Disclaimer: The Rocky and Bullwinkle characters are owned by Jay Ward Productions.
The Treasure of Sepia Madre or Viva la Moose and Squirrel!
Narrator: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, our heroes, Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose, are having a day off. Or so it seems. Little do they know that a new adventure is about to unfold.
Bullwinkle is asleep on the couch in their living room. Rocky excitedly hurries in and wakes him up.
Rocky: Bullwinkle, wake up! You've gotta hear this!
Bullwinkle: Zzzzzzz... Huh?!
Rocky: You won't believe what I just heard on the radio.
Bullwinkle: Static?
Rocky: No.
Bullwinkle: Creepy sounds?
Rocky: Nope.
Bullwinkle: You discovered a great new song on the charts.
Rocky: Of course not. You remember the town of Mucho Loma, Mexico, right?
Bullwinkle: The place where we helped get rid of the scary guy with dangerous pots and pans?
Rocky: That's right.
Bullwinkle: And the dreaded cork gun?
Rocky: You do remember. Well, apparently a mountain range right next to them, called Sepia Madre, has a huge hidden treasure trove full of gold!
Bullwinkle: Yeah, sure. We'll check it out later, all right? I'm kinda having a siesta right now.
Rocky: But it's true! We'll have a fun adventure, and if we find the gold, we can use it to help people out in Mucho Loma and Frostbite Falls.
Bullwinkle: Sounds great and all, but if any of our stories involve treasure, usually Boris and Natasha are after it. As you know, they'll try to kill us.
Rocky: Don't be silly, Bullwinkle. They weren't even in the Mucho Loma episodes. I doubt the news will spread all the way to Pottsylvania.
Narrator: Surprisingly, the dim witted moose is correct. The news has indeed spread all the way to Pottsylvania. Now Boris and Natasha-
Fearless Leader: And their Fearless Leader.
Narrator: -the terrible trio are going to embark on a trip to Mexico.
Fearless Leader: When we find the treasure of Sepia Madre, I will be the richest man in the world!
Boris Badenov: Uh, boss, don't you mean we will be the richest people in the world? After all, we're going with you. I think we should share it.
Fearless Leader: Sharing?! Bah!
Natasha Fatale: Fearless Leader never shares anything. He is the meanest snake in the grass there is. Right, dollink?
Fearless Leader: That's right, Fatale. Badenov, I thought you knew me better than that.
Boris: Sorry about that, herr Fearless Leader. I have no idea what I was thinking.
Fearless Leader: You actually think?
Narrator: And so the trio of creeps crawl off to Sepia Madre like a bunch of venomous rattlesnakes. They travel by using a recently acquired Pottsylvanian Submarine entitled the Navy Blue.
Boris: "Acquired" in that we swiped it from Captain Peachfuzz.
Narrator: Of course.
A familiar sea captain pokes his head out of the submarine hatch.
Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: You rang?
Narrator: Ah, yes. It's Captain Peachfuzz, the well renowned chicken of the sea.
Peachfuzz: Thanks for the compliment, Mr. Narrator! I was in my sub when someone moved it to Pottsylvania.
Fearless Leader: You are very mistaken, Mr. Peachfuzz. This Navy Blue submarine officially belongs to the governor of Pottsylvania.
Captain Peachfuzz: It does?
Fearless Leader: Jawohl.
Peachfuzz: I have no idea what that means, or who the governor of Pottsylvania is, but okay.
Fearless Leader: It means yes, you nitwit! Badenov, Fatale, get rid of this numbskull at once! Throw him in the Pottsylvanian dungeon!
Boris and Natasha: Yes, governor!
Peachfuzz: Oh, so you're the governor of this place. All right, can you please give me back my sub-
Boris and Natasha drag him off to the dungeon.
Fearless Leader: Sorry, but that's against regulations.
Peachfuzz: Okay, bye!
The go to the dungeon with intentions of locking up the clueless captured captain.
Fearless Leader: Heheh, what a sucker.
Narrator: The Navy Blue submarine eventually leaves from the Pottsylvanian waterfront. Without Captain Peachfuzz.
Boris: Too bad for him. He could have been a contender for being rich! Haha, get it, boss?
Fearless Leader: Why didn't I leave you and Natasha in the dungeon?
Natasha: Because you love us so much?
Boris: Let's talk loudly and incessantly about how great our Fearless Leader is!
Natasha: What a wonderful idea, dollink!
Fearless Leader goes back to controlling the submarine, but he is getting increasingly frustrated.
Fearless Leader: I could have been a contender for some peace and quiet...
Narrator: Well, with all this talk of treasure, it can be really hard to keep quiet. Coincidentally, our heroes have decided to take a not very quiet mode of transportation to Mexico.
Rocky: But we're using the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam. The boat isn't noisy at all-
Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky! I've got a little somethin' that will get us to Sienna Mattress or whatever it's called in no time!
He is attaching an extremely loud motor to the back of the boat.
Rocky: Never mind...
Narrator: As they sail to their destination, Rocky soon finds out that a noisy motor isn't all he has to deal with for the duration of their trip.
Bullwinkle: Check out all the traffic around here.
Narrator: The "traffic" around our heroes' small boat is actually a huge fleet of submarines. A submarine admiral, adorning a uniform similar to the one that Captain Peachfuzz usually wears, opens the top of his submarine hatch to ask our heroes for professional assistance.
Submarine Admiral: Pardon me, Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Moose, but have you by any chance seen a submarine around here?
Bullwinkle: Yeah. Yours.
Submarine Admiral: Okay, thank you for the help.
He closes the hatch, and inadvertently rams into a submarine right next to his.
Rocky: Why do I get the feeling that they're from Captain Peachfuzz's fleet?
Narrator: Since the villains are in possession of an advanced submarine, they are the first group to reach Mexico.
Fearless Leader: We're finally here! Your seemingly endless chattering will cease.
Natasha: Now all we need is a brochure.
Boris: I've got the brochure on Sepia Madre. Including a map. Oh, and I also brought a compass!
Natasha: How smart of you, Boris, dollink!
Fearless Leader: Wha? Boris actually did something... smart?
Boris: *thinking* If I trick them into thinking I really did bring the stuff over for the trip, instead of explosives, they'll do anything I want 'em to!
Boris: Uh, yeah. I guess.
He looks through his "useful" bag of supplies.
Boris: One of my bombs appears to be missink.
Narrator: Boris won't be able to get his bomb back because it sank to the bottom of the ocean. Coincidentally, our heroes appear to have reached the area where Boris dropped it.
Bullwinkle: You know, Rocky, so far we've had smooth sailing.
Rocky: I think that's great.
Bullwinkle: Yeah, but that almost never happens.
Rocky: Now that you mention it, this is kinda suspicious...
Bullwinkle: Exactly! I'll bet that a dangerous cliffhanger is bound to happen and blow us out of the water-
*BOOM*
Bullwinkle falls out of the boat.
*splash*
Bullwinkle: My and my big snout.
Rocky: Hokey Smoke! Moose overboard!
Narrator: Will Rocky be able to rescue Bullwinkle from the deep waters? Will Boris get away with scamming Natasha and Fearless Leader into doing all the work for him? Stay tuned for "Two Mules for Brother Boris" or "Death Rides a Moose".