"I mean, this is the twenty-first century, how do they not have a better way to do this by now?!"
"It's going to be fine, Stacy," Schuyler repeated flatly, the fact that this was the eighteenth time in three minutes he'd had to reassure her dulling his words; even when she was reminded that she was doing this to save an innocent kid's life, her nephew, all Stacy could do was complain about how this (basic procedure, as he'd tried to remind her) was going to affect her. He was starting to regret volunteering to support her while she had the marrow drawn, horrible as he felt for admitting that.
"Hey, Stacy," Michael greeted as he walked into the room, a friendly smile on his face.
"Finally," Stacy and Schuyler simultaneously sighed in relief.
"Oh, sorry, Stace, it's gonna be another few minutes," he told her apologetically. "We drew, and I got the short straw, I 'get' to take care of Zach Rosen," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "This shouldn't take long, I promise. Thanks for waiting."
"Zach Rosen," Schuyler repeated once Michael left, furrowing his brow. "Why does that sound familiar?"
"He's one of the dudes that raped that girl with Todd Manning."
"That's right- what the hell is he doing here?" Schuyler demanded in surprise. "I thought he was in a mental facility."
"He got released," she replied shortly, feeling incredibly irritated he was even focusing on this. Uh, hi, wasn't he supposed to be here for her?
"Well, what happened to him?"
"Who cares?!" she snapped. "There was a big scuffle at Todd's the other night, Manning shot him or something."
"I can't believe this is the first time I'm hearing about this," Schuyler said in disbelief. Stacy shrugged.
"They're probably trying to keep it quiet out of respect for the girl- hell, they probably have to legally since she's underage. But honestly, Schuy, who-"
"Wait," Schuyler choked out, his heart growing cold with dread as it suddenly felt very difficult to breathe. "The girl? Who…what are you talking about, Stacy?"
"Zach! He tried to rape or kill Todd's daughter or something, I don't know. Like I said, who cares? I can't believe Michael is taking care of some loser while I have to just wait here to get stuck with that giant ass needle."
Stacy continued to ramble on, but Schuyler could no longer hear her around the wild pounding filling his ears; panic had seized him, completely taken control of him, and all he could do was frantically replay what Stacy had just said over and over again.
"Stacy," he interrupted, barely managing to get the words out. "What happened to Todd's daughter?"
"What?" she snapped.
"What-happened-to Todd's-daughter?" Schuyler thundered impatiently, his stomach twisting into knots as he waited for her answer.
"Hell if I know- I just heard about this from Kyle. Why do you…oh," Stacy realized, rolling her eyes as she trailed off. "She's your high school sweetheart, I forgot. I'm sure she's fine, Schuy- I mean, if she was dead that would make the news."
Schuyler knew that was Stacy's strange way of trying to be reassuring, but all he wanted to do was scream at her for being so callous about Starr's life. He shuddered over the thought of Starr being hurt in any way, realizing only a moment later that he was practically shaking.
"Hey, Stacy!" Michael again said brightly as he reappeared. "I'm all set now. So, this-"
"Hey, do you know what happened to Starr Manning?" Schuyler interrupted anxiously. "Stacy just told me about what Zach did; do you know if she's okay?"
"Oh, um, I'm sorry, Schuyler, I'm not sure I'm allowed to discuss that- it's an open case, and there are confi-"
"Michael, what happened to Starr?!" Schuyler shouted as his patience shattered, jumping from his seat and stalking closer to the doctor.
At this moment, he knew if Michael's answer was anything but 'Nothing', he was going to be down the hall, strangling the life out of Zach Rosen, in three seconds flat. He finally truly processed what Stacy said, not just focusing on his panic over the vague idea of Starr being in any kind of danger, and a hot rage instantly built in his chest, screaming for him to take action; it was all Schuyler could do to control it right now, and if he found out Zach had touched Starr, he wouldn't even bother trying anymore- he would be glad to let go of his goddamn self control for once and just give in.
Michael looked alarmed by Schuyler's behavior, nervously taking a step back. He was about to suggest Schuyler step outside until he could calm down, but after a moment, the anger in the man's eyes gave way to fear and desperation, and Michael understood, softening.
