Banana." Rita replied happily. "I'm glad I can help you."

Bana smiled evilly at how stupid this child was. It's like he couldn't help but rub it in how foolish Rita was…even though he could probably get caught after trying to flee during the chaos.

"Heh-heh, silly Bird Boy, Bana is free to do what he wants. Bana will repay you by killing your family."

"…What?"

"Bana will also take revenge on Hom-Hom group and Heropon, but only after his empire returns."

"Wait…what?"

"Bana will be the kingpin again! Adios!"

Despite claiming he was tired, Bana was quick with running away. He wanted to run as far as his little feet would take him. The Nopon would take notice of his escape though and shouted to pursue him. Bana was a free Nopon now. He didn't have to pay his debt the hard way. He would do it the easy way and go far away where people would accept his good deeds.

He wouldn't get far with how Gadada was. He was going to make sure Bana suffer for all he had done. He had blocked the entrance. Bana had nothing when he reached the first floor when it would have been easier to jump down into the small spring. The yellow-green Nopon snarled as his ticket out was blocked.

"Gadada will not let you escape!" He declared. "Gadada will punish Bana for fleeing!"

"Gadada will never take Bana alive!" Bana declared. "Bana will escape!"

That was when Dandelion decided to interfere. A powerful blue light appeared from above. Dandelions fluttered toward the ground before touching the fugitive. Once Bana had touched it, he vanished into the blue light confusing the Nopon.

Guess Chief Dunga didn't prophesize that one, right?

Me: TBC with 2887 words.

Li: What is this?

Me: Madness. Notes!

1. I had Riki deal the final blow intentionally because it would be funnier. I also made him the one to literally be the reason Bana is free again. Riki, you do one right thing and then one wrong thing…

2. Bana will now be called Banana by most of the Smashers because of Rita mishearing him. What a great way to be taken seriously.

I think everyone can get some of the references I randomly threw in there. Yes, Prism is now in prison so everything goes to hell really fast. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne!