What's Left Inside

Warnings: Graphic content (blood, gore, torture), adult themes, yaoi, and bad language.

A/N: Hey ya'll! I know I should be working on TT and I have been, I promise! Just slowly. Anyway, here I am with a new one (Kuwama this time because I love this pairing and it needs more fics) that I wrote for the YYH Big Bang on Tumblr. I hope you guys will enjoy it and please leave a nice comment or two!

The cover art for this fic was done by the wonderful voltronslegs on Tumblr! You can find the original here - (http) : / / (voltronslegs. tumblr. com) / post / 152739805949 / hey-heres-one-of-the-drawings-i-did-for-yyhbb (just take out all the spaces and other extra crap!).

…~...

"Let no one think of me that I am humble or weak or passive; let them understand I am of a different kind: dangerous to my enemies, loyal to my friends. To such a life glory belongs." - Euripides

December 21st, 2001.

"What the hell is this?"

"What does it look like, idiot?"

Kazuma Kuwabara resisted the urge to reach down and strangle the shorter man. In the ten years they had known each other little had changed. The short fire demon, Hiei, was still the most irritating man he knew.

"Well, it looks like a bag full of crap to me," Kazuma retorted.

He had no idea why Hiei had come to see him. No idea whatsoever. Other than the fact the psychic had taken over Genkai baa'san's position at the temple. She'd died nearly five years ago and left the estate to all of them. But Kazuma was the only one that kept up with it…and well, Kurama he supposed. The kitsune tended the gardens mostly and kept to himself these days.

Hiei had pursed his lips, his penchant for having a short temper shining through. "They're for Kurama, you buffoon."

Kazuma looked into the tiny sack again and poked around. Ah, he knew what they were now. Seeds, a bag full of seeds.

"And why are you giving them to me shrimp?"

Hiei growled at him, his eyes narrowing at the insult. But after ten years Kazuma was neither intimidated nor worried for his safety. The guy had a stick up his ass a mile long, but he was loyal to his allies.

"Because, he comes by here on weekends, does he not?"

"Your point?" Kazuma asked, even as he pocketed the seeds.

"I won't be here then. I do not wish to waste time looking for him now."

Something about that irked Kazuma and he said as much to Hiei, "Wait…you can't find him?"

Hiei blinked at him, his impossibly red eyes widening for a moment. Then he simply answered, "No."

"Doesn't that strike you as a little weird, with that eye of yours?"

Hiei shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Kazuma, knowing he was about to flit away, grabbed for him.

The look Hiei gave him would have flayed a lesser person alive.

"When was the last time you saw him Hiei?" He asked because Hiei was the closest to Kurama. Even if the fire demon's trips to the Ningenkai were few and far between.

Kazuma cursed himself. Why hadn't he noticed? When was the last time Kurama had come around?

"Several weeks ago, though that isn't unusual," Hiei answered.

Kazuma let him go abruptly, but the demon didn't run off as he expected. "You haven't seen him either." Hiei said instead. Not a question, but a statement of fact.

Kazuma shook his head and just like that worry set into his belly. Kurama had been acting strangely for several months now. He'd been more reserved, less social. What a horrible friend he was to only have noticed now.

Leaving Hiei behind to figure things out on his own, Kazuma dashed for the temple. There was a phone in the kitchen and he made a beeline straight for it.

He dialed Yusuke Urameshi's home number but received no answer. Frustrated he slammed the receiver down and then picked it up again. He dialed the ramen shop.

It rang once…twice, three times. "Moshi – mosh, Urameshi here."

Kazuma didn't bother with hellos, "Urameshi have you heard from Kurama lately?"

"Kuwabara, what are you on about now? I'm busy here."

"This is serious! Have you heard from Kurama?!"

Yusuke paused, the line going silent, "Now that I think about it…no."

"Damn."

… ~ ...

Later that evening, with Hiei in tow, Kazuma waited for Yusuke to close up shop. Then the three of them huddled inside the tiny kitchen area, leaning against any available space.

"So," Yusuke began, "You think he's missing then?"

Kazuma looked to Hiei, "The shrimp couldn't find him if that tells you anything."

