The blind Noldor prince
Author's note: this was inspired by a random idea I had a few days back and I had to try writing it down for January 3th, the birthday of J. R. R Tolkien
~X~X~X~X~X~X
No one expected it to happened. Absolutely no one. Princess Írimë, third child and the second daughter of Finwë and his Vanyarin wife Indis, was no longer a small elfling when the news of the Queen's fourth pregnancy was revealed. Fëanáro, the only son from the High King's first marriage, refused to return to Tirion for the family event. He had a legitimate excuse to stay away, for his own wife Nerdanel just had given birth to their second son, named Makalaurë, and as they lived far outside Tirion it was imperative he stay by her side despite the social snub.
The months went by, and Indis grew larger as the child inside her matured. Many were betting that it had to be a second prince she carried, since she already had given Finwë two daughters and one son. Others were skeptical for the same reasons.
"I am so honored to give you another child, dearest. I am sure that this one will be special in its own way," she said often to Finwë in the evenings when they were together with a smile.
"Yes, I hope he is a brother so I can teach horse-riding and other things to!" Ñolofinwë laughed and pretended to stab a ripe peach with his quill before his sister snatched it away. "We have several older ponies in the stables who are too kind to throw off a new rider," he went on excitedly, eyes aglow. With a tired sigh, Indis ordered her children to calm down. She needed her rest as this pregnancy took a lot of her own strength, and having already been pregnant three times before, she did not have the same endurance as when she had been a unwed maiden.
Eventually it was time for the birth. But to the great confusion of Fëanáro, there was no letter from Finwë requesting him to be present at the traditional naming ceremony for a new child. At first, he took it as a sign of that Indis and the midwives may have mistaken the due date, and that she may not have given birth yet. But as the days passed on, he started to get the growing feeling that something may be wrong.
"Atar, there is a message bird at the window!" Nelyo, Fëanáro's oldest son and heir, pointed to the window.
"Hold Kano for me, son. You sit well with your legs crossed in that manner," Fëanáro responded, helping his firstborn to support the head of his baby brother before taking the letter. Nerdanel, who had been sleeping for some hours, had a small surprise when she opened the bedroom door and found her husband staring in shock at the letter in his hand, the broken seal in red wax revealing who the sender was.
"Dearest? What is wrong? I know that you don't like Ñolofinwë, but you've never react to his letters in this manner before."
"It's not him, it's... something is wrong at the royal nursery, he writes, and he has not been allowed to see my step-mother's new brat…"
Folding the letter together so he could have it in his pocket, Fëanáro hurried into his working room. Fussing because he was hungry, baby Kano had barely started to nurse from Nerdanel when the Noldorin Crown Prince returned, fully dressed for a short journey to Tirion.
"I need to go to court, something is strange about my youngest brat to a half-sibling…" he explained as he awkwardly tried to fasten his cloak with a brooch and getting a boot on his foot on the same time. "Ñolofinwë knows that I do not like getting personal letters from him, so for him to break that agreement…"
When Fëanáro arrived at the palace Ñolofinwë quickly grabbed his arm and literally dragged him along to the nursery. While having reached his full height, he was still rather boyish in body, built with almost too long limbs and a voice that was on its way to deepen.
"Surely there must be something wrong... as far as I can see, mother is all right and I have heard our new sibling cry, but… I know that you have not studied to become a healer, brother, but…"
"I get it, Ñolo, now calm down before you turn into a fussing mother-cat. And for the last time, we only share one parent in our royal father, making us half-brothers."
The royal nursemaid was surprised at seeing the two older princes enter, and tried to protest that the High King had not allowed anyone to enter without his permission.
"Us needing his permission to meet a new sibling? That is rather... unlike Father to order," Fëanáro said with a raised eyebrow before walking over to the cradle. A tiny little hand was seen trying to grab something in the air. As the Crown Prince bent over the cradle, some faint golden locks could be seen around the baby face, a sign of the Vanyarin blood from Indis. But the eyes, the baby-blue eyes… they were clouded in a manner which Fëanáro had only rarely seen in animals before; and in horror he realized that his newest half-siblings was born blind.
