Monica sat anxiously awaiting the judge's verdict in her drunk driving hearing. She was hoping the judgment would be rehab. Although she didn't relish the idea of rehab, she knew it was much better than the alternative of prison time. She also knew she needed to get her life back together and rehab was the best means of doing this. As the judge read the verdict, Monica breathed a sigh of relief. She exited the courtroom with Edward and Tracey by her side. Despite her protests, they both insisted they accompany her to Stone Haven rehab center which Edward had arranged for her. They traveled in relative silence, Monica contemplating how messed up her life had become. As they arrived at Stone Haven, Monica took a deep breath and got out of the car. Edward and Tracy got out too, ready to accompany her inside.
"I think I need to do this part myself," Monica told them, taking her bags from Edward.
"Monica, "Tracy began, "Look, I'm sorry for my part in all this…exposing your drinking and all."
"No, don't be. I needed to be found out before something worse happened. I should be thanking you."
"Well, just get better, ok." Tracy turned away before she did something ridiculous like hug her sister-in-law.
Monica nodded and turned to Edward who surprised her by embracing her tightly. "We're all here for you dear. You'll be just fine."
Monica wiped a tear away and squeezed Edward's hand. "Thank you," she whispered and then headed in the doors of Stone Haven.
The director, Beth Shurman, was expecting her and welcomed Monica into her office. She spent a few moments explaining the 90-day program to Monica. She explained that she'd be attending both individual and group counseling sessions and would be assigned a sponsor. She gave Monica a tour of the facility and then showed her to her room. Beth informed her that her first group session would be held in the morning, but that most likely she'd be meeting her sponsor, Jack Hansen tonight.
Monica unpacked her bags and leafed through the literature about substance abuse that was given to her. She suddenly was overcome by a wave of loneliness. She wondered how her life had taken such a wrong turn. As always her thoughts turned to Alan. How disappointed he'd be in her. She closed her eyes and pictured his face. "I messed up good this time Alan," she whispered out loud. "I'm so sorry." As she choked back the tears, she felt the overwhelming desire for a drink to calm her down and ease her pain. "This is going to be harder than I thought," she spoke out loud. Just then she heard a knock on her door. She answered it to find a strikingly handsome man standing there.
"You must be Dr. Quartermaine, "he flashed a gleaming white smile at her and extended his hand. "I'm Jack Hansen. I'm your sponsor."
Monica shook his hand, momentarily caught off guard by this good looking man at her door. "Oh, I'm sorry, please, please come in."
"Thank you Dr. Quartermaine. I hope Beth told you to expect me today."
"Yes, she did, but please, it's Monica."
"Ok Monica. First of all, are your accommodations here satisfactory?"
"Yes, very much so. This is quite a lovely place, not that I've visited any rehabs before to compare."
Jack laughed as Monica motioned to a chair by the window and they both sat down. Monica couldn't help but notice how attractive Jack was. "Well, first let me tell you a bit about myself and my role as your sponsor," Jack began. "So, I'm Jack and I'm an alcoholic."
Monica couldn't help but laugh. "How did I know you'd begin like that?"
Jack smiled at her. "I've been sober for 10 years. I actually completed the program here at Stone Haven after two failed attempts at rehab. I was so impressed with the program here that I volunteered to stay on as a sponsor." He went on to explain the role of a sponsor. He told Monica he'd basically be "on call" for her whenever she needed him. He'd also be meeting with her a few times a week just to chat and offer support. "So, tell me about you. You're a doctor?"
"Yes, I'm a cardiac surgeon. Well, at least I was. I'm not sure what will be left of my career once I get out of here."
"Well, one step at time is our motto around these parts. Let's get you through the first couple of days and then worry about career restoration."
Jack gave her his phone numbers and made her promise to call if she needed anything at all. He told her he'd be in touch tomorrow.
