"Don't say goodbye too soon"
by GrandMoff
Disclaimer/note: I'm not connected to Konami in any way. This story is based on the PS2 game Ring of Red. Please keep in mind that Ring of Red is set in an alternate reality. Most—but not all—of the historical events mentioned in this story will not match actual historical dates and/or places. This is a shoujo ai (girl/girl) story; please don't read it if that offends you.
Chejudo, Republic of Korea: 18 May 1971
It was a clear morning. I was brewing tea and sort of listening to the radio news while I got ready for work. It would probably be another quiet day at the office, tracking shipments to and from Japan. My cat, Shirohime, mewed and brushed the back of my legs. "Oh, I wish I could take you with me," I told her. "Don't worry, I'll be back in a few hours."
My phone rang just as I grabbed my keys and opened my apartment door. I closed the door again and answered quickly.
"Guess who?" said an American-accented Japanese speaker.
"John?" I gasped.
"Yeah. I'm surprised you recognized my voice." I had to chuckle at that. "Do you want a scoop: something that'll be announced all over the world in a few hours?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Reunification, that's what."
I stood still for a moment, hardly believing my ears.
"Hey, you still there?"
"Yes, but—who? How?"
"With things getting so nasty in Vietnam and Yugoslavia, the Soviet Union and America want to calm each other. Apparently they think the best way to do that is to broker peace deals around the world. So Germany, Japan, and Korea are all getting back together. The ranking officials of those three—well, six right now—countries are going to tell the world about it soon. They're also going to mention that all the nukes in their countries will be immediately dismantled."
"Damn," I said at last. "How did you hear about this? No, don't tell me—Kinasato."
"He's always been good at intelligence-gathering."
"Well, he outdid himself this time. Thank him for me, huh? And thank you for calling me; this is…overwhelming!"
"No prob, Ayana. Are you going back to Japan, now that it'll be one nation again?"
"It is way too early to know that. How about you?"
"Kenichi's going. I'll tag along if I'm bored. Anyway, guess I'll talk to you later; I've got be traveling."
"Okay, big guy. Thanks again."
"You got it."
I hung up the phone. Suddenly, I wasn't sure I wanted to go to work. I just felt so excited, and I knew I wasn't going to be the only one. The whole world would soon be celebrating. A whole Japan, and Korea, and Germany—millions of people's lives were about to be changed dramatically.
I knew what I should do. I got on my motorcycle and rode to work. Once there, I requested a week of vacation, which Ms. Lim graciously granted me. Then I called my foster-brother, Jun. He'd already heard the news (and he sounded pretty giddy on the phone.) I coordinated with him, then booked a flight to Nara, Japan.
4 June 1971
I barreled into Jun and gave him a big hug, lifting him off the ground for a moment. His wife giggled a little at that and he blushed a bit. "It's so good to see you!" I said.
"Great to see you too, onee-san," he replied with a grin. "Can you believe this? I still can't. I just saw Kantarou and Jirou yesterday, for the first time in seven years!"
"Jirou and Kantarou?"
"Don't worry, they're still in town. I knew you'd kill me and them if I let them leave before seeing their big sister."
One raucous night of reuniting later, our group was actually very quiet as we marched through the cemetery. We all bowed in front of the grave. "It's finally over, Dad. Wish you could have been here to see it with us, but I know you're happy just the same," I said. We stood in reverent silence for a few moments, remembering Ippei, our strong and loving father.
Isn't that life? Here was another bittersweet moment, as we thought fondly of the old Witch Hound, who had died just 11 months too soon to see Japan unified. Of course, I couldn't help remembering our other dead sisters, brothers, and comrades, especially Ryoko and Masami, who had sacrificed themselves so the mercenary team Streifen could escape from Vastokayask—an island that, in another bit of irony, was Hokkaido once more.
As if reading my mind, Jun spoke once more. "All our lost loved ones…you didn't die in vain, brothers and sisters. We won't forget you."
Suddenly I was aware of the tears on my cheeks. It had been so hard to board the ship that day. I still wondered if it was the right thing to do. Ryoko and Wei had sounded so fierce and confident, but we all knew they were about to die. I told myself that our survival would give their deaths meaning, but fresh guilt assailed me as I stood at my dad's grave. Did they suffer? Did they resent our choice to leave them, just before the end? Why hadn't I stayed too?
