EDITED VERSION :

I have dabbled around a lot in recent times with my feelings swirling around with heartbreak or love. I didn't know how to begin it. It wasn't till my life collapsed about two weeks ago that Sleeping With Ghosts came back into my life and I finally had a breakthrough.

I don't own any of Stephanie Meyer's adorable men. I merely like manipulating them for my selfish desires. I don't own any reference to poetry or song lyrics, all of them go to the artists and individual owners of the material. I also will say that this will be a bittersweet love story. All human.

I would like to dedicate this to Alterbridge. Your music has given me a whole lot of help with this story. And this is also dedicated to Francesco Spezzotti - forever we have the time to love and if we fall apart know that I love you more than life itself.

I also want to thank my amazing beta kinnetikdreams who has stayed by me through the dark years and the broken promises of my old relationship. I also want to thank her for making me stronger.

the italics are used for past tense

song: Fallout by Alterbridge

Chapter 1

Of wilted Roses

12 years earlier:

He grasped my face in my hands. His dark green eyes filled with pain. I didn't understand it at all. My body was trying to work through both pain and anger all at the same time.

"Why, Why are you doing this?" I could hear my voice pleading.

He looked at me and his fingers began tracing my jawline. I was frozen solid as the snow beat down against us. I could feel his warm breath on my face and for a moment I was transpired back to the moment I first met Edward.

I had been a freshmen at Forks High School and had moved from Dallas, Texas. I moved there because my mother had died and my father wanted us to start over somewhere new, with no sad memories. I was young and clearly naive. I was only fifteen when she passed away from cancer.

My father was hit with the worst of it. They had been married for nearly 20 years and he had never touched an ounce of alcohol until we moved to Forks. He would come home from work and immediately open his first drink of the night, followed by many.

I was lucky enough to have a father who's anger did not come out when he was drunk. I knew I had to be strong for him. This was not the time to let my own weaknesses become a problem.

Because of the moving to our new home and trying to keep strong for my father and help him through his own time of mourning and loss, I never really had a chance to mourn my mother's passing.

My high school was a small yet comfortable place. The teachers were all very nice to me. I got along well with a few people. I just did not want to get close to anyone ever again.

I was hiding from everyone from my family, from my father.

You see I was always the quiet one in my family. My older sister Alice had moved to New York when I turned fourteen. She was spunky and pixie like with my father's black hair and ice blue eyes. I was the one that stayed home, cooked and studied. I loved running, but always ran alone.

I looked like my mother most of all. Sometimes when my father looked at me, his eyes would glaze over and darken.

I think he hated me for looking like her.

My hair was dark blonde and curled underneath my ears and wavy like her's. Everyone said that my smile was just like my mother's, my eyes crinkling in the same way when I laughed.

But I was not like her at alI. I was something most people considered to be "wrong". I was a committed and forbidden sin. I was gay.

Whenever I tried to talk to my father about this, he would refuse to listen, refuse to believe that HIS son could be gay and would just start pushing yet another new girl towards me.

As far as I was concerned, I could only see girls as being potential friends, not lovers.

However, there was a problem in the fact that I had never ever even dated a guy, let alone become involved in anything more serious with one.

Sure there had been many crushes in my elementary years and through middle school, but I was scared of admitting the truth. In some circles of my home state, people who were gay were frequently held in very low esteem by certain individuals. Indeed many gay people had been victims of bashing and other forms of abuse and I had no wish to join the list of those who had been either attacked or at the very least, ridiculed and driven out of their school or sometimes, even their homes.

But that all changed when I met Edward during my freshman year.

I was sitting in Biology when he walked into my class with a schedule in his hand.

I had to stop and look at him for a moment.

He had high cheekbones and a sculpted nose and a mouth that looked like it could keep you awake at night and keep kissing you forever. His hair was a light bronze and looked like he had just crawled out of bed. His eyes were a light green and when he looked directly at me, melted me straight into the floor beneath me.

He had moved here from Alaska and was a year older than me. From the minute I saw him, I was determined to impress Edward Masen no matter what I had to do to get his attention and hopefully his affection.

The friendship between Edward and I seemed to come very easily and very quickly. I had noticed Edward several days later, standing near the lockers looking for his key and trying to unlock the small door. I immediately seized my opportunity to introduce myself and offer of help to hold his books while he continued to struggle to get the door open. Edward happily but shyly accepted my offer, holding out his hand to shake mine and soon afterwards we became inseparable. Seeing each other in shared classes, lunch times and Study hall and as often as we could, after school as well. The weekends of course were a bit more difficult to arrange.

And it was Edward who kissed me during our homecoming dance.

I was sitting there with a friend of mine Angela Webber, who, I had asked to the dance because I was unsure if Edward liked me in the way that I liked him.

Towards the end of the night, he had walked up and asked Angela if she needed a ride home but all the while his eyes did not leave mine.

She had said "no thanks, I already have a ride" and then walked over and started talking with her friend Bella Swan.