Later that night, Monica struggled to get to sleep without her usual nighttime cocktail. At home, nighttime was the worst time of day, the time when all the "ghosts" would haunt her and she'd find herself missing Alan and Emily so desperately. A few drinks always helped push those thoughts aside and allow her to sleep. But tonight was a different story. Without a drink, Monica tossed and turned; she felt shaky and restless. She got up and paced the floor. Finally she managed to fall asleep on the couch in the wee hours of the morning.
Day two of rehab was grueling. She had a group session in the morning. It was a humiliating experience standing in front of all these strangers and introducing herself as Monica the alcoholic. She sat and listened as others shared their stories, but couldn't bring herself to pour out her guts to these people just yet.
The afternoon brought an intense private counseling session. She was forced to relive some of the painful details of Alan's and Emily's deaths and how her downward spiral of drinking began. By the end of the day Monica was feeling exhausted both mentally and physically. The withdrawal symptoms were beginning to show as well. She was shaky, nauseated and irritable.
Jack phoned early in the evening asking about her day. "I'm exhausted and I feel like crap, "she told him.
"Well, withdrawal's all part of it. I promise you, you'll get through it, and when you do, you'll feel one hundred percent better."
"I'm not very convinced right now," Monica said as she hung up the phone.
Getting to sleep was worse than last night. She felt herself becoming agitated and desperate for a drink and extremely homesick. In desperation she phoned the mansion at 1AM. The phone rang many times before being answered by Alice, who had just returned from her wrestling gig.
"Quartermaine residence," she said, picking up the den phone.
"Oh good, Alice, I'm so glad you answered. Listen, I need a favor. You need to come out here and get me."
"Now, you know I can't do that Dr. Q."
"Please Alice, it's just for tonight. I really need to be home. Please. I promise, you can bring me right back here tomorrow."
"Dr. Q, I'm sorry, but no."
Monica became angry. "Alice, you listen to me, I pay your salary and I am telling you I want you to come out here and get me. If you want to keep your job, you better get the hell out here."
"Goodnight Dr. Q." Alice hung up the phone as Edward walked in.
"What in sam hell was that all about?" he demanded.
"It was Dr. Monica, sir. She wanted me to bring her home. She sounded like she was in a pretty bad way."
"Well, what did you tell her?"
"Of course I told her I couldn't do that. But I think she may fire me."
"Nonsense Alice. You did the right thing. I just hope Monica's going to be alright."
After Alice hung up on her Monica was furious. She slammed the phone down and swore. She needed to get out of this place and get a drink more than anything. She felt like a trapped animal. Finally, in desperation, she made another call.
Jack answered the phone sleepily, "Hello."
"Jack, its Monica. I know it's late, but I didn't know what else to do or who else to call. I can't stay here any longer. I feel like I'm going crazy. I need you to help me get out of here. I want to go home."
"Whoa, whoa, slow down," Jack said calmly. "Listen to me Monica. I'm on my way. Just promise me you'll stay put until I get there."
"Ok, but can you hurry please?"
A few moments later, Jack was at her door. "Talk to me Monica. What's going on?"
She let him in. Monica paced back and forth and spoke rapidly. "I can't stay here anymore. This was all a big mistake. I tried to call my home, but they won't talk to me. I was hoping you could help. I feel like shit Jack. I need a drink, just one drink. It won't hurt anything. I just need to calm down and I need to sleep."
"Sit down, come on. Just sit here and try and calm down. You're not thinking clearly at all." He held her arm gently and led her to the couch. He sat next to her. He spoke calmly but firmly. "Monica, you're court-ordered to be here. If you leave, they'll send you to a jail cell, which I guarantee won't be as nice as this place and you still won't get any booze. So, I'm not taking you anywhere."
Monica put her head in her hands in exasperation. Jack pulled her face up to look at him. "But I will help you through this. You're going through some withdrawal. It's miserable, but only temporary and the very worst thing you could do now is take a drink. So, I am here to see that you definitely don't do that. And, I brought you some things to help you." He pulled a bag out of his jacket pocket and set it on the table.
