I got stuck writing one of my stories, so I wrote this one-shot songfic, my
first, just out of randomness. It's angst, and it's Pyro centered. It's
Christmastime, and poor John's by himself. I do not own Linkin Park's
"Somewhere I Belong" or any X-Men characters. Enjoy!
* * *
~When this began
I had nothing to say
I get lost in the nothingness that's inside of me
I was confused~
"Pyro, can you go outside and do something else instead of sitting idly playing with that ridiculous lighter? Mystique and I need to talk." Magneto suggested sternly.
"Why can't you just have a meeting in a different room?" Pyro asked, flicking his lighter on.
"Because, we don't want certain bored teenagers listening in. Go!"
"Fine. Whatever." Pyro pulled on the same jacket he had worn when he stepped out the X-Jet at Alkali Lake. The one with the blue "X" on the side. He never got a new one.
He stepped out into the cold, bitter wind. It scratched against his face, and he automatically started flicking his lighter on and off, only managing to keep the flame alit because of his manipulation of the flame.
Pyro figured Magneto and Mystique would have done something fun, or at least INTERESTING on Christmas Eve.
He imagined what was happening at the mansion, his old home. He remembered the Christmases from before, how Jubilee always had trouble lighting the fire. Pyro always helped her.
~And I let it out all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
All that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing I've got left to feel~
Surprisingly, these thoughts of Christmas at the school were the only things keeping him warm, despite having a lighter that could warm him up. He remembered the first Christmas with Rogue there . . . remembered how the Christmas tree looked so much better since she had helped them with the decorating. Before, Jean and Storm always complained to them that the teens should be able to manage making a tree decorated well with no scorch marks on the edges. Rogue always threatened him with her dangerous touch whenever he joked about setting the tree on fire.
John smiled at the thought. He walked into Central Park and found an empty bench. He sat down and tried to concentrate on his lighter, forming different shapes with the flame. To him, manipulating the flame was like causing the flame to dance. It was funny to watch, and was a pretty cool thing to look at too.
Of course, not many people-not even his best friends-really saw the fire that way. Most people looked at fire in fear. John also remembered the horrified look Rogue had given him when he had attacked the police officers in front of Bobby's yard. Bobby didn't seem as horrified, but his icy blue eyes had bored in John's, as if doubting him, as if seeing him in a different way. A bad way.
~Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, the fault is my own~
It was because of the way everyone had looked at him in fear, looked at him like he was crazy, it was why he left. He was angry at Rogue then for absorbing his powers, angry even at Bobby for taking her side. Angry at everyone. Angry enough that he wanted to go out and show to them that he could do more than blow up police cars and sit in the jet like a good boy. It was only an accident that he came upon Magneto's helicopter.
He was angry enough at everyone that he chose to go with them.
Everyone-Bobby, Rogue, Jubilee-they probably all hated him now for leaving. But they wouldn't miss him. Bobby and Rouge always did make John feel like barfing. They wouldn't care. Besides, he did leave. It was his fault.
John's hands clutched his Zippo lighter with more force than necessary.
~I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt for so long
Erase all the pain until it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong~
Back at Mutant High, he was John. At the brotherhood he was Pyro. But who was he really? He wasn't just John, but he wasn't Pyro either. Not the Pyro Magneto wants him to be. He wasn't ready to let go of his X-Man past. It was a part of him.
But the thing is . . . where did he belong? With the X-Men? With Magneto?
He was too bad to be an X-Man, yet too good to be with the Brotherhood.
~And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, the fault is my own~
The park was practically empty, but there were a couple of little kids playing on the playground, watched by cautious fathers making sure they didn't get hurt.
"I wish my dad would have cared that much about me," Pyro muttered.
But once again, according to his father, he was a mutant, and that was a major flaw. It was Pyro's own fault his father couldn't stand him; it was his fault that he was born a mutant with the ability to manipulate fire.
~I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt for so long
Erase all the pain until it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong~
The flames reflected in his dark brown eyes, and he barely felt the chill of the air brushing through his hair.
But then again his thoughts swerved back to that question: Where do I belong?
~I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today~
He had already broken away from the X-Men. He had broken away, made himself a stranger to Professor X, Bobby, Jubilee, Rogue, and everyone who had cared about him. But the hole that had been in his heart had not healed.
In fact, it had gotten bigger.
~I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt for so long
Erase all the pain until it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong~
As he thought these thoughts, he was sad, and it felt like his heart hurt.
