Author's Notes: Wow! It has been quite long time since I last wrote for Slam Dunk. I just hope I still get their personalities right. I didn't have enough sleep and it was quite a shock to me that I even thought about this as I was catching some sleep while riding a jeep home. This is AU by the way. Anyway, hope you like this.
Dedication: To all members of the Gumball Society a.k.a. GBS, my love goes to all of you. Without you as one of my support systems, I guess I wouldn't be as nice a writer as I am now. Thank you.
And especially to Mizuno Heiko, OKAERI NASAI!
Legend: italics – flashbacks
--*--**--*--
Anything for You
Life wasn't fair.
And even if I had known that for quite sometime, I still had a feeling God could make life a little fair.
But God was somehow unfair too.
Didn't God know how that I'd give everything for that man? Did He not know that I'd sacrifice everything for that man? Did He not know how much I loved Mitsui Hisashi?
Kami, wasn't it enough?
I gave everything for Hisashi's sake… for him to love me as much as I loved him. He needed money to pay for his tuition, I paid for him. He needed a place to stay because he was thrown out of the house, I bought a house under both of our names. He needed someone to comfort him whenever he was down, I was there. He needed to release pent up desires, I was there even if I knew I wasn't the one he desired.
It was already in the middle of the night when I got home. I was tired – being a lawyer in a famous law firm was tough. Especially when they were testing you and training you to become one of the partners. All I wanted to do was to lie down on the bed and let sleep consume my fatigue.
Knowing that Hisashi would not be waiting for me to get home and would be asleep at that time, I crept as quietly as I could towards our room. The lights were out as I expected.
The moment I stepped inside, someone grabbed me from behind and started to undress me. I opened my mouth to scream but the person's hand quickly covered my mouth. My eyes widened as I looked at the person's intense blue eyes.
"It's me," he said. "I want you tonight."
I wanted to protest but I knew that it would be futile. I could never go against what Hisashi wanted. If he wanted me now, he'd get me.
Even if I wasn't really the one he wanted.
I even sacrificed everything for him…
The scholarship I was offered in Yale…
"Baka da yo! That scholarship is a once in a lifetime chance! And you're turning it down? How stupid are you?"
I lowered my head. "Gomen nasai, Takenori-sensei. I know that it's rare that Yale does that to our students here but I really don't want to leave Japan."
"You don't want to? Give me a plausible reason not to pursue your dream? Don't you remember that this is your dream, K—"
"Takenori-sensei, it was my dream before I found the one I wanted more."
I looked at my professor's eyes, willing him to understand that this was something I needed to do. He shook his head.
"You're trekking blindly on the road you're taking, baka. You're letting that boy destroy you little by little."
I smiled at him. "Iya, sensei," I said though deep inside, I knew that he was right.
My partnership at the biggest law firm in Japan…
"What's happening to you, Kiminobu?"
I put down the documents I was reviewing to look at my co-lawyer.
"What do you mean, Kenji?"
He ran his hand through his light brown hair – a sign that he was frustrated. Shinichi-san probably talked to him already. He was as frustrated as this lawyer in front of me when he heard that I was no longer interested in being a partner. It wasn't because Shinichi-san was not a good person to work with; in fact he was the ideal partner. He was always punctual, firm, and a good leader. But…
"What do I mean? Kimi, you just threw a partnership offer out the window! That's something not everyone does everyday!"
"I know."
"Then what the hell happened and you made that decision? One day you were absolutely in air because of that offer, the next thing I know is you're turning it down and giving it to me! What happened to that promise we made that we'd see each other at the top? This isn't just like you, Kiminobu!"
I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry in front of Kenji. No. It wasn't time to cry. He didn't need to see how unwilling I am to turn that position down.
"It's Mitsui, isn't it? He's the one who asked you to turn it down, right?"
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to tell him everything but I knew what would happen if Kenji would know. I didn't want him to hurt Hisashi. No.
With a firm voice, I responded. "Iie. It was my own decision."