Monica brightened as she heard the pills bottles rattle. "Oh please tell me you have sleeping pills in here, or tranquilizers."
"Melatonin, Monica. A natural sleep aid, plus some vitamins, minerals, and herbal teas. Guaranteed to start making you feel better."
"Great. Whatever happened to good old fashioned Valium?"
"You know here at Stone Haven, we don't treat addiction with other drugs…that just leads to dependency on another substance. At least give it a try Monica," he smiled at her.
Monica's hands shook fiercely as she tried in vain to open the bottle.
"Here, let me help you," Jack took it from her and opened it. He handed her two tablets and got her a cup of water.
"God, I'm a mess," Monica said in despair. "I'm a surgeon. I operate on tiny tiny veins and arteries. And now I can't even open a damn bottle." Monica took the pills. "I'm sorry I drug you out of bed."
He rested his hand on hers gently. "No, don't apologize. This is exactly what sponsors are for. You feeling a little better?"
"Yeah, actually. Talking to you helps. You really understand."
"I've been in the same place you are Monica, I do understand. Now try and lie down and get some sleep. I'll hang out here a little longer to make sure you're ok, and to make sure you don't try and make a run for it."
Monica laughed. "The way I feel right now, I wouldn't make it very far anyway." Monica lay down and after a bit of tossing and turning, she fell asleep.
Jack sat on the couch on the other side of the room. He found himself watching her as she slept. How beautiful she was. Jack thought so from the moment he met her. He wondered what caused her to end up here, in rehab. She was obviously successful, well off, and gorgeous too. He knew there was much more to Monica's story and he hoped that in time, she'd trust him enough to tell him.
Monica slept soundly, finally awakening near 10AM. She was stunned to find Jack still sitting watch over her.
"Good morning, "he smiled at her.
"Were you here all night?" she questioned.
"I was worried about you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok and didn't try and escape during the night. I hope you don't mind I stayed."
"No, but you went way above and beyond the duties of a sponsor, I'm sure."
"Here, I snuck out this morning for breakfast. The coffee's still good and hot and I have bagels and fruit. It's important you eat well Monica."
She sat with him and they both enjoyed the breakfast he'd brought. "Monica, it's probably none of my business, but during the night you were calling out a name a few times…Alan."
"I was?" Monica sighed. "My husband…my late husband," she clarified.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. What happened?"
"Ironically, a heart attack of all things. The thing I treat patients for every day. He's been gone almost a year and a half."
"Is that what led you to start drinking?"
"Yes, it was the start. Then in November, I lost my daughter. She was murdered." Monica tried to keep her voice from shaking.
"Wow, that's terrible. I'm so sorry Monica. I had no idea. That would be too much for anyone to deal with."
"Well, I didn't deal with it. That's the problem. I numbed myself and tried to block out every ounce of pain I could with alcohol. But, as I learned yesterday in group, I can't blame anything, any person, any circumstance for my choice to drink."
"I'm impressed. You're learning quickly." Jack smiled at her.
Monica was eager to change the subject. "So, I must be keeping you from something…a job, a wife."
"Nope…retired and divorced. Not in that order," Jack laughed.
"What are you retired from?"
"I was a professor, at PCU."
"Really? What subject?"
"The fascinating field of chemistry."
"Ugh," Monica made a face. "Chemistry was the bain of my existence in undergrad school. I cursed my organic chem. professor every night."
"But I bet you passed with flying colors."
"Well, I passed, but by the skin of my teeth. All those horrific molecules and compounds." She laughed. "So, how does a chemistry professor become a drunk?"
"My turn, huh? Well, I really can't pinpoint a reason. Like a lot of other kids, I drank my way through college. But I guess I really didn't learn when to stop. I was your typical binge drinker. I could go all week without a drink. But then the weekend came and lookout. I drank until I was sick or passed out. Then I decided to start extending the weekends. I'd start Friday, or go on until Monday. I was a mess."
"What made you stop?"