"She's okay, Schuyler- she didn't even have to come into the hospital. She's okay," he repeated reassuringly. "Todd Manning got there before Zach could do anything."
Schuyler slowly released a breath, the all encompassing fear and desire to commit murder in the middle of the hospital slowly evaporating, but his head continued to pound, as his heart remained unsatisfied by this answer. How could he be certain? Schuyler knew better than anyone how good Starr was at pretending to be okay for the sake of others; the fact that someone else, someone who couldn't possibly understand Starr the way he did, claimed she was okay, was hardly proof that she was. He wouldn't know until he saw her, well and whole, for himself.
Schuyler's logical side tried to butt in, telling him a thousand and one different reasons why that was a bad idea, reminding him that he had just succeeded in pushing her away, moving on from whatever they'd been, but he instantly silenced it, having none of that. The last time he'd heard his logical side out, that horrible night in his room had been the result. He had lied right to Starr's face, made a mockery of what they'd had (whatever that was- he still didn't dare name it), ignored her attempt to contact him with that letter. Because of that logical side of him, 'I don't want you' could have been the last thing he'd ever said to Starr.
The thought nearly knocked the wind out of him, and it spurred Schuyler into action, sending him to the door before he even thought about it.
"Schuyler? Where do you think you're going?!" Stacy demanded, watching him in disbelief.
"Stace, I'm sorry, I have to go."
"Schuy! You cannot leave me now, not like this!"
"Oh my God, Stacy, you're not going under the knife," Schuyler snapped, feeling something very close to disgust for the girl he was supposed to love. For once, for quite possibly the first time since he'd met her, Schuyler did not have the time or energy to make excuses for Stacy's selfishness, and right now, he wanted nothing to do with her. "It's a routine procedure, and you're going to be just fine."
"Schuyler, if you walk out on me now, you can kiss any chance of us ever getting back together goodbye!" Stacy threatened, conveniently forgetting she had already made it clear that chance was nonexistent.
Schuyler just laughed in disbelief, shaking his head.
"Bye, Stacy," he said simply.
Schuyler quickly walked out the door and rushed down the hall, being careful to go the opposite way that Michael had come from- if he had to see the face of the man who had attacked Starr, the fact that he'd been unsuccessful in harming her wouldn't matter, only the fact that he'd tried, and Schuyler knew his self restraint would snap.
It wasn't that he had any qualms about the idea of hurting Zach, he wasn't deluding himself into thinking he'd regret it, he knew he wouldn't; but he couldn't exactly be thrown into jail for assault, not now when he wanted- no, needed, so badly that it was almost painful- to see Starr.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So, where do we even start?" Starr asked Cole; the two of them were sitting in the living room, trying to figure out just how they were supposed to get started on investigating the real cause of Hope's death.
"No clue," Cole admitted with a laugh. "But we'll figure it out."
"Yeah- we have to," she sighed sadly.
Cole stared at her for a moment, and slowly edged in closer on the couch.
"Hey, um, Starr; I'm really glad we're doing this together- it just feels, right, you know?" he asked, his emphasis on the word together making it clear what he meant.
Starr smiled tightly, unable to say anything back; that wasn't the truth for her. This felt agonizing for Starr; being with Cole just reminded her of the guy that didn't want her, and when she saw how happy her presence made Cole, she got a healthy dose of guilt too.
What was wrong with her? This should feel right- why didn't it? Starr had finally admitted to herself that Langston had been right all along- what she had with Cole was real, they belonged together, and if Schuyler didn't even care about her, there was no point in trying to fight it. She had been so happy with Cole, and unlike lately, when she felt constantly lost, she'd always known who she was when they were together. They were good together, and throw in the fact that the universe seemed to be pushing them together, considering Hope, and the fact that Cole was getting clean, this was the perfect time for them to get back together. Why did she simply feel accepting of the fact, rather than excited like she should be?
A quiet voice in the back of her mind whispered that Starr knew exactly why, but she tried to ignore it; Schuyler did not want her. She had gotten in the habit of mentally repeating this to herself every few hours to make sure she got the point; not only had he told her that himself, but he hadn't even called to offer a simple 'Sorry, but no' in response to her letter, and he hadn't even tried to see if she was okay after what Zach did. The poor guy couldn't make it any clearer that he wanted her out of his life already. Starr really wished that fact didn't hurt more than anything Cole had ever done, but it did.