I even sacrificed my friendship with the only person I considered as my family: Rukawa Kaede.
Of all the things I sacrificed, this was the hardest thing I had to do. I was the only child of a broken family. I lived with my mother until she died when I was six. Having no other family member to live with and not finding my father, the court decided to leave me in an orphanage. There I met Kaede – my only family.
But Hisashi didn't like him. Not that it mattered to Kaede. My best friend didn't like him either. Kaede never understood why I loved Hisashi. Not that I understood too.
Kaede was offered a basketball scholarship abroad. I was happy for him but he didn't want to leave me behind with Hisashi. I assured him that nothing bad would happen to me and that I'd stay in touch. Although still unsure, he left Japan and me. I carried on with my promise for about a year until Hisashi told me not to.
"I don't want you to contact that Rukawa again. I don't want you to have anything to do with him."
I knitted my brows in confusion. "But why? Kaede is my only family…"
He glared at me and grabbed my shoulders. "Are you saying that I'm not enough for you? Are telling me that you love that bastard more than you love me? Am I less important to you than him?"
I was shaking. I shook my head.
"Then why do you still want to stay in touch with him? He's in the other side of the world, Min. Besides, you have me. Am I not enough?"
"You're more than enough, Sashi…"
"Then promise me you'll never contact him again."
"I promise."
It was heartbreaking but I did it nonetheless. If Hisashi wanted it, then I'd do it. Anything for him.
Kaede continued to write letters, e-mails, and to send text messages and call. But all of them remained unanswered. Hisashi told the mailman to return Kaede's mail. He told me to change my cellphone number. He made me change my e-mail address and changed our landline number. He did everything to cut my connection with Kaede. And I did nothing to prevent it.
Anything for Hisashi to love me. Anything…
But where was I now?
I was alone in some park, sitting on the swings and letting the rain soak me to the bones. Alone with no Kaede to turn to. Alone with no company partnership to divert my mind. Alone without Hisashi.
Tears stung my eyes again as events from almost half a day prior flashed in my mind as if I was watching a movie. My movie…
Shinichi-san was kind enough to give me a well-deserved break on my birthday. Almost everyone in the firm pushed me to go back home and celebrate my birthday in complete relaxation. And I was happy to do so. Happy that I'd finally get to spend some quality time with my Hisashi.
I saw my neighbor and close friend, Hiro-kun, caring for the peonies in his wonderful front yard as I parked my red convertible in front of my house. He recognized my car and waved at me.
"Hey there, birthday boy! You're home early."
I smiled at him. "Shinichi-san and the practically the whole staff gave me a birthday break."
He laughed. "You deserve it, Kimi. Anyway, I couldn't think of anything to give you on this special day so I decided to give these to you."
He handed me bouquet of pink and red peonies, my favorites. My eyes became a little damp.
"Arigato, Hiro-kun!" I exclaimed, hugging him. "This is the best birthday gift ever!"
"Nah. It was nothing."
I smiled ang released him. Putting the flowers in the car, telling him that I'll tend to them later, I rushed inside my house – excited to invite Hisashi for a day out. I was somewhat surprised when I saw luggage near the door. Luggage that awfully looked a lot like mine.
Maybe Hisashi wanted to surprise me with a trip out of the city.
Baka. I wanted to scold myself for thinking that way. There's no way he'll make an effort to do that. When did he ever do something to please me? I knew I was just trying to make things worse by hoping.
But still, I wanted to give myself that glimmer of hope that maybe Hisashi would finally love me.
I opened the door with a smile and saw the object of my deepest affection sitting on the couch with only a big white shirt on.
"Konnichiwa, Hisa-kun."
He just kept silent and went on with drinking with what I think was wine. Wine in the middle of the morning? I just smiled and walked towards him, planning to tease him by getting the glass of wine away from him.
"Maa, you shouldn't be drinking at this hour, Hisa…"
"Who are you to lecture me about what I do?" he shot with a harsh voice.
