Chapter One

I'm Back

The crunch of the gravel beneath my feet made my stomach lurch. The recognizance of everything before me made me want to curl up into a ball and pretend I was just sitting on the floor in Rhy's home in Velaris. That I had a hot mug of tea nearby that Mor had just made, while Az, Cass and my mate were out training. I wanted to at least close my eyes and stop, take a deep breath and at leat take a moment to collect my thoughts; remind myself why I am here, what it was worth in this risk I had just taken. But no. I was holding on tightly to the hand of the one being on this earth that I would pay anything just to forget had ever existed; pretending that I had just awoken from some hellish nightmare... some Curse, and now that my sight was clear, I was once again madly in love with him.

I had to gulp down the acids in my stomach that threatened to rise up at the very thought. I blinked away the brightness from the sun shining down on the Spring Courts Manor before me. Everything I saw and recognized made me want to turn away in fear just at the sight of it all. Everything that happened here last time will forever leave a scar upon my life. What I let myself fall down into was a shame I would never forget. I thought I would be rid of this. That somehow, I would never have to face Tamlin again, let alone be here again, with him, pretending that all was now right with the world.

The only good thing I had going for me at the moment was that at least I could allow my facial features to remain solemn at best, it would just seem that I was still 'in shock' at what I had just 'escaped'. Thank Cauldron I could remain in this state for quite some time and get away with the fact that I was trying to get over the occurrences that had happened to me during my time with Rhys. Because I will be trying to get over those occurrences... but not the ones that they may be led to assume happened. Cassian and his wings. My sisters. Azriel... My Mate. The sudden dangerously low hourglass that was almost up during this time of so called peace between our continent and Hybern. Everything was about to be put into turmoil... and that was why I was here. To save my court. To save this continent. My friends and Rhys. To make sure what was done to my sisters would be avenged. But, above all, in an extremely selfish way, what made it the most worth while would be destroying HIM.

The sunlight flashed brilliantly down upon the head of the Lord of the Spring court leading the way in front of me, holding just as tightly to my hand in return. He looked back at me with pity and longing in his eyes. I wanted to rip them out. How could someone be so ignorant and self-absorbed that they convinced themselves the entire time I was gone, after what he had done to me, that I was still madly in love with him as I once was? That everything he had put me through, everything I had to recover from, all that hiding from him and my very own mating bond with Rhys, he STILL was trying to 'save' me? To protect me, and love me in some warped thinking that I still loved him in return. I never loved him. And I realized it at this very moment. I never loved him, I needed him, I admired him, and he gave me what I needed for a small moment and indulged in my admiration.

But if it weren't for his ignorance, I wouldn't be here right now. Walking right into the manor of the High Lord who I personally made it my life goal to destroy in every possible way. If it weren't for his idiocy, my plan wouldn't ever be possible. Sadly, he was the only one with this ignorance. I glanced back at the person stalking behind us, his red hair a bit mussed from his struggle to get to his newly acclaimed mate; my sister, Elaine. I hated the thought. He wasn't good enough for her. But at this time, it didn't matter. I could see the obvious suspicion in his eyes as he glared at me. He knew that I was up to something, and I honestly didn't care just as long as Tamlin paid more attention to me than him.

We walked through the Foyer into the hall and it took everything I had to keep from staring at the walls, the door frames, the poor paintings that I used to look at with marvel every day when I was human. Everything was in tatters. Claw marks, thick gouges ripped out of the mahogany wood that lined the entryways, remnants of broken tables that used to hold beautiful vases of fresh flowers were littered across the floor. I could tell that this had happened recently, and was currently in the attempts of being cleaned. But the walls, the paintings, those had been that way for a while. I couldn't help but shiver in the wondering of how many temper tantrums did he throw... was each scar upon the once beautiful walls all simultaneous or was each one separate in their own time?

I wanted to pull my hand away from his and back away in horror at what he had done in response to not getting what he wanted. He was a child. A reckless, selfish, blind child. It took everything I had to refrain from looking at him in disgust. No, I had to remain the emotionally unstable, weak little girl who just went through months of traumatic experiences. This was supposed to feel like home to me. But it didn't. It was a prison that I had escaped from. Literally. I glanced at the spot on the floor where I had fallen and curled up, the blackness surrounding me as any ounce of hope I had remaining fled my body when I realized that shield had been put up.