She'd wanted to tell Cole earlier that Schuyler had been her version of the pills, that he'd been her way of flipping out too, but she hadn't even managed to get the words out, muttering something vague about having her own way of freaking out, and she kind of hated herself for it; maybe if she could just say it, it would give her the closure she needed (it was stupid, she knew, to need closure on something that had never even truly started, but she needed it all the same) and she could move on with Cole like she should. The problem was, much as Langston said that was what she was doing, much as it made sense to look at it that way, much as it seemed like the way Schuyler had completely cut her out of his life so easily was proof, Starr didn't feel like that was what Schuyler had been to her.
Okay, well, when she'd stormed into his apartment, thrown her clothes off, and begged him to have sex with her, yeah, maybe, but nothing that had come before that horrible day did. Sure, she'd always been attracted to Schuyler, but that had just been a small part of it; she would never say this to Langston, and Schuyler himself would probably laugh in her face if he heard her say it, but he'd become like her best friend. After-all, he was the person she had gone to with everything; when she was scared or upset, she ran to Schuyler, when she was happy, he was the one she wanted to share it with; he was the person she had truly opened up to and been honest with. He was her confidant. If she'd been throwing herself at him to act out, it wouldn't have been that way…would it?
She tried to write off her confession to Langston that she loved him as just being part of her 'freak out', but she knew it was true; even after what he'd said to her, Starr knew the pleasant little twist she felt in her heart whenever she thought of him was love, and she hated herself for it, for not being able to force herself to direct that feeling towards Cole like she should.
She glanced at Cole, seeing him gazing at her with a warm smile, his eyes loving, and Starr swallowed roughly; she was sure she'd be able to in time. She just had to ride this rough period out until she got over this Schuyler phase and her old feelings for Cole came back, like she was certain they would.
"Yeah," she finally replied lamely, not actually saying the words back.
"I'm so glad the other night happened now- we wouldn't be here together if it hadn't."
Starr slowly frowned. She got that he was happy they were finally in each other's lives again, like she should be, but Zach had toyed with the idea of doing to her what he'd done to Marty and held a gun to her head- glad seemed like a little much. Starr felt a twinge of irritation, realizing Cole wasn't even thinking of what had happened to her, only himself- as usual.
She quickly shook that feeling off; Cole had protected her from Zach that night, and he loved her and wanted her, even after what she'd put him through with Schuyler; she owed him her gratitude, nothing else.
"I'm glad you were there too," she said, reaching out and placing her hand on top of his.
Cole turned his hand over, squeezing hers in his, and Starr forced herself to smile despite the discomfort twisting in her stomach, returning the gesture. He gazed at her quietly for a moment, and Starr was terrified he was about to try and kiss her, when suddenly, the silence was broken.
"Starr?"
Starr immediately felt a shiver race through her spin, her heart leaping at the sound of the voice as her body froze in disbelief, barely daring to hope that hadn't been some hallucination. Cole suddenly gripped her hand so tightly that it was almost painful, his once affectionate eyes now hard and angry as he turned to face the intruder, and she knew it wasn't.
Starr turned as well now, and sure enough, there in the doorway stood Schuyler, his expression one of pure worry and desperation. His presence making her feel thrilled and confused all at once, Starr promptly ripped her hand from Cole's, rose to her feet, and walked around the couch until she was within feet of him. Schuyler instantly began to look her over from head to toe, causing Starr to blush and uncomfortably tug at the bottom of her shirt, growing even more confused.
"Schuyler, what happened to you?" she gasped, noticing the fading bruise around his eye, before the realization hit a moment later. "Oh my God, my dad did that, didn't he? I am so sorry, Schuyler, I just-"
"Are you okay?" Schuyler interrupted in a rush, his voice almost frantic.
"What? Yeah, of course," she replied, almost laughing just because it seemed so strange for him to ask.
"You're sure?" he pressed; his overwhelmingly concerned tone suddenly made it seem not funny at all. The way he was looking at her right now, like it would cause him physical pain to look away, like she was the single most important thing in the world, both thrilled her and unnerved her, and for a moment, she could only gaze back at him, forgetting how to speak.
