"Yeah, we all loved Marlene."
Lynn trudged down the hall, fighting back tears, cursing at the foreign liquid that stung her eyes. She couldn't believe Marlene had done that, kissed Uriah right in front of her. As the sounds of the cafeteria became mere murmurs behind her back, she just kept walking, not sure where she was headed and not caring. She wasn't sure if the people back at her table might be talking about her storming out, but again, she didn't care. The only thing Lynn was focussed on at that moment was keeping the tears back. She had cried enough.
This is fucking ridiculous, Lynn thought to herself, growling in the back of her throat as she rubbed at her eye. The halls were empty at that moment, much to her relief. She didn't want other Dauntless staring at her like some sort of alien if they spotted the glossiness of her eyes. Respect for her would dwindle and her reputation would shatter. Not to mention word might spread and people might begin to catch on. That she loved Marlene.
That was what she thought to be so stupid. How could she love that girl? That damned girl, with the flirty, adorable smiles and the upbeat attitude no matter what shit was thrown at her? That damned girl who always seemed to know the right thing to say in order to make a heavy situation light. That damned girl who had taken her breath away as soon as she spotted her, the one person who showed her there was such a thing as love at first sight. Lynn bit her tongue to stop herself from screaming while a tear rolled down her cheeks.
Son of a bitch, She glowered, wiping it away with her sleeve frantically as she picked up the pace. All of the halls started to look the same to her as she got lost in her thoughts. How many times had she made up fake excuses just so she could exchange a word with that fantastic girl? How many times had she averted her eyes when she caught Marlene being flirted with? How many times had she hovered at Marlene's bunk, mouth slightly open to speak - to let all of her feelings just pour from her lips in one big messy jumble? Far too many to count, she knew. Her glare intensified although the anger wasn't directed at anybody, in truth. She couldn't be angry with Marlene. It wasn't like she had made her feelings known, anyway. And she couldn't be angry with Uri either, no matter how much she wanted to be or how much it seemed to make sense. He probably never would have guessed her true feelings. Even if he had he probably wouldn't be able to resist. Marlene was too damn cute.
Stop it. Lynn told herself for the billionth time, smacking her forehead with her palm and running it down her face for a moment, Just stop it right now. She skid to a stop on her heels abruptly, not feeling the need to walk any furhter. She had distanced herself enough from that blasted cafeteria where her heart had been shattered just a bit more than it already was. At that moment she was standing over the chasm, the sound of the rushing water beneath her feet making her calm down a bit. Lynn rested her arms against the cold, wet metal railing and let out a breath she felt as if she had been holding in, letting her head hang low.
Once when she and Marlene were barely out of initiation, they stood in that very spot. Their skins were brandishing fresh tattoos, young arrogant smiles on their faces. Lynn remembered that Marlene had been chatting her ear off about the latest dye she had gotten in her hair, and again she couldn't have felt more love for the girl but she said nothing. As always. Sometimes she found herself wondering what might happen if the truth was exposed. It was more than obvious that Marlene didn't feel the same way, what with her smacking lips with Uriah all over the goddamn place. Lynn groaned, burying her face into her hands for a moment. Everything inside of her hurt. But she had gotten used to that feeling.
"Lynn?" A voice spoke from her right, making her jump from the unexpected sound. The girl silently cursed at herself for not paying closer attention. Yet she knew it hadn't been that long, people should still be in the cafeteria. Raising an eyebrow a bit and trying to regain her composure, she looked to the voice and saw none other than Marlene, standing a bit far from her looking as adorable as ever. Her expression showed concern. Lynn felt herself begin to blush. She was a terrible liar. At least when it came to Marlene.
"O-Oh... hey..." Lynn tried to nonchalantly put a hand on the back of her head, but instead almost found herself falling over because she was still leaning against the railing. Trying to play off her fumble, she shoved both of her palms deep into her pockets, her cheeks coloring even more. At least it was a bit darker in the chasm than in the cafeteria.
Marlene took a few steps closer, the space between them not too large anymore. Lynn prayed that she couldn't see her blush. Marlene's brow was furrowed as she spoke, "What are you doing here?" Her eyes drifted to the running water beneath them for a moment as the concern seemed to get more intense. Lynn wondered for a moment if Marlene thought she was going to pull an "Al", but dismissed the thought. She didn't hurt that badly. At least she didn't think so, "How come you stormed out of the cafeteria like that?" Her arms folded. Lynn stared at her for a few seconds. She had to lie. She wasn't ready to tell the truth yet.
Would she ever be?
"I uh..." Lynn's gaze drifted. If she was going to bluff she didn't want to be looking dead at her, "...I wanted to get some air. I haven't been feeling too great lately and I didn't really feel like barfing all over the lunch table." It sounded more convincing than she had assumed it to.