They had come to mean so much to me. Ryoko had reminded me of myself in many ways; so had Wei. They, like me, sometimes wondered where they fit in society. They weren't personable when I met them, but they both grew friendlier and more approachable during the time I knew them.
And Ryoko—she seemed so obsessed most of the time. I could always see the sorrow hiding behind her anger, carefully controlled but very real. Occasionally, she and I had talked, and she was willing to open herself to me a little more than to anyone else—or was that just my perception? I felt that it was real, and that we were growing closer. But that was years ago. And I could easily be wrong. And none of it mattered now anyway.
Sometimes, though, I still saw her in my dreams. She looked proud and strong, but she would often give me a small, cautious smile. I had seen Ryoko happy in life. In my dreams, even her underlying sadness seemed gone, replaced by contentment. "I hope you are truly at peace, wherever you are," I murmured aloud.
8 June 1971
My plane landed and I wondered how long it would be until I flew again. A big part of me wanted to return to Japan and live there, but another part of me really liked life here. It was no decision to be made lightly; my job here was kind of boring but it paid well and it would be very tough to get something as good in Japan. Besides that, Japan was averse to having women in the office for real careers; they preferred attractive girls to get hired as menials, then to quit when they got married and never work in an office for a big company again. Korea wasn't exactly sex-equality-paradise, but they were better about accepting (even encouraging, to a small extent) career women.
My train of thought was suddenly broken as I unlocked my apartment door and stepped inside. What was it? Shirohime, yes—she always appreciated me when I got home after an absence of a few days or more. Where was she?
I entered my living room. There was my cat, curled up, asleep.
And beneath her, there was a woman, also curled up, asleep.
I only freaked for an instant. The way this lady was lying, I couldn't see her face, but she had long black hair, like most of the women I worked with. She appeared smaller than I am (most Korean women are.) She was probably a co-worker or something, sent here to find me, and had simply gotten here too soon and fallen asleep waiting for me.
But no, her clothing didn't look like that. It looked old and worn, and suitable for factory work. I had slipped off my own shoes without looking at the nook, but now I looked. Boots! They looked well-used, and they were definitely meant for heavy work.
What should I do? Whoever this gal was, she didn't appear dangerous. But she was in my apartment, asleep on my sofa…and I didn't know how she'd gotten in the apartment.
Shirohime seemed to approve of her. Was I being too trusting? Maybe she really needed some rest.
In spite of my misgivings, I decided to let her sleep longer.
I put away a lot of my things and looked around the apartment to make sure everything was presentable. The apartment was actually cleaner than it had been when I'd left. Had the mystery girl done that? If so, she'd been here for at least a day or two.
Once everything was settled, I sat in my easy chair and started reading a novel. Eventually, Shirohime woke and jumped into my lap, interfering with my reading as she often did. "You attention-hog," I chided, petting her fondly. "Who's your friend, huh?"
The cat jumped off me again and I resumed my book. Soon after that, I started feeling hungry. I glanced at the woman on the couch. She hadn't moved much, and it had been nearly three hours. Oh well. I got up and started making yakitori—enough for two.
I'm a decent cook, and I'm fast. In half an hour, I had a meal prepared. I took a deep breath and returned to the living room. I stood in front of my couch, contemplating waking my unexpected visitor. She was still asleep, so should I? Yeah, it was the best idea. I gently shook the girl's shoulder.
She bolted upright so fast I was startled and I didn't see her face. She had a strong hold on me. But she wasn't attacking. She was…hugging me? And was she crying?
I hugged her back. "Take it easy," I said awkwardly.
"It's really you, Ayana," said my guest.
I stiffened in fear, then tried to free myself from this woman. She sounded like—
"—What's wrong?" the girl with the familiar voice asked.
"Who are you?" I said, trying not to sound scared.
"Don't you know? I'm Minak—"
"—She's dead! You're not her. I'd give anything to see her again, but she's dead, and I don't appreciate you messing with me!"
"Ayana-chan, it really is me." The woman let go of me and stepped back a little, allowing me to look at her.
The woman standing before me looked in her mid-to-late 20s. She had Ryoko's inky, gossamer hair; charming, girlish cheeks; and full, inviting lips. She had Ryoko's mesmerizing red-tinted brown eyes. Her expression was incredible: disappointment, hope, weariness, relief, and that enigmatic, almost-hidden sadness.
I couldn't speak for a moment, though I was trying. I fell to my knees, still keeping my eyes fixed on hers. She knelt in front of me and embraced me again, resting my head on her strong shoulder.