"Yeah," she finally managed, giving a soft, reassuring smile. "I'm sure; I'm fine, Schuyler."
The wave of relief that crashed into Schuyler was so powerful that he nearly collapsed to his knees, clutching the doorframe to remain upright. Starr gazed at him, obviously worried and lost, and Schuyler fought the urge to reach out and touch her, make sure this was real.
"I heard about Zach today," he managed by way of explanation.
Starr instantly felt true warmth spread throughout her for the first time since Schuyler had told her she really understood him and gazed at her in that heart stopping way. Had she and Langston been wrong after-all? Schuyler hadn't even known until today, and apparently, he'd come rushing over the moment he found out, appearing truly terrified by the possibility of her not being okay. That had to mean something, it had to. Maybe she wasn't crazy after-all.
"Did you happen to hear why she was there in the first place?!"
The happy glow was abruptly snuffed out by Cole's infuriated voice, and Starr shut her eyes, bracing herself as Cole came stomping around the couch, looking disgusted by their display.
"Cole, shut up," she hissed; if he said something to chase Schuyler away now, she was going to lose it.
Cole's head snapped around to look at her so fast, she couldn't believe he didn't get whiplash. He looked not only angry, but as if he'd been betrayed; Starr felt bad for that, she truly did, but Schuyler's presence overwhelmed everything else, it was the most important thing right now.
"I can't believe this," Cole said in disbelief, shaking his head. "Please tell me you're kidding, Starr." She gazed at him evenly, telling him she wasn't. "Why aren't you telling him to get the hell out? We're busy!"
"Cole, please stop!"
"No, Starr!" he shouted. "I'm not going to 'stop!' You and I are so close to getting back together, to fixing things! You're just going to let him ruin it again?!"
Schuyler suddenly felt a rush of intense discomfort at Cole's words, and much as he hated to admit it…jealousy.
He'd practically been in a trance on the way here, but now that he knew Starr was fine, the fog lifted from his mind, and Schuyler realized he shouldn't be here. The reasons he'd pushed Starr away in the first place were still there, and it seemed she was finally doing what he'd both wanted and dreaded- fixing things with Cole. He shouldn't be getting in the way, much as he loathed the idea of leaving her side right now.
"Cole, we were not about to 'get back together'. Look, I'm sorry if I lead you on, and I still want to find out what happened to Hope with you, but…as friends," she said gently. Her reaction to Schuyler being here had just made it perfectly clear to Starr that she would be a horrible person if she were to get back together with Cole- she'd always be wanting someone else.
"You're only saying that because he's here!"
"This has nothing to do with him," she sighed.
"This has everything to do with him!"
Neither was right; while his presence made Starr feel more certain than ever that she loved Schuyler, he was not the only reason. Starr just didn't love Cole anymore, and while it would certainly be simpler to go back to being the girl she was with him, she knew deep down it was impossible; she'd matured too much since then to ever go back. Cole was her past now, at least romantically- not her future. It had been easy enough to try and lie to herself when she hadn't seen Schuyler since he'd kicked her out of his room, when Cole had just saved her and Hope was on both of their minds, when Langston was constantly pushing Cole on her, but she'd never be able to keep it up in the long run- the truth would always find her. Besides, Cole deserved a girl who could give him her entire heart.
"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Cole. Look, I'm sorry, but I need to talk to Schuyler alone."
"I'm not leaving," Cole snorted. His tone and behavior triggered Starr's anger; did he actually think he was going to tell her what he was going to do in her own home?
"Yes, you are. I will call you later."
"I'm not leaving you alone with this pervert, Starr!"
"Get out of my house, Cole! I don't want to have to get security, I really don't, so please don't force me."
Cole just shook his head, tightly fisting handfuls of his hair, and laughed in a manic way, his eyes burning.
"You know what? I give up, I quit. Do what you want, Starr; if you don't want me to care about you, then I won't. If you actually want to be molested by the guy who almost got you killed, then be my guest, because I'm tired of dealing with this crap. You win," he hissed to Schuyler, invading his personal space. Schuyler met his confrontational stare calmly, though his eyes were betraying his true anger; he couldn't believe Cole would talk to Starr like that so soon after what she'd been through. "Congratulations."