"Oh, sweet mercy of Varda…" he whispered for himself as the baby tried to focus where his voice came from.
~X~X~X~X~X~X
During his first years in growing up from infant to child, Arafinwë learned that he was different from others around him. Not in character, somewhat by birth and social rank, but especially in that he is unable to see anything else than darkness. He only knew his different family members by touching their faces and from the smells around them, his mother and sisters being fond of using different perfumes. His blindness made things awkward for many of them. For all of their kindness and patience, Indis and his sisters gave up rather quickly in whatever they tried to do with him; Finwë was often too busy with his royal duties to properly bond with his youngest son. In fact, only his older brothers Fëanáro and Ñolofinwë, along with Fëanáro's ever growing family of sons with Nerdanel, seemed to make a real effort to spend time with him.
"Elder brother Fëanáro?" the blond Noldor prince asked, and looked up from a flower from his garden, sensing the scent of a heated forge in the air, along with the sound of the way the Crown prince walked.
"Yes, it is me, Arafinwë. I happen to have something with me today, for you. Something that can help you learn to read. Perhaps even write if I have gotten it right."
"Me, reading and writing when I can not see from birth? Surely you jest, brother. I know that you are a genius but not even you can make me see…" Arafinwë says in a skeptical voice, not believing him. Arafinwë can neither read or write. He knew the feeling of a parchment and a quill, but no one seemed to bother teaching him as he couldn't see. Most of his days were spent in loneliness either inside his chamber or out in the belonging garden, out of sight for anyone else outside his few servants that attend to him. The only times he made a public appearance was during ceremonies and their begetting-day parties, and even then he was rarely there for as long as he would like.
"Yes, I realize that we need to adjust the Tengwar a little bit for you to learn it."
Fëanáro gently took away the flower, and instead places something else on the small table. Arafinwë touched it with his fingertips, a look of honest surprise on his face at feeling that it was some form of raised dots in different manners on small wood bricks.
"Is this... how your Tengwar looks like, brother?"
"Not really, but I have raised the dots to follow how they are written. This is a similar one, but with the letters carved into the wood bricks instead. This is how you spell your name."
Arafinwë senses the two different ways his brother have done it by placing the different bricks under each hand for him, and for a moment, he could feel his limited world become wider. His brother was right, if they just made an effort perhaps he could actually learn how to read and write, become useful instead of being hidden away for all of his life.
~X~X~X~X~X~X
Eventually, Fëanáro and Ñolofinwë made a shared agreement that it was not healthy for Arafinwë to be almost locked away from other people because of his blindness. They nagged on their father and Indis about it almost every time they saw their parents, and it turned worse when their own wives, Nerdanel and Anaire, agreed with their husbands. Finally, Finwë have enough of it when his young Fëanorian grandsons, of all people, started asking the same questions in the middle of an important state dinner in front of the whole court, and quickly made agreements with King Olwë of the Teleri Elves that Arafinwë should be raised at his court for some years, if only to get some peace and quiet.
In Alqualondë, Arafinwë was no longer treated like a fragile porcelain doll who would break at a careless movement. For the first time in his young life, he actually got a chance to live like any other young Elf with a few things adjusted to his handicap.
"Honestly, they should have sent you here much earlier, young one," Olwë said at the welcome dinner they have made for Arafinwë when he arrived. "There are Teleri Elves who have become half-blind or have bad eyesight from accidents on the ships or out at sea." This news surprised Arafinwë, as it was not something anyone had told him before.
"Really?" he wondered, almost dropping his wine glass in surprise. Princess Eärwen, seated beside him, quickly straightened his hold before he embarrassed himself in front of everyone. No one blamed Arafinwë for being somewhat awkward, for social skills are not exactly learned by being kept away from others outside a few people.
"If you like, I can show you the beach after dinner. Blind or not, everyone can walk there in the water," Eärwen said, her voice pleasant to his ears.
The shy, yet honestly happy smile Arafinwë showed at her words lightened up the whole room.
~X~X~X~X~X~X
Years passed.