"I got sick. Really sick. Turned a horrendous shade of yellow. The doctor told me my liver was damaged and that if I kept drinking, I'd be dead within 5 years or less. It scared me, it really did. So, I went to rehab. Took 3 tries until I finally made it work, but here I am. But, the drinking cost me a lot. I mean, I was lucky enough to get my health completely back, but the drinking cost me friendships, jobs, almost my children, and ultimately my marriage."
"I'm sorry Jack."
"No, don't be. She was a terrific woman and she deserved a lot more than what she got with me. You know you can only last on broken promises and lies for so long. But, she's happy now, remarried, the whole nine yards. I actually consider myself lucky. I could have died when I was drinking, but I didn't. I got sober and now I have another chance at life and a chance to help other people too. That's a pretty big reward in my book."
"You mentioned children."
Jack beamed. "Yeah, my two girls, Christy and Danielle."
"Are you close to them?"
"Yeah, now I am. We got through all the rough spots and now they're my pride and joy. I just wished they lived closer. Christy is in Florida with her mom and Danielle's in Georgia."
"Let me guess, they hated the New York winters?"
"You got it."
"Any grandchildren?"
"Not yet. Christy's been married for over a year and Danielle's still working on her degree. But I do hope they give me grandkids one day, when they're ready."
Jack stood up. "Well, I guess I better let you get on with your day."
"Jack, thank you again for coming to my rescue last night. I mean it. You went way above the call of duty and I really appreciate it."
"It's what I'm here for. I'm just glad that you called me. You did the right thing. Look, I want this to work out for you, so anything I can do to help, I will. I'll be in touch. And you promise me you'll call again if you feel yourself getting into trouble."
Monica promised him she would. As she shut the door behind him, she felt almost sad to see him leave. She enjoyed his company this morning. Jack was a kind man and he really was helpful to her last night when she was at her low point. Not to mention that every time she looked at him, she couldn't help but notice how attractive he was.
The weeks went by and Monica was doing well in rehab. Her withdrawal symptoms lasted only a few days and none as rough as that first night. She was eating well, sleeping well, and taking all the vitamins, minerals and teas that Jack had "prescribed" for her. She felt healthy and energetic. Counseling was grueling at times. Her counselor dug deep into feelings Monica scarcely knew she had. They spoke of her childhood in the orphanage and examined her relationships with Alan and her children. These sessions left her emotionally drained, but she had to admit it felt good to explore some of these issues she'd tried so hard to bury all her life.
Jack was a regular part of her weeks. He called several times a week and they often met for coffee or lunch on the grounds of Stone Haven. She felt very comfortable with Jack and was surprised at how easily she felt she could talk to him. He felt the same. They talked at length about his drinking, his divorce and his children. Monica opened up about her marriage to Alan and she painfully admitted to Jack all the infidelities in her marriage. She told him about losing Dawn and AJ and about her cancer and Alan's and AJ's battles with addiction and about Jason's accident. Monica was stunned by how open she felt she could be with Jack. There was so much of her life that she struggled so hard to keep private and here with Jack she felt like an open book. But she had to admit that it felt good to be able to talk about these things. He never judged her or criticized her past mistakes because he had made some of the same ones too.
When Monica had completed 60 days of rehab, Jack stopped by Monica's room to celebrate the occasion. When she opened the door, her eyes were puffy and red, and he could tell she'd been crying. Upon seeing him, she fell into his arms. "Monica, what is it?" He asked, clearly concerned.
He helped her to sit down and took her hand gently. "My son was here - Jason. My grandson's been shot. He's in a coma, and they don't expect him to come out of it."
"Oh my God," Jack pulled her close to him and held her tightly.
Monica tried to hold back tears, but couldn't. She wept quietly as Jack ran his hand up and down her back. He held her that way for a long time. Finally, he spoke, "What can I do Monica? Do you need to go home? I can get you an emergency release."
"No, no. There's nothing at all I can do there, besides, I don't know if I can handle it, seeing Michael like that. I know I've never been as close to that little boy as I wanted to be, but he's still my grandson. Actually, he's the last part of Alan and I that's left."
