This is my first fanfic, let me know if you want me to continue thanks!

Chapter 1

Why couldn't she stop crying? She wasn't even making noise anymore the tears were just flowing down her face like a running tap she couldn't even pin point why she was crying because everything hurt as she was lost in the thoughts of all the lives she took, the children's burnt bodies and the smell of their burnt flesh, the hatred she felt from Octavia and the words of her mother about the missile that killed 250 people in tondc and the look on jaspers face.

When she first landed on Earth and learned it was survivable she thought she could finally enjoy life again. She was so wrong she has killed so many people and never felt worse and so undeserving of life. She did not want to feel like this anymore she thought as she started laughing along with the tears still coming from her eyes.

She hated Lexa, hated and was jealous because she didn't have to kill all those people at mount weather and was jealous because Lexa had control over her emotions she chose not to act on them as Clarke always subconsciously seemed to make the choice based on her heart before she could even process it in her head.

"Clarke?" Lincoln said as he saw her walking around aimlessly. Clarke stopped and looked at him then looked to his right where Octavia was standing with a sympathetic look on her face. "Hi" Said Clarke and rolled her eyes at how stupid she sounded. "Why are you here?" Clarke said "We left the ark to avoid the grounders looking for Lincoln" Octavia said as Clarke just nodded. "Why aren't you there?" Lincoln asked "Because I can't" Clarke said "I'm sorry Clarke I was rude and scared about Bellamy being inside the mountain" Octavia said as she walked towards Clarke followed by Lincoln "We are going to find somewhere to set up a camp away from the grounders you can come with us" Octavia said

"Yeah sure" said Clarke as she noticed she had finally stopped the tears. They walked through the forest for about an hour until they come to a clearing of smooth grass with the sun shining down on the area making the ground dry and perfect for a camp setup.

Clarke and Octavia went to gather some wood for the fire and logs to sit on around it and when they got back Lincoln had set up Clarkes tent for her as well at Octavia's and his. Lincoln started showing them how to make the perfect fire. "Tomorrow I will teach you how to hunt and fight" Lincoln said

Lexa sat in her throne as she was in deep thought about what had happened at mount weather when a warrior named Samuel came in "Heda" he said as he bowed his head "What do you report?" Lexa said "the sky people are victorious heda, the sky princess she took all the lives of the mountain men they are no longer" he said with a surprised voice. Lexa was surprised she thought that Clarke would have retreated but she shouldn't have considering it was Clarke "Is Clarke alive?" Lexa said with a hard voice "Yes heda" he said. Lexa remained silent for a moment before saying "We shall go to the ark and renegotiate the allegiance, Gather the horses and Indra"

6 Months Later:

Octavia walked back into the clearing as Clarke looked up and asked "how is everyone?" "You should have come Clarke, everyone is good. Your mum misses you and bellamy" said Octavia "Not yet Octavia" Clarke said as if she didn't even care anymore "it was actually really good the commander was their which is weird but she has been helping them by sending warriors to teach them to hunt and basic fighting skills" Clarke snapped her head up and looked like she was about to murder Octavia with the look she was giving her "why are they accepting her help? She betrayed us and left us for dead now she's trying to keep us alive? She snapped "well raven said it is in exchange that we don't go near mount weather because we could use the acid fog and any other mount weather stuff they had, Clarke you may hate her for what she did but she Is helping them live now as much as it hurts you have to get over it for the sake of everyone" Octavia said "Raven also said the Commander goes every 2 weeks and it appears she is looking for you because she shows up and looks around then leaves its weird" "yeah well when you go back don't tell her anything" said Clarke " I already did she actually asked me" said Octavia "anyway lets spar im bored"

Lexa was angry, she couldn't stop her emotions and now all she could think about was Clarke, Where is she? Is she okay? Why does no one know where she is? She was cut out of her thoughts as they arrived at the Ark and the gates opened up. She immediately looked towards the small crowd of people that seemed have gathered, she wondered what they were so interested in but immediately knew as she made eye contact with Octavia. Was Lincoln here? No he wouldn't be that foolish.

As she got down from her horse she wondered if Clarke was here also but didn't see her. She looked around but stopped when Octavia approached her. She couldn't stop herself before saying "Where is Clarke?" Octavia seemed surprised that she even cared. "I don't know commander" Octavia said she was lying and she didn't even bother hiding it. Lexa glared and turned around ready to leave when she stopped her and headed for her guard. "I will be back later" she said and walked before the warrior could even respond. She waited for a few hours until it finally seemed Octavia was leaving then she started to follow her, she wanted to know where Clarke was she couldn't take the curiosity anymore.

"Ouch Clarke! Really?" said Octavia as she grabbed her now bleeding arm as Clarke slashed a small wound on it. "Don't get distracted" said Clarke totally unbothered by what she just did. They had been sparing for 2 hours now. Clarke had learnt a lot from fighting with Lincoln and Octavia over the last 6 months Lincoln often said how she was an even better warrior then himself. Octavia had gotten better too but Clarke was smart and calculating she watched every move of the person and kept her anger in check when practising and made creepy unbroken eye contact which is what distracted Octavia for a moment when Clarke striked and she was unable to dodge it quick enough.

"Get Lincoln to patch you up I am going for a hunt I will be back before sundown" Clarke said as she got up and grabbed Lincolns bow and started walking out of the clearing and into the forest. She had been tracking a deer for 20 minutes before she lined up the shot and just as she was about to shoot she felt a presence behind her and she turned with the bow raised and lined it up with the persons head shocking them. "Clarke" Lexa said as she stepped back a little at the look in Clarke's eye"