This part is mostly about Peter and his drug-addiction
I used there some quotes from the songs of John Lennon "I'm Scared" and "Nobody Loves You" (from the album Walls and Bridges", 1974)
Cynthia turned the pages of the book again…Why she felt sorry for Peter when she was a little girl, and then changed so much? Why she pushed away the guy who really needed her support, nothing more, just to believe in him?
"To rediscover a child in yourself" - Peter said. He did just what she needed right now, helping her to wake up a child in her, a child who still was able to compassionate people…
The voice of Perfect Cynthia Scarbrow interrupted her thoughts in her mind: " That's games for little kids, but you're grown-up and reasonable person…You'll find someone someday, without any bad habit, as perfect as you. Why you're here, among those losers?"
"Shut up!!! They are not losers, they are 100 times better than me, …such as Steve! I'll never listen you anymore in my life! - Cynthia immediately glanced around becoming aware she yelled it aloud. But there was nobody around, just the birds, the trees and the river…So, she told herself, she could continue the arguing with her "alter ego"
Jules told , she behaved like a traitor to Auggie and he finally forgave her…Could Steve ever forgive her as well? Where is he now? Is he even alive?
If she has a cell phone like Peter, she would call him immediately…
Cynthia 's eyes filled with tears again and she cried, not even bothering to wipe her eyes. There was nobody except the nature around, and the nature helped her to become herself…Peter guessed right, as he always did…like he guessed what kind of gift she wants when she was a little girl..
This gift from Peter was priceless…He presented her Cynthia Scarbrow without a mask…
Peter said cross-legged beside his tent. He was so deep in his thoughts that didn't notice the fire is dying away.
-
He just came from Washington, from some business meeting…
- Missed you, - he kissed Chloe, - How are you?
- I'm fine, - she said
- How the baby?
- What are you talking about? - Chloe drew back
- You're expecting…
- No, I'm not…
- You…miscarried? - he asked, his voice worrying
- No. Nothing wrong with me. Peter, I'm not expecting the baby…anymore.
Now he understood what she meant.
- You… you did this ? ! - he yelled, - You killed him?!
She raised her eyebrows:
- What do you mean, Peter?
- You.. - he stopped, his voice refused to obey him, - you killed our baby?!
- Peter, - Chloe frowned, - that's just a usual operation for a woman…
- Why you didn't tell me?! - Peter asked, the painful expression on his face.- Why you did this behind my back?! Just went there and killed…
- Don't be childish, - Chloe was irritated, - That was not a baby yet, and I decided not to have it…
- That was my baby, Chloe…our baby! - Peter exclaimed, - Why? Why you did this?!
- Let me explain, Peter, - Chloe's voice was calm and firm, - There is a kind of women, who enjoy to stay at home, take care of the kids…but I'm different. I'm a business woman, and I don't want this trouble into my life…
- This was not "a trouble", Chloe, that was our baby!
- You're sensitive like a schoolgirl, Peter, - Chloe smiled wryly, - that's ridiculous for a grown-up man…I don't like kids, Peter, and I'm not going ever have them, …Stop this foolish arguing it's getting late, and we have to get up early tomorrow…I did this for the best, that's all…
Peter shook his head:
- Murder couldn't be "for the best", Chloe…
He grabbed his coat and slammed the front door behind him…
- Stop to behave as a little child, Peter! - Chloe yelled at his back, but he didn't turn…
That was the first time he was drunk hard, since his teen years…Chloe just shrugged when he came home like this , long after midnight, but as this repeated several times, she became to get angry…
But Peter, seemed, didn't care…Something broke inside him, and he didn't care neither about his business, nor even about saving his marriage…
Chloe's patience was over, as she came home and had found some dirty stray dog, sitting in the middle of her Persian carpet, and Peter, hugging this wretched creation. The dirty footprints and dog's fur were everywhere…
- Peter! What is all this mess?!! - she raised her voice.
He slowly turned to her. Chloe another time was shocked by his disheveled look. However, he looked like this for few last months.