John Allerdyce sighed and released his control on the flame. A cold breeze swept by and the flame disappeared into nothing.
* * *
~When this began
I had nothing to say
I get lost in the nothingness that's inside of me
I was confused~
"Pyro, can you go outside and do something else instead of sitting idly playing with that ridiculous lighter? Mystique and I need to talk." Magneto suggested sternly.
"Why can't you just have a meeting in a different room?" Pyro asked, flicking his lighter on.
"Because, we don't want certain bored teenagers listening in. Go!"
"Fine. Whatever." Pyro pulled on the same jacket he had worn when he stepped out the X-Jet at Alkali Lake. The one with the blue "X" on the side. He never got a new one.
He stepped out into the cold, bitter wind. It scratched against his face, and he automatically started flicking his lighter on and off, only managing to keep the flame alit because of his manipulation of the flame.
Pyro figured Magneto and Mystique would have done something fun, or at least INTERESTING on Christmas Eve.
He imagined what was happening at the mansion, his old home. He remembered the Christmases from before, how Jubilee always had trouble lighting the fire. Pyro always helped her.
~And I let it out all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
All that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing I've got left to feel~
Surprisingly, these thoughts of Christmas at the school were the only things keeping him warm, despite having a lighter that could warm him up. He remembered the first Christmas with Rogue there . . . remembered how the Christmas tree looked so much better since she had helped them with the decorating. Before, Jean and Storm always complained to them that the teens should be able to manage making a tree decorated well with no scorch marks on the edges. Rogue always threatened him with her dangerous touch whenever he joked about setting the tree on fire.
John smiled at the thought. He walked into Central Park and found an empty bench. He sat down and tried to concentrate on his lighter, forming different shapes with the flame. To him, manipulating the flame was like causing the flame to dance. It was funny to watch, and was a pretty cool thing to look at too.
Of course, not many people-not even his best friends-really saw the fire that way. Most people looked at fire in fear. John also remembered the horrified look Rogue had given him when he had attacked the police officers in front of Bobby's yard. Bobby didn't seem as horrified, but his icy blue eyes had bored in John's, as if doubting him, as if seeing him in a different way. A bad way.
~Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, the fault is my own~
It was because of the way everyone had looked at him in fear, looked at him like he was crazy, it was why he left. He was angry at Rogue then for absorbing his powers, angry even at Bobby for taking her side. Angry at everyone. Angry enough that he wanted to go out and show to them that he could do more than blow up police cars and sit in the jet like a good boy. It was only an accident that he came upon Magneto's helicopter.
He was angry enough at everyone that he chose to go with them.
Everyone-Bobby, Rogue, Jubilee-they probably all hated him now for leaving. But they wouldn't miss him. Bobby and Rouge always did make John feel like barfing. They wouldn't care. Besides, he did leave. It was his fault.
John's hands clutched his Zippo lighter with more force than necessary.
~I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt for so long
Erase all the pain until it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong~
Back at Mutant High, he was John. At the brotherhood he was Pyro. But who was he really? He wasn't just John, but he wasn't Pyro either. Not the Pyro Magneto wants him to be. He wasn't ready to let go of his X-Man past. It was a part of him.
But the thing is . . . where did he belong? With the X-Men? With Magneto?
He was too bad to be an X-Man, yet too good to be with the Brotherhood.
~And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, the fault is my own~
The park was practically empty, but there were a couple of little kids playing on the playground, watched by cautious fathers making sure they didn't get hurt.
"I wish my dad would have cared that much about me," Pyro muttered.
But once again, according to his father, he was a mutant, and that was a major flaw. It was Pyro's own fault his father couldn't stand him; it was his fault that he was born a mutant with the ability to manipulate fire.
~I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt for so long
Erase all the pain until it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong~
The flames reflected in his dark brown eyes, and he barely felt the chill of the air brushing through his hair.
But then again his thoughts swerved back to that question: Where do I belong?
~I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today~
He had already broken away from the X-Men. He had broken away, made himself a stranger to Professor X, Bobby, Jubilee, Rogue, and everyone who had cared about him. But the hole that had been in his heart had not healed.
In fact, it had gotten bigger.
~I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt for so long
Erase all the pain until it's gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong~
As he thought these thoughts, he was sad, and it felt like his heart hurt.
John Allerdyce sighed and released his control on the flame. A cold breeze swept by and the flame disappeared into nothing.