Hiei glared at him but said, "I've used the Jagan multiple times and he is nowhere within the Ningenkai."

"So maybe he's in Makai," Yusuke said.

Hiei shook his head, "I was there earlier today."

"He has to be hiding his energy," said Kazuma. He didn't want to think of the other explanation. It wasn't possible. He would have noticed. He would have felt it.

"Reikai then?" Yusuke pulled out the communicator he'd received from Koenma. Even after all these years he carried it with him. Old habits die hard.

The compact buzzed for a while when a squeaky, irritated voice snapped, "What?!"

"Keep your pants on Koenma, it's me."

"I know who it is! I'm very busy Yusuke, why are you bothering me?"

Yusuke rolled his eyes, "Do you think I call you just for the pleasure of seeing your ugly mug?"

"Ugly?! How dare you, I'll have you know – "

Yusuke cut the ruler of Reikai off, "Kurama is missing."

Koenma paused his hollering, "Huh?"

"We can't find ole' foxy boy, we were hoping he was with you."

"He isn't here," Koenma replied.

Kazuma cursed and out of the corner of his eye he saw Hiei purse his lips.

"Shit," Yusuke cursed.

"You're serious then?" he heard Koenma ask.

"Yeah," Yusuke said, all of the former punk gone from his demeanor.

"What resources will you need?"

Kazuma stopped listening. He wandered away from the others and took a seat on the curb outside Yusuke's shop. His energy thrummed beneath his skin – worried, borderline frantic.

Where would he have gone without telling them? They were still close…weren't they?

And it was almost Christmas…Kurama wouldn't leave his mother all alone…would he?

"We'll find him, baka."

Kazuma sucked in a breath. He hadn't heard Hiei sneak up behind him…

"I know man," he said with conviction.

… ~ ...

December 22nd, 2001.

He sucked in a shallow breath. In and out, in and out - he kept reminding himself. How much time had passed? All the days blurred into the next. Years could have passed and he wouldn't have noticed.

Stupid…he'd been so careless.

He had always prided himself on being intelligent. But this…he'd been caught like a mouse in a trap.

The hunter had become the hunted. He had become prey. For the first time in long while, Kurama knew without a speck of doubt he was going to die.

In and out…in and out…

… ~ ...

Kazuma was doing his best not to explode. For the past half an hour, while they were supposed to be coming up with a game plan, Yusuke had done nothing but berate him.

He'd yelled things such as, how come you didn't notice he wasn't around?! I thought you were some psychic know-it-all?! Kurama could be dead in a ditch somewhere! If you weren't so stupid you would pay more attention!

The stupid comment had been his last straw.

"I'm not stupid!" Kazuma shouted.

Yusuke looked as if he had more to say, but a single heated glance from Kazuma had his mouth snapping shut. His orange haired friend was angry for certain. But it was the hurt in his eyes that caused him to pause.

"I'm sorry man," Yusuke said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

But Kazuma wouldn't hear any of it, "I'm not the only one to blame. You're both just as guilty!"

Hiei scoffed, but didn't deny it and Yusuke's eyes shot down to the kitchen table in shame.

"We're bad friends," Kazuma continued. "He could be in serious trouble…or even…or even…"

Kazuma couldn't bring himself to say it. Kurama wasn't dead. He was too strong for that. But he was quickly losing hope every second that went by. Koenma had every available resource he could muster at such short notice searching. He told them Botan would come when there was news, but they'd heard nothing yet.

Kazuma slammed a fist down onto the table. "I'm going to go look."

"Ridiculous," said Hiei. "If I couldn't find him, you stand no chance."

"Just because your freaky eye failed doesn't mean I will!"

Hiei cast him a look of disdain, "Fool, you will accomplish nothing other than wasting time and energy."

"I don't care," Kazuma snapped.

Screw them, he couldn't just sit around and do nothing. If he sat and talked about it for one more second he would combust.

He stalked outside, forgoing his coat. He was so angry with himself he never noticed the flakes of snow that fell and melted on his skin.

Kurama – beautiful, selfless, smart - Kurama, had gone missing.

How could this have happened when he was the most intelligent of them all? Had he gone somewhere and just not wanted to be found?

