Trigger warning: self harm, suicide. Also contains bad language.
She puts the pen down. Putting the small squared paper into an envelope and writing his name down on the front. She didn't want to do this, but she had to.
Closing her eyes momentarily; she tries her hardest not to think of his reaction when reading it. His face.
But she does and is soon enough sobbing silently at the back of the pub, where she was staying for the time being.
Everyone had left her. Kate had told Carla they weren't sisters anymore as she blamed Carla for the death of her fiancé. Michelle had left to live in Ireland with her parents, she had no friends anymore. The factory lot had completely cut her out of their life, she always thought they were nothing but employees to her but looking back, she'd do anything to be with them again. The factory in itself had gone.
She continuously hears the sound of the debris and wood planks crashing down. The screams of her friends falling to the ground with such impact. She remembers the blood on the floor, the sobs from the loved one who watched their lover die.
Vicious shouts and verbal abuse is still laced in her mind. Everyone thinking Carla planned all this, thinking she was a liability. Neighbors smashing her car windows, throwing stones at her, not even going into the Rovers as they knew she was nearby.
Carla couldn't live like this. She couldn't have all these people having to be in the same street 'as this vile human being.'
The only man there for her was him. He reassured her that everything would be okay. It was the grief talking and soon enough, the street would realise it was an accident.
Until Gary and Sarah blabbered out in the cafe one day that Carla knew the roof was damaged and faulty but carried on letting the workforce do their job because they needed the money.
That's when things got a million times worse.
Johnny told Carla she'd have to leave in the next 24 hours, he was stuck in the middle between Kate and her but obviously he listened to his favourite daughter, Kate.
So many people in the street were telling Carla to hurry up and kill her self, some even threatening to do it themselves like Robert for example. He blamed Carla for the breakup between him and Michelle.
Carla soon thought, she might as well just do what all these people want.
She stands up, walking to the bar before hearing loud tuts and mumbles immediately. She felt suffocated with hatred.
"Where are you off too?" Johnny asks, distantly.
"Out." She whispers emotionless, carrying on her walk to the main entrance.
"Ugh look at her! Making out she's the victim in all of this!" Beth snaps.
"Carla!" Peter Barlow calls. "Where are you off to?"
"Going for a walk." She replies quietly.
"Do you want me to come with you? We could talk?" He offers, smiling weakly.
"N-no thanks. I want to be alone."
"I don't think you should be alone love." Peter admits.
"And who are you? My dad." She frowns before sighing. "Sorry. My heads a mess."
"Don't worry about it, what's that in your hand? It's got my name on it."
"Oh, this. Erm...it's just some sort of love letter I found from like 2011 or something." She stutters, laughing nervously.
"Love letter? For me? Can I read it?" He questions.
"No it's embarrassing."
"Why're you carrying it then?" He narrows his eyes. "Come on, I won't judge."
"Fine. But you can read it tonight, I don't want to be around you...to much embarrassment you know." She nods, hesitantly handing it over before walking off in the opposite direction.
"Carla!" He calls.
"Yeah?"
"Take care won't you eh?" He smiles.
A few hours later, she's made her destination. Grafetti coated the walls, planks of wood bordering up the doors and windows. It was a place she felt most vulnerable, exposed even. But that was her childhood.
She got inside through the back gate and locked the doors. Sighing quietly, she looked around and thought about the horrible memories.
"Carla what do you think you're doing!" Sharon yells at 13 year old Carla whose going through the money tin. "That's my money!"
"Me and Rob haven't eaten for days mum! I'm just taking a couple of quid to by some bread and stuff." She replies.
"I don't care! You don't go taking my money without asking. I need that!"
"No you don't need it! You just want want to buy some more drugs. But what about your two children who are starved because their mum refuses to feed them! That isn't right." Carla shouts.
"Carla stop shouting at mum." 11 year old Rob whimpers.
"Rob, I'm trying to get us food." She mumbles.
"You will never ever take my money again d'ya hear me!" Her mother screams.
"Look at you mam! You're already off your face with booze and it's 8am. I don't understand how you think this is right! You're unbelievable." Carla cries but suddenly when she gets a stinging sensation on her right cheek, she gasps. Placing a hand on the soreness, she stares at her mum through watery eyes before rushing out of the house.