"It really is you," I rasped. My eyelids were shut tight; even if they'd been open, I wouldn't have been able to see for my tears. I grew aware of my arms around her, holding her very tightly. I had to will myself to slacken my grip a bit.
I could feel her again; I could smell and touch and hear and see her. "Yes. I'm back," she said, trying to soothe me. "I've come back to you, my dear friend."
I don't know how long we stayed on the floor, silently holding each other, but I recovered my control of my feelings and eventually released her. She and I stood together. "I made supper," I said, still somewhat stunned.
"I know, and it smells delicious."
"Please, come, sit. Let's eat it."
In fairly short order, I had calmed myself and we were eating and chatting, just like old times. I had tons of questions, and I'm sure she had a few too, but I wanted to save those for afterward. That seemed to be her preference too, and we arrived at our agreement without saying a word.
"I'm glad you're not allergic to cats," I joked at one point.
"Your kitty is such an angel! What's her name?"
"Shirohime."
"Nice. She kept me company very well while I was waiting for you. I gave her some salmon; I hope you don't mind," Ryoko said.
"Not at all—but it's no wonder she loves you."
"I'm not sure she 'loves' me."
"Throw away your doubts. She was sleeping on you when I came through the door; she won't do that with anyone she doesn't truly love."
"That's nice to hear. Let me guess where you were: with your family, in Japan."
"Good guess. Yeah, Jun put me up, but the whole clan gathered. We celebrated and we visited Papa's grave."
"Oh…I'm sorry."
"Thanks, but there's no need to be. He told us before he died that he had no regrets. 'I've lived a better life than I deserve,' I think those were his exact words."
"That does sound like him," Ryoko said. "How's the family doing?"
We talked about stuff like that until we were finished eating and we had the table cleared. Ryoko made tea for us while I did a quick washing-up; we both knew that we were about to have the real discussion.
We went back to the living room. I didn't want to be apart from Ryoko; it felt completely natural to sit with her on the sofa, so near I was almost touching her. For her part, she seemed perfectly at ease; she seemed to welcome my closeness.
"How is this miracle possible?" I asked.
Ryoko gave me a momentary grin and began her tale. We sipped tea intermittently, and I occasionally interrupted with questions or observations.
"You remember how we were waiting for that ship. I told my attached units they were free to leave, and I wouldn't blame them if they did. I said it would actually be a favor to me if they left, so I wouldn't feel responsible if they stuck around and died. I minced no words; I let them know that I thought our chances of survival were microscopic.
"And my units did leave, except for my medics: Abiko Squad. Masami gave his troops the same chance and they left too; they got on the ship with you guys. Then Masami and I turned around and headed toward the enemy.
"At some point, I realized that no matter how outnumbered we were, we stood a chance of living if we found some narrow or treacherous ground and kept moving through it—a mountain pass or something. I radioed Masami and he mentioned a river valley with steep sides just a few km from where we were. We fought as we moved, and we got to the valley. From there, we kept heading northeast. Despite the Soviets' superior numbers, the gorge was narrow enough that neither Masami nor I had to face more than one opponent at a time.
"By nightfall, we had managed to reach a wooded area, where movement was hard even for AFWs. I radioed that if we were going to slip away, this would probably be the time to try; the moon wasn't up yet. We were running low on ammo, so we needed to try to shake our pursuit. Masami suggested that we split up, and I had to agree that it was necessary. We'd be too easy to find if we stuck together.
"Luckily, while we were talking, we were approaching a fork, where a large tributary flowed into the river we were traveling with. He went with the tributary, and I continued East, staying near the main channel.
"That was the last time I saw Masami."
There was a pause here, as Ryoko and I thought of our brave fellow warrior.
After taking a long drink from her mug, Ryoko continued her narrative. "That night I kept looking at the horizons, hoping to see a glow—something that would indicate a town or village. If we could just make it to a place with a sizable population, we might be able to resupply, rearm, and—most importantly—rest. Part of me was amazed I was still alive. Since I was, I had to think not just about myself, but the welfare of my faithful medics.
"It was nearly 0200 when I thought I saw a glow that could mean town, over the wall of the narrow valley, to the East. I hadn't seen enemy machines behind me for an hour or so. I scanned with my radio, trying to pick up local traffic. There was nothing, but I thought I had to take the chance anyway. I made my way up the steep hills as fast as I could, hoping no one was chasing and would see my silhouette as I left the valley.
