He was freaking out, every day becoming more surreal. It wasn't right, he was alone with his secret. She was busy, busy grieving and searching. He got it. But that left him with no one.

Except vampire ghosts. Anna and Vicki. WTF? How was that fair? All the others in Mystic Falls either had supernatural powers or were in relationships with those who did. Except him. He was haunted. Figuratively and literally. By not one, but two, ghost vampires. It sucked.

And this party sucked. The pretentiously large house was filled to capacity with people he didn't know and didn't want to know. Forced to put on a false smile and 'mingle'. All for the sake of making her feel better.

And to make things worse? Music that blew big time. Caroline sure knew how to wreck an opportunity. Elena wasn't going to thank her for this overblown affair. And it wasn't going to make her forget him, not even for a moment.

He had decided to hide out in the den. Drawing in another breath of the pungent smoke, he held it. Exhaled slowly, watched the grey tendrils drift away. Laughed to himself as he studied the reefer in his hand. An actual joint. It was so …retro. But he'd given away all his bongs, pipes, and other drug paraphernalia a while back. When he'd stopped partying. In hindsight, that seemed like a huge mistake.

Being high definitely had its advantages. He felt the veil of calm descend. Finally. Sat on the couch, listening to the party sounds. His sense of isolation grew.

He left his body sitting there and floated to the ceiling. Drifted for a while, gazing down at his lengthy frame slouched on the uncomfortable couch. Christ, he looked as pathetic as he felt.

Matt entered the room and he re-entered his body with a lurch.

"Sorry, dude. Didn't mean to startle you. You missed the cake-cutting extravaganza. Speeches by Caroline, champagne, singing. Elena was wondering where you were. She sent me to look for you."

"Whatever. She's pissed at me for smoking. I'm sure she'll get over my absence from the main event. This party blows." He passed the joint to Matt, who took it from him gingerly. The blonde teen inhaled, held the smoke for a short time before coughing ferociously.

He laughed as the older boy hacked up a lung, it somehow struck him as hilarious that Matt was so not a pot head. "Here" he exclaimed, "Give me that, you poser. I'll give you a blowback."

He leaned in towards Matt, supporting himself by placing his hand on the muscular shoulder. Found himself staring into steady blue eyes. He paused, he had never been this physically close to the older boy. Somehow he found Matt's presence comforting, calming. The party noise that only moments ago had been loud and jangly, faded.

He exhaled slowly and steadily, the joint held gently in his lips only inches away from the other boy's partially opened mouth. Matt carefully drew in the smoke being blown towards him. Their eyes locked and held. He could see the flecks of colour in the other boy's eyes, blue-grey tinged with brown. He stared into pupils that were dilating, pulsing. Somehow he found this process fascinating, hypnotic even.

He didn't realize he was no longer exhaling. He couldn't move, let alone stop staring into those fucking fantastic eyes.

"Shit Jer" Matt exclaimed, shoving him backwards, "You're going to burn your lips."

Just in time, he drew the roach from his mouth and waved it, holding it tightly in his fingertips until the ember faded and went out.

He sat there for a minute, still gazing at the blonde boy, who returned his look, puzzled. "Are you OK, dude?" Matt asked.

Slowly, he pushed himself off the couch. Made to leave.

"Whoa. I think I'd better see you home. You are totally fucked up. How much of that shit did you smoke before I came in?" Matt stood up as well and approached him from behind.

He suddenly realized that he was, indeed, wrecked. It had been awhile since he'd gotten high and he guessed he wasn't used to the stuff anymore. He leaned back into Matt, welcoming the support of the shorter, solid male.

Laughed again. It seemed funny that Matt was rescuing him. He wished that Vicki's brother could somehow end his misery by making 'her' disappear for good. Then maybe he wouldn't need to seek peace of mind through smoking weed. Although, right now, he was glad for the numbness, the absence of pain and fear.

Matt placed an arm around him, pulled him in reassuringly against his side. "It's OK, buddy. I've got you. Let's go find my truck."

Well, he'd tried. He had managed to utter the words. That made him crazy, a fucked up loser. He'd told Matt that he kept seeing Vicki. Matt didn't really get it. He had tried to sympathize, admitted that he saw his sister everywhere too. But that wasn't what he had meant. So he'd dropped it.

Slowly, wearily, he began to climb the stairs. Heard the knock at the front door. It was Matt, the ice cream container still clenched in his hand, soggy.

"I don't think I can walk home." The older boy grinned wryly. "Would you mind if I stayed here tonight? I promise I'll leave bright and early."

He laughed, "Dude, I knew you were wasted. Booze and pot isn't a good combo for you athletic types." He stood aside to let Matt in. "But you're sleeping with me. Ric hangs out on the couch these days."

And then they were in his room. It was strange. Matt had never been in here, even when he had dated Elena. Not that he wouldn't have been welcome, it had just never happened. Thinking back, he realized how different he and the other boy were.

Matt was confident, together. He, on the other hand, was a mess, a fuck up. He had thought things were changing, that he was finally getting his shit together. But lately, this crap with Vicki and Anna was weighing on him, pulling him down.

He watched as Matt walked around his room picking up random items, reading book and CD titles, peering out the window. The quiet feeling that had begun with Matt's presence back at the boarding house was still with him. It could have been the weed but he thought maybe it was Matt's company.

Matt turned and caught his gaze. "Hey" he said softly, "This feels kinda weird. I haven't been upstairs in your house since your parents….." his voice trailed off. Matt pulled a face. "Sorry, man. I didn't mean to…"

"It's OK" he spoke softly, taking a step towards the contrite looking teen. "I can talk about them now. I really wish they were around though. I could use someone to talk to."

"What about Elena? And Ric? Can't you talk to them?" Matt sat down on the bed. Flopped onto his back. Reached out a hand. He took it and Matt pulled him abruptly, causing him to fall onto the mattress. He landed almost on top of the other male.

He rolled onto his back and they both lay silently for a minute, side by side, staring up at the darkened ceiling. This was…nice. Lying in the half lit room, next to someone who wasn't asking anything of him, feeling at peace. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, in fact he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this relaxed.

Matt finally broke the silence. "You know, Jer, you can always talk to me. I know we haven't seen much of each other since, well, since Elena and I, um, broke up and since all this craziness started, but I'm here for you. Whatever you need. I've been told I'm a good listener." He placed a hand on Jeremy's stomach, left it there, it's weight strangely disconcerting.

"You know what? I don't really feel like talking right now. I'm enjoying the quiet. My life isn't really ever just quiet. So this is good." Silence descended again.

He was becoming increasingly conscious of Matt's hand on his abdomen. Then. Matt turned onto his side. He could sense the older boy's eyes on him, searching. He kept his own eyes shut, he wasn't sure what was happening. The atmosphere in the room had changed. He felt a nervous energy, a sense of expectation. Almost as if something was about to happen. Something good. At last. Something he wanted to have happen.

He felt a stab of loss when Matt removed his hand. But, then. He felt the warmth of Matt's hand descend again, stroking his hair, gently caressing. He began to drift away again, floating somewhere between consciousness and sleep.

And then. Matt kissed him.