"Do you hate me?" the young man with brown short hair and pale skin asked the other man in front of him. The wide, innocent eyes of the brown haired man were filled with unwashed, fat tears. His shadow on the flagstone wall was troubled and abstracted in ways that it made it seem haunted and hungry, though hungry for what it could not be said, not out loud and in the known anyway.
The King of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon, looked at Merlin out of the half closed eyes on his pale face and then looked away. He open and closed his fist, his teeth rubbing together in friction. His voice was shallow as he said, "No, Merlin I don't." He cleared his throat as if something was caught in it, something like a yell or a cry, "I do not hate."
Merlin licked his lips; his eyelashes were slick with tears as they began pooling down his face. He looked around at the room, Arthur's room. It was a mess from when he had thrown things at his king, yelled at his king, his Arthur, when he found out. All he had been keeping, all the emotion that ate at him just came out to where it hurt him now like a festering sore.
"You love me, though, don't you?" he whispered and the king looked up from the floor at his servant sharply, his mouth coming open but no words came out of the mouth. Merlin could hear the words though, could hear them clearly. The man-servant walked forward as if drunk and clutched at the long sleeve of Arthur's tunic, as if that was all that kept him grounded to the earth.
"Merlin," Arthur said and he allowed himself to cup merlin's check. He had to allow himself to do this; he couldn't do it whenever he wanted because it just wasn't done- not anymore. They knew this and now it was time to stop pretending. No matter how much it hurted them in the end. " You must understand this, this is something I have no choice in the matter in. It is for the good of the kingdom and the best for us. We can't," he drew in a deep breath as Merlin bit his top lip to keep from moaning and made his voice more firm, " we cannot keep doing this."
They both heard the footsteps from the hall and Merlin glanced at the door and grasped Arthur's tunic hard one last time before he let him go, and the king moved away from him and stood apart more closer to the door. He could make out his uncle's voice and that of Gwen's voice, the dear sweet Gwen who thought he loved her so much, and he did, he did but his heart would always go out to someone else more strongly.
"Just don't," Merlin whisperd and Arthur didn't look at him in the eye put turned his head enough to hear the tear filled voice, "please Arthur I ask that you don't forget me, forget this. You can hate me, and I wouldn't care, you can love me in the end still and I wouldn't care, but don't…just don't forget me."
He sucked in a breath and just as the voice grew closer and the door in the outer chamber opened, Arthur could not make a sound for Merlin came over to him, crushed his dry, trembling lips to the king's and kissed him long and hard. He pulled back and forced a smile, " I will always be there for you and it was good while it lasted."
"I promise, Merlin," Arthur spoke to his back as Merlin snuck out the door as if he was never there, and he never did. " I will never forget."
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