Jack looked at her puzzled.
"AJ was the only child Alan and I conceived together. And Michael's his only child. I feel like he's the last tie I have left to Alan and to AJ too. It's so unfair. He's just an innocent little boy. And my son, the mobster, couldn't even protect him. Just like he couldn't protect Emily either."
Jack just pulled her closer and held her. They stayed like that for a long time, neither one saying anything. Jack's heart went out to Monica. She'd been through so much already and now this. He also worried about how this would affect her recovery. He knew she was so much stronger than when she first arrived at Stone Haven, but still, another crisis could jeopardize Monica's recovery.
"Monica, do you want me to call your counselor for you? Or maybe there's a group session meeting tonight. I'll go with you."
"Jack, I'm ok, really. I know you're worried that I'm going to relapse, but I promise you, I won't. What happened to Michael is terrible, but I'm committed to my recovery. And actually, all I really need right now is just to be right here with you."
The following week, Jack had a small surprise planned for Monica. He knew she'd been upset and sad over what happened to Michael, so he invited her to his home for a home cooked meal. Since she only had 3 weeks of treatment left and since she'd be with Jack, she was allowed to leave Stone Haven for the evening.
Jack had prepared a wonderful dinner for them and they talked and ate and laughed. Jack showed her his house and pictures of his girls. Finally, as they noticed it was getting late, Jack headed to the kitchen to start cleaning up the dishes. Monica offered to help him. As he filled the sink to wash the pots and pans, Jack playfully blew some soap suds at Monica, and then he splashed her with the water. Monica pushed him aside and armed herself with the sprayer hose. "Stand back or I'll do it Jack," she teased. Jack ran around the kitchen while Monica aimed the sprayer at him. "You don't think I'd really do it do you?"
"Actually, I think you would." Jack darted away as Monica sprayed the hose lightly at him. Monica turned away for a moment while Jack seized the opportunity. He ran to her and grabbed her from behind. He got the sprayer from her and aimed it at her face. "Say uncle," he called.
Monica was laughing so hard, she was out of breath, "Uncle!" she laughed as Jack dropped the sprayer and turned her around to face him, his arms around her waist. Their eyes met and Jack tried to fight off an overwhelming urge to kiss her. Monica stared back at him, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as she realized what was about to happen between them. She broke the moment. "It's getting late Jack; you really should get me back."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He reluctantly let go of her, got his keys and walked Monica out to his car.
They rode back to Stone Haven in awkward silence, neither mentioning what almost happened between them. Jack walked her to her room. Monica thanked him for their evening together. "I really had a great time. I can't remember when I laughed so much. It was exactly what I needed." Then she hurried into her room, not giving Jack enough time to try and hug her or even give her a kiss on the cheek.
Jack drove home glumly. He loved being with Monica tonight. He loved seeing her so happy and having fun. But their moment in the kitchen lingered in his mind. He had wanted so much to kiss her. He was developing such strong feelings for her, but he knew Monica needed to focus on getting through rehab and resuming her life in Port Charles. She needed him as her sponsor and he was determined to help her as much as he could. The last thing she needed right now was him confusing their relationship by making it into a romantic one.
Finally Monica's last day of rehab arrived. Jack was at her door again with flowers. "How do you feel about going home Monica?" he asked.
"I'm excited, but nervous. I want my life back so badly, but what if I can't do it? What if the memories back at home start getting to me again, or I have a bad day at work? Or what if I don't get to go back to work? It's pretty scary."
Jack took her both hands in his. "One day at a time Monica, remember that. You are a much stronger person than when you came here."
"You have such faith in me. I'm so grateful for that."
"You have faith in yourself too, you've proven that here. And remember, I'm still your sponsor. I'll be there whenever you need me." Jack helped her carry her bags outside just as Alice pulled up in Edward's Bentley. Alice jumped out of the car and gave Monica a big bear hug. "Glad you're coming home Dr. Q."
