You think that this has to be the first time you've ever been so frustrated with her. Your blood is boiling and your hands are tightly clenched into fists, the knuckles of your fingers going white. For the life of you there's no way to wrap your head about what she's so bothered by. You've done this time and time again, taking down suspect after suspect; it's your job.
"Hol, I had to do something, there were six other people in there! One is better than six!" You're trying to reason with her but this conversation is only making the both of you more angered and tense. Her eyebrows are knit closely together and you can see the strain of the muscle in her neck when she yells back at you.
Her long arms flail outwards as she continues to make her case. "It was stupid Gail! You know very well that you could have just talked him out of it!" You've never seen her so upset over your job. The closest to this was the Ford shooting five months ago, but that was more of a worry than being fuming like she is now.
Two Hours Earlier:
It's a humid summer day and this line couldn't be moving any slower. The air inside the store is thick and you've been irritable ever since you've woken up from your deep sleep after a drunken night at The Penny. It's half past eight and you know you're already going to be late for parade because you missed your alarm, but if you're going to be stuck on desk duty there might as well be some cheese puffs in it for you.
You're third in line after grabbing your treat and finally, after what seems like the slowest three minutes ever, the lady who was at the counter finishes fishing coins out of her purse and paying for her items. As she begins moving towards the door, the young boy in front of you grabs her and makes a movement you are all too familiar with, pulling a handgun from where it was hiding in the back of his pants and under his sweater. Instinctively, you reach for your weapon on the holster that you soon realize isn't there and you can feel your heart pumping at a slightly faster pace.
"Alright, everybody get on the ground!" he yells. "I want everything in the register and I want everybody's phones slid towards me where I can see them, now!"
The woman in his hold is panicking, trying to squeeze her way out of his grasp but his hold on her is too strong. Tears begin running down her face and you know that you need to do something quick. Looking around you notice that everyone is scrambling to the floor as fast as they can, absentmindedly throwing their phones towards his feet while the man behind the counter opens the tray with his trembling hands. Unlike everyone else, you stay exactly as you are, cheese puffs clutched tightly in your hand with your back as straight as it can be. He's a boy no older than 18, so where do you start?
"Stop emptying the register" you tell the man. You turn your attention to the boy and look him in the eyes. "My name is Officer Peck, I'm with Toronto's 15 Division, what's your name kid?" you try as calmly as your racing heart will allow.
His face becomes worried as if only now he's realizing how big of a mistake this is, but then he composes himself and begins to speak loudly once again. "No, no names!" Suddenly the gun is pointed much too close to your face and you let the bag drop from your hand as your bring your arms up in a defensive position.
"Come on kid, what do you need this money for? There's probably only a few twenties and some small change in that register right now, it's not even 9 A.M. yet" you try to explain.
Unsuspectingly, the store clerk chimes in. "She's right, I've only just opened the store. We've only had three customers so far."
You can see the vein popping from his neck as he spits his next words. "It doesn't matter why I need it! Get on the floor before I kill her!" He places the gun back on the woman's temple and he's become more angered.
He's becoming more aggravated and impatient; you know that this isn't going to turn out so well if he doesn't get what he wants, so you need to improvise, rethink your strategy and approach this at a new angle. "Okay, how about this, how about you let that nice lady go out the door and same with all these other people? You can hold me here, alright? We'll call the station and you can tell them how much you need, does that work?"
You pinch the bridge of your nose and try to compose yourself but your words still come spitting out with a hint of annoyance. "I couldn't have talked him down Holly, he would have killed everyone!" Usually when the two of you argue it lasts a whole two minutes before one of you breaks the other's composure with a foolish joke about the situation, but this time she barged through the doors of the station, demanding the other officers tell her where you are and now you've been at each other's throats for over ten minutes.
"Why are you being so hard-headed? Can you just for once think of the fact that putting yourself into more danger to save people isn't always the greater solution!?" Her eyes are burning into yours and she's still standing her ground.
It bothers you that your friend can't understand the simplicity of the word 'job'. "Holly I don't understand why you're being so uptight about this!"
"Because she loves you, you idiot."
You're suddenly pulled out of the bubble you two had created, realizing that you're still both standing at a face off by your desk while everyone is silently trying to pretend they haven't been watching this whole scuffle. You find the source of the voice and Steve rolls his eyes, grabbing his file from Dov's desk and walking down the hall. Turning back to Holly, you catch her in the midst of fixing her glasses; a nervous habit that you picked up on still during the early stages of your friendship. She's trying to look anywhere but at your face as you try to find your words.
"Hol…" you begin, but before you can muster up anything of importance she's already making her way back out the doors.