I was taken aback by the tone he used. He had not used that tone with me for quite a long time. Maybe it was the alcohol…
I tried to laugh. "I'm your boyfriend, silly."
He snorted. "Kareshi ka… [1]"
"Hai."
He shook his head. There was a sly smile on his lips as he faced me. Something told me that the man in front of me was as sober as I was.
"Not anymore."
I blinked. "What did you say?" I asked. In truth, I wanted to believe that I heard him wrong.
"Lost your hearing capabilities, Kogure?"
Kogure… he was calling me by my family name…
Kami… Onegai…
"I am not your boyfriend anymore. In fact, I never was. I just used you to get whatever I wanted." He smiled more. It was a smile that I knew was never for me. A smile that was reserved for someone else. "And now, I already have the one I want."
And as if on cue, someone walked in on us.
"G-gomen. Did I walk in on something?"
My eyes traveled to the source of the voice. My eyes widened in recognition. On my right was the Sendoh Akira, the sexy commercial and print ad model that Hisashi had been pinning on even back in college. The model was clad only in a shirt, just the way Hisashi was clothed.
I just couldn't believe it. My whole world was crumbling in front of me on my birthday. It just had to be on my birthday. It just had to be.
"Iie, Akira. Kogure was just leaving."
Leaving? So that's why there were suitcases outside?
"I already packed everything you own. They're all outside."
Tears filled my eyes. Hisashi was talking as if I was just someone who lived there for the time being. It was like I meant nothing to him.
I meant nothing to him…
"Akira already bought the house. I signed the papers already since I own half of the house, right? And I think you wouldn't want to keep this house."
Hisashi was right. A part of me, after seeing what was happening in front of my eyes, was agreeing that I didn't want the house. It held too many memories. Just tad too many…
"So this is the end. Sayonara, Kogure Kiminobu-san."
I closed my eyes and tears just kept on streaming down as I rushed outside. I didn't even bother getting the suitcases. I just ran. I heard Hiro-kun's voice telling me to stop, asking me what the matter was. I didn't stop. I didn't look back. I didn't even get my car. I just ran. I ran away from the house, from Hisashi, from everything while thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I ran away, the pain would go away.
But I was wrong. Even distance could not take away the pain in my heart.
I looked up at the rain that was continually falling on my cheeks. Perhaps… the rain could…
--*--**--*--
It was Kimi's birthday and yet I could not send an e-mail or letter. I couldn't even send a text message on his phone. Why? Because he changed his number, his e-mail address and my letters keep coming back to me.
Luckily, coach gave us a vacation. And right on Kimi's birthday.
Right on time, I thought. That's why I bought tickets home the moment coach mentioned the vacation to us.
I will just have to surprise him.
Luck seemed to be on my side when I called Hiroaki a few days before my flight. Hiroaki and I became friends since he became Kimi's neighbor and I was constantly in Kimi's apartment. He told me that Kimi still lived on the same street, on the house beside his.
Ha! You can't hide from me forever, baka!
But I was really worried. If he was still living there, why were letters returning to me? Something told me that something was very wrong.
And something really was.
It was a sunny midmorning and I had just arrived in Haneda Airport when my cellphone rang. It was Hiroaki, calling with a voice I had never heard him use before.
"Hey, Hiroa—"
Hiroaki's voice was desperate. "He's missing. He ran and didn't even bring his car. I don't know where he is."
"He who? Kimi?"
"Of course Kimi!"
"What do you mean he's missing?"
"He came home earlier than expected because Maki-san gave him a birthday vacation. He was still happy when I greeted him and gave him my gift. He left my gift in the car saying he would fix the flowers later. He hasn't been in the house for at least a quarter of an hour when I saw him dash out, crying."
"Crying?" I asked.
"Yes."
I was confused and worried. Why would Kimi cry and run off all a sudden? Something must've happened inside the house. Something that concerned his relationship with Mitsui.
"Was Mitsui inside the house when he came home?"
"Yes."