As Alice loaded the bags into the trunk, Monica turned to Jack and they embraced tightly. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered.
Monica felt her eyes getting misty. "I owe you so much. I could not have gotten through this without you. I mean it Jack."
Jack noticed her eyes were teary. "Hey, this isn't goodbye. I'll call you in a few days and you promise me you'll call if you need anything at all."
Monica simply nodded as she got into the car.
A few days later, Monica was readjusting to life back at home. It was different being back in the mansion where she could "feel" Alan in every room, but she stayed strong and dealt with the memories without needing alcohol. Several times throughout her day, her thoughts would turn to Jack. Finally, one afternoon, she called him and invited him to dinner at the mansion. Tracy was away, following Luke on some adventure and she knew Edward was out for the evening at the hospital's annual charity auction. She really didn't want to subject Jack to the rest of the Quartermaines.
Jack happily accepted the invitation and showed up at 7PM carrying flowers for Monica. He was stunned by the mansion and Monica proudly showed him around a bit. They entered the den and Jack immediately noticed the pictures on the mantle. He walked toward them. "Alan?" he asked.
Monica nodded quietly and smiled.
"And this must be Emily. She's beautiful."
"Yes, she was, "Monica replied. "Both inside and out."
Jack turned to her and gave her a hug. "How has it been? Being back here?"
"I'm doing ok. You know – one day at a time, right? Actually, it feels good to be home. I feel like I can begin to pick up the pieces of my life and somehow get things back to a sense of normalcy, whatever that is."
They enjoyed the wonderful dinner Cook had prepared and then took their coffee on the couch where they could relax and talk. They sat close together. Jack set his coffee cup down and turned to look at Monica. "Thank you for inviting me here tonight. The dinner was wonderful. But the company is even better. I have to admit, when you left Stone Haven, I was a bit worried that I wouldn't see you as much and I know I'd miss that."
"Me too." Monica said softly. Jack leaned into her, looked into her eyes, ran his fingers down her cheek and kissed her softly. He pulled her close and they kissed passionately. When they finally broke, Jack whispered. "I've wanted to do that for so long." Monica said nothing, but kissed him again. They were lip locked on the couch when Edward walked in.
"Oh for the love of God, what the hell is this Monica? And who the hell is he?"
"Edward!" Monica stood up quickly and smoothed her clothes and hair. Jack stood up as well.
"Did you ever hear of knocking?" Monica snapped at him.
"The door was open and besides, why should I knock in my own house?"
"It's MY house Edward. And I thought you were out at the charity auction."
"Humph…" Edward grumbled. "Damn Jasper Jax….he outbid me on everything. I swear he does this on purpose." Edward walked over to the bar cart, got a glass and then realized there was nothing but water in the carafe next to them. "And now I can't even get a drink in this house. It's all under lock and key."
"I'm sorry my alcoholism is an inconvenience to you Edward."
"Ah, forget it. Are you going to tell me who this is?" He gestured toward Jack.
"Edward, this is Jack Hansen. Jack is my sponsor. Jack this is my father-in-law Edward Quartermaine."
Jack extended his hand. "Please to meet you sir."
Edward shook his hand. "Sponsor huh? Like AA?"
"Yes, we met at Stone Haven."
"Well, it looks to me like he's doing a hell of a lot more than sponsoring you Monica. Well, since I can't get a drink, I might as well go to bed. Good night. Oh, and Monica dear, try and keep it G-rated down here, in case any of the staff wanders by."
Monica laughed as Edward left the room.
Jack breathed a sigh. "Why do I suddenly feel like a 16 year old who's been caught by my girlfriend's father?"
Monica laughed. "That's Edward for you. I did warn you didn't I?"
"Is he really that cranky?"
"Actually, his bark is much much worse than his bite. Believe it or not, he has a soft side."
"He seems pretty protective of you Monica."