"At the crest, I could make out a town. It was farther away than I'd expected it to be—probably six or seven km. I took a last look behind me and didn't think I had been observed. Then I hurried down the other side of the ridge, praying that our luck would last.
"The island was still Hokkaido in all but name. Except for a few Soviet soldiers or petty bureaucrats, everyone in the town was Japanese or Ainu. The medics split into two teams of three and infiltrated while I stayed with my machine. One of the teams came back quickly and told me about a warehouse whose owner would let me hide the AFW there. He'd help me re-supply too. Then the other team returned, saying they had a few leads on where we could lie low and get food and ammunition. It was pretty easy to believe this good fortune; I remembered how townspeople in North Japan were always so glad to assist us when we showed up there.
"But I could tell from the agitated state of the troops on the streets while we were sneaking into town that the Soviets believed I was close. They may be idiots, but they're tenacious idiots. They had no clear idea I was here, but eventually they would realize that I had stopped running and started hiding. Once they figured that out, I'd have to start running again. If I could slip away, I'd have a real advantage.
"It struck me suddenly that my mindset had changed. This wasn't about the rest of the team getting away anymore. I had thought staying was certain death, and I hadn't minded the idea then. But now I minded. I wanted to survive, now that it seemed possible.
"I put the AFW in the warehouse and the owner piled a few railroad containers in front of it to hide it. The medics and I made a plan to meet at that spot in 12 hours and we split up to try to get food, sleep, and whatever else we could score.
"I had some money, so I talked a merchant family with a big house into letting me eat with them and spend the night. They treated me politely and didn't ask me any questions. Before long, I found myself alone in a small room, lying on a futon.
"Thoughts just kept running through my head. I couldn't fall asleep, and I realized that I had too many worries about the Soviet pursuit. Three and a half hours early, I sneaked back to the warehouse. I wrote Abiko squad a note, did my best to refuel and rearm, and I left."
"You're so strong," I said. "I don't know how you could do that: leave behind the only people who could help you and you trusted."
"I hope they understood," she told me, her shimmering eyes fixing on mine. "I felt that the best way to make the Soviets quit chasing me was to let them think they'd succeeded. At the very least, I could give my squad a head start and some misdirection cover. I got into thickly forested country and I started climbing. I wanted to find a lone AFW. Then I'd pick a fight with it and stage the battlefield afterward to make it appear as though we'd killed each other.
"Of course, I realized that meant destroying my beloved vehicle and hoping to reach a town on foot. Luckily, I'm good with maps…but I still knew anything could go wrong."
I poured more tea for Ryoko and myself. "Are you sure you weren't suicidal?" I asked.
"I was overconfident," she answered wryly. "At the time I had the idea, I convinced myself it wouldn't be that difficult.
"On the slopes of Hokkaido, I encountered an enemy. I had no support, but the enemy had a full three squads. Still, I was a better fighter, and I won. As soon as I broke that Soviet AFW, I got out of mine and gathered all my stuff from the cockpit. Maps, flares, food, first aid kit—and something on the ceiling that I almost missed in my hurry. It was a photo: you and me, arm-in-arm."
I couldn't answer. The way Ryoko said that sentence was so full of emotions, and I felt a flood of emotions within me as she looked at me with her luminous, piercing eyes. "I-I remember that photo," I stammered. "I've still got my print of it."
The black-haired woman took my left hand in both of hers. "That photo reminded me of how much I needed to live. I might have died if I had forgotten it or left it to burn. I thought again of you—of our connection, you know? The way you and I didn't seem to need as many words with each other as we did for everyone else."
"Yes," I answered softly. "I'm so glad."
For a minute, we just squeezed each other's hands and communicated silently. Eventually, Ryoko continued her story. "I grabbed all I needed for survival and I loaded the cockpit with a couple of incendiary shrapnel rounds. I grabbed my sidearm—I almost couldn't pull the trigger. I kept telling myself that I was giving everyone a chance, but I loved that chunk of steel.
"Once I'd fired and succeeded in detonating the load, I left the scene fast, hoping no one would look too closely for my body or my tracks. Luck was sort of with me: it started raining pretty hard a few minutes after I'd destroyed my AFW. I'm sure even if the Soviets did suspect I'd escaped, the rain washed away my tracks.
"It took me a day and a half to reach a town. I was still cautious, so I decided not to let anyone see me. I made a note of food, outer clothing, and a bike I stole so I could pay the owners someday. Carefully, but quickly, I began riding toward the coast. It took me nine days to get there, but once I did, I thought I could finally relax a bit.