"Was he alone?"
"No. Last night, I saw him come home with someone else."
I was confused. "Mitsui came home with someone else and Kimi didn't notice?"
"Kimi was away for a week because of a meeting in Nagoya. He had just come home from it today. And Mitsui had been coming home with a certain someone ever since Kimi went to Nagoya."
"Did you see who Mitsui was with?"
"Yes. He was with Sendoh Akira."
The moment I heard that name, everything clicked in. Sendoh Akira was the model that Mitsui had been pinning on ever since we were in college. Iie… pinning was not the right word… lusting was more like it.
And now Sendoh Akira was finally in his arms and he didn't need Kimi anymore.
Of all the days to break up with Kimi, he chose this day. Kimi's birthday.
How heartless could he get?!
I told Hiroaki to meet me in Totsuka Station after an hour and a half, knowing that the ride from Haneda to Yokohama was around twenty minutes and the trip from Yokohama Station to Totsuka Station in Kanazawa, the Southern part of Yokohama where Kimi lived, would take about an hour or possibly more. Fortunately, the traffic was light and I arrived at exactly the time I predicted. Hiroaki was already there and it was good that he brought his car along. Kanazawa wasn't really that big a place but big enough for someone who was looking for a missing person. [2]
Hiroaki and I looked everywhere. From the Children's Botanical Garden to Umi no Koen (Marine Park), we searched for any trace of him but to no avail. It was already late afternoon when we went back to Hiroaki's place in Kamakura City [3]. Fortunately for Mitsui, he wasn't home when I arrived. But I was restless. I borrowed Hiroaki's car and asked him to stay and wait if ever Kimi decides to go home. He gladly lent me his car and wished me luck. It was useless for we both knew that we had searched every part of Kanazawa already. But I wanted to hope that there was still some part that we failed to look. And so, I set out again.
The rain was already pouring in buckets when I decided to go to the Syomyoji Temple [4] and pray. The only place I could park the car was near the children's park, some distance away from the Temple. The rain was unexpected and so I ended up being drenched. Quickly running towards the Temple, I reached it in no time.
I prayed hard and for the first time, I wanted to sacrifice something if it meant I would find Kimi.
Kami, the moment I find Kimi, I promise I will take care of him. I promise I will never leave his side. I promise I will let him feel that he is loved. I promise I will let him know that a lot of people in the world love him. Especially me.
And if keeping my promise means I have to quit basketball for sometime, I don't care. The only thing important now is Kimi.
Inside, I wanted to blame myself.
If only I told Kimi that I loved him more than anyone or anything else, he wouldn't have suffered all those years with Mitsui. If only I had told him how I felt before he met that stupid bastard, then Kimi would still be smiling on his birthday. If only…
Those were my thoughts as I walked down the temple, not caring if the rain was pouring harder. Let the rain wash away the tears brought about my regrets.
Suddenly, I saw the moon shining down on me. That was the only moment that I realized that I was nowhere near the car. In fact, I think I was somewhere in the secluded area of the park.
The moon was kinda hazy but was illuminating the place nonetheless. I looked around and saw the petals of the Sakura being blown away by the cold wind. It was only then that I realized that the rainfall was lighter.
I walked farther, reaching the seaside line. The scenery in front of me looked so gloomy and sad. Maybe, I thought, it was because of the day's events and the rain was contributing to its melancholic feeling.
It was only then when I looked to my side did I see a lone figure sitting near the borders. A figure with tousled brown locks and lean body. The figure of someone I had been searching for all day long.
Kiminobu…
--*--**--*--
I didn't know what time it was and honestly, I didn't care. All I knew was that the sky was slowly clearing and the rain was getting lighter by the minute.
And how could I forget…
… The fact that my heart was broken and it was my birthday.
Why did it have to be today? Hisashi could've broken up with me tomorrow or a week ago before I went to Nagoya. At least it wasn't my birthday.
But no. He chose this day of all three hundred sixty five days of the year. Why couldn't he have chosen one of the three hundred and sixty four instead?