"Well, Edward's been like a father to me. The closest thing to a real father I've ever had. I think he loves me in his own way. But anyway, enough of him." Monica sat back down and patted the seat next to her. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"
"Hmm, I think about here," Jack kissed her again. They kissed for a long time. When they finally came up for air, Jack spoke. "I think I better go."
"I wish you wouldn't," Monica replied, kissing him again.
"We might get carried away Monica."
"That sounds wonderful, "Monica whispered between kisses.
"Are you sure?"
Monica said nothing, but got up and led him up the stairs.
Monica and Jack spend the remainder of the night making love in Monica's bed. They both fell asleep blissfully in each other's arms. When Jack awoke, the sun was just coming up. To his dismay, Monica was not in bed. He looked around the room and found her out on the balcony looking at the sunrise. He got out of bed and came behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. He could feel it was damp from tears. "Are you ok?" he asked.
"Yes," she answered.
"You're not a very good liar."
"Funny, I used to be pretty good at it."
"Morning after regrets?" he asked.
Monica turned to him. "No, oh no, Jack. Please don't think that." She went back in the bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed. Jack followed and sat beside her. "It's just that…well, this is the first time, you know, since I lost Alan, and being, here in this room, where we shared so much. I can't really explain it. I just feel as if I betrayed him somehow. You know I didn't worry so much about it when he was alive, but now, I just feel a bit guilty I guess."
Jack pushed her hair behind her ear gently and took her hand. "Monica, it's ok. Moving forward is sometimes harder than it seems. I didn't know Alan of course, but from what you've told me of him, he loved you very much."
Monica nodded. "Yes, I believe he did."
"Don't you think he'd want you to be happy, especially after all you've been through these past months? That is, if you are happy here with me."
Monica touched Jack's cheek gently. "Oh, yes, I am. I really am. Last night was ….wonderful, it truly was. It felt so good to be in someone's arms again…to be in your arms. And yes, I suppose Alan would want me to start living life again. It's just going to take some time I guess."
Jack smiled at her and hugged her. He kissed her softly. "I better go." As he pulled on his clothing, he asked, "You don't think Edward will be downstairs with a shotgun, will he?"
Monica laughed. "I think you're pretty safe. Thank you for an incredible night."
"No, thank you Monica. I'll talk to you later."
Jack called her later that evening. He invited her to dinner at the Metro Court the following night.
After their dinner at the Metro Court, Jack asked Monica if she would come back to his place for a night cap. "Club soda of course," he assured her. Once back at Jack's house, he lit candles and put on some music. They danced in the living room, stopping every so often to kiss. As they swayed to the music Jack looked her in the eyes and kissed her again. "I love you Monica," he whispered. "I love you so much."
Monica froze. She stopped dancing and stood facing him.
"Monica, you don't have to say anything."
"I think I need to go home now."
Jack looked at her with amazement. He was stunned by her reaction. "Monica, please. I didn't mean to push you into saying something back."
"Jack please, just take me home, or else I'll call a cab."
"Monica, relax, I don't understand this. I'm not expecting anything from you..I just said it. I said what I was feeling."
Monica grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
"Ok, wait," Jack called. "I'll drive you home."
They rode back to the mansion in silence. As he pulled up to the door, he made one last plea, "Monica, will you please talk to me?"
"Good night Jack." Monica said as she shut the car door and entered the house.
Jack sat there for several minutes, just stunned. He didn't know how Monica was feeling and he really didn't expect her to make some grand profession of love, but he certainly didn't expect her to get upset. He hit the steering wheel in frustration. He cursed himself for blurting out his feelings like that.
When he got back home, he tried calling Monica's cell phone. It went into voice mail, so he left her a message asking her to call him. He called 4 times the next day and for a week after that he called several times a day. But Monica refused to take his calls or call him back.
