Disclaimer: I intend no claim to ownership.
A Matter of Trust
Harry stared gloomily over at the table where the two men were seated.
"Come off it, mate," Ron pleaded for what seemed like what must be the thousandth time. "They're just talking, it's nothing. Look, he's not even smiling."
"He never smiles," Harry grumbled, turning back to his own table. "I'm sorry I dragged you along for this," he sighed. "I know I'm not much fun. I'm just," he trailed off, looking at the older man again.
"Attached," Ron said, shifting uncomfortably. He had tried hard to embrace the relationship, for Harry's sake, but he could tell that some aspects still made him feel awkward. Harry was grateful for his friends, they'd all been great – he was even thankful for George's relentless mocking.
He cradled his head in his arms, feeling ashamed. He trusted him, he did. Harry was just so paranoid of losing him; he had really grown to love the old bat. He would never admit it, especially not to his face, but he rather treasured their life together. And after all, he had practically pushed Harry into this by the very nature of his being. The day Severus Snape was able to convey any deep, lasting emotion was the day Harry would stop tailing him. He did trust him, he just had no reassurance. And what did he even see in him – Harry Potter? The Gryffindorest of the whole lot!
"Honestly, mate," Ron said, trying to convince him. "They're just…having dinner."
"Yeah," Harry sighed. "Let's just go. I shouldn't have come anyway." He grumbled. He picked up the long trench coat and bowler hat, hoping they would be enough to get him out unnoticed.
He apologized again as he said goodbye to Ron who, looking worried, apparated home. He'd no doubt get a letter from Hermione in the post tomorrow.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and took off down the dark road, thinking about how he'd ended up where he was. When he had approached Severus three years ago, he had never expected him to listen, let alone hear him out and give him a chance. He was grateful for it – every day – but it was just so unbelievable and surreal to him. He trudged, lonely, down the street, keeping his head bent.
When he reached the front door to their house, he stopped, pausing just as his fingers came into contact with the cool metal of the door handle. He took a deep breath, but it did nothing for his nerved. He opened the door slowly, a multitude of outcomes running through his mind. However, when he found himself standing alone in the doorway, he was facing a cold, dark house. He stood there for a moment; Severus was not here, he was still out with him. He wasn't sure what he had expected – if the man was going to cheat on him, he wouldn't do it here – would he?
Harry chastised himself for such thoughts and sank onto the couch, throwing his bowler across the room. He started a fire and kicked his shoes off, resting his head on the back of the couch. How had he gotten this way? He was clingy and needy, and barely trusted anyone; what had happened? Where had the foolish bravery and Gryffindor bravado gone? He used to be independent, self-sufficient, and trusting; too trusting.
A loud crack sounded just outside the apartment, and Harry flinched in anticipation, but a second apparition never came.
He listened as the door opened and Severus took off his coat. He counted the solitary set of footsteps with dread – it took him twenty three until he was standing in the door to the living room.
"I'm home," he said. That simple sentence, filled with no malice or intent scared Harry, who just nodded, afraid of his own voice.
He avoided looking at Severus as he moved to warm himself in front of the fire, and closed his eyes when he started to turn around. He felt ashamed, worthless. He swallowed nervously.
"Do you feel alright?" Snape asked lightly.
Harry nodded again, hesitantly, and opened his eyes to look at the other man. He raked his eyes over him; his hair was still perfectly straight and his eyes were dark and clear, perfectly alert, strangely innocent.
Harry cleared his throat. "Did you have a nice time?"
"Well, what do you think?" Snape asked casually. Harry's heart dropped; was he about to admit something? "You were there, too, after all." He turned away from him, looking at the flickering flames.