Her mum carries on smoking her fag and holding her nearly empty vodka bottle; looking unscathed from just hitting her young daughter.
She wipes a tear that somehow managed to escape whilst she sits down in the corner of the room.
Everything is so still. So silent.
Opening up her handbag, she pulls out a bottle of vodka and chuckles to herself. I'm exactly like my mum she thought. As she takes a big mouthful, she squirms but it's satisfying to her.
"Carla what are you doing in there! I need a piss!" A middle age drunken George shouts. He was a rather obsese man, a dirty looking unshaven face and scruffy hair who wore stain tops days on end.
"I'll be out in a minute." 15 year old Carla mutters quietly. In a daze and she stares at the metal blade.
"Hurry up! I'll break this door down in a minute!" He yells.
"Okay, Okay. There." She opens the door.
"Eh what's up with you!" He says in disgust as he looks at her tear stained cheeks and her holding her arms defensively.
"What? Nothing." She murmurs.
"What have you done to your arm?" He smirks.
Blood seeped through the sleeve of her grey jumper.
She ignored him, until he grabbed her arm causing her to wince loudly.
"Get off." She whimpers.
"What the fuck have you done?! You silly girl!" He laughs. "Eh Sharon! Your daughters been cutting herself again!"
"Oh for god sake Carla! Stop crying for attention already and just tidy the kitchen; I asked you ages ago!" Sharon moans.
Carla's thoughts are interrupted my a text message.
Peter: you've been gone ages. Are you okay? xxx
She doesn't want to, but she leaves him on read. Now was the perfect time. She'd reminisced, was certain everyone wanted her dead. And as for Peter, she thought he deserved someone better. He didn't need her, he was better off without her. But she was wrong.
Back on the streets in Wetherfield, Peter was sat on the sofa of Number 1, Coronation Street. He just stared down at this envelope in his hands.
Peter Barlow X
He's known Carla for years, there was absolutely no way she'd write a love letter for him. Yes, in the past she'd been a flirt, a bit desperate even but it was just so unrealistic. And what was she doing with it at that precise moment?
All these thoughts circling his head lead to him opening it.
His heart immediately sank.
Peter, if you're reading this then I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't of done this unless I hit rock bottom. Last time you saved me, I was lucky I suppose but this time it's goodbye. This can't keep going on.
I'm hurting too many people, no one wants me here. Why should I get to live when the whole street wish nothing but death upon me?
You know from the bottom of my heart, I adore you more than ever. I can't even describe my love for you and remember I'll always feel the same way. Even the past, I felt the same.
I know there'll be a gap for a while. I know you'll be blaming yourself and thinking about all the 'what ifs'. Please don't think you had anything to contribute to this, it was all me. All my fault for the roof collapse, being hated. It all comes down to me.
You'll blame yourself for what's happened with Tina, the baby...everything but please don't let that enter your head because I love you so much baby.
Don't go to drinking, please. Resist it for me, I'll be watching on and I'd hate for you to go back to that poison. Just be there looking after your son and working on your new boat. Live the life I couldn't and get into a new relationship, with Abi even? Maybe have a few more kids. I just want you to be happy.
Please reassure my family that I love them and tell Kate that I'm so so sorry.
Now it's time to end things where it all begin in the first place.
Love Carla xxx
He sobbed. This couldn't be happening.
He opened it before her say so, maybe he still has a chance? He put his head in his hands and thought it through. 'Now it's time to end things where it all begun in the first place'. peter vividly remembers Carla talking about the place she grew up, she'd been brought up there literally since she was born until the age of 17 when she moved in with Paul.
Unfortunately, he had no idea where this place was apart from it was an estate in Manchester which was just about within an hours drive.
A few moments later, he runs into the pub. "Johnny!" He cries.
"Peter what's up?" Johnny questions. "Calm down, deep breaths. What's happened? Is it Carla?"
"She's all anyone ever talks about nowadays." Kate rolls her eyes in pure hatred for her older sister.
"Oh god Johnny this is not good, can we go to the back?" Peter asks.