Not counting the surprise visits of his brother and their families, Arafinwë rarely met his birth family outside formal visits to Alqualondë and he quickly formed a much more stronger family bond with the Teleru royal family. And he grew in self-confidence as he was treated like anyone else.
"So things seems to have changed between our brother and lady Eärwen?" Ñolofinwë asked one fine summer evening to Olwë when he and Fëanáro were in court for a semi-formal visit, and they had been invited to a walk along the breach with the Teleri King.
"Well, he may not be fully aware of it because of his blindness, but Eärwen did confess to her mother and myself yesterday night that she has romantic feelings for Arafinwë instead of friendship when they were younger. She is just scared for that he may misread it if she tells him."
"Even so, there is many people back home in Tirion who actually doubts that Arafinwë can enjoy a marriage like us. Some do not believe he would be able to perform his duties in bed as proper husband should, that his blindness would mess up on the wedding night… and that he is maimed by not being able to see." Fëanáro growled, feeling angry on Arafinwë's behalf about such rumours.
Olwë was shocked, not liking it. "Such a nonsense! He is just as able as anyone else, he just needs to have things adjusted to his blindness…"
Suddenly, there was a shout of surprise somewhere close quickly followed by something falling into the water.
If anything, this was the most embarrassing situation Arafinwë had ever found himself in. Thanks to an uncharacteristic misjudging of his sense of direction, he had slipped on some wet seaweed, and in his fanatic attempt to regain balance, he had ended up dragging Eärwen down as well when he happened to pull her sleeve. Now both of them were in the seawater, her beneath him, coughing and spitting out saltwater they had swallowed. Both his robe and her dress were dripping wet, Arafinwë's golden hair disheveled.
"By the Lords of Water... are you alright, Ara?" she asked in slight worry, raising a hand to feel on his face. If anything, the touch made Arafinwë blush even deeper.
"Eä...Eärwen," he said uncomfortably. "I... I... there is s-something... I-I…"
Arafinwë felt himself become even more scared for messing up, and ended up babbling as he struggled to form coherent words: "YouknowIlikeyoualotnoImeanIloveyouandIwouldliketoaskyouifyoucouldimaginetomarryme-"
Eärwen put a hand over his mouth, not to shut him up but to help him calm down.
"Yes, Ara? Can you say that again, a little more slowly?"
He blushed, but managed to whisper:
"W-will you be my princess... my wife?"
The heated kiss of honest passion Eärwen gave him in response took him aback. Thanks to the kiss, they were unaware that her father and his brothers watched from the cliffs, mixed reactions ranging from mild approval to stunned.
~X~X~X~X~X~X
For once, Arafinwë outshone his brothers, in terms of birth-rank of his wife. By taking Eärwen as a wife, he had bound the Teleri and Noldor together by marriage. Their blissful life as a married couple soon became complete when they were joined by four sons: Findaráto, Angaráto, Artaresto and Ambaráto. Then a daughter, Artanis, was born as their fifth and final child together.
Yet despite his blindness, Arafinwë was not blind to the strange tension that suddenly had started between his elder brothers, and it worried him that they no longer got along for his sake as before.
"I worry, Eärwen. I fear that something is coming. A storm that will change everything we have known until now. That nothing will ever be as before…" he confessed once in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. A touch to his hand told him that she was listening.
"Me too, Ara, I have also sensed it. But I will stay with you, and we will stay together to ride it out."
Those words, that very promise, was comforting for them both, well needed in a time when everyone was worried and fearing that it would become a huge danger soon.
Even if he were his youngest son, Arafinwë was not very close to Finwë for several reasons. His father had always been a distant figure in his life, and being the youngest child only deepened that feeling. He knew that his father favored Fëanáro over his other children out of guilt for the death of his first wife Miriel, and thus was actually not that surprised when Finwë took the side of his oldest son and followed him in exile to Formenos, leaving Ñolofinwë as regent for the Noldor. As much as Indis cursed her husband's stubbornness and how Miriel's shadow always haunted their marriage, it was nothing her pleading could do to change his mind.