Cole stormed away, and they heard the front door slam a moment later. The duo were left in a silent room thick with tension, both completely still, acting as though they were afraid to so much as breathe. Schuyler finally turned to look at her again, his eyes conflicted, and Starr smiled hopefully.
"Starr, I should…I should go," he said quietly.
"No, don't," she said quickly.
"I shouldn't have come here," he sighed, backing away. "I just needed to know that you were okay, and you are, so I should just go."
"Schuyler, I don't want you to," she pleaded, her chest tightening at the thought of him just walking away from this again.
"I don't want to mess things up for you any more than I already have, so I'm just going-"
"Schuyler, please!" Starr shouted desperately, surprising both of them. "I don't want you to go, please," she begged weakly. Schuyler swallowed roughly, gazing at his feet.
"Starr, what was Cole talking about?" he asked quietly, his body tense.
"What?" she asked slowly, her brain too busy buzzing with relief that he was still there to process the question.
"Cole said you almost got killed because of me- what was he talking about?"
"Oh," she said softly, anxiety twisting her stomach. "That was just Cole lashing out, it doesn't mean anything."
"Well, what made him say that?" Schuyler pressed, still not meeting her eyes. Starr sighed, her own head dropping.
"Um…the school sent my dad a letter, telling him about the night I kissed you, and you know what my dad is like, I've told you all about it, and I didn't want you to get hurt because of my own stupidity, so I went over to his place to get the letter before he could read it. Zach was there, waiting for my dad, and that's when everything happened," she muttered lamely, dreading his reaction already.
Schuyler gaped at her, feeling sick to his stomach over her words. He hadn't felt this violently ill since the withdrawals. Even after what he'd done to her, Starr had gone out of her way to protect him, and while she was being attacked because of it, where was he? Begging a girl he hadn't truly loved in a very long time to come back to him so he could hide from his feelings for Starr, insulting Starr by saying she was no Stacy- because really, even when he had loved Stacy, Schuyler had never been blind enough to believe she was someone others should aspire to be like.
How did Starr not absolutely despise him? How had she not thrown him out the second he'd shown up? Why did she seem…happy about his presence? What had he ever done to deserve this from her?
"Now I should really go," Schuyler choked out, his disgust with himself at an all time high. He had no business being anywhere near Starr after all he'd done.
"Why?" Starr asked desperately. Schuyler looked at her in disbelief.
"Because it's not right for me to be here, Starr! All the reasons I've given you before about why it's wrong for us to be 'friends' or anything like it still stand, and now, you can throw in the fact that you were almost killed because of me!"
"That's not what happened! I mean, unless there's something I don't know about, unless you gave Zach a gun and suggested using me to hurt my dad, it was not your fault! Cole is the reason my dad wasn't there when I showed up, does that make this his fault? And hey, think about what my dad was doing to you while he was gone!" she cried, motioning to his bruised face. "Isn't that my fault then?"
"Your dad had every right to do what he did, and Cole's a kid who made a mistake, he's not your teacher, who should know better, and that's why I should go now," he grit out through his teeth.
"Oh my God, will you stop with that already?!" Starr shrieked in frustration. "If you don't want to be here, fine, you have no obligation to me and you can get out, but quit with the stupid excuses about what you shouldn't do, and what's wrong and what's right!"
"Of course I want to be here!" Schuyler exploded. "All I ever want is to be near you, but I know I don't belong there, and that kills me, Starr! You honestly believe it doesn't?! Then I guess I'm a better liar than I thought."
"What?" Starr gasped, suddenly finding it extremely difficult to breathe, as her head spun wildly, unable to comprehend what he had just said. "You want to be here?" Schuyler just nodded taking a breath; he really shouldn't have let that slip. "And you want…to be with me?" she asked slowly, meaning that in more ways than one.
Schuyler was all set to deny, to lie right to her face again, but when he finally dared to meet her eyes in that moment, he instantly knew he couldn't do it; Starr was still in that bad place she'd been in when she'd thrown herself at him, and it had only been made worse by what Zach had done. She was fragile right now, and Schuyler knew he would never be able to live with himself if he were the one to break her completely.