- This is my friend, - he told her, - He'll stay here…
- NO! - Chloe outraged, - I'll throw him into the street where he belongs, right now! Just look at the carpet!!
- Why you always try to throw away everyone who trust me? - he asked,
- Peter, you're drunk! - Chloe told him with a disgusting look at her face, - Just look at yourself! I had to expect something like this, your father warned me that you were taking alcohol and drugs…
- That was long ago, - Peter protested, - I was a teen there…
- Doesn't matter…If you can't hold this under control…You're spineless, Peter, you always were!
- I'd never start this if you didn't kill my baby! - Peter raised his voice as well…
- You 're just trying to find an excuse for your addiction!!!
The dog suddenly barked at Chloe.
- Seems, he's the only one who still believes in me, - Peter told her with a half-grin, still patting the filthy dog's fur…
Chloe's patience was over:
- Take this awful dog out of here, Peter!!! - she yelled, - That's enough for me, so please choose - me or him!
Peter lifted his head:
- Him, - he said, - he trusts me
He picked up the dog and left before she could say something else…
Peter walked along the street aimlessly… The stray dog got bored to follow him and ran away…Even this creature left him… He never felt so lonely in his life, perhaps, just once, when his mother died (Peter was 18 there)…Everything was ruined, just the ashes of his former life behind his back…
Fortunately he almost bumped into Howard, they never were friends, but met several times at parties..
They spent some time in a bar, than Howard told him:
- I have something at home…Come on…
That was something he really needed, Peter thought. The haze in his head enveloped all his problems, making them so unimportant… As if from far away he had heard Howard's voice:
- Women…they always try to drive you out of your mind…Peter, Buddy, don't take it very much to heart…the best thing for you is to go on vacation…
- That's a good idea, - Peter thought, - just great…
- I have no car here… - he said
- Get mine, - Howard offered…Neither one, nor another didn't bother to think how dangerous was to drive in their condition…
So, Peter smashed Howard's car and ended up in a hospital, with broken ribs and knee…Chloe never visited him there…
As he left hospital, the loneliness fell on him again…His former friends avoided him now…They all have "small flaws", like drinking from time to time, or even using drugs - but Peter came too far, putting his bad habits out of control…More than a month in a hospital he was on strong painkillers, and his addiction developed much faster than he could expect…
Peter felt like a quagmire was swallowing him up…His marriage was destroyed…His friends avoided him with a feeling of disgust they even didn't bother to hide…His father never interested in him…His mother, the only person who believed in him, died long ago…He was alone in a whole world…
The loud sound of music managed Peter to turn his head…He was in Central Park, and there was a small crowd of teens on the next bench…Peter noticed a button with the portrait of John Lennon on young girls' jacket…Today was December 8, five years ago John Lennon was shot not far from here…
The words of the song, pouring from the tape recorder, stuck in his mind:
" I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired
Of belong so alone.
No place to call my own,
Like a rolling stone…"
"That's all about me", - Peter thought…- "All about me"
"Mister, - one of the teens approached him, - Are you alright?
Peter nodded.
- You're here because of him? - the teenager pointed on the button on his coat.
- No. - Peter said, - but I was very upset when he was shot…" Nobody loves you when you're down and out" - he was devilishly right…Seems, he knew everything about pain and despair, didn't he…
- Yes, - the teen nodded, - "Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground"…John was in depression as he wrote this. But when everything was settled in his life, some scum shot him…Life is an awful thing…
- Sure, - Peter agreed, - Life is an awful thing…
Many years ago, as he was a student, there was a place in Central Park, he was told, everyone could buy any drugs there…After all those years, this place was still here, and a pusher immediately noticed his potential client…
The next years were as a blur for Peter Scarbrow…
Why he did finally stopped? Because there were people who believed in him…Frank and Sophie. Two people who offered him a helping hand, to pull him out of the quagmire….
Peter shivered, as a gust of cold wind blew through the trees…The fire almost died away, and that was almost dark..
That was a time to check on Cynthia…He stood up and went towards the spot where Cyn was settled