Marlene didn't seem satisfied with the response and took another step closer, Lynn's cheeks becoming a deep red. God dammit stop blushing! Lynn told herself, clenching her fists tightly in the pockets of her black jeans. She couldn't openly show any signs of nerves. It was just a bad idea.
"You sure?" Marlene asked. She tilted her head a bit, some of her black hair falling in her face. Lynn watched as she tucked it behind her ear in an adorable way, still looking at her friend quizzically. Lynn could already tell that this conversation was going to turn to shit real fast, "You seem all weird. Actually you've been all weird for a while now. Are you alright?" She put a hand on Lynn's arm, trying to comfort her while it really did the opposite.
"Yeah," Lynn blurted out instinctively, "I mean, I still feel kinda queasy but other than that I'm good." Adding to the lie she smiled a bit. But her shoulders that seemed to have been coated in cement they were so tense weren't helping the facade much. Everytime she stared into Marlene's eyes she felt her heart swell so much she wondered if her chest would explode. It was doing that again.
Marlene ran her hand up and down her friend's arm, chills going up Lynn's spine, "Oh... well I was just worried that's all..." There was a pause, Lynn feeling like she was holding her breath again. Marlene's hand still trailed up and down her arm, making the poor girl want to cry, the touch also confusing her a bit. It was soft. Comforting. Marlene spoke again, "If you ever... feel scared or something, you can talk to me," Marlene then pulled Lynn into a tight embrace, making her tense up but accept the hug, holding onto her best friend like her life depended on it. Her words still didn't seem to make sense. Why would Marlene think she was scared? Scared of what? The Erudite? Because she didn't have to worry about that. Those smart-ass bastards were going to have the Dauntless on them like the chocolate frosting on Dauntless cake. Maybe Marlene had meant something else?
"Mar... I..." Lynn found that she was emitting words without her mind being fully aware. Lynn held onto Marlene tighter, shutting her eyes. She was Dauntless for chrissakes, she was supposed to be brave. Just say it, Lynn told herself, over and over, Just fucking say it. Get it over with. You could be dead tomorrow. Just do it. Before she could get scared and back down again, the words fell from her mouth, Lynn feeling like they were blood and shouldn't be leaving her body, "Mar I love you..." After the truth left her mouth she regretted it almost immediately.
Fuck... Lynn let Marlene go, taking several steps back. She clamped her hand firmly over her mouth, tears burning at her eyes with a newfound strength. Why had she done that? Why hadn't she waited for a better moment? Why was she such an idiot?! Lynn withdrew her other hand from her pocket and clenched it tightly at her side, preparing herself for the let down, the refusal, the sound of a friendship ending forever. What she had just said would make everything change. Nothing would be the same. Ever. And she couldn't take it back.
"I'm sorry," Lynn found herself saying into the palm of her hand. Her cheeks lit up like fire, literally making her hand warm up at the touch. She wasn't sure if Marlene had heard her or not, but either way, she had never felt so arrogant in her entire life, "I'm so so sorry..." Feeling a tear roll down her cheek but being too stunned to wipe it away, she blurted out things so fast not even she could understand them, "Forget I ever said anything, just forget it, please..." Turning on her heel she started to sprint frantically away. But before she could begin to gain enough speed, she felt a hand grab her forearm and tug her hard. The yank startled her, causing the distraught girl to turn around and be pulled flush against Marlene's body. Her wide, tear stained eyes were locked with Mar's and she found herself speechless.
Marlene stared at her, her cheeks being a light pink but being pale compared to Lynn's. What she did next shocked them both equally as much, chills of conflicting emotions going up and down Lynn's spine like lightning. Marlene tilted her head, bringing their faces closer and she kissed the girl, Lynn's eyes going so wide she thought they might fall from her skull while Marlene's were somehow held shut. Their kiss only lasted for a few seconds but Lynn felt as if it had been three years before Marlene took a step back, her blush intensifying.
"Tomorrow," Mar murmured breathlessly, tucking some of her hair behind her ear as she averted her gaze, "We'll talk tomorrow..."
Lynn stood, speechless, barely even breathing, not moving. People eventually emerged from the cafeteria and would occasionally cross her path. One smug Dauntless waved his hand in front of her face and asked her if anybody was home before continuing on his way, but not even that phased her. Time seemed to move by faster than usual. Before she knew it, night had come, and the halls were clear again. Then once more people bustled about. She assumed it was morning. But it wasn't. Lynn only caught patches of words, but she managed to form one phrase being let out of everyone's mouth.
"Marlene's dead."