Harry gaped at the man's profile, at a loss. He'd been caught. In school, he could always come up with an excuse; he could weasel his way out of anything. But now; now what? He had no excuse, he'd been caught red-handed; and the punishment was likely to be a token worse than a detention. He could lose Severus; he could lose the man that had become so much a part of his life. He sighed, and a tear wound its way down his cheek.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Do you really not trust me?" he asked as he turned back to Harry. Reflexively, he glanced at the end table, where the pocket Sneakoscope Ron had gotten him for his thirteenth birthday sat, silent. Severus snorted and he snapped his attention back onto him.
"Don't even know for yourself," he said bitingly.
"I-" Harry did not know what he felt.
"What, you what?" He turned back to Harry, and his dark eyes were cold. Harry shivered, knowing he deserved everything Severus might throw his way.
"You think I'm a man who will stay where I do not wish to be? I have pride, Potter, which also means I do not cheat – on anything; let alone with Draco Malfoy."
"You like Draco. You've been spending a lot of time with him lately."
"Because I have to. The Malfoys are a very influential family. Draco, however, is spoiled and shallow. His only redeeming quality is his name and his Slytherin heritage."
Harry sighed, defeated. He was right; he was a better man than Harry had given him credit for. Severus had pride, and dignity; he had old-fashioned views and a sense of chivalry. That's what had drawn Harry to him to begin with. He had grown to love the pride that bordered on arrogance, as much as he had come to love the sharp, hooked nose. Severus truly did have a magnificent heart, if one had the patience to wade through the lifetime's worth of hurt, neglect, and sarcasm to get to it.
"I'm sorry," he said again, louder, stronger. "I can't face losing you. I'm afraid," he admitted in a rush, face heating up after the confession. He looked down again as Snape remained silent, and closed his eyes, wishing he could start the night over, but not knowing if he would choose to, given the option. He heard the slide of Severus' long cloak over the leather of his armchair as he stood up, but he did not wish to witness the man leaving him. He heard the soft thump of two shoes hitting the hardwood floors, and the soft padding of socked feet. The couch to his left compressed a little, and he opened his eyes a crack, hoping we wasn't imagining things. Snape had seated himself on the edge of the couch next to Harry, and was currently watching him intently. Harry opened his eyes and met his gaze, trying to put everything he was feeling into his emerald irises. Severus took a deep breath.
"You know as well as anyone, I am not one to baby." He said, the struggle to keep sarcasm out of his voice clearly audible. "That being said, I will only say this once, so pay attention." He placed his hand on Harry's thigh lightly, and Harry hesitantly moved his to cover Severus'. Snape flipped his hand over and grabbed Harry's tightly. "I chose you; even I am not sure as to why, but I did, and I have not regretted it once since we have been together. I cherish you, and I cherish our life. I am as scared to lose you as you are scared to lose me. I feel quite the same way, I am simply practiced at hiding my emotions; you on the other hand, never have, and I suspect you never will, being a Gryffindor. I love you, Harry. I have loved you every day for three years now, and I intend to do so for the rest of my life. You can put your faith in me, for I will never abandon you. I know you struggle with that, as do I. But I will not stay in a relationship if I am unhappy; remember that if nothing else. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be." He finished, looking slightly off-balance, as if he didn't know himself how to react to the little speech.
Harry smiled slightly. "Thank you," he said softly.
"It's a matter of trust," Severus said, sounding more like his usual self as he glanced over Harry's shoulder at the still silent Sneakoscope. "And obviously, I am trustworthy enough."
Harry blushed sheepishly and looked down at their entwined hands, surprisingly satisfied with how the night had ended up.
A slender finger was placed under his chin, and lifted his head to the other man's level. Leaning in, Severus kissed him once on the lips before pulling him closer to his body.
"Now, please, banish that horrendous trench coat and bowler hat. You didn't have me fooled anyway."
Harry found it in himself to chuckle, but only slightly, before reaching for his wand and gladly getting rid of said garments.
"I love you too," he said as he laid his head on Snape's shoulder.
"Well, I should hope so. Or else tonight would be considered stalking."
Harry sighed contentedly, reassured for the moment that he was sitting solidly next to his future.