Title: Four Days
Rating: PG-13
Summery: It takes four days for Stefan to understand what Lexi is offering. Takes place right after Damon leaves Stefan in 1864.
Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and will mostly likely never own TVD…so please don't sue.
A/N So I've never written anything from inside Stefan's head before, but the Stefan/Lexi scene in 2x15 totally called for this. I wrote this while listening to Nichole Alden's 'Baby now' (And I gotta say that song makes me want to write something from the perspective of EVERYONE on the show. For real).
It was 4 days in and Stefan was sitting in the corner of the bedroom that Lexi had locked them into. She stands patiently in front of the door just examining her nails, in that odd female way he had never understood. Katherine had done that. Best not to think of that now. She'd been trying to draw him into conversation for hours now but he had stopped listening to her attempts. It had been only 24 hours without human blood, but his body was already rebelling. She'd brought him forest animals in an attempt to calm him and though it had taken care of a small part of his hunger, he still craved the hunt, the pulse of a human.
For the first time since he had been turned, he didn't have the power to do what he wanted. It was suffocating in this room, the sun had come up a few hours ago and the walls were tinted pink from the diluted sunlight filtering through the curtains. It made Lexi's face look oddly pink and he had to stop himself from staring, envisioning the blood that was running through her veins . When he'd invited her into house for the night, never had he imagined how deceptively strong she was. How insistent she would be that he learn to become the 'good parts' of a vampire.
She wasn't fragile looking like Katherine had been, but looked…normal. Like his female cousins. She acted as familiar as one of his cousins too, none of the false modesty that Katherine had been fond of. She had no problem restraining him when he had attempted to escape the first time. He'd been surprised at her strength but she had emphasized that she was much older than him. The first time she'd proven that he hadn't fought back. Because he had been raised as a gentleman, and gentleman didn't hit ladies. He'd gotten over that when dusk had come and she still didn't let him leave. She didn't seem to take the attack personal though, and within minutes was trying to lure him into conversation again.
Damon had left two days ago, which was something Stefan wasn't even willing to think about yet. He may of made a few bad judgment calls bringing the girls back to the house, but for Damon to leave… to abandon him…it was still unfathomable. Why Lexi had decided to take matters into her own hands, was beyond him. In a move that he hadn't seen coming, she had pinned him to the wall that day and taken his ring. In his panic he had ended up destroying the once elegant sitting room. She had tut tut'ed at the shredded silk wallpaper, but promised to give it back once he learned to 'behave'. He wasn't sure if he believed her yet.
Stefan wasn't actually sure what was in this for her, or why she was even still here. He'd feared at first that she would take the ring and leave. When he confronted her with that fear, she simply laughed and promised it was too gaudy for her tastes. She'd hidden it somewhere in the house which is how he had ended up in this damn bedroom. He'd gone mad and torn the study apart before she found him and forced him upstairs. She once again lectured about the need to be 'discrete' and not 'destroy things unnecessarily'. She continued to give an excellent speech about how to lay low and avoid suspicion, but he didn't have the patience to listen.
She was displeased that he had turned his emotions off, that he refused to fight to retain his humanity. He didn't understand why she kept explaining how worth it love was…how amazing their feelings could be amplified…How he would feel if he just tried to live as she did. At the edge of his dampened emotions he could feel a trace of anger/sadness/regret that Damon had left. That he was now alone. He sure as hell didn't want to feel the abandonment anymore than he already did. He didn't want to think about how he had killed his father, killed half the founding family members and how he had taken advantage of many of the towns girls. Human Stefan would of done none of those things, human Stefan was gone.
He shook his head trying to keep himself in the present, trying to ignore the traces of shame he was feeling. The walls he had carefully kept up for so long were crumbling without human blood to strengthen them. Echoes of the human emotions he was denying were getting louder and it was taking everything in him to keep that wall up. He just needed distraction, he needed blood, he needed to be out of this damn room! Without realizing he had stood, he started pacing angrily trying to force the emotions back with movement, with action.
He heard Lexi resume speaking, but the words themselves sounded like they were being spoken underwater and were easy to ignore.. For the past day he'd plotted and schemed a way to get out of this room, but she was too strong, she hadn't left him alone for a moment. There was no way he was going to make it to nightfall without feeding. He needed to get out of this room, out of this house, away from this stifling girl. The anger in him snapped and he overturned the wardrobe that had stood in the corner. Wood smashed to pieces, clothes went flying. The destruction felt good so he went for the mirror that had stood next to it, intending to smash that to pieces as well. The demons in his head quieted at the thought of violence.
He got as far as grasping the wood in his fingers before he suddenly was spun around and slammed into the wall. The wooden edge of the mirror pressed into his back sharply and he heard the mirror crack around his head. He could feel the glass shards pierce his skin but the pain wasn't enough to dampen the fire raging inside his head. Lexi was in front of him with a hand on his shoulder holding him in place and a hand around his throat in a dominant gesture he didn't understand and instinctually fought against. She was saying something and he shook his head again in an attempt to silence his inner noise enough to make sense of it. .
He took in how commanding her eyes were, how the blonde curls framing her face didn't seem disheveled or tangled even though they had fought multiple times in the past day. Her eyes stared into his almost as if she was trying to compel him. When Lexi's hand tightened around his throat he fought harder against her hold. He didn't need to breathe, but the human urge to was still there and it was overwhelming.
"-need to relax Stefan." Lexi's words finally cut through his consciousness. "You need to calm down and shift back." She was warning him in that quiet voice of hers that didn't ever seem to allow for an argument. He stopped struggling when he realized that his fangs had elongated, and he could feel the blood pumping through veins around his eyes. The hand around his throat loosened and he closed his eyes in instinctual relief. "Look at me Stefan." She commanded. He opened his eyes and met her gaze. "Breathe in and out, focus. Focus on changing back." He tried to do as she said but her gaze was too intense and he closed his eyes. Her hand tightened around his throat once more in warning, and his eyes open right back up.
He focused on his breaths, fighting the panic that was looming at the edges of his mind. Gradually he could feel his fangs retracting and his face smooth out. He took another breath and found that all of the overwhelming thoughts in his head scattered and he was able to focus a little more. A few more breaths and his focus was once more wholly in the moment. She removed her hand from his throat completely and brushed his hair back from his brow in a oddly familiar gesture.
"Better?" She asked with a quirk of her eyebrow that he'd only seen on his brother before. It was oddly comforting.
"Yes." He whispered. This girl-this vampire, was trying to show him a better way to live. She had told him the first day that she was looking only for a friend. He had friends in his human life, perhaps that would be the first step he could take in his vampire life. He was sick of feeling lost in his own head. He could do this, he could make a bridge between the two worlds. She would be the first step.