"Yes," he finally admitted in a whisper. Starr brought her hands to her mouth in shock, slowly shaking her head.
"Oh my God," she muttered in shock. "So, you…you said you lied? You mean at the apartment, when you said you don't want me?" she demanded, her voice suddenly forceful as she stared him down. Schuyler simply nodded, his eyes heavy with regret. "Why? she cried. "Why would do that?" After that, how did she even know if he meant what he was saying right now? What if he was just giving her what he wanted because he thought she would snap after what Zach did to her if he didn't? How could she even tell when he was being honest and when he wasn't anymore?
"Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Starr," Schuyler sighed in frustration."I'm trying to do what's best, and I keep failing because I don't know what the hell that is anymore."
"Well, what made you think this was?!"
"Because I'm your teacher, Starr- or at least I was, and hopefully will be again. I am so much older than you, and you deserve so much better than a guy like me, who would always have to hide you."
"I don't think that's the only reason," Starr finally spoke, gathering her nerves; if there was ever a time to be brave, this was it. "Did, you um…did you read my letter?" He just nodded, his expression unreadable. "I think…I think what I said about your reaction for that second was right, and I think Cole showing up, and everything he said to you, really got to you. But it wasn't true, Schuyler, any of it. My feelings for you never had anything to do with Cole, he is just flattering himself if he really believes that, and you didn't take advantage of me, ever."
Schuyler remained still and unexpressive as a statue, and Starr felt a surge of frustration, accompanied by a healthy dose of courage. She was tired of trying to figure him out, of trying to figure out if he felt anything for her, if there was any hope to hold on to, or if he just saw her as a friend, if he was just being polite, if she was either completely stupid or utterly insane. Being around Schuyler almost made her long for the days of first grade, when all you had to do to figure your love life out was pass the object of your affections a simple note: 'Do you like me? Check yes or no.' Actually, that didn't sound like a bad idea.
"Schuyler…" she began slowly, startled when her voice came out shaky. "Look, I just need to know, once and for all, is there something between us, yes or no? I don't want you to lie to me because you think I'm going to flip out if you say something I don't want to hear, okay? I can handle it if you don't, but I just want to know for sure if this has all just been me, if I'm just crazy or what!"
"You're not crazy, Starr!" Schuyler replied, feeling himself break. "If either of us is crazy, it's me, because I'm the one who somehow fell in love with a student!"
He what? Dazed, Starr actually pinched her arm, unable to believe what she had just heard. She had just wanted Schuyler to admit their connection was real; she hadn't expected for him to go above and beyond like that.
"You what?" she voiced faintly. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard that right. You…love me?"
"Yes," he sighed, sounding exhausted by all the energy it had taken him to fight admitting that up until now. "I do, Starr. It's why I spent more time with you than a teacher should ever spend with a student, it's why I told you more than I ever should have. It's why I followed you into the hall the night of the dance in the first place, why I called you even after everything that happened to make sure you were okay. It's why I kicked you out of my apartment, why I never wrote you back, and hell, it's why I told a girl that I think is a selfish, horrible person that I love her and want to leave town with her!"
"Wait, you what?" Starr demanded, her initial rush of joy fading; how had this admission managed to mix her up even more? "You love me, so you told me that you don't want me, ignored me, and told someone else you love her? I'm not following!"
"Starr, I pushed you away and refused to write you back even though those were the last things I wanted to do because I thought it was the best thing I could do for you, and I told Stacy I want her back because I thought being with her was the only thing that would keep me away from you, but obviously that isn't even true, because I was with her at the hospital, where she's donating bone marrow, and when I heard about what happened to you, it took me all of three seconds to bolt from her side to yours." Schuyler suddenly weakened, his voice losing it's force as he recalled that horrible moment again. "I didn't even mean to come here, but I couldn't stand staying away when I heard."
Hardly even realizing what she was doing, Starr hesitantly walked closer, the depth of emotion in his voice moving her.
"And then to find out it happened to you because of me, just proves to me that I should have stayed away altogether, you're better off," he said roughly, bowing his head.