Calm down! I had to tell myself. I have only been here less than a few minutes and already my powers were wanting to rise up in defense to the high emotions roiling through me. I knew what I was doing when I made the decision in the throne room of the King of Hyberns palace, and I know what I am doing now. I am here on a mission. I can't let myself cower just from seeing things that brought back memories. I needed to remember –

"- Staying in my room for a while until I feel that you will be stable enough to sleep on your own. I think it would also be best to continue with having guards with you when you feel well enough to wander around on your own; that bastard could try to do something reckless again."

Everything went blank as his words broke through my barrage of thoughts and emotions. Stay in his room? No... No. That wasn't supposed to happen yet. If he was thinking correctly he should let me stay in my own room because he should assume that my instability is due to what Rhys had possibly done to me... Wait!

Then I did pull my hand out of his grasp. I stopped altogether, holding my hand to my chest as if it had been burned. My emotions were taking over before I could pull my thoughts together.

"No."

Tamlin halted and whirled on me as soon as my hand was no longer in his hand, a look of slight surprise on his haunted features. "Feyre..." His tone had a slight warning to it.

I was biting the inside of my cheek so hard I could feel blood beginning to draw. Think. Think on how you should say this without drawing suspicion.

"Tam... I don't want to stay in your room. I... want to be alone for a while. I need to be by myself and sort things out in my own time and to be honest... I would not be comfortable sharing the same room with a man right now. Even you..."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute, praying that there would be something in his heart of stone that would flicker for me. I hated pity but it was the only thing keeping my afloat right now. It was the only thing that got me here and I needed to draw it out as much as possible in order to keep him blind. I hated implying that Rhys would ever do such a thing to me but he already thought it and it was what made him act more than think. I needed him to keep from thinking.

"Feyre..." he said again, this time his tone was quiet, more backed down. "Do you understand why I want you with me? I am here to keep you safe. I would never do what he did..."

Shit. He is still pushing for it. Push back.

"I know that, but... I can't help it, Tam. Please, I'm sorry." I bowed my head, letting my hair cover my eyes, pretending that I was some broken doll that needed time to heal it. I heard a slight sigh from behind me, Lucien was probably putting his face in his hand, squeezing the bridge of his nose at the sight of my terrible performance, no doubt.

I could feel the tension in the room begin to rise as silence grew deafening. Tamlin was trying to decide on whether to already start an argument and it hadn't even been five minutes since my arrival back. After a few more moments, he sighed.

"I hate to do this, Feyre. But, no. "

My head snapped up, surprise already alighting on my face before I could stop it. This was new. His face was cold. Defiant. His arms were crossed and his shoulders squared back, looking straight at me with no admonition in his eyes.

"Why... why can't you just let me be by myself? I need my own space, Tamlin. You really cannot understand why? Or... or do you not even care to understand? Like last time..."

Lucien sucked in a breath behind me, and stepped forward as Tamlins eyes darkened in response, already with a quick response on his tongue.

"Tamlin, let her have her own room until everything is calmed down. We have been searching for her for months with no idea what they might have been doing to her, what she might have allowed to be done since he was her mate. I suggest that you be a little more fair for now. I know you wish to protect her and you think it's for her own good, but try to see it from her side of things." Lucien was standing in front of me, the scent of worn leather and polished metal coming off of him in waves. I couldn't understand why he was defending me now, especially since he was at least suspicious of my actions.

I could hear a snarl come from over his shoulder as Tamlin stepped toward him, his gaze turning to impatience and fury. "And if he arrives in the night? Somehow breaks through my barriers again? What if he takes her again, Lucien? What will you have to answer for?"

I went very still. I didn't know this was going to be such an issue right upon my arrival here. Already the tension was high, I was hoping he would approach me with some care and worry in what he thought I had gone through. Instead he was almost in his beast form already, wanting to lock me away in his bedroom. Maybe this was going to be even more difficult than I thought...