Why Hisashi? Why?
I love him… oh dear God I do. Even now as my heart lies in front of me, shattered into smithereens like broken glass. Even now as my tears just kept flowing. Even after he told me he never loved me. Even after everything.
God, it hurts.
I want him beside me. I want him to hold my hand. I want him to make love to me. I want him to touch me. I want his lips to kiss mine. I want him to love me. I want him to tell me he loves me.
Iie…
It's wrong to say that I only want him. The truth was I needed him.
I needed him like water, like air. I needed him to feel alive. I needed him to be alive.
But he doesn't feel the same way. In fact, he never did.
And all along, I was alone. Alone and unloved.
It wasn't as if I didn't have friends. The point was, the one I preferred to be with was Hisashi. And more often than not, I would put my other friends on the secondary list. Friends who gave me all their care and support. Friends who loved me. Friends who were there through everything.
Especially the one friend who loved me the most: Rukawa Kaede.
Oh if only I wasn't as stupid as I was!
I was stupid to follow Hisashi's wishes and cut my connection with Kaede. I was a fool to do that. Kaede was everything to me even when I fell in love with Hisashi. How could I have been so stupid to let our bond slip away from my fingers? How stupid was I?
If only Kaede was here now, then maybe…
… just maybe, something in this lonely and cruel world would seem right.
But Kaede was miles away, on the other side of the globe.
Kaede…
--*--**--*--
Rukawa could not believe his eyes. The person he and Koshino had been looking for… the person he had been looking for all day… was here. Kogure was here and was only a few meters away from him.
"KIMI!!" he cried out as he ran towards the brown haired lad.
Kogure closed his eyes. God was playing with him again. The moment he thought about his bestfriend was the moment he heard his name being called by Rukawa's voice. Life seemed to love playing with him.
"KIMI!!" came Rukawa's voice again.
Once could be considered as a trick, but twice? Kogure opened his eyes and let them travel to where the voice was coming from.
His chocolate tinted eyes widened. On his right was Rukawa, running towards him with tears flowing down his cheeks.
"Kaede…" was the only thing he could say, his voice barely above a whisper.
Rukawa did not know when his tears started flowing but he didn't care. All he cared about was that he found the man he had been looking for. That the man he loved and cared about the most was there in front of him, slowly standing, eyes wide with shock.
The raven-haired lad's arms encircled Kogure's soaked body the moment he was within reach. Rukawa held on tight, not wanting to let go. He was trembling with fear that this was all an illusion.
"Kimi, omae o mitsukete." [5]
Hey I found you
And so, without leaving you again
No matter how much I get hurt inside
I'll always be near you
Forever
Forever… [6]
-owari
Author's Notes: Finally! After a long while, I finally wrote another Slam Dunk fanfic and it's my favorite pairings to boot! Hehehe… Anyway, hope someone likes this. Reeza's asking for a sequel… that still depends on the readers so tell me ok? Thanks for even reaching this far. Actually this fic was inspired by Chobits' second ending song 'Ningyo Hime' and one of its episodes 'Chii Entertains'. Don't you just feel the drama there? Remember to review! And oh! Before I forget, to those who read Like Bees to Honey there might be a sequel soon!
Translations and Explanations:
[1] Boyfriend
[2-4] Yokohama is located in the Kanagawa prefecture. I researched the part from Kaede's trip from Haneda Airport to his and Hiroaki's trip around Southern Yokohama – Kanazawa. Although Syomyoji temple does exist and is near the shores of Kanazawa, I just made up the park near it.
[5] I found you.
[6] This is the last part of the song Ningyo Hime, the secong ending song of Chobits.
Disclaimers: Slam Dunk and all its characters belong to Inoue Takehiko. Only the story line belongs to me.
Anything for you is copyright Yumehime Yana Hossuru 01April2004, 01:27p. No part of this fanfic may be reproduced without the consent of the author. All rights reserved 2004.