"Schuyler…" Starr murmured quietly, at a loss for what she could say to get through to him.
His head remained bowed, and Starr reached up, grasping his face in her hands and forcing him to look her in the eyes. She searched his eyes for a moment, and, finding that the passion they showed for her, conflicted as it may be, left her speechless, Starr reminded herself of her vow to be brave, took a deep breath, and rose up on her toes and just kissed him.
Starr was prepared for Schuyler to push her away, but to her (very pleasant) surprise, his defenses all seemed to suddenly shatter and he instantly gave in and responded, kissing her tenderly as he curved his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her closer. Starr momentarily grinned against his lips as his fingers trailed down her back, before grasping her hips, pulling her body tight to his. Starr sank into his embrace, kissing him passionately, finding herself wishing this moment never had to end.
Of course, seconds after she thought that, it did. Schuyler suddenly pulled back and released her from his arms, looking as it though it physically hurt to do so, glancing away as he breathed heavily.
"Wait, Starr; we still can't do this," he forced himself to say, practically spitting the words he hated them so much.
"But…I love you, Schuyler," she choked out, her heart clenching. Schuyler inhaled sharply. "I don't care if you think you're not good enough or don't deserve to be around me or whatever, that's my decision to make!"
"I love you too, Starr, I do," he confessed sincerely. "But it doesn't change how things are with us," he sighed heavily; he would give anything for that not to be the case. "I wish things weren't this way, but-"
"You'll be my teacher again soon enough, you're older than me, et cetera, et cetera," Starr cut in miserably, her voice dull from the pain; she couldn't believe Schuyler had admitted he loved her, even given in and kissed her, and yet they were still going nowhere.
The thought brought tears to her eyes, stinging them painfully, and Starr took a shaky breath, turning around so he wouldn't have to see. Schuyler could have sworn he literally felt his heart break as he watched her, hating himself for doing this to her.
"Starr…" he began slowly, hoping this wasn't a mistake, that he wasn't just being selfish yet again and making things worse. "I read your letter…"
"I know, you told me," she cut in sharply, still not facing him. "So if you're going to-"
"Starr," Schuyler interrupted gently, knowing she had the wrong idea about where he was going. "What you said, about waiting for me…I'm not going to ask for anything from you, I don't have any right, and I just want you to do whatever makes you happy- God, you have no idea how badly I just want you to be happy, Starr," he said powerfully. "But, I…I'll wait for you." Starr was now the one to nearly crumple from the rush of relief, happiness spreading throughout her once again as she turned back around, seeing in his expression that he truly meant that.
"I know now more than ever that there's nobody else I want, so I'll wait for you. And if in a year, you still…want this, want me, then-"
"I meant it," Starr interrupted firmly. "What I said I was going to wait for you, I meant that. The only reason I was even considering giving Cole another chance is because I thought you didn't want me, but as long as there's something to wait for, then I will be happy to wait however long it takes, I don't care. Nothing will change in a year, Schuyler, I know that; I love you."
"I love you too, Starr," Schuyler murmured happily, a smile of true warmth on his features as he cupped her cheek and kissed her softly one last time. Starr sighed peacefully, a feeling of contentment spreading throughout her, even as he pulled away. "I really should go now."
"I know," she said, despite how much she wished he never had to leave. "But I'll be seeing you, right?"
"Definitely; I think today proved I can't stay away for long, even if I wanted to," he chuckled. She grinned.
"Glad to hear that."
They exchanged final goodbyes, and Schuyler left. Starr watched him go with longing eyes, but the happy grin she was now sporting never faded. Even if they couldn't be together now, Schuyler loved her, and he wanted her, and he was going to wait for her; knowing that was all she needed.
And honestly, though she was certainly prepared to wait a year if that was what it really came to (no more surprise strip teases to rush along the process, God no), but somehow, she had a feeling he wasn't going to last that long.
Either way, though, if there was one thing Starr was sure of, it was that however long the wait was, it would be more than worth it- he would be more than worth it.
The End
I just thought that seemed like the most logical ending considering where Schuyler's head is right now, but for what it's worth, in my mind, Schuyler totally gives in a couple weeks after the end of this fic, no way does he last a month, let alone a year ;) lol.