~X~X~X~X~X~X
The Darkening of Valinor took them all by surprise. But the loss of the Two Trees became even greater when it was revealed that Finwë had been slain by Morgoth when he stole the Silmarils from Formenos. But the Oath of Fëanáro, sworn by his sons and himself, filled Arafinwë with a sickening feeling that it would be all in vain. He did not have the gift of foresight like his oldest son and daughter, but he knew that he had to let his children leave for Middle-earth despite not wanting them go. Their fates was there, not in Valinor where it was only chaos. Arafinwë and Eärwen cried together for a long time when their children left their home.
The news of the Exile and the Doom of Mandos changed everything again. Suddenly, there was no clear leader for the Noldor who had remained in Valinor. Findis had followed the grieving Indis to Valmar, and the rest of the children of Finwë had been Exiled thanks to the Dooms. There was only one left to lead them.
"Prince Arafinwë… please... we need you... we need a leader…"
Oh the horrible irony of it all! As an elfling he had been seen as worthless, an imperfect prince because of his blindness from birth, hidden away from the people of Tirion before being sent to the royal court in Alqualondë to be fostered there. His first official appearance in public as an adult since coming of age in Alqualondë was during the wedding ceremony to Eärwen. He had become a little more known to the Noldor with the birth of his children, but no one had ever expected him to become High King of the Noldor.
Ever.
Yet when the royal crown was set on his head and Eärwen helped him to turn around to face the people he could not see, everyone could see an inner fire in Arafinwë's grey, clouded eyes. He would not allow his blindness make him be seen as helpless, a king in name only, as someone who was controlled like a puppet by others. He was not his father, who would favour one child over the others. It was time for a new start for the Noldor, and Arafinwë wanted to become the key to open that future.
"Fellow Noldor," he began. "I know that you do not know me very well, and I know that this has been a very trying time for us - myself most of all, for this burden of kingship was not mine to ask, nor mine to receive. But by the grace of the Valar the Noldor do have a king, even if he is not one to look up to. My brothers outshone me in all they have done, up until now, but I have never asked them for anything, even when I was at my worst.
"Yet now they are gone. My father Finwe is dead, and all of you now look to me. I confess it is a tragic irony, that one who is blind should be expected to lead a people like his father before him. Yet it is also a strange blessing, through the many workings of Eru, that because of my... unusualness... we will not fall to hubris, like my eldest brother, or to blind loyalty, my next eldest.
"My eyes may not see clearly - indeed," he added wryly, "I cannot see anyone here before me. But what I can see is that though our kith and kin may be Exiled for their sightlessness, we have not. We know that to strike out after the enemy, the one who murdered our king, is foolishness. We would follow our brothers out to battle, to do what the Valar would not do; yet we are not. Because we know, as do the Valar, that the enemy has only driven himself upon the road of self-imposed exile. His redemption was unfortunately a lie. We have paid for it.
"So instead of giving into grief, and anger, let us build one another up so that when the time comes to offer a home for our kin, when they at long last realize the futility of their quest, we forgive them of all wrong and selfishness." Arafinwë looked down. "As my brothers have shown me kindness when I asked for now. They may have treated us wrongly in their wrath and anger, but they were full of grief like us. We should not judge them harshly. Though the blood of my family cries for vengeance, that is not for us to give. Only the Valar, representatives of Eru Iluvatar, are bidden to do this. All that we can do is to forgive our brothers, not seven times, but seven times seventy.
"For most assuredly, they will punish themselves many times over for their sins."
There was nothing more to be said in that very moment. But Arafinwë would, with time, prove his own wisdom as only a youngest child would have and become a High King much unlike his father and older brothers. Blind he may be, but even that kind of handicap would show to be an unexpected blessing in disguise if fate so choose.
~X~X~X~X~X~X
Author's note: I wanted to try a different AU where one of Finwë's family members was handicapped. Finarfin came as a rather natural choice, seeing that he often seems to stand in the shadow of his brother in both canon and among fans, despite being the brother who never ends up messing up in some way thanks to Morgoth.