Meanwhile, Monica went on trying to get her pre-alcohol life back. She had a lengthy meeting with the hospital board. To her relief, they agreed to reinstate her on probation. She had to submit to random drug and alcohol testing, continue with counseling and attend AA meetings at least twice a month. In addition, her surgical privileges were still on hold. Monica truly missed being in the OR, but was at least pleased that she could begin seeing patients again. Once back at GH, she realized how very much she had missed her work. Treating her patients gave her a sense of fulfillment and purpose that nothing else in her life ever could. She only hoped that in time, she'd be able to prove herself enough to be able to operate again.
It had been 3 weeks since that last night with Jack. Although she missed him terribly, Monica knew what she was doing, or so she thought.
A few nights later, the AA meeting had just ended. Monica got up and made her way to the door of the hospital conference room. She was shocked to see Jack standing there pouring a cup of coffee. Jack was equally as surprised. "Monica," he walked toward her. "Monica, how are you?"
"Good, I'm good."
"You're sure?" Jack looked puzzled and Monica quickly realized what he thought.
"Oh, no Jack, I'm still doing fine. I haven't fallen off the wagon or anything. The hospital requires that I attend two meeting a month as part of my probation."
"Does this mean you're working again?"
"Yes. I mean, I don't have surgical privileges, at least not yet, but at least I can see patients. It feels great to be practicing medicine again. What about you, I mean what brings you here tonight?" Monica looked concerned.
"An old friend of mine, actually. She's having some struggles and her sponsor is out of town, so she asked if I'd attend the meeting with her." Just then a tall good looking woman came up to the two of them. Jack introduced her as Shelia. Monica couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy when the woman hugged Jack and thanked him for being at the meeting with her. They exchanged a few words and Shelia left, leaving Monica and Jack face to face again.
"You look great Monica."
"Thanks. So do you."
"I tried calling you"
"I know. Look, Jack, I owe you an apology, a big one for how I left things."
"If there's some sort of explanation I'd love to hear it, because I've been racking my brains trying to figure out what happened that night."
"Can we talk somewhere? My place is close. If you're free, of course."
"Yes, I am. Let's go."
Back at the mansion, Monica led Jack into the den and this time closed the doors so they could talk privately.
Monica took a deep breath in and started. "I was scared Jack. I could feel myself falling for you and it terrified me. I've lost so much; I couldn't put myself in a place where I could be hurt again."
Jack shook his head, "Oh Monica, do you really think I want to hurt you?"
"No, but they didn't either," Monica said, looking at the pictures on the mantle. "How can I risk loving someone again? It hurts too much."
"It doesn't have to hurt." Jack looked Monica in the eyes. "I told you I loved you and I meant it. I have no intention of leaving you."
"Everyone I love has died. My husband, three children. And my grandson may die too."
"Monica, we all are going to die. That's the only guarantee we have in this world. But if you're worried about that, don't. I'm healthy, I take care of myself and there's a lot I want to do with my life yet, including being in love. I don't plan on leaving this world anytime soon."
"It's not just that Jack. I have a very uncanny way of messing things up. What if I mess this up too? I mean, what if I can't stay sober?"
"Monica, Monica stop. Didn't you learn to trust in yourself while you were in rehab?"
Monica nodded.
"Then do it. Listen, Monica, I can't give you a 100% guarantee that I'll never drink again and I don't expect that guarantee from you. We're alcoholics; it's a day to day battle. But I want so much to face that battle with you. I know you're scared and you're heart has been hurt so badly. But answer one question for me."
"What's that?"
"Would you have traded in all those years you had with Alan for the chance to avoid the pain of losing him."
Monica felt her eyes filling up. "No, never."
"So, love is worth the risk. I'd like you take that risk with me. I love you Monica. I loved you from those first days at Stone Haven and I hate being apart from you. You fill a void in me that's been there for so long. I want very much to help you heal and to show you that's it's ok to let yourself love again."
Monica was sobbing hard now.
"God I hope those are happy tears, Monica." Jack took her hands.
"Yes, they are." Monica looked into Jack's beautiful blue eyes and finally said what she'd been trying so hard to fight. "I love you Jack. I truly do." She tried to say more, but Jack's mouth was on hers, kissing her fiercely.
THE END