Six hours later:
There's only ten minutes left of your shift, but it's felt like it would never end. You've thought about what Steve said over and over again. For the life of you there's nothing that makes you comprehend why Holly would be in love with you. You know that she cares about you; friends do that, but loving you? That couldn't be. Why would she? You're impetuous, self-destructive, and a brat. You push away those who want to be close, but Holly? Holly has always been there. You've let her see parts of yourself that no one has ever gotten far enough to see. She's seen you at your worst and has been there through your toughest, most vulnerable times. She never once judged you or made you feel like you had to be someone who you aren't. Holly has undeniably been a welcomed company in your life ever since you called her Lunchbox in the forest long ago. She has never left you. Suddenly it dawns on you and you're stuck with an ache in your chest; one that feels like everything makes sense. You're in love with Holly. You've been in love with her for a very long time now. And she loves you. She genuinely loves you and you have to tell her that everything is okay.
As soon as the ten minutes are up, you clock out and grab your bag from your locker, not even bothering with changing out of uniform. You've sent Holly multiple texts inquiring whether or not she's alright, but you've received no response. You like being meticulous about things; having a plan before you walk into certain situations, but right now there's nothing running through your head except the fact that you really need to tell your friend how you feel.
You don't remember the drive to her home, only that it seemed to take forever. Before jumping out of your SUV you steady your breath which you hadn't realized had been so irregular and you muster up the courage you need. You've managed to move your feet to her front door and all too quickly your hand reaches out to press the doorbell. Standing there nervously, you begin to wonder if you should have bought her something first; flowers or chocolate, maybe a bottle of the Barolo she likes so much. Panic sets in because now you think you're doing this all wrong. Holly deserves better than this. Holly deserves a fancy dinner and a dozen roses, not an impromptu declaration.
The door swings open and you're peeled away from your train of thought. The person on the other side is clearly not the woman you're looking for and your voice shakes as she assesses your attire. "Uh is – is Holly home?" You remember to breathe and try to hold your bearings. From the photos you've seen, you know that this woman is Holly's friend from med school, Rachel.
She gives a polite smile before turning her attention back into the home. "Holly, Gail is here!" she calls out in a sing-song voice that annoyingly reminds you of Chloe. Apparently she knows who you are and now you're worried about what kind of things Holly has told her about you.
Rachel disappears for a few seconds into the hallway and you can hear more shuffling coming from inside the house when suddenly another figure you recognize as Lisa comes barreling out of the home. "Okay Holly, Rach and I are heading out now! Call me later!" she yells before giving you a quick "Hello" before walking to their car on the street with Rachel not far behind.
"Hey." You're pulled away from the two figures as a familiar voice sounds in the air. Never had you been so captivated by someone's voice, but Holly's was different; always smooth and caring. It calmed you in the worst of situations and her laugh brought you to life. You wonder how you've let yourself go so long without realizing this crucial piece of information. Her eyes are different than they had been hours earlier. They're softer, much more how you always have known them to be, but she reaches up to touch her glasses and you realize she's probably been mulling over what it was that Steve had pointed out for you.
You look at the way her beautiful brown hair cascades down her shoulders and wonder what it'd be like to extend your hand and push it neatly behind her ear. Her lips are such an inviting sight and you find yourself wondering what it'd be like if they were pressed against your own. You need to say something before she begins to fidget even more than you notice she already is. "I'm terribly self-conscious. All my life I've been told that I'm not good enough. Not girlfriend material, not stable enough to hold friendships, not a person who can achieve their greatest potential in terms of my job. All my life I've constantly had people judge me because of my name and think I've had things handed to me all my life. No one has ever seen how hard I work at my job to accomplish what I have. No one sees how much I struggle with being myself because they see me as cold and condescending. I don't remember the last time I truly felt secure about myself." You look up from the ground and see that her face has taken on a look of sadness. "I never thought anything about how you may feel about me because I've been so caught up in thinking that I don't deserve good things. I've been so self-conscious that I've completely ignored what was right in front of my face the whole time. I love you Holly. I knew the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck in being who everyone made me believe I was." You don't realize until you're finished talking that your cheeks are wet with tears.
Crossing the threshold, Holly opens her arms to you and you embrace her tightly, not wanting to let this moment pass. She holds you and you feel safe. You feel much lighter now that everything is out in the open and you've let yourself feel the care she's always had for you. "I love you too Gail Peck" she whispers, squeezing you tighter to convey that she truly means it. It feels wonderful hearing the words slip from her mouth. You've been waiting for this your entire life. Waiting for the moment someone will barge into your world and completely strip it bare of all the bad. Holly loves you and you love Holly, and right now all you want to do is bask in how perfectly her arms feel around you. Home isn't a room with four walls. Home is right here. It's the woman you love so greatly. The woman who you hope to spend the rest of your life with, showing how thankful you are for investing her own love into you like no one else ever has.