Her Life or His Laws

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach. If I did, Ichigo wouldn't be such an all-powerful badass.

Summary: Her three words made Byakuya stop and think about the choice he had already made. Slight Byakuya x Rukia (one-sided)

-oOo-

"Thank you, Onii-sama."

It was difficult. Very, very difficult for him just to hear those words uttered by someone who was to be executed in front of him, someone so dear to him, someone he couldn't protect from the laws he had vowed to uphold.

At that moment his mind was torn apart. He had already resolved this. Laws over heart. Twice he had broken the laws—once to have the woman he loved to be his wife and the other to keep his promise to her. Now it was time to even things out. His heart had to be broken twice. It had already been broken once with his wife's death and this, the permitting of his younger sister's death, would be the second.

He kept his eyes closed, his face a picture of indifference, as if he never heard her. Better to keep it this way, he thought. Unlike what was thought of him by the other captains, he did consider pleading for her case. But he knew full well that the commands of Central 46 were inflexible. Unlike the laws of his Noble House, the laws of Central 46 could not be broken by him. Tempted as he was to renege on his promise, he couldn't. It would all be futile, what with the Captain-Commander's strict adherence to the rules. There was no way out. There was really nothing he could do. Not even with the help of Ukitake.

And with that, he took solace in his choice.

Somehow, he had already known he would lose her. He could never keep the ones he loved. His parents, his grandfather, his wife. And all of them left sadly. They knew how much he loved them and it had become a burden to them when they died. And it made him wonder if showing his love was not a good thing after all. It seemed like he was destined to outlast everyone he could love. They would all leave before him and with that, he resolved not to show he cared. It is for them, he thought.

He never showed how much he had grown to love her, how he had finally separated her from her sister's identity. He never said a word of praise or encouragement. He never let her know that he did look at her (but only while she slept). He never touched her even though he ached to hold her.

A life of loneliness was his.

He had expected his coldness to freeze her. But it didn't. She remained that girl who sought for his approval and affection, unfazed by his façade of indifference. Sometimes he wondered if she could see through him, see how much he loved her.

But no, it was just her nature. Her sweet, gentle nature, the one that his wife also possessed.

How he would deal with this heartbreak he didn't know.

No, his heart had already been broken with his wife's death. But with the arrival of her sister and those times spent with her (albeit with his cold façade in place) the shards of his heart were slowly piecing together. And he even thought that perhaps now he could show her how much he cared about her, to shower her with the affection she had sought from him.

But he had wasted his chance. He withheld his feelings too long.

She was able to find the affection she was craving for from Shiba Kaien, a man full of warmth and laughter. His polar opposite. It was then he realized there was no chance for him after all. She only craved for his affection because it was the only thing she could get access to. She could no longer be with her friend from Rukongai. The other Death Gods viewed her with disdain. There was nobody to love her except him.

But that warm vice-captain came along and it made him feel acutely his inadequacy to be loved. Pit with Kaien, he was nothing.

And that hardened his resolve. To save his heart from any further damage, he turned once again to the laws, the laws which he almost abandoned for that vain hope of loveing and being loved by her.

And his decision was only reinforced by what happened next.

She killed the man she loved and seeing her that rainy night, crushed in heart and spirit, would have annihilated completely whatever was left of his heart had he not turned his attention and energies to understanding and upholding the laws. He was saved from a most devastating heartbreak.

And he had the laws to thank for that.

Feelings, emotions, heart. They all caused chaos in his life and, he concluded, in everything in general. People get hurt because of these. That is why laws should be upheld. They made life simpler, easier to follow, cold yet safe.

He never expected it would come to such a shocking ultimatum.

Her life or his laws.

But would it matter now, thinking about all these?

He had already made his decision.

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