A million questions that held no answers ran through Kazuma's head. He left the temple in a haze. He didn't care if he was followed or if what he was doing was a futile waste of time. He needed to find his friend.

There were many things that had gone unsaid between them. Things had grown awkward. Kazuma was not the same man and he'd learned several things about himself in the past ten years.

Lost in thought, he recalled what had occurred between them several months ago. It was the reason they didn't speak when Kurama came to tend the garden. Besides polite pleasantries they had both kept to themselves.

And Kazuma only had himself to blame.

Back near the end of September Kazuma had a particularly horrible day. As it was with Genkai, so it was with him. People from all around came for his advice. But unlike the old psychic, Kazuma did not have the same knowledge or experience. He did the best he could and often used his strong sense of intuition to make up for it.

Kurama had been in the gardens that day, making the plants flourish. They were even more beautiful now than during Genkai's time. Beautiful – and deadly. Kurama grew every species of poisonous plant imaginable. Then there were the medicinal herbs and the massive man eating Makai plants. Kazuma steered clear of those but knew they were there for his protection.

It was one of the ways Kurama showed he cared.

Over their time spent together, rather privately because Yukina now lived with his sister instead of in the temple. Kazuma had grown to see Kurama in a much different light.

He had never told a soul. Not even Urameshi, who would probably be the most understanding.

But on that awful day, where Kazuma had been run ragged, where his soul was left in tatters. He had made a horrible mistake.

Kurama had made him tea, sat him down, and talked with him. Kazuma hadn't been able to get the words out. And so to make him feel better Kurama had massaged his shoulders.

And well…Kazuma blushed just thinking about it.

He rubbed a hand down his hot face. Maybe he was an idiot. He had to be to make a move on one of his best friends that way.

Kazuma had tried to kiss him. And for one heart stopping moment he'd thought Kurama was not so adverse to the idea.

He'd been stunned sure, but when their lips had connected he sat there stone faced. He didn't move. Hell, he didn't even breathe until Kazuma backed off.

When Kazuma had tried to apologize, Kurama had just said a quiet goodbye and walked out.

Stupid, he'd been an utter moron. Just because Kurama was nice to him didn't mean he liked him like that. Why would he? Who could ever like Kazuma like that? Even sweet, kind, gentle Yukina had ended up rejecting him about eight years ago.

Of course, he was glad for that now, because his feelings had changed.

And finding out she was actually Hiei's sister had really done a number on him too. He'd promised the short man that he wouldn't tell her. Only being around her had made him want to spill the secret. He'd distanced himself from her as a result. He didn't want to betray the trust of the fire demon, as hard earned as it had been. But he didn't want to lie to Yukina either. So he'd done the next best thing…and left her alone.

He didn't regret his choice. Not when he'd developed these new…feelings.

Damnit Kurama…where are you? I'm sorry man…I'm so sorry. Just please…find your way back to me.

… ~ ...

Hours of searching had done nothing but make Kazuma's bones and soul weary. Hiei had been right, not that he'd admit that aloud. The little snot would gloat for weeks.

He sneezed and wiped at his nose with his index finger. He was freezing, never having gone back for his coat. He made the trek back to the temple alone. He'd spent hours walking and then even longer on the train back home. He just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep forever.

He was so frustrated he could rip out his hair.

Maybe Kurama just didn't want to be found. Maybe he wasn't really in trouble.

…Maybe it was Kazuma's fault he'd run off.

He'd reached the stairs that would take him to the temple grounds and groaned. He wanted to curse Genkai baa-san but knew it would be ill to speak of the dead that way. And knowing her she'd come back to haunt him anyway.

As Kazuma crested the last flight of steps he felt an energy signature he figured would have been long gone.

Hiei rested in a tree right before the wards that marked the entrance to the grounds. When Kazuma had labored his way to the top, the fire demon jumped down. He didn't say a word and for once Kazuma didn't either. The short man followed him inside the temple and that was when Kazuma sighed. He was irritated and just wanted to be left alone.

"Go away," he said.

Hiei still didn't say anything but continued to follow him. It was starting to creep Kazuma out to say the least.

Fed up, he stopped in the middle of the hallway. He didn't turn around. With fists clenched at his side Kazuma asked through gritted teeth, "What do you want?"