"I stayed in a city of about 70,000 people, working at a restaurant until I could find some dock work. I kept thinking I would be able to make a break for Honshu soon.
"The days stretched into weeks and months. Something was always wrong: bad weather, sudden Soviet inspections, an illness…
"I almost despaired at one point. I thought of resigning myself to life in Hokkaido (it's not a bad place, after all.) But I'd look at our picture and my resolve would harden again. Then one of the city leaders I was paying for information told me that the Soviets were considering returning Hokkaido to Japan.
"I had real hope again and I decided to wait it out. It took six months for rumor to become confirmed truth and another 14 months for truth to become reality. By then, I had enough money to look for you. I took a little trip into the countryside and repaid everyone whose stuff I had taken, except for one person I couldn't find.
"It wasn't very hard to find your address, but I was a little surprised you weren't here. So…that's all."
I pulled Ryoko into another hug. "It's like a miracle," I said.
"It is, huh? Maybe it really is a miracle," she answered.
"When I met you, I felt like someone finally knew me. I swore to myself that the next time we met, even if it was in heaven, I'd tell you this. No one's ever been more precious to me."
"Now that I'm with you again—"
She broke off. The strong, beautiful Japanese warrior woman was crying! I hugged her tighter and stroked her back. "Baby, it is overwhelming," I whispered. "It hasn't hit me that this is real yet. That you, my dearest—"
"—I love you, Ayana!" she murmured, cutting off my sentence. "I had to live."
"I—" What was I supposed to do now? I hadn't expected to see Ryoko again, but I definitely had never expected to hear her say she loved me. Did she mean it…that way?
"No need to answer, I just had to tell you," she said.
This was no time for me to sit silent! "By 'love,' do you mean…"
"Yes. Romantically, I love you. When I met you, I think I fell for you right away, but my life was revenge. I had nothing to offer you, and I didn't want to feel anything deep for anyone. I was afraid of the kind of hurt you can get from people you trust, too."
"I'm not sure if I love you the same way, but I do love you, Ryoko," I told her.
She relaxed a bit. "Thank goodness. I hoped my declaration wouldn't make you mad or anything.
"And," she continued, letting me go and sitting back on the sofa, "we haven't talked about you at all yet. How is your life here? Are you planning on moving, now that the nations are being reunited?"
I suppose I should have felt awkward, but I was still completely at ease with Ryoko. For the next three hours, we discussed my life and life in general. I couldn't understand it, but I felt in a strange way like she'd never left. Sometimes we would still finish each other's thoughts….
Besides that, I was secretly shocked about how I felt to have her so near me, in the flesh. Her lips looked so inviting; her arms and legs looked so lean and muscular; her hips and chest looked so full and well-shaped. Was it her confession making me think this way? I was sizing her up! I was considering physical love with her.
Much more shocking, though, was when she leaned nearer to me to see a photo I was showing her. Her fragrance enchanted me and brought to the surface a memory I'd completely forgotten. About a month before we had parted, I had come to the room of her makeshift barracks, as I often did. I was going to share some chocolate cupcakes with her—they were very hard to come by those days. I'd surprised her as she was stepping into her loose fatigue pants. Yes, I remembered. She'd just come from the bath, and she smelled so good, and she looked so damn sexy; she'd taken my breath away. I had wanted her. So…this wasn't just the power of suggestion. I'd been attracted to her before.
"I'm thinking you'll probably want to get to sleep at some point," Ryoko said. "I'd like nothing more than to be part of your life for as long as you'll allow me to be. I've found a decent hotel in town: I think I'll go there for the night and come here again tomorrow, okay?"
"No," I said quietly. "Please don't leave."
"Really? I can stay with you?"
"Yes, I wish you would. I want to be part of your life too, Ryoko. Just now, I remembered something. I remembered that I was attracted to you back then. This is no time for holding back; we've definitely learned to do things now or you might not get another chance. I'm still not sure I love you that way, but I want to find out."
Ryoko brushed my hair away from my face. She caressed my cheek. I realized I was about to be kissed. I could stop it.
Oh, her lips were so soft and warm and gentle. Her eyes were so intense. My first kiss with a woman, and it was perfect. Then we drew apart, just a few millimeters.
"Welcome home, love," I said.
There may be more to come, but I'm definitely not guaranteeing it. Tell me if you like it!