I had just started to follow her over to where Bella was sitting and suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face him and was shocked to see his eyes glazing over as they roamed slowly up and down my body. I am sure that I blushed red to my toes and felt like I was on fire.

"Jasper ..." he said my name as if he wanted to ask me a question. I could feel my heart starting to beat faster than I thought could be humanly possible. We stayed there looking at each other for what seemed like forever.

"Can we talk?" he asked and I noticed that his voice had an almost nervous shake to it.

My mind started to wander ... "Edward Masen – NERVOUS?"

Edward Masen was the Quarterback of the football team. Edward Masen was smart and extremely passionate about music. Edward Masen was wealthy and drove a very shiny new silver Volvo. But just the same, I knew that this Edward Masen standing here in front of me right now WAS NERVOUS.

And I noticed with a strange sort of feeling starting to make it's presence known in the pit of my stomach, that this Edward Masen was actually starting to tremble as he continued to look at me.

Edward silently gestured towards the doorway and I followed closely behind as he lead me without touching through the door and across the parking lot towards his car.

He turned to look at me as he leaned against the side of the Volvo. The light of the dance hall glittered in his eyes and I felt my mouth go dry.

"Jasper, I have to tell you something and promise you won't hate me for it." he said as he fiddled unnecessarily with the cuffs of his expensive tuxedo jacket.

"Yes?" I asked quietly, feeling overwhelmed with standing so close to him.

Our eyes met for a moment and my heart stopped beating as he took a step towards me. His fingers ran over the back of my head and pulled me closer.

"I think I'm in love with you" he finally whispered after waiting for what seemed like an eternity.

His lips touched mine gently and softly and I felt as if the world had just stopped spinning, leaving only us standing here in this moment, almost frozen in time.

We had been together for almost three years.

November had come quickly and the snow hadn't stopped as I waited patiently for the answer to come from Edward's lips.

We were standing in front of the bus station at what I thought was just another trip to the mall.

He was holding my face in his hands and the pain I felt in my throat was trying to choke me.

"I don't think I can love you anymore" he said quietly and his tears were running down his face like it was raining pouring from the skies above us.

My heart split into two. It was if God was punishing me for something that I had no doubt about. I was about to turn eighteen in a little over a month.

I had graduated with the boy that I loved. I was there for him. As I stood there on that day, I could feel my heart breaking within my body. I wanted to scream at him

"WHY, WHY? Why can't you love me anymore?"

What had gone wrong?

He took a step back removing his soft hands from my face. He suddenly appeared cold and showed no emotion as the snow continued to swirl all around us.

"Edward" I said, hearing the shock and pleading in my own voice.

"I'm going to work with my father now. I don't think I'll be able to love you." His voice sounded like he was a machine. Without any further words being spoken, he quickly moved away from me and stepped up onto the now waiting bus. Before I could even speak, he was on that bus. Before my heart took another beat, he was gone.

I stood in the snow letting the tears run down my face uncontrollably. I could actually feel the physical pain of my heart breaking into pieces.

I had returned home late that night, home where my best friend Bella shared an apartment with me. We had become closer since our freshmen year learner's project. Bella and I had decided to share an apartment together soon after our graduation and our friendship was something that I treasured.

"Jasper – what's wrong?" she asked when she saw my distress and tear stained face. I was shaking, unable to answer her. I was stuck inside of my own pain.

"Edward.. he...left" I gasped, struggling to get out of my jacket.

"Why? Whatever for?" Bella almost yelled at me, becoming more and more upset at seeing the state I was now in.

I had met Edward's parents Carlisle and Esme about 6 months after I had met Edward. I had immediately liked his mother, she reminded me so much of my own, but his father had taken an immediate dislike to me and I had always felt extremely uncomfortable whenever I was around him.

Carlisle Masen hadn't wasted little time in telling me that I had "tainted his son". I was lost in tears that night almost 3 years ago, as Edward held me and I heard his father and mother arguing downstairs about "Edward's and my "friendship" and the effect that I was having on their son and his future".

After we had graduated, his father had offered him a job in New York where my sister was living. Edward had not given his father an answer and he was constantly phoning and he and Edward were always fighting about the same thing over and over again – ME.

Thinking things over, I think I knew that it would only be a matter of time and that finally, Edward would give in. I bitterly decided that perhaps it really wasn't that painful to leave the man you loved for a father who would eventually break you and bend you to his will. Carlisle Masen had won and I had lost everything.

"Carlisle" I silently screamed into my pillow later that night, finally falling asleep with my thoughts consumed by how much I hated Carlisle Masen.

I cried a little inside when I wrote that. It was a lot like my own break up. Please don't be mad or hate me for making our Carlisle the "bad guy" in this story – I promise to make him the good guy again in my next one !

I hope that you will give me your thoughts and reviews on this. I have had an amazing time putting this all together and hope that you will come along with me for their journey.

I think that I am slowly falling in love with Jasper Hale Whitlock.

Remember reviews equal love every time and keeps me motivated to keep writing and post new chapters!

-Amber