"No just tell me Peter! You're worrying me now!" Johnny snaps. "What's that in your hand?"
"Read it." Peter hands it to the older man, closing his eyes momentarily because he couldn't stand watching his face.
"No..." He whispers. "No, no, no, no"
"We need to find her before it's too late Johnny!" Peter says.
"Oh god...it's Aidan all over again."
"What's going on? Are you alright hun?" Jenny says softly, putting an arm around her husband.
"Right Johnny, do you know the address of the house Carla grew up in!" Peter questions sternly.
"Yeah I think so, I know the street for sure and I'd recognise the house once I see it." He nods tearfully.
"We have to go there now! Before it's too late." Peter sighs before the two man sprint out.
"Leave it dad! She's not worth it!" Kate yells.
45 minutes later, they park outside a building. "I think this is it." Johnny whispers.
"It looks like a squatters house." Peter shakes his head in disgust. "She wouldn't want to go in there."
"Pretty sure she's past the point of caring now." Johnny vulnerably says.
Inside the building, Carla had just completed what needed to be done. Blood dripped down the side's of her arms, producing a small puddle beneath each limb. A brown glass container lay on its side close to her, a now empty vodka bottle doing the same.
She was slumped against the wall. Her eyes still partly open as she imagined her last moments of the life she could've had.
"Walk to Mummy!" Carla softly smiles, holding her arms out for her 1 year old daughter to run into.
"Has she done it yet?" Peter asks, gesturing to small Millie.
She was a perfect combination of Peter and Carla. Dark brown hair tied in a little poney tail on top of her head, curls like her mums natural hair. She had Peters dark brown eyes, making her get away with a lot of stuff as it made Carla go soft. She also had his nose but Carlas lips and complexion. But you couldn't forget her little laugh that sounded exactly like Carlas giggle.
"Come on Mils! Walk to mummy." Carla says, Peter sitting opposite Carla. He was behind the little girl, leaving a gap between the parents for her to take her very first steps. "Come on beautiful!"
"3...2...1...yay!" Peter and Carla both squeal in happiness as Millie takes a few tiny steps before falling gracefully into Carlas arms.
"You done it baby girl!" She kisses her repeatedly on the head.
"My two girls." Peter comes over, pulling them both into an embrace.
She starts to feel her eyes becoming heavy and breaths were now harder to take. She knows it's time.
But when she hears banging on the door and the repetitive call for her name, she knows there's a chance it could all go wrong. Again.
However she's way too drugged up and Semi-concious to care about anything now. She was obviously very ill, her head was groggy and clearly she was not thinking straight.
"Carla!" Peter screams again. "I'm going to try and break it down."
"Careful." Johnny pipes up, scared that he'll have to witness another one of his child's bodies.
"I can't do it. It's all boarded up." Peter says frustratedly, after trying his damn hardest to knock the door down.
"The window!" Johnny shouts, pointing ahead.
After many attempts, Peter eventually manages to smash part of the window after ripping out the wood from it forcefully. It had been a struggle but that was nothing to him.
Immediately, he climbs through. He thinks it's extremely unhealthy and abnormal for his heart to be racing this fast.
Bile rises up as soon as his eyes meet the poor brunette slumped in the corner of the room.
"Carla!" He weeps. "Call an ambulance!"
"Oh my god." Johnny cries, from the window.
"Oh no baby not again. Please." Peter whispers. "Stay awake."
"P...Peter." She sighs, painfully.
"Shh you don't have to say anything. Just please baby stay awake until the ambulance arrive."
"I...want to die." Carla whimpers quietly. "I have to baby."
"Don't say that. Don't you dare." Peter sobs.
"Carla how could you do this after Aidan." Johnny pipes up, emotionally distressed.
"S...Sorry." She says, nearly inaudible as her eyes begin to close. "I love you."
"No! Carla no!" Her lover shouts desperately.
"Goodbye..." she whimpers before silence.
"Carla?" He cries. "Carla no!"
Sobs of grief and loss escape Peters lips; a cry he's never ever done before. Johnny is the same, weeping into his hands as they hear sirens coming...
But it's too late.
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