"I know what happened between you and Kurama."

Kazuma sucked in a breath. He whirled around to face the demon, all his pent up rage exploded at once.

"So what?! You gonna mock me?! Go ahead!"

Hiei regarded him with a cool gaze, not at all fazed by his outburst. "It isn't the reason he's missing."

"What the hell do you know?!"

Hiei scoffed and shook his head at the other man. "Pathetic."

That was when Kazuma lunged for him. He grabbed Hiei by the collar of his shirt and hauled him off the floor. The fire demon never even removed his hands from his pockets. He just turned his head to the side, a sneer plastered on his face.

"You little bastard," Kazuma snarled. "I'm not in the mood for your insults. I'm not a kid anymore and you can't talk to me that way."

"Could have fooled me."

With a roar, Kazuma threw Hiei aside. He stalked off, not even stopping to wonder why the fire demon was acting the way he was. He didn't care that he knew. Hiei could go and tell the world for all he cared. The only thing that mattered right now was Kurama.

With that thought he deflated. Kazuma ran a hand down his face, upset with himself now. He was being foolish. He was acting childish even...just like Hiei had said. Instead of being so angry and worrying that he was at fault, he should be making more of an effort to find him. He was upset sure, but now wasn't the time to lose his head.

"Have you calmed yourself then?"

Kazuma sighed, "Would you just go away. Please..." He added, even though he held no hopes that the demon would listen.

"I'll leave when I'm satisfied."

Kazuma rolled his eyes. Fine, if that's how he wanted it then they could at least get comfortable.

He made his way to the main living area. Here you would find one large couch, several arm chairs, a kotatsu and Genkai's television. It was Kazuma's favorite room. Here, he could pretend that things had never changed. That Genkai was still alive. That the Reikai hadn't gone to hell. That he was still that teenage boy working his ass off to get into college. He smiled fondly at the memories he had of this room. He and Urameshi playing Genkai baa'san's video games. Urameshi getting his ass kicked by the old lady. Kazuma laughing so hard he'd been in tears.

He missed those days.

But he'd been forced to grow up. Kazuma had stopped bleaching his hair, now it was a tame brown and cut short. He dressed more formal, often times in Shinto style robes. Once he'd dreamed of going to college to be a scientist. Now this is what he did – gave advice on the occult.

He didn't hate it. It was just draining. It was no wonder Genkai baa'san had kicked the bucket. He'd be sick of it by the time he was her age too.

Kazuma flopped into one of the armchairs, his long limbs hanging all over the place. Hiei took a spot in one of the circular windows. Big surprise there, thought Kazuma. Some things never changed.

After a long bout of silence, Kazuma grew tired of waiting. It was obvious Hiei wasn't about to open his trap.

"Okay, so...what do you want shorty?"

"Answers," was all he said.

Kazuma resisted the urge to start yelling, even though he could feel his eye twitching. "Answers to what?"

"Do you wish to bed Kurama?"

Kazuma choked on nothing, sputtering like a moron. "Do I what?!"

Hiei glared at him, "You are not as stupid as you act."

Kazuma chewed on his next words for a moment. "I like him. As more than a friend."

Hiei nodded, accepting that as a good enough answer. "You aren't worthy of him."

Kazuma frowned. He already knew that. He didn't need the midget to tell him.

"But he does care for you also."

This had Kazuma sputtering all over again. Impossible! Kurama hadn't said a word about that day, not one! Hiei must mean as a friend. That was the only explanation.

"Yeah, he's a friendly guy," Kazuma mumbled.

"He cares for you as...more than a friend." Hiei used his own words. Kazuma was embarrassed to admit that he had blushed afterwards.

"Bullshit..." he mumbled.

The conversation ended there. Hiei never explained why he'd made it a point to harass him. And for the rest of the evening they sat in silence, both lost in thought.

… ~ ...

December 23rd, 2001.

"You are beginning to reek of death," it hissed out a laugh, elated.

Kurama said not a word. He hung from a set of chains, his wrists broken and useless from countless hours of futile pulling. The manacles suppressed spirit energy and demon energy alike. His physical might alone was not enough to break them.

