[Note: Written around a cover of the song 'more than this' by Kait Weston.]
I'm broken, do you hear me?
Chloe was in deep, and she knew it the moment she had clocked Beca's focus as she sang. Dark hair and burgundy hoodie, a smile of disbelief and a fist in the air to match hers. Chloe's heart was in her throat and she wondered briefly if it translated into her performance.
I'm blinded, 'cause you are everything I see
Suddenly the burning glare of bright lights was heaven. Warm spots danced in her vision and sideward glances were banished. It didn't help. A slight girl with a fiery attitude played on her mind.
I'm dancin' alone
I'm praying, that your heart will just turn around
Chloe allowed muscle memory to guide her through the remaining steps, finding herself grateful that Aubrey had maintained a strict rehearsal regime after she had handed over the pitch pipe. She played the part. She sang and she smiled.
And as I walk up to your door, my head turns to face the floor
'Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say,
Rehearsals were over. Paths didn't cross without intention.
Beca sent a last minute text asking Chloe to come over and somehow she couldn't refuse.
She hesitated, her hand hovering in front of the door ready to knock. She closed her eyes and blew out a breath, a feeble attempt to compose herself, to hold back frustrated tears. She wanted more than anything to have the courage to tell the tiny brunette how she felt. How she was hooked, wrapped around her little finger and she didn't even know it.
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight, it just won't feel right
'Cause I can love you more than this
All she could think about was Jesse. Jesse with Beca. Jesse wrapping his arms around Beca. Holding her close. The way she used to when Beca was upset, as a friend in Beca's eyes. Chloe would hold her close, fingers tousling soft dark hair and pressing gentle kisses to the side of her head as she settled.
When he lays you down, I might just die inside
It just don't feel right
The thought of Jesse laying her down on the bed in her dorm killed her. She scrunched her eyes even tighter, willing away the pained and somewhat angry tears that began to prick at her eyes. She couldn't banish the image from her mind. Jesse leaning over the brunette's slight frame, eyes surveying her body before he began to undress her. It made Chloe feel sick.
'Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than this
If Beca could only see how much she loved her. How she had stolen a sizeable chunk of Chloe's heart, a piece that Chloe needed to survive but was unable to take back.
If I'm louder, would you see me?
Chloe wondered if things would be different if she spoke. If she revealed her secret.
She wondered if Beca felt anything for her, whether what she felt for Jesse was more intense or perhaps she was simply giving him a shot. He had been pursuing her, not so subtly, since the start of the school year and Beca was one to get exasperated.
Would you lay down, in my arms and rescue me?
If she told her, looked her in the eyes and implored her to understand how she felt, would there be a flurry of chestnut locks as Beca left? Or would the evening end with Beca curled into her? Just as she had done, numerous nights she didn't want to be alone, only now with some understanding of what it meant to the redhead who wrapped herself around her small body and hoped that it made her feel safe and cared about.
'Cause we are the same
You save me; when you leave it's gone again
Chloe had nights like that, where she couldn't bare being alone. More so in the past week when she was unable to rid herself of the thoughts of that kiss or the onslaught of imagined meetings after that. Things that made a lump rise in her throat. Only now, there was no Beca twisting her fingers through red hair and whispering about how things were going to work out; and even if she had been there Chloe wondered whether it would have helped.
And then I see you on the street,
In his arms, I get weak
It was two days after the finals when she first saw them out together. Jesse's arm wrapped around Beca's waist, holding her close as they walked across campus.
My body falls, I'm on my knees, prayin'
Chloe couldn't stop the tears now and she let her body slide down the wall until her knees met the hard lino floor. The tears only fell faster when Beca stuck her head out of her dorm and peered around the door. She rushed to gather Chloe in her arms and ushered her into the room.
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won't feel right
Though Beca tried to coax an explanation from her Chloe didn't speak. She lay stiffly beside the girl trying desperately to comfort her, lost in thoughts of the boy who had stolen the girl she had fallen head over heels for.
'Cause I can love you more than this
I love you. I love you. More. Deeper. Chloe knew it was true, yet she still couldn't voice her thoughts.
When he lays you down, I might just die inside
It just don't feel right
'Cause I can love you more than this
A new wave of tears wracked her body as she thought of the times she had imagined being able to physically show Beca how she felt. Since she had unthinkingly burst in on her in the shower her thoughts had lead her on trails over Beca's pale skin. Paths she could walk with worshipping kisses. The intention had been innocent at the time but she couldn't forget how beautiful the brunette was, all creamy skin and waif like limbs.
Jesse wouldn't see Beca the way she did. He didn't know her like she did.
I never had the words to say,
But now I'm asking you to stay, for a little while inside my arms
When Chloe shifted to pull Beca into her arms in the darkness of the room the smaller girl hesitated, confused and moving stiffly. "Stay. Please, just let me?" Beca nodded and tucked herself in close against the redhead's body.
And as you close your eyes tonight,
I pray that you will see the light,
That's shining from the stars
Chloe sighed, eyes dropping closed and prayed silently that Beca might feel what she couldn't say. That the love she felt might seep from her bones and somehow permeate Beca's skin. That it might crawl in and inhabit her heart too.
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won't feel right, 'cause I can love you more than this
She didn't want to let go. She didn't want her arms to be replaced by his.
When he lays you down, I might just die inside,
It just don't feel right, 'cause I can love you more than this
Chloe couldn't let her go, only to fall into his arms. "I love you." It was a barely audible whisper but she could feel Beca's eyelashes over her collarbone as her eyes opened. "You deserve more." She drew in a shaky breath "I love you more." She sounded like a child, petulant, but in that moment she didn't care.
"I know."