Whoever...whatever, it was that had managed to knock him out and drag him here had not shown its face. It hid in the darkness.

At first Kurama had done his best to kep his wits about him. He had used his logic so many times to get himself and others out of a bad situation. But with careful cunning the creature had whittled away at Kurama's resolve.

And then the beatings started.

Sometimes it was just a painful jab to his kidneys, other times it was whippings. He'd had a hot poker branded into his skin. The end of which had sunken into one of his thighs, the front of his shoulder, and through his shin, where it had been left for the wound to fester.

He was sure he had bruises marring every inch of him. His eyesight, normally perfect even in the pitch black, had waned. Even before, at his full health, he knew the darkness here was of artificial making. He would have seen his captor by now. Would have been able to look upon his face and spit in his eye. If he freed himself from this, by some offhanded miracle, he would not hesitate to torture this creature for an eternity.

A breath ghosting across his ear that stank of carrion had him using what little energy he had left to jerk away. It rasped out a laugh again, delighted.

Who? Who had such a grudge against him?

Kurama could name hundreds over the centuries he had lived. Inhabiting a human body made no difference. After the Dark Tournament and his time spent in the Makai with Yomi his identity was far from secret.

He felt a tug at his hair, matted and dirty. "Such fine hair..."

He heard as it was sliced off, felt as the clumps brushed against his naked back as they fell to the floor. Kurama made no reaction. He had long stopped even crying out in pain as he was beaten. His body and mind had grown numb. And he would not give this bastard the satisfaction.

"What will break you, hmm?"

Kurama ignored the beast. His thoughts turned inward. Soon...soon he would be dead. He would go with regrets. We would leave this world with things unsaid. He wondered if Christmas had passed. If his mother had looked for him and was now spending Christmas alone...

His heart ached for her. Just like it ached when he thought of the opportunity he had squandered. A chance to be happy. He didn't deserve it. All the bad things he had done in his lifetime...

This...this is what he deserved. And so he took his punishment with gritted teeth and an aching soul.

… ~ ...

"Koenma sent me a lead."

The next day, the temple undisturbed thanks to several feet of snow, Yusuke had braved the elements with some news. Kazuma felt his heart leap towards his throat, where it became stuck. It was too much to hope for.

Christmas was two days away. He was certain Kurama's mother was hysterical because of his disappearance. If Kazuma could find him...could bring him home. That was the ultimate Christmas wish.

"So, out with it." Hiei, ever the impatient bastard...ever rude.

"It's like this..." Yusuke began.

According to Koenma's resources, someone from Kurama's past had appeared in the Makai after hundreds of years of people assuming he was dead. Thanks to a permanent portal having been open between the two worlds said man had made his way to the Ningenkai. No one thought anything of it. No one had even remembered this particular creature held a strong grudge against Kurama. And so, with such damning evidence, Koenma had reason to believe this demon had a big part to play in the man's disappearance.

"But why does this guy got such a grudge?" asked Kazuma.

"Kurama stole something from him...something big."

"Kurama stole from hundreds of demons. What is so different about this one?" Hiei asked.

"This...thing," because not even Koenma was sure what type of demon he was, "collected really dangerous artifacts."

"And Kurama stole one of them?" asked Kazuma.

"I'm not so sure he even knew what it was, but yeah. Something bad according to Koenma."

"And now this beast wants it back." said Hiei.

Yusuke nodded, "Seems like it."

"So we have a clue who it is...but does he know where Kurama is?"

"All he said was somewhere other."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means this demon can open portals to other dimensions besides the three we are privy to." explained Hiei.

"Great," Kazuma cursed, his hands clenching into fists. If Kurama was in this other space, how the hell were they going to get him back?

"It is great actually," said Yusuke with a grin.

"Huh?"

"Idiot," hissed Hiei.

"What am I missing?"

"He's so numb he's forgotten his own abilities."

And then it dawned on Kazuma.

"We've got the only guy in the world who can cut through dimensions sitting right here," Yusuke slapped him on the back, his grin growing wider.

For all the times Kazuma had felt useless...this was the first time he'd ever felt he held something of value. If anyone could save Kurama...it would have to be him.

"